Aauie

We all accept and adjust in different ways; some of us do so before it's too late, while others do so when it is already too late. I could not blame them because everyone approaches things differently but the good thing is we learn from it. Just like the mother in the movie Prayers for Bobby, when her child came out to her and the family, she did not take it seriously and thought that her child was just unwell and that prayers could cure it.

As I watch the film, I can't help but feel irritated with the mother for her disrespect and lack of comprehension of the situation but then again I can’t blame her since we all have differences when it comes to certain situations and given that the life in her past was really different now. They were once a happy family until it became full of misunderstanding and chaos when Bobby came out. Some family members, especially the mother, had a very different interpretation of what happened and think it was all in Bobby's head. The mother's reactions to Bobby coming out are different. She begins to pray in front of a sleeping Bobby because she thinks that prayer would provide the cure, she starts persuading Bobby to visit a church because she thinks that it will benefit Bobby, and she does many other absurd things. I come to understand throughout the film that even though the mother is being insensitive about Bobby, she is still in pain because, as I have already mentioned, her life in the past was very different from ours, and as a result, her views are distinct from ours.

When Bobby passed away, I realized that the mother went through the Kubler-Ross Five Stages of Grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. She experiences denial in a way she imagined, and sees that Bobby is still living with them in the house, she even sees him in her dreams. Anger by blaming and thinking that someone is to blame for Bobby's death or she is just angry with everything since she can’t accept what happened. She engaged in a kind of bargaining in which she was filled with regrets, depression in which she begins to yearn for Bobby, and acceptance in which she makes a change and accepts her child and what has happened. All of this happened to me after my grandfather passed away. I experienced anger because I realized I didn't have as much time and bond with him because we lived so far away from him, and it made me feel so annoyed with myself. I also experienced denial because I was hoping he would just appear in front of me or that I would suddenly see him. Along with these things, I also went through depression and, most significantly, acceptance. Since there was no other way to have my heart at peace, I eventually learnt to accept it.

She is a survivor—a courageous and beautiful survivor. Despite the difficult nature of her journey, she still manages to beam the loveliest smile. She exudes mystery, which is visible in her eyes, lips, nose, brows, and face in general. Who knows that each of her smiles has a confusing but mind-opening beginning?

As it might seem, her childhood was never simple. She has built a tiny, little world for herself out of confusion about what is happening around her, but she is entirely unaware of it. From her parents' separation to her own personal challenges, time management difficulties in academics over the years, and countless other hardships, she overcame it all with a smile.

Even though she was very young, she eventually learned to accept the situation and handled it quite well because she realized that it was for the best. She has this unforgettable experience that she treasures above all else in spite of her challenging journey.

Back when she was a transfer student in grade 6, her school starts to form a journalism team, she was unexpectedly chosen as a photojournalist since she had her camera with her at the time. She won the competition using the camera, and she will be able to cherish the wonderful memory.

Little did she know that the unexpected event will give her a lot of confidence to join some events and organizations, and learn a lot about journalism.

“Pagod, drain, overwhelmed,” are three words to describe how she is feeling right now, whether it is because of school, personal issues, or other circumstances. However, none of those emotions are visible on her face.

She shared that through difficult times she distracts herself by sleeping, watching, and stress-eating to keep her sane, but she knows that she needs to face and deal with it.

Talking to her about her life gives me a feeling like I am part of her tale.

I discovered that her personal favorites were pasta (food), cats (animal), summer (weather), and reading (hobby). Up to the point when we start discussing her fear of being by herself with her dark thoughts. Since for her, anytime she is alone, her thoughts wander around her mind, conjuring up undesirable situations.

The more we talk, the more I see that despite the happy expression on her face, every time we meet, things weren't easy for her in the beginning. Knowing her stories from when she was a young girl to when she was a magnificent lady makes me wonder what it would be like to be in her position. Perhaps I can handle it in the same way that she did.

As I get to know her better, I see that there are unexplained happenings happening in contrast to the constant smile she wears.

Every smile on various faces has a backstory. Even the most terrible, joyful, and challenging circumstances can be readily concealed by a simple smile. Who would have thought that a smile could hide so many mysterious and confusing pasts? Just like the smile on her face, I had no idea that it was hiding a challenging past and a number of terrible journeys before she achieve an incredible and sincere smile. Her story serves as a reminder that there is always a happy ending, despite all the obstacles.

It has been a year since the pandemic started, lockdowns, facemasks, face shields, and alcohol were the highlights during those days. Due to the lack of customers, some stores close permanently while others do so temporarily. Every person has a unique pandemic story to tell, whether it is one that is filled with tragedy, joy, or other horrific and memorable occurrences. I also have some tales to share.

When the lockdown began, I was in grade 9, but fortunately, the class was already out. When it comes to the return to school season, I am relieved at first because it basically means there won't be any face-to-face classes, however, I later realize how insensitive this is. I regret terribly that the lockdown made me happy for a short while.

While on vacation and in lockdown, I have some simple repetitive routines. I rise from bed every morning, check my phone, use the bathroom to get ready, and then go have breakfast. I would then complete all of my tasks, including sweeping, mopping, washing the dishes, and doing laundry. After that, I spend the remaining time watching TV, playing online games, and reading books that I enjoy. It resembled a typical life in the midst of the pandemic.

But I had no idea that it wasn't just an ordinary life. There are times when I am in a vulnerable state. For these past few weeks during the lockdown, I have had a terrible day and am always feeling down. I lost interest in what I am enjoying the most which is the really hard event that has ever happened. Never knew that the lockdown would be so cruel.

How should I spend my day? The question that I continually ask myself because, during the lockdown's first half-month, every day was becoming monotonous. I was stuck performing my daily tasks since I had no other ideas. I asked several questions to my friends during the lockdown so we could catch up before online school started, and many other individuals my age had similar experiences.

I recently read an article that I can really connect to. Brook (2020) stated that the lockdown made her ecstatic because it meant that her final year of school had ended early and that exams were being cancelled. She was simply happy and happy that everything would be alright. But as the lockdown situation began to sink in, she began to struggle and a number of unfortunate incidents began to occur.

I was in a position like that, just like Brook. At first, I'm glad that there is a lockdown, but later, I struggle and realize how insensitive I am. In addition to this struggle is the beginning of online classes. I'm glad I handled it properly because I had no idea it would be that difficult.

However, I know that I need to improve myself since I can’t go on like that forever. That is why I start to be a better version of myself.

I was able to learn and have fun during the lockdown. It makes me appreciate myself and my hobbies even more. I start to become more connected to myself since I know that I have to take action during my downtime while on lockdown. Though it was never easy, I tried to build myself many times and failed but luckily I still managed to handle it.

I begin by attempting to continue my hobbies while equally learning new things. I feel really active and happy now that I know I can accomplish more than what I usually do. I gradually learn to appreciate myself as well because when I am content not just with myself but also with those around me, I feel as though I am on the right path and growing as a person. Additionally, I started communicating with the people that matter to me the most. We learn through our shared experiences that we have similar situations. However, connecting with my family was the most important thing because they were the ones I spent the rest of my lockdown experience with and I never knew that we can be a lot closer. With that, I realized how important communication is. Basically, I adjust myself to the situation I am in during the lockdown. 

Moving to the present, the new normal, I am really glad that I managed to survive the lockdown. I still am the better version of myself and will be always like that. I didn't initially enjoy the idea of taking classes in person. As the face-to-face classes draw near, I experienced three different emotions: anxiety, overthinking, and fear. I didn’t know what or how will I do when school starts.

It makes me overthink and have so many questions for a lot of different reasons, including what if I can't make new friends because it has been a while since I've spoken to other people, what if my grades become low since I know to myself that I am really talkative and shy to answer in recitation even if I knew the answer since I think it will be wrong and that kind of action can damage my grades and performance so bad, and most especially what if I disappoint my parents. But there is a part of me that misses face-to-face classes, so I prepared myself for any possible events that might happen. 

All of my nervousness and overthinking fade away when school starts. Since I realized I can meet new people, learn a lot easier, and have fun at the same time, attending classes in person is still preferable to doing them online.

I adjust faster to this new normal situation since it is just like the past to which I can roam around, meet new people and friends, and bond with my family in different places but with a facemask and still be careful. While adjusting to this new normal, I continue to learn a lot. I also grow more independent and work harder anytime I want to accomplish something for myself.

Despite all the difficulties I had throughout the lockdown, I was able to live and get stronger. I came to understand how important it is to communicate and share when you've had enough since doing so will let you know that someone is paying attention to and caring about you.

Never imagined how much this pandemic lockdown and new normal would teach me. It makes me more resilient and independent than before, enables me to manage every situation expertly, and encourages me to make the best choices for myself. I can honestly say that I am appreciative and thankful for the journey I had because without it, I wouldn't have known if I was headed in the correct direction. I will carry the knowledge or lesson I learned from my experiences with me for the rest of my life. Can't wait to see what happens next.

Gulo ang isipan tulad ng mga taong lito sa daanan. Gulo ang nararamdaman kasing gulo ng mga sasakyan. Hindi ko alam pero bakit ganon? Bakit parang nasabay ang nararamdaman at isip ko sa gulo ng paligid ko?

Ako si Dora na naglalakad sa walang katapusan na daan ngunit bigla akong napahinto. Napatitig sa traffic lights na may makikinang na kulay. Para siyang familiar? Ano nga iyon? At doon ko napagtanto na ito ay kulay na sumisimbolo sa buhay: Pula, Kahel, at Berde. Mga kulay na hindi ko alam na pwede palang isimbolo ang takbo ng aking buhay.

Pula na bumubulong at nagsasabi sa akin na "tumigil ka na". Ihinto ang mga ginagawa at hayaan nalang tutal ayaw mong nahihirapan diba. Kulay na tulad sa traffic lights, sinisimbolo rin na maghinay na muna at matutong mag pahinga. Huwag magmadali sapagkat may kapalit itong grabe na higanti. Kaya naman Bathala, ikaw na ang bahala sa akin.

Kahel na nagsasabing maghanda na dahil ikaw ay a-arangkada na muli. Hindi pwedeng buong buhay ka nalang nasa pula kailangan mo ulit maghanda upang makapunta ka sa iyong gustong maabot. Ngunit bago ang lahat ayusin ang sarili, tingnan kung ayos ka na ba at handa na muli magpatuloy sa daan ng buhay na walang ginawa kundi maging magulo at makipot at manligaw. Kaya manatili kang handa dahil hindi mo alam kung ano ang makakasalubong mo sa paglalakbay.

At ang huli, berde, ang sumisimbolo na tayo'y magpatuloy upang hindi tayo mahuli sa pagtakbo ng buhay. Ngunit hindi naman natin kailangan mag madali kung ang kapalit naman nito'y pighati. Bawat kilometro ng iyong tinahak sigurado ka bang ikaw ay nagagalak? Huminga ka at mag dahan-dahan makakarating ka rin sa iyong paroroonan. Madaming mang daan na nakakaligaw, ngunit ako ang daan na hinding-hindi ako ililigaw.

Countless amazing tales, particularly those that are personal or contain a powerful message, have been left untold. It is in our culture to express our emotions through writing, whether it is sheer delight, madness, calmness, loneliness, or any of the many other emotions we experience non-stop. Every storyline is unique, which makes it more fascinating to readers. Some stories have clever storylines and meaningful themes, which elevates the quality of the story as a whole. Each writer has a unique tale to tell and some experiences to share.

I noticed how relatable the first poem, "Dear Diary," is after I had finished reading it. It illustrates the author's life experiences which we all encounter on a daily basis. According to my interpretation of the poem, the persona is now able to let go of all of the past traumas, and it is alright to go through changes in life. When the author writes, "Until then, I’ll forego myself. Move away and discover a world on my own," the persona is finally letting go of the burdensome emotions and stating a willingness to begin a new life and learn many things. Since the line in the poem is about moving on and beginning to have a new life and stands as a personal motivation to the author, it is possible that this line is related to Rachel Platten's Fight Song, which has the line "Starting right now I'll be strong, I'll play my fight song." The song is about encouragement to ourselves; it serves as a reminder or motivation to always fight for ourselves and never let ourselves down.

The second poem, "The Tale of a Modern Sisyphus," is a little more difficult for me to understand, but I am still able to do so. The poem, in my understanding, is about the character's never-ending struggles. It is a struggle that the person chose and keeps on pursuing until victory comes. It conveys a message to the audience that even in the face of failure, we are still capable of doing something that will stay with them forever. The sentence "To the human condition, we are not inherently alone. A burden is less felt when carried together" serves as a reminder that we are not alone in every challenge we face. This phrase in the poem makes me think of Bruno Mars' song "Count on Me," which contains the line "When we are called to help our friends in need." It refers to having someone who will support you through every challenge you face and be there for you anytime you need them.

According to my interpretation of the third poem, "O' Yayi (A Prose Poem)", the person has a lover and is married, yet despite this, the person's lover is still bound to the deceased first love of the person's wife. A few of us can relate to this poetry. It's as though we are on the verge of holding that special someone in our arms, but they still have this one person on their mind. The poem's last line makes it clear: "If ever I run out of time here and reach the other side, whose arms would you run back again, mine or Dante’s?". The statement implies a serious query that needs a response, and the person is still understanding even though the lover is longing for another person. It has a connection to Robinson's song "Watching You," which has the line "Many times we felt it. Came close for a minute. Wrong place, wrong time. You were almost mine." because the song itself conveys the idea of seeing someone you love with someone else while you just stand there and watch them, as well as the idea of almost having that person but at the wrong time for both of you.

“Two Red Laces on the Wonderwall”, which is the fourth poem, is about the persona loving someone and giving everything to them with a whole heart. The persona is willing to sacrifice all but is still betrayed and exploited. “All because of you, I bare my soul.” This line demonstrates how the persona truly sacrifices everything for the person they love, not even attempting to save anything for themselves. It reminds me of Adele’s “Rolling in the Deep” with the lyrics “The scars of your love remind me of us. They keep me thinking that we almost had it all” because it symbolizes betrayal, just like the persona's experience of being betrayed and being left with hopes and expectations that they find the one, only to discover a nightmare.

The fifth poem, "Umbilical," refers to a weakness that all children experience. According to how I read the poem, it discusses giving birth and affecting the patient's life. I am aware of how gloomy the poem is because it is tragic and a nightmare for all children. Reading the poem, I can sense the persona's grief and desperation to save the mother's life. The line "You have made your purpose, I guarantee. Hush, sleep tight. Everything will be alright. Lilom, Lilom, I beg. Spare her for me.” demonstrates how the person comforts the mother when something terrible is happening and hopes that the patient will be saved but still the patient begins to explore the other world. “It's not over yet, And even when you think you're finished, It's not over yet”, says the phrase from For King and Country's "It's Not Over Yet," which talks about comforting and not letting the person lose hope. Even though the song is delivered in a rock style, it still has a deep message. It says that even though we experience great suffering, we shouldn't give up because the fight is still ongoing and, like the poem's line, everything will be fine. Instead, we should just loosen up because we have done our part.

I've come to understand that the sixth poem, "RE: Paper (I'm Red, IMRaD)*," is about education, one of the primary issues confronting our nation. It addresses the person's complaint regarding the educational system. When one does not receive a proper education system themselves, it is never an easy task to provide proper education to others, according to the persona. The line “Ironically, in areas we expect for leadership, Communication, media, and socio-emotional management. We are not that high.” demonstrates what people are expecting from them, but it is impossible because the educational system is in poor shape and they are powerless to change it because it requires a lot of concentration and planning. The lyrics “You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being” of Halsey’s “Gasoline” mirrors how people behave in society since everyone demands too much of them. It is awful that the persona has to deal with these kinds of circumstances since I am aware of the pressure that comes with having someone expect too much of you.

"3 A.M. Awakening" tells a story of despair and challenges from the author's environment. According to my interpretation, the poem is about a persona that society pushes against because of its personality and belongs to lgbtq+. Because of the author's depression and way of telling the story, the poem focuses more on suicide based on the last lines of it. “And so, breathe gently ten times and let go. Count seconds and feel the world down below." I can say the line really captures the difficult experiences of the persona, despite the fact that it is only a short sentence, as the persona really wants to give up because it is difficult to handle social criticism. It reminds me of the Billie Eilish song "Listen Before I Go," which is about saying goodbye and ending everything. You can see in the line "Take me to the rooftop. I wanna see the world when I stop breathing” that is somehow the same in the sentence that struck me the most by sharing the same wants which are being free and seeing a whole different world.

As I moved on to the second-to-last poem, "My Frail Lady", I discovered that it was about a woman who committed suicide by jumping off a building. Although I was unaware of the suicide's motivation, I did know that the woman in the poem merely desired freedom and serenity. In addition, as we have already discussed in the poem, the lady also lands on a car in the poem and I believe the author aimed to explain and describe how the lady fell. The poet describes the woman in the poem as longing for freedom, and "Freedom at long last. Upon her long, quiet pause." describes the melody from Jurrivh's "Suicide Note." The song's melancholy tone, also calming and evoking feelings of serenity—just as the poem's premise is somehow related to the reason for the lady’s longing for freedom and peace

Regarding the final poem, "Major Arcana," I understand that it is about the author delivering a reading to a persona who was experiencing misery and didn't want to move forward. It can be seen in the line “find your future uncertain. Six years of adjustments await— ...laid my tarot for you to feel.” that the poem is about a tarot reading for a person to predict how their future will play out. It serves as a support to the character to keep going and never give up. It is somehow connected to the song “What’s Happening?!?!” by The Byrds because it's about having a complicated and confusing experience. It mimics the poetry by being unsure and clueless about what is going on or what to do with themselves, much like in the lyrics “I don't know what you're doing here. I don't know what's going on here”