Second Guess These Words of Mine

“Performin’s not everyone’s cup of tea. Or, I guess, glass of beer, since we’re at a bar,” he tried to joke. Kellen definitely needed to stick to his day job and not try stand-up comedy. 

“Huh? Oh, uh, yeah. You like perform, then I take it?” It took a lot of courage to get up in front of a crowd like that; it was something Blake would probably never do. Playing guitar at home was one thing.

   “I can see that…but I think it’s much needed for them to spend alone time, so I guess I’ll let it slide…I did get pretty wasted on my birthday so there’s that.” 

“Yeah, that makes sense too.” Blake let out a soft laugh, rubbing the back of his head. “That sounds like a perfectly good way to spend a birthday. Hopefully the hangover wasn’t too bad.” 

“Thanks,” he stated, taking the lighter and lighting his cigarette. “So, you here for Open Mic or just for drinks?” He inhaled deeply, letting the smoke sit for a moment before exhaling. 

“Uh, drinks mainly. I mean, I enjoy the music, but I’m not much of a performer.” He’d been told he could sing and he knew how to play guitar, but outside of the classroom, Blake had never really wanted to be the center of attention.

Scarlett smiled, they could have been gathered for some other reason and she always liked to double check things sometimes. “Thanks.” She looked around, taking in everyone’s ensembles before turning back. “Are you participating?”

“In the parade? Uh, no.” Blake shook his head. “I’m just here to watch.” He didn’t like to be the center of attention, at least not outside of teaching. “What about you?” 

“I had a pretty good relationship with my teachers in high school, but then again my parents were back in Maine while I was doing boarding school the next state over an hour and a half away.” The words came out too quickly, she had to pause for a moment. “I’m sorry, that’s a lot.” She felt way too comfortable around Blake. “Ah, yeah that’s pretty understandable to wait then. I got my masters right after undergrad, I just wanted to get it done.”

“I don’t think I knew you went to boarding school.” There were a lot of things he didn’t know about Cass that he wanted to. They were coworkers though and he didn’t want to make things weird between them. “No, it’s okay. I don’t mind.” His shoulders lifted in a shrug. “I honestly didn’t know if I’d like teaching so I figured I’d wait and see.” 

“I know, but I want to say hi or something, maybe give them a high five. I love my kiddos. I know they’re not my kiddos, but I just like to see them happy.” Cass was driven into teaching to share her passion with the youth, but she got a whole lot more out of the job. “I have a nice little starter home right now, my parents helped me get it when I first came here. Backyard is small but not too small for a hammock. You gotta get that vitamin D.”

“That wouldn’t be so bad. Saying hi wouldn’t be too much of a buzzkill...I don’t think.” Did students want to see their teachers outside of school? Most of his teachers he tried to avoid, but there were a select handful that he had a good relationship with. “I’d like an actual house someday. Right now I’m trying to decide if I want to go back to school and get my master’s degree.” If he did that, a house would have to wait a while.

“Oh that’s great Blake. I haven’t seen any students yet, maybe if you stuck around we might be able to find one. Two sets of eyes are better than one.” Cass loved the fact that Blake was here in support of his students. “Me too, honestly. Though sometimes I will rent out a book and read outside. I have a hammock at home actually. Great for reading. You should try it.”

“I don’t expect them to want to hang out or anything. It’s summer and they’re having their own fun but...I don’t know...I figured it might be good for them to see a friendly face.” Now he felt silly trying to explain it, but it seemed like she understood. “Yeah, I live in an apartment so I can’t really do the hammock thing.” 

Cass blushed at the sight of the other teacher. “Hey, I wasn’t expecting to see you.” She couldn’t contain her smile while handing him the water bottle. “How are you enjoying pride? I know I’m having a blast.”

Surely her cheeks were just hot from the sun, right? He shrugged off the thought, flashing her a crooked smile. “Oh, uh, yeah. I like to uh, be here to support students who don’t have support at home.” Taking a drink, he screwed the cap back onto the bottle. “Uh, yeah. It’s fun. Uh, hot. Normally I’d probably be in the library.”

Cass cracked her knuckles, something she did when her mind started to wander and cause her to have anxiety. She wondered if he could tell that he had that effect on her. The anxiety she felt around him was good, it was normal to feel anxiety about these things, but damn, she felt vulnerable. “You would want to show me around?” She questioned not sure if she heard him right. “I mean yeah, I would really like that. If that’s something you want to do of course, I don’t want you to feel obligated.”

He wasn’t sure why Cass made him so nervous. There were plenty of female teachers at the school that he worked with all the time. But something about the woman who had a classroom across the hall made his heart skip a beat. “Uh, yeah...I mean if you want. You’ve already dealt with me all school year. It’s not a problem at all though.” Blake ran a hand through his hair. “I, uh, don’t do a lot during summer break so I can like...I don’t know...give you my number if you want.” 

Cass’ heart dropped a bit when he didn’t ask about hanging out, but she shook of the feeling. “Yeah I guess, I could do some of those… activities. It’s good to take yourself out, I guess.” It wasn’t like Cass to trip over her words like this, but Blake had that affect on her. “I guess it wouldn’t hurt to put myself out there, meet some people too.”

He was playing with a pen, twirling it to keep his hands busy. Should he ask her to hang out? That would probably be crossing some sort of line. As far as he knew, teachers weren’t supposed to date each other so it wasn’t like he could ask her out. “I’m sure somebody would go with you. The museums here are pretty great. And there’s lots of historical houses in the area, too.” Glancing down at the papers he was supposed to be grading, Blake glanced back up at Cass. “Uh...I mean...I, uh, I could show you some of my favorites sometime...if you wanted.” 

“Most of them don’t, you’re right.” Cass let out a sigh, leaning back into her chair. “You know, on one hand I want summer to come, but on the other I’m not looking forward to being home all day, it gets lonely.” Cass may have added in the part about being lonely on purpose, just to see if Blake would say anything about it. 

He ran a hand through his hair. Some students might check but waiting until the weekend was over wouldn’t be such a bad thing for them. “There’s plenty of things to do in the city. Museums, the beach...shopping.” Blake almost offered to hang out with her but couldn’t help second guessing himself. “You don’t have to stay cooped up in the house.”