my way through life

I miss you today

I miss you everyday

There is so much that was left unsaid

I wish I had a better relationship with you as I grew up.

I will always be a daddy’s girl, I miss curling up in your lap before bed

I miss how you would come home from work because I was having a croup attack, you would wrap me up and take me into the winter air so I could breathe. Most of the time we had to go to the hospital.

I wish I could of seen how much you loved us.

I wish you were here for my wedding day to walk me down the aisle.

I wish we could have fires, make pie irons, go on rollercoasters again. You were a dare devil and you showed me to fear nothing. I love you so much daddy.

I cry every Father’s Day because I see all these posts of everyone with their dads still. Hug your dad for me.

I’m thankful I have my stepdad and I’m happy to celebrate with him.

I still lost you and that will never change.

I wish I knew you more!

I love you dad

Forever stuck in my head

Stuck in my head forever

Sometimes I wonder what’s really wrong with me is it seriously all boiled down to my autoimmune disease?

My body lthinks my thyroid is a foreign object so it’s killing it. I have a low immune response, I get sick easily, I am always tired! I wake up from what feels like a good night rest but I was startled awake 3-4 times, had to pee once and I woke up when my lover came hone from midnights. I hate sleeping alone. Once she is home I’m just so happy when I get good morning kisses that I just want to stay awake.

My body also hates dairy and gluten, for whatever reason I will never know but this is also linked to HASHITMOTO DISEASE. I’m truly trying my hardest to fight every single day. Watching what I eat is depressing to me. I’m hoping meal plans change that. I need to get blood work done for my hashi and hypothyroidism.. must do that.

I’m finding a weekly list of what I need done works best. Something I’m getting into more.

I find myself anxious in every aspect of my relationship lately. I doubt myself a lot here and I’m trying to be a better communicator I just get so anxious and shut down. That’s all I eat to do lately. Just lay in bed. Depression has hit me hard. I need spring.

It’s a hashi day.

I’m allergic to my face wash and Benadryl makes me sleepy

I have ate gluten twice this week (my own doing)

I showered and walked the dog, I still need to get dressed eat and make lunch for work.. all in 26 minutes...

I feel I have used up half my spoons for the day.

Send help

December 23, 2019

I broke my hand, punching an oak door because I needed to justify my emotional pain.

January 9, 2020

Swelling went down enough for a new cast.

Today, January 17

I have been super quiet lately. Trying to work through my mind and grind through everything while trying to manage my autoimmune disease.

I just started physiotherapy again for my rotator cuff and bicep tendonitis, which a different doctor and company all together. So far it's been excellent. I have had alot of pain since starting back up. Normally on a sale of 1-10, it's a 5-7, since starting physiotherapy again it's been at a 10. I want to cry all the time it hurts so bad and the bicep muscle is so swollen and medication as well as cannabis is barely helping. It's waking me up at night again if I roll on it, I wake up to change positions as is. I don't know how to help this anymore. I'm so at a lose and so beaten down by it all. I'm trying to stay positive. It's so difficult though.