“I Want It To Be Me And You. Always.”

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'You broke through the darkness and you reached me' - Hailey had sat by Jay's hospital bedside more times than she could count. They had a deal...a deal to always come back to each other no matter what. But when Jay wakes in the familiar walls of Chicago Med with no memories of his relationship with Hailey their way back to each other is looking a little difficult.

Oneshots

‘And darling I will be loving you 'til we're 70’ - "So what's the secret to making it work?" - “Marry your best friend.” - Jay finds himself in another life threatening situation when a stranger helps him put things into perspective.

‘my love will clothe your bones' - Hailey always meant to tell Jay she loved him that day in the hospital, now maybe when the roles are reversed she actually will.

'Tell me now 'cause I believe in something I believe in us...' - Hailey and Jay have a late-night discussion about the recent developments in their relationship.

'for once in my life' - Hailey is keeping one life changing secret from Jay. It's just fluffy upstead.

‘we’re not promised tomorrow’ - With Hailey’s looming job offer finally push her to say what’s been on her mind for the last year? My take on 8x03

‘Isn’t she lovely’ - Jay's first few moments of fatherhood really change his perspective on everything.

I think it’s definitely worth giving it another go. The Rookie is a little lighter and comedic then most cop shows but they still handle some great cases. I’ll be honest Lucy and Tim were my initial draw too but they really have some interesting characters that are so easy to love when you get to know them, I think season two they really come into their own.

I’m not here for the Lucy Chen hate today. I know the Tim Test line caused a lot of controversy. Like she said it in a split second, she thought it and it was out of her mouth. I’m not saying it was the right thing to say but the amount of people acting like she was intentionally trying to hurt Tim.

She wasn’t. She wasn’t even looking at him. She wasn’t trying to tease him or make a joke. She was looking straight ahead, you can see the moment it clicked in her head. She wants to understand Tim, and in that second it clicked for her, another puzzle piece of Tim fell into place. She understood that his need to teach and learn through Tim Tests was something that was engrained in him by his abusive father. The words slipped out as she made the realisation. She’s not joking around or smiling, she looks regretful the second she says it and her whole body language changes.

Tim’s hurt yes, but he’s hurt the whole episode, his sisters presence is being up a lot of things he’s been pushing aside, a lot of pain he’s been ignoring. But I don’t think it’s Lucy that hurt him there, he wasn’t worried she thought he was the same as his dad, he’s hit with his own realisation that even if he hasn’t spoken to his dad in twenty years, even if he thinks he’s moved on and let it all go, some of what happened is still there engrained in him and that’s probably something he’s never realised before.

here’s the thing. I’ve made my feelings on season four clear like I’m having tough time with seeing the chenford chemistry this year, it does almost feel like they’re trying write the opposite of chemistry so that people will stop shipping.

But this episode isn’t as bad as everyone’s saying. I came online, I saw the hate for the episode. I was not looking forward to it. But I really enjoyed it. It’s fair to say there’s not been any real chenford growth this season but this episode did highlight how far they have come since season 1.

There was so many times in season 1 that Lucy would try help Tim or talk to Tim about Isobel and he’d just shut her down and tell her it wasn’t her business. There was so many times in the episode where I was expecting Tim to pull the car over and tell Lucy to get out so he could speak to his sister alone, but he didn’t. He let his sister say it all in front of Lucy and honestly that’s kinda huge for Tim. He knew his sister was gonna keep talking, she seemed reasonable like I’m sure had he said can we not do this in front of my colleague she would’ve been fine.

So I have the disagree with what I saw online. I think he does trust her, he respect her opinion. She asked him to hear her out at the end and he actually did. He knows Lucy, knows she has an option and will always share it and will always want to help.

As for Lucy’s comment, I think it’s the scene that got the most backlash and I get to some degree but I really don’t think it was meant as ‘joke’, or a way to make fun of him, or her way of saying he was like his dad. It was a thought, Lucy wears her heart on sleeve she says exactly what she’s thinking. She said it and to me it look like she regretted it and hadn’t meant to. But I don’t think she was saying Tim was like his dad at all, it was a moment of realisation, like finding a piece to the puzzle and she understood a bit more about Tim and why he is the way he is.

Tim did look hurt. But I don’t think it’s cause he thought Lucy thought he was like his dad. I think it’s cause he always tried to distance himself from his dad and his childhood and he didn’t recognise that some parts of him are still there until Lucy said it out loud.

Lucy knows Tim, she’s said it before he’s a little rough but he has a good heart. She knows him, she values his opinion, she trusts him, she knew in that barrel that he was gonna find her. I don’t for a single second think Lucy believes Tim is like his dad and I don’t think Tim Lucy thinks he is.

But I watched the cameo and all he said was that they wouldn’t be riding off into the sunset together…which is true, currently they’re not even building up to relationship or a feelings acknowledgement of any sort (I’m hoping that may come later in the season but I hope is barley a spark at this point)

it makes sense that they’re not about to get a happy ending so soon, I know everyone interprets differently but I don’t personally see any build of feelings since the opening hug, so realistically they’d have build the feelings, acknowledge them, accept having them. There’s a whole host of issue that come with them being together, for a start Tim is still her boss, they’re riding together, he was her T.O. All of this they’d have to overcome. So yeah it’s fair to say at the slow pace the show is taking them (if they’re taking them anywhere) that yeah there not gonna be running off into the sunset in like 12 episodes time.

I honestly think if they’re happening this season it’s gonna be an acknowledgment of feelings maybe even a first kiss at the end of the season.

Tim resists the urge to roll his eyes as Angela leans further into his side. He doesn't need to look at her to know who she’s referring to. Across the room, Lucy’s standing with Nyla scouring through the karaoke song list.

His eyes haven’t left her all night. At first, he tells himself he's doing it for her, because shed confided to him earlier that day about how nervous she was to be back in the bar her and Jackson had frequented so often. That's right, this is just for Lucy, so she knows she's not alone, so she can feel that he's there if she needs him.

Clearly her nerves were for nothing, that was evident as soon shed walked in, instantly getting wrapped up in Nolan and Baileys gossip from the day, happily excepting the cocktail Angela hands her before they find their way up on stage starting off the night with a duet dedicated to Jackson. 

So she doesn't need him, but he doesn't look away, even when Grey pulls him into a conversation about last night's game, or when Angela insists he does shots with her. No his gaze remains focused on Lucy, even without truing he just seems to see her out like she's a lighthouse, and he's lost at sea, he keeps telling himself it’s because he cares about her safety, his cop eyes always on.

He doesn’t let himself acknowledge the way her dark jeans hug her curves, or the way her silky off the shoulder top has his hand itching with the need to touch what he imagines being the soft skin of her back.

He shakes his head like he’s shaking the thought from his brain, but it’s too late, Angela’s already caught the dangerous look of want in his eyes.

“We’re…friends.” Tim admits, there used to be a time when he’d never have considered even calling one of his rookie friends. But right now it feels the most appropriate answer, even if it isn’t the most truthful. “She just lost her best friend, Ang I’m just trying-“

Angela raises a hand, cutting him off. "Lucy has a lot of people in her corner, Tim. And we’re all trying to be there for her, but you’re just plain stupid if you think this is just one friend supporting another."

Tim sighs leaning back against the bar, dripping his gaze to the near empty bottle in his hand. Hed be lying if he said this wasnt the same thoughts he wrestled with daily. 

"If the past few months taught me anything, Tim, it’s that we don’t have time to waste. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to bring so find what makes you happy and hold on to it." 

Angela whispers, patting his arm gently as she nods at the crowd, looking up Tim notices Lucy pushing her way through the crowd, heading straight for him, her eyes light up as their gaze meets. His heart constricting at the bright smile that spreads across her face.

I know a lot of people think what Jay is saying is foreshadowing Hailey, like she lied and she should’ve done something but I don’t think that’s true.

Jay feels guilt from letting Knox get away with a crime in the past and I think he’s gonna feel that same guilt when he finds out what Voight has done to Hailey. He’s watched for years as Voight manipulated the people around him, Als death being the primary example. The people around Voight always pay the price for his choices and Jays watched that for years knowing it was wrong, we’ve seen him struggle with it and now Voights pushed Hailey across that line and hurt her in a way that will forever change her.

Don’t get me wrong I’m sure Upstead will be effected by this and there’s some rocky days to come but I truly think Jays anger is gonna lie with Voight, he’s always known Voights way of working, known he wasn’t a man that was gonna change and we’ve seen him contemplate how to handle that, but I think it’s this, the emotional manipulation of Hailey the person Jay loves most in the world that will push him over the edge. He won’t except that behaviour anymore, that go home and mind your own business attitude. I think Jay is gonna feel some sort of guilt knowing the man Voight is, knowing that one day he’d drag another person into his mess and knowing he could’ve done something about it a long time ago and now it’s too late the damage is done and worst of all it’s Hailey that’s being ripped apart.

For Jay and Hailey personally I don’t see them arguing or Jay walking out. I don’t see them as the breaking up and get back together kinda ship, they’re already playing that trope with Burzek. I see some emotional and raw conversations (on brand with them) as they work through this together. I’m not worried that Jay won’t keep the secret, he’s kept plenty as clearly evident in last nights episode.

“I want that.” Tim whispers, surprising Lucy as she looks up at him. He’s still facing forward, staring at the front of the church, a look of longing on his face as he watches the family take a few more photos. She’s pretty sure she sees a flash of sadness in his eyes as he straightens out, brushing his suit jacket, knocking her hand from where it had been resting on his arm. 

He looks sheepish as he fidgets in his sets, and it dawns on her that he hadn’t meant to admit that out loud. “You’ll have that.” She assures him, ignoring the way he shrugs lightly, it’s still new, this thing between them and as wonderful as it is it’s still too new for a conversation like this which is why Lucy is careful to say that he’ll have it but not them.

Of course, she wants it, and with him she can’t think of better man than Tim to have it with but admitting that feels much to soon.

“Do you want it?” Tim asks, finally meeting her eye as he nods towards where Angela and Wesley are standing with their son, having just finished having him christened. 

Lucy nods, tucking her hand back into Tim's arm. She doesn’t say anything though instead opting to study the sight before them, a small smile gracing her lips as both Angela and Wesley press a kiss to their sons cheeks. 

“Yeah, I definitely want that…with you.” She’s not sure why she adds the last part, but it’s how she felt at that moment, and she’s never shied away from saying exactly what’s on her mind before. Especially not with Tim.

Tim smiles, it’s big and carefree and any hint of sadness has been wiped from his face as he stares down at her. “Good…because I only want it with you.” He mutters, leaning down to press a kiss against Lucy’s forehead softly. 

Lucy can’t stop the grin that spreads across her face, her blush tinting her cheeks a rosy pink as she hides her face against Tim’s arm. 

“We’d have to get married first of course.” 

“Was that a proposal?” She's teasing, of course. They’re definitely too new for that, but she likes the way it makes Tim chuckle as he shakes the arm she is resting on free, bringing it around her back as he pulls her closer to him. 

Somewhere deep in his mind, he can hear the faint sound of knocking, but he’s too far into his sleepy state to really do anything about it. It's only when he feels Kujo’s cold wet nose pressed against his hand before he begins to bark that he finally wakes. The knocking clearer now, persistent and almost desperate, it’s enough to set his pulse racing. His blood runs cold when he grabs his phone from the side to see multiple missed calls from Lucy. Shit. 

He’s up in a flash, already knowing in his gut who’s at the door. She’s in his arms the second the door opens, soaking from the rain, her hair plastered to her face as she immediately finds his embrace. Sobs rack through her body, and Tim can’t stop the guilt from overwhelming him. How long had she been there? How many times had she called him tonight? He’d promised she wouldn’t be alone now, and he’d let her down on the first night. 

“Lucy.” He mumbles against the top of her head. He keeps his voice clear and concise, hoping to cut through the panic and pain going on inside her. His hands tangle in her hair as he reaches around her to push the door shut, never once letting her go. He tries to guide her further into the house, but she’s frozen, her tears still flowing in a steady stream. 

“Lucy… Lucy look at me, please.” She doesn’t respond, her hands curled tight into his shirt like they had that day he’d found her. Tim takes a deep breath, rubbing her back softly, he waits patiently until she calms herself down.

“I hate going back to an empty apartment.” She mutters after a while. She’s still clinging to him, and It breaks his heart a little. He can’t fix this for her, there is nothing he can do to take her pain away. This is it. This is all he has to offer her. 

Slowly he takes a step back, untangling his arms from her, and before she has a chance to react he’s lifting her up, one hand under her legs the other around her back cradling her against his chest. She doesn’t jump or even flinch as he expects. It gives him a little comfort to know that while he can’t fix this for her, but he can be her safe space.

He ignores the way her clothes soak through his, the cold water a steak contrast to her hot breath against his neck as Kujo guides them towards his room. Tim settles Lucy down on the pillows. “I’m sorry I came here… I… I didn’t know where else to go.” 

“You can always come here, Lucy. Always.” He moves without thought. His hand coming up to cup her cheek, forcing her to look at him. The other settles around her waist as he kneels down in front of her. It's intimate holding her like this, in his room, with only the moonlight casting a glow across her face. He knows they’re crossing a line, one that they’ve been crossing for weeks now, one that he’s not ready to face. One he knows she is not ready for either. He wants this. He wants it badly. He thinks she might too, but now is not the right time. Not while she’s hurting. Grieving.

“I don’t want you to face this alone. I’m right here, let me help you.”

Lucy swallows. Nodding slowly, he feels her hand trace up his shirt until it’s resting above his heartbeat. Almost like she’s checking he’s still here, checking he’s alive. He lets her have a moment, waiting until he can see her visibly relax before speaking again.

“Let’s get you out of those wet clothes.” Lucy raises an eyebrow at his words, a tiny smirk playing on her lips. 

“That’s not… I didn’t mean…” Tim stutters. “Get your mind out of the gutter Chen I just mean you’re soaking my sheets.” 

Lucy shakes her head, a giggle falling from her lips and filling the room. That tense atmosphere from before that was overwhelming them both with feelings they weren’t quite ready to face dissipates. Tim can’t help it, before he knows it he’s laughing right alongside her. 

Tim shrugs shifting uncomfortably from where he’s sat on the hospital bed. “Didn’t wanna wake you…I know how tired you get on the night shift boot, don’t want you falling asleep at the wheel tonight.”

He tries to bring some levity to the situation, throwing a half-smile her way but the look on Lucy’s face let him know it’s not working. She looks frazzled, clearly woken by whoever had let her know he was here. Still dressed in his T-shirt from this morning and yoga pants, her hair tangled like she’d rolled straight out of bed.

“But you called Angela?”

“Only cause they wouldn’t let me leave without someone to drive me.”

“I would’ve come to drive you home.”

“I know boot…”

“Stop calling me boot.” Lucy snaps, throwing her hands out around her, he can see her eyes glistening and something twists deep in his gut. “I’m not your boot, I'm your girlfriend and when you’re injured at work or anywhere else for that matter I wanna know.”

She lowers her voice, aware that there’s a lot of people milling about the busy emergency room and while she’s annoyed she’s not looking to put on a show. Instead she raises her hand to furiously wipe away her tears. The sight hurts Tim more than the seven stitches in his arm.

“I don’t wanna have to hear that you’ve been shot by Smitty of all people.”

“It’s barely a graze.” Tim begins to protest as her eyes narrow in on him and he knows it’s an argument he won’t win.

He drops his head, sighing. He knows she’s right, knows that if it was the other way around he’d wanna be the first person she called. “I’m sorry. You’re right.” He sighs as she drops her forehead to his, he ignores the pain in his left arm as he wraps his arms around his waist bringing her closer to him. “I’m an idiot, I’m not used to having someone care if I get injured or not.”

He lifts his good arm, brushing the messy curls away from her face as he feels Lucy relax in his arms. “Next time I get shot, you’ll be my first call.”

“Or we could try just not getting shot.” Lucy suggests sealing her lip acros his before he has a chance to answer back. It’s brief, more reassuring than anything else. Reassurance that he’s still here, they’re still here together.

His words fall on death ears as Lucy continues to debate her current outfit.

“I look like a whale.”

“Sexiest whale I’ve ever seen.”

Lucy scowls at him in the mirror, throwing the dress back over her head, letting it land in a pile of other discarded attire.

Tim sighs, throwing his head back on the bed. He’s trying to be patient with her, he knows she is going through a lot right now but they’re already running late. He wasn’t lying when he said she’s never looked better, she was gorgeous. She always had been but right now, with her dark hair curling down her back, her cheeks flushed, her belly round with their unborn child, well he’s pretty sure she’s never looked more beautiful. He’s amazed she can’t see that for herself.

Tim pushes himself off the bed, moving to stand behind her. He meets her gaze in the mirror seeing the tears already begin to pool in her eyes. His arms come up to wrap around her, rubbing across the bump gently.

“Lucy,” Tim whispers. His voice is sweet and soft as she leans into his embrace. “You look so beautiful in every dress darling.”

“You have to say that…you’re my husband.” She sighs, turning in his arms, reaching for him even if it is a little harder these days with the bump between them.

“I’m not saying it because I’m your husband. I’m saying it because it’s the truth.” He cups her cheek gently, wiping a stray tear from her cheek. She’s tired and hormonal so who cares if they’re late as long as she’s happy. “Have I ever lied to you before?”

Lucy shakes her head, her hand reaching up to hold his that’s still resting against her cheek.

“Okay so you believe me when I tell you, you’re the sexiest whale I’ve ever seen.”

She huffs out a laugh, trying to fight the smile that spreads across her face when she sees his own.

Tim raises his eyebrows, trying to keep the smirk off his face as Lucy plops herself down on his desk.

“What I’m not?” She exclaims. “So what if that totally sexy gorgeous smart FBI agent thinks you’re hot? I don’t care.” She shrugs and Tim just chuckles, shaking his head. Of course Lucy doesn’t care that was obvious from the way she’d stormed into his office the second Agent Tripp had left, pouting like a toddler.

“Really? You don’t care.” Tim asks, watching as Lucy shakes her head refusing to meet his gaze. “So you won’t care that she gave me this?”

Call me some time (555) 555-1234 xxx

Lucy’s head snaps in his direction as he holds the card out towards her. “I’ll kill her.” She warns and this time Tim doesn’t hold back his laugh. It’s joyous and carefree and very rarely heard around the precinct but it seems to do the trick, Lucy’s pout disappears and instead that sweet smile he loves so much, lights up her face.

His next move is an easy choice. Tearing the card in his hand in two, throwing it into the bin without a second glance. He comes to stand in-between Lucy’s legs, leaning forward so he’s towering over her, his eyes glancing down from her eyes to those soft pink lips he’d last kissed early this morning.