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@blazingsnark
remember to always say OH BIG STRETCH

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Both of these tags are right. I love when a cat will just put up with your silly human games. They love you and know you love them and are just happy with you.
"cats are incapable of love" cats understand affectionate bothering, something it takes years-long relationships to develop between humans
Do You Wipe Your Ass Every Time You Poop
Yes. 100% of the time. Provided there is toilet paper available.
No. Not 100% of the time. If toilet paper is available I sometimes choose not to
I just learned something I find absolutely disgusting about my boyfriend and I am fucking nauseous about it but need to get him peer reviewed before I completely loose my mind because I am so afraid of over reacting.
HEY CAN EVERYONE TELL SHEILA THAT THIS IS NOT AN OVERREACTION AND THAT THIS IS INSANE AND YOU NEED TO LEAVE HIM YESTERDAY
GIRL, DUMP HIM
GIRL KILL HIM
girl do not be guilt tripped by a man mudbutting through god's green earth
every chapter of deltarune has a secret npc who only appears if you leave and re-enter the room 1225 times while you have a bagel in your seventh inventory slot and the npc is a sentient doorknob and when you talk to them the music cuts out and they’re like “who’s that whispering in the trees, it’s two sailors and they’re on leave, pipes and chains and swinging hands, who’s your daddy, yes i am” and then within four hours there’s a thirty minute long video on youtube titled “ASGORE IS FRIEND??? DADDY THEORY EXPLAINED” and it already has 100,000 views and then a year later people call the next chapter disappointing because it was focusing too much on developing the main characters instead of explaining the doorknob guy
Love it when a character is like “I can tell you’re trying to smooth talk me and I’m fully aware you’re trying to manipulate me but it’s working. Keep complimenting me.”
Ah, you’re trying to flatter me. My one weakness! Keep going.

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man I hate when I'm in a situation where I have a lot of small rocks or balls about to crush me and the only way for me to get out of the situation is for someone to match three or more objects on a grid. and then they don't match the objects on the grid! like bitchh just match the objects godddd
every spelunker should go in with a cyanide tooth capsule so if they get stuck they can take the gentle way out instead of being tortured by the earth for 72 hours and then dying anyway
@kropotkindersurprise said:
it should be an explosive device, so they widen that part of the cave at the same time and no other spelunkers will get stuck there
beautiful vision. i love the idea of a minecraft-style world where if you explode underground it just clears a radius
in almost every other children's book where the main heroine is swept away to a land of whimsy she's shown having a lovely time; braving dangers occasionally, trying to find her way home, sure, but ultimately delighting in the magic around her. meanwhile alice spends her entire time in wonderland like
look, here’s the thing: alice in wonderland’s enduring fucking charm is that it perfectly captures the vibe of being a very tired and annoyed child who is nonetheless required to play along with adult nonsense.
alice is dragged from place to place without warning, forced to play stupid games with no good prizes, grilled over her schooling and manners and recitation and dress, scolded, judged, insulted to her face, sent away, given gifts she didn’t ask for and doesn’t like, corrected incorrectly, been subject to shifting and arbitrary rules, and then when she gets snappish with all this bullshit everyone acts like a little girl’s temper is the end of the fucking world.
alice in wonderland isn’t a drug trip or a nightmare or a metaphor, that’s just what being ten years old is LIKE. that’s why kids love it so much. even if they can’t quite articulate how, they recognize themselves in it.
I'm gonna go ahead and add - the reaction image is barely even a joke. This is the original illustration of her at the Mad Hatter's tea party.
look at how fucking angry she is
Spot on a analysis.
i just learned about a scam in the 1960s where the crux of the scam was filling barrels with water and topping it off with a layer of vegetable oil. so when inspectors opened the barrels they thought it was 100% oil, which the scammer would use as collateral for loans. genius shit
lmfao wait wait hold on
As De Angelis stock of warehouse receipts increased, he began to replace the soybean oil in his tanks with water. Some tanks had special compartments, while others were hooked-up to a maze of pipes to shuttle oil from one tank to the next to fool inspectors.
he made a fucking. rube goldberg ass looney tunes machine. acme product ass scam
❌ “friends don’t look at friends like that” devalues friendship/platonic forms of love, pushes amatonormativity
❌ “historians will call them friends” devalues historians and forces complex relationships into modern simplicities, also devalues friendship/platonic forms of love
✅ “do they know its legal now” suggests the characters are stupid, poorly suggests that this is the only barrier to their relationship—both of which are funny as hell

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currently thinking abt ted or whatever his name is
one of the most important posts ever i believe
the situation with harry potter is kind of unprecedented in some ways imo because it is maybe the largest media franchise in history to be created & owned by a single person who still has direct creative control over it. who is also a billionaire with significant cultural/political influence. like the usual "no ethical consumption under capitalism" type excuses shatter on impact when the bigoted author in question is logging onto twitter every day saying explicitly that when you buy the tim hortons ravenclaw donut she is using your donut money to fund the genocide of trans people. like with big franchises usually there's at least a little more diffusion of responsibility than this
Upstairs Kevin Is Actually For Real The World's Most Perfect Betta Fish
So for those of you not familiar with my recent descent into fishkeeping, about 2 months ago a friend of mine who does Hazardous Waste cleanup (specifically cleaning up hazardous places like meth labs) called me up and asked:
"You have fish, right?"
"...Why?" I asked, having become aware that the Fish Distribution System is even more aggressive than the cat one.
"I found a fish in the back of an abandoned trap house. Alive." She clarified.
I could feel my fate settling upon my soul.
"...Send me a pic so I can ID the species and I'll see what I can do."
She sent me a picture of a small purplish squiggle in six inches of fetid green muck. But when I arrived to collect the sludge creature he turned out to look like this:
He's difficult to photograph in focus, but he's a deep wine-dark creature with an iridescent blue sheen. The red patches on his fins mirror where the fins of a Plakat/wild Betta splendens would be, and the rest of his fins are a ghostly shimmering white. This fish was in six inches of toxic green shit.
Naturally, he needed the finest tank I could put together that afternoon.
I think I did alright.
He's so fucking cute. He always swims up to watch when anyone approaches. I've got him trained to do a little dance when I feed him. He likes watching me doing anything in front of his tank.
That's all actually pretty typical of Bettas- they're very intelligent and curious creatures and like learning, which is more than I can say for some of my relatives.
Where Upstairs Kevin (so named because his tank is in my upstairs bathroom) really shines is that a lot of Bettas are... Not sociable. They often eat shrimp, attack other fish in their tank (or get stressed out of they can't commit enough violence to maintain their personal space) or constantly harass and nip the snails in their tanks. Most Bettas are genuinely happier being alone.
Kevin fucking loves his snail (Bluebert) and will shimmy as fast as he can over whenever Bluebert falls off something (it's fine, this is a normal way for mystery snails to get from one place to another).
When I had my Nego D'Aguas in the holding tank, I had to put three of the smallest ones in with him because they were being harassed in the small tank, and he was a perfect gentleman with them. He was trying very hard to shoal with them, but they're very zippy. He was visibly upset (lethargic, dulled colors) when I moved them back to the big tank.
Today was the real acid test: I'm going to move him from his 5 gallon to the 10 gallon so I can use the 5 as a hospital/spare plants tank, and I needed to know if I could have shrimp in with him. Even Betta that are cool with other fish can still see a shrimp and decide they're at the buffet. Unfortunately, there's no real way to know without putting shrimp in with the Betta.
So earlier today, I got half a dozen super-discounted Rilli shrimp (LFS has a massive overstock of them for some reason) and added them to his 5 gallon. There are a bunch of hiding places for shrimp in there and if he was aggressive with them I'd move him to the 10 gallon immediately (I don't want to do that just yet because I need to move the furniture around in there a bit).
Friends.
The shrimp are fully swimming in the open and Kevin is just following them around, curious, but only curious. No gill-flaring, no posturing, no lunges or snapping. Some of them are red, a color that normally triggers aggression in Bettas, and he's just. Hanging out, watching them eat biofilm off the moss. One of them accidentally landed on his head and stayed there for 3 seconds and he only went "???" Until it took off again.
My beautiful and perfect and son who is so kind and gentle with his tiny friends.
Pictures that are paintings, to me:
They're both so curious about each other.
(Kitty Fishtank Time is closely supervised and the room is closed off when we're not there. The tank also has a heavy glass lid that covers the whole tank and has anti-kitty safety clips)
he is turning the tiles brown. he needs to be contained
fools. this was a white goat, you can see the white markings on him. he’s been soaking up the brown and he’s only got one square left. let him finish his work
HE’S STEALING THE BROWN

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Jokes aside, this recall was issued for WA/OR/ID and the affected brands are Royale Natural and TOP VALU. More info in linked article.
for the love of fucking god let me reblog ads tumblr
is that a fucking game boy cartridge case?
this is a legit lifehack because keeping a condom in your wallet is bad news. the friction from it being in your pocket or jostled around wears down the latex and can cause it to tear. if you keep one on you in a gameboy cart case that won’t be an issue because no one will have sex with you