TW assault/rape/abuse

This is quick because I’m incredibly upset, and I’ll make a more in depth post tomorrow when it doesn’t interfere with my work.

David Hobbs (@dvdhbbs) sexually assaulted me on tour in August 2015 in Orlando, FL. He knows he did this. Multiple people know. There is absolutely no he said she said. He can’t deny it. There’s proof in multiple forms. He sexually assaulted me the exact same way he knew I was molested as a child. I woke up in the middle of the night to the assault.

For the 8 months since, I’ve given David time to hold himself accountable. He assured me he would. He manipulated me, knowing I would care about his mental health. He’d cry and I’d always feel sorry for him due to our relationship and life as bandmates. Even through what he did to me, I’d still be the first person he’d call or come to when he was dealing with something heavy, and I was always there to listen and give advice. He played on this anytime I’d express anger/hurt/confusion.

Recently he moved out of our apartment (giving me and Spenser 3 days notice and no means to pay our electricity bill because he holds the account and we hold the rent account) because he said he was “toxic to me.” Saying he’d heal and if I let him, we’d become best friends again. Only, his real reasoning was to move out nicely, quit his job and go on a very long tour with the Nashville band BETTER OFF this month (despite me requesting for MONTHS that he should not, as an abuser, go play music on a tour to people that have no idea he’s sexually assaulted anyone) ultimately running from accountability and reality.

With his move, he kept up the “I’m going to hold myself accountable. I’m sorry, i’ll respect your wishes.” Right up until less than 24 hours of his things being gone where he deleted Facebook to eliminate scrutiny, but also blocking me from contact through all forms. He did this so I couldn’t see that he in fact did go on tour with Better Off (where the drummer of our band together also drums in - who was the first person I told as we woke up the morning after the assault. He’s chosen to side with David as of today while they’re on tour together.), and so he didn’t have to face the reality he made for himself. He insist that I’m trying to ruin his life by telling him he shouldn’t be playing music. He insist on using everything he can to not face accountability. Everything he did and does is calculated. I know David better than anyone on this planet. I told him a few weeks ago that he feels untouchable and comfortable to know he’ll always be able to play music even with sexual assault attached to his name, and he does and is. That’s why he felt bold enough to go on a month+ long tour. Most of our mutual friends would much rather play music with him and have him record their bands than hold him true to his actions towards me. All their “kill your local rapist” rhetoric is lost because they love who they think he is. Which, he’s always been a different person with our friends. To be honest, they don’t know who he really is, and that’s granted him the means to run from his actions and have friends that support him through his cowardice.

I’m done being quiet and I refuse to let him or anyone stop me from playing music in ANY band. I started Bleed The Pigs and I will finish it the way I intended. No cowardly boy will stop me from doing what I need to do and no amount of pressure from he and his friends will keep me silent. It’s HIS burden to finally carry.