FINAL GIRL.

“  pfft.  feelings  ?  yeah  ,  there  are  feelings.  FRIENDSHIP  feelings  !  like  ,  as  platonic  as  platonic  can  get.  like  ,  we  invented  platonic  feelings.  ”  he  crosses  his  arms  over  his  chest  defensively  ,  but  the  mood  is  kind  of  thrown  by  the  fact  that  he’s  still  on  the  ground.  “  and  ,  like  ,  even  if  i  did  have  these  supposed  ‘  feelings  ’  for  ness  –––  which  i  totally  don’t  –––  how  would  i  even  go  about  going  after  her  ?  just  be  like  ,  hey  ,  i  dig  you  ,  let’s  bone  ?  absolutely  not  !  ”

𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐧 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫 !

“  i  would  just  like  to  say  something  that  i  should  have  said  before  ,  which  is  i’m  sorry  .  ”  his  words  came  out  heart  felt  as  he  sat  in  head  quarters  with  the  other  .  “  i’m  sorry  for  not  being  the  babysitter  you  all  needed  because  you  clearly  needed  one  .  ”  pausing  to  take  a  sip  of  his  coffee  ,  his  leg  bounced  in  pent  up  frustration  for  being  sentenced  to  another  year  of  overseeing  this  group  .  “  i   mean  ,  i  mostly  blame  myself  for  the  misfortunes  you’ve  had  since  i  was  thrown  into  this  little  team  because  i  know  better  and  could’ve  done  something  to  stop  you  from  nearly  getting  yourselves  killed  again  ––––  you  guys  are  obviously  stupid  .  ”  reaching  forward  ,  he  set  his  mug  down  and  stretched  back  on  the  couch  ,  not  even  bothered  by  how  rude  he  was  to  the  kids  .  “  i  just  want  you  to  know  i’m  going  to  do  better  this  year  .  if  not  for  you  then  for  me  .  ”

every  word  she  said  hit  eli  like  a  bullet  to  the  chest.  he  gaped  at  her  from  the  ground  ,  heart  stuttering  with  every  bomb  she  dropped  on  him.  “  f  –––  ness  –––  no  !  okay  ,  okay  ,  let’s  rewind  a  little  bit  here  ,  okay  ?  first  of  all  ,  i  am  totally  calm.  i’m  chilling  on  the  floor  ,  super  chill.  like  ,  this  is  the  epitome  of  calm  ,  okay  ?  ”  he  insists,  waving  an  arm  through  the  air.  “  second  ,  there’s  no  such  thing  as  ‘  just  a  cat.  ’  that’s,  like,  the  most  insane  thing  ever  !  that’s  like  saying  it’s  just  your  virginity.  it’s  just  a  grandparent.  IT’S  JUST  RITUAL  SACRIFICE.  hello  !!  and  i  can’t  even  acknowledge  the  ness  thing  ,  like  –––  i  can’t  believe  you’d  say  that.  i  mean  …  !  ”

with a sardonic laugh that he’ll one hundred percent deny later, micah rolls his eyes at her reaction to the kids. yeah, and they call him dramatic. absolutely gleeful, noah attaches himself to micah’s leg. giving up on pushing them away, micah swoops ava into his arms, thinking nothing of it as she puts herself on his shoulders. “ first of all, my life is a never-ending crisis, so jot that down. second, i … overestimated the holding capacity of our refrigerator. i saw all the recipes, and then the scariest thing happened. i had this weird feeling in my chest , where my heart started being a little fast, my palms started sweating, and i felt really restless. google said i was either having a heart attack or excitement. unfortunately, i’m still alive, so i guess it was the latter. ”

eli  briefly  considers  fighting  for  his  chair  ,  and  almost  laughs  at  himself  for  considering  it.  him  ,  fight blair  ?  yeah  ,  right.  deciding  he  has  nothing  left  to  lose  ,  he  unceremoniously  drops  back  to  the ground  ,  only  to  fall  a  little  harder  than  expected.  the  back  of  his  head  smacks  against  the  unforgiving  ground  ,  and  his  back  cracks.  he  stares  up  at  the  ceiling  ,  blinking  sluggishly  until  the black  spots  fade  from  his  vision.  “  …  ow  ,  ”  he  announces,  before  sighing  in  a  way  that’s  best accompanied  by  a  cigarette.  “  i  don’t  think  i’ll  ever  be  okay  again  ,  blair.  i’m  losing  the  love  of  my  love  &  i  don’t  know  who  i  am  without  her.  we  share  an  apartment  ,  you  know  ?  like  …  i  have  her picture  in  my  wallet.  she’s  the  screensaver  on  my  laptop  and  phone  !  and  she  doesn’t  even  love  me anymore.  what  am  i  supposed  to  do  without  her  ?  make  actual  friends  ?  get  a  real  hobby  ?  move to  alaska  and  become  a  drug  dealer  slash  vigilante  with  a  tragic  backstory  that  everyone  is  super curious  about  but  i  won’t  tell  ?  i  just  don’t  know  anymore.  ”

with a character-typical dramatic flair, micah rips the door open with a scowl. “ what the FUCK took you so long ? i told you this was an emergency. ava and noah, move. this is your fault, you beasts. ” unsuccessfully shooing the twins from the door, micah leads the other in, kicking the door closed behind them. they make it maybe halfway to the kitchen before he stops and turns to face them, far too late to hide the situation peeking out behind him. “ i … made a pinterest account. out of curiosity. and found recipes. ” he risks a glance behind him. just over his shoulder, the kitchen is visible, with its stove and counters stuffed with an array of different foods. multi-colored cakes, gluten-free risottos, vegan macaroons, flax seed burgers, and that was all made within the first hour. “ take some of this food. eat it, throw it at a homeless person, i don’t give a shit. i just need it g o n e. ”

“  and  i’m  just  ,  like  ,  over  it  ,  you  know  ?  like  …  i’m  just,  like  …  like,  this  is  exhausting.  you  know  ?  ”  a  long  suffering  sigh  succeeds  the  taylor  swift  reference,  thin  fingers  toying  idly  with  his  hair.  bracing  a  foot  against  the  desk,  he  pushes  until  the  chair  is  balancing  precariously  on  its  back  legs.  the  old  chair  creaks  beneath  the  uneven  distribution  of  weight,  like  sirens  before  a  tornado  and  he’s  content  to  be  swept  away.  “  i’m  tired  of  the  fighting.  it’s  not  even  worth  it  anymore.  i’m  so  tired  of  feeling  hurt  and  rejected  by  someone  who  i  thought  i’d  be  with  forever.  &  i’d  just  rather  ,  like  ,  if  we’re  done  ,  she  just  SAID  SO.  like  ,  it  shouldn’t  be  this  hard.  it’s  fine  if  you  like  someone  else  ,  just  be  upfront  about  it  ,  right  ?  don’t  waste  my  time.  i  deserve  to  spend  my  nights  with  someone  who  values  me  just  as  much  as  i  value  them  ,  you  know  ?  not  a  ––––  a  c  a  t  who’d  rather  sleep  in  my  roomate’s  bed  than  mine  !  ”  reaching  a  tentative  conclusion  to  his  tippi  rant  ,  eli  lets  out  the  huff  that  broke  the  camel’s  back  ;  or  his,  depending  on  where  you’re  standing.  it’s  the  simple  expulsion  of  air  that  tips  the  chair’s  scales  and  send  him  falling.  “  wh  ––––  shit  ,  shit  ,  going  down  ,  going  down  !!!  ”  the  erratic  flailing  of  arms  does  nothing  but  push  him  back  faster,  sending  him  tumbling  to  the  ground  with  an  inhuman  screech.  the  world  turns  several  times  before  it  rights  itself,  and  he  quickly  scrambles  onto  uneven  footing  ,  waving  an  accusatory  arm  around  the  space.  “  THERE’S  A  GHOST  IN  THE  OFFICE  !  ”

          noticing blair the second he stepped into the room, nathan dropped his messenger bag at his desk before making his way over to the coffee maker and poured himself a cup. turning on his heel, nate took a sip, glancing over at blair once more. “ i bet you’re super happy to be back here. ” he said with a chuckle. remembering how much she disliked everything about this stupid group. almost as much as he did. // @blaiirs.