Black Lynx

I am the city you try to control

I am the city you loathe to save

I am the city you loathe to love

I am the city that crawls, the city that bleeds, the city that kills

I am the city, the city, the city, the city, the city

I am the city you will never control

I am the city you never save

I am the city you loathe

I am the city you loathe to love

I am the city, the city, the city

Knocking desperate and bloody

Roy’s biggest hurdle in life was himself. 

He knew that, most close to him did too. Roy didn’t just make decisions that negatively affected him, but unfortunately for him, he was simultaneously too good for his own good. He had a precedent for being a good man, responsible, someone you can count on – which is why whenever he relapsed it wouldn’t take too long for someone to figure it out. 

Addiction is selfish, Roy isn’t.

It took Jason seventeen hours to find Roy this time. He’d been better at keeping the front up and running for longer the previous times but not this time. Roy was the type to always reply or call back within minutes. He’d be in the middle of a mission and get a text from Jason and would immediately call back, arrows flying and grunts of fighting as he checked in – Roy cared, he cared so much it made it obvious when he wasn’t caring about himself, when he wanted to disappear.

Seventeen hours since he’d left Jason’s message on read. 

Jason tapped the cigarette letting the ash fall on the wet asphalt, it had rained the entire ride over to the dingy highway bar in the middle of nowhere. 

Seventeen hours since Jason had asked if he wanted to come see him in Gotham. Since he’d asked him to close the distance Roy had imposed between them.

Most would take the silence as being turned down but Roy wasn’t like that, Roy would never try to hurt him this way. Even if he didn’t want to see him, even if he was done with him, he’d never ghost him.

Seventeen hours and the easiest trail he’d ever had to follow: Jason had driven above the speed limit with a tightness in his stomach. It had been too easy, and easy with people like them meant a quiet desperation – a wish to be found, to be discovered, to be saved.

He took a deep drag and shifted his ass against the hood of his car, he’d been leaning against it for what felt like ages, stuck in between the bar where Roy was hiding in and the car he could use to leave. He couldn’t make up his mind on how to reach out so he stood and he smoked a cigarette.

He was smoking the second one when the door to the bar opened and a man was shoved out with force. He didn’t fight it, stumbling out mumbling curses while he adjusted his backwards baseball cap. 

“Hey asshole! My jacket!” – He shouted back, his voice hoarse - Jason flinched.

Roy’s jacket was launched at his chest, impacting him with weight to it. He clutched it and showed his middle finger up, then turning around – finally – and finding himself being watched.

“Shit.”  – He whispered at a standoff with Jason.

The parking lot between them was empty, the wet asphalt reflecting the glowing red neon sign. He looked around himself while Jason put out his cigarette, crossing his arms. He walked towards Jason looking over his shoulder, his movements jittery.

“Hey, Roy.” – Jason said with a shy smile that poked through him biting the insides of his lips.

“Hey, Jay…” – He stopped a few feet from Jason.

“You ready?” – Jason asked nodding back at the car.

Jason read Roy’s response in the absence of words. His head hung low, his fist tightened and he swallowed hard. 

“Come on.” – Jason made his way inside the car and heard Roy’s feet dragging behind him.

The car doors slammed one after the other and Roy groaned sitting back on the passenger seat. Jason watched as Roy closed his eyes and took off his baseball cap, messing up his hair. He reached over and took the cap from his hand and reached for the jacket. Roy’s grip tightened around it and he looked at Jason through his eyelashes.

“I’m just gonna throw it in the backseat.” – It was like trying to pull something out of a dog’s mouth, every movement had to be slow and deliberate to avoid the bite.

He knew Roy wasn’t like that, but he also knew himself well enough to understand sometimes the jaw clenches before the mind catches up to it like a hand flinching from touching hot pot. Jason knew involuntary violence better than most.

“Sorry.” – Roy released his grip and leaned further back, his legs spread open as wide as he could and brought his hand over his stomach, rubbing it with a frown.

“It’s fine…” – Jason’s eyes darted across Roy, examining his hand, his arms, his face…

He was wearing a t-shirt, his arms exposed looking just like they usually did. He was pale, more than usual and his eyes had dark circles around them. He watched his hand the longest, wondering what ache it was it tried to soothe.

“Did you do anything?” – The words left Jason’s mouth quiet, almost a whisper.

Roy’s hand stopped and he turned his head away from Jason, looking out the window. He spoke into his fist leaning against the side of the door.

“Just some pills… I threw my back out last week-”

“I know…”

“Drank a lot as well… I… I must reek…”

“You smell fine.”

Roy smiled into his fist. Jason was turned almost completely sideways on his seat. He cleared his throat trying to come closer, shifting and leaning in.

“Roy… did you do anything else?” – He said with a hand hovering over the stick on his way to Roy’s thigh, hanging in the air. – “I gotta know… you… you know I gotta ask for your sake… I don’t want you to suffer, yeah?”

Roy nodded and took a deep breath in, finally turning to face Jason.

“No… no, I didn’t… you- you were too fast…” – He chuckled and brought both hands to his face, rubbing it with a sigh. – “You’re too damn fast…”

“Okay… that’s fine, yeah? So, just the pills?”

“Yeah… just pills…” – He dropped his hands over his lap and looked at Jason sideways, struggling to meet his eyes.

“Roy…” 

Jason leaned further in, desperately trying to close the gap between them. He reached his hand over to Roy, finding his forearm and finally touched him, running his fingers down his rough skin to his hand. He clasped his around Roy’s giving it a squeeze.

“Hey… what’s up?”

“I can’t keep doing this to you…” – Roy said closing his eyes. – “Fuck… I’m older… I should know better!”

“Like that matters…” – Jason chuckled.

Roy whipped his head back at Jason, easier to face him now he was smiling.

“It does… I can’t keep doing this to you! Falling apart, crawling back to you begging for you to forgive me, full of sorries and nights drenching up your sheets and messing up your place… throwing your life upside down while I sweat out my stupid-”

“Please do.” – A harder squeeze.

“What?” – Roy frowned at Jason.

“Please let me pick you up, please let me be there for you, please let me make sure that-”

“It’s not your responsibility!” – Roy snapped letting go of Jason’s hand, bringing both up by his head in an exagerated gesture.

“Yeah, it wasn’t when I learned what Narcan was at eight.” – Jason said resenting the distance between them. – “When I walked into the harm reduction clinic at the Hill asking for help. It wasn’t when I saw my mom lose so much weight in a couple weeks she was skin and bone.”

“Jay…” – Roy pressed his lips together, always agonising to think he was making Jason relieve the worst parts of his childhood.

“You can’t push me away. You don’t wanna be with me or mess around, that’s fine, I won’t touch you. But I came here to make sure you were okay, I came here to make sure you weren’t about to do something you’d regret.”

Jason leaned back against the car door, his body still facing Roy with a bent knee. He leaned his head back against the glass and looked at Roy from an angle, his jawline looking soft and his lips pouty.

“This is all wrong… you know it… you shouldn’t have to do any of this…” – Roy complained unable to peel his eyes away.

“I want to.”

“Do you understand what Dick would do to us if he found out?!” – Roy burst out, the secret of their relationship eating up at him.

Jason exhaled through his nose and shook his head, looking out the window.

“You’re asking the wrong person. You think I give two fuck’s about what Dick thinks of me? You think I care about what Dick thinks of who I fuck?”

“Christ, Jason…” – Roy squirmed.

“I mean it. You seriously think I care about any of that right now? I couldn’t care less about anyone else outside this car.”

“Fine. You don’t care… What about me?! What would Dick think of me?!” – Roy shrieked, collapsing back against the seat and returning a hand over his stomach that turned into both arms crossing around himself, a tight hug as his face contorted in pain.

“He should be happy to know someone cares about you as much as I do.” – Jason responded with a sadness in his eyes and voice that only made Roy’s pain worse. – “And that you have someone who knows how to make you feel good, someone who knows just how to let you decompress-”

“Jay!”

Jason chuckled in response, lifting his leg and giving Roy’s knee a nudge with his boots.

“What else?” – He asked with a teasing smile.

“What?” – Roy responded with shifty eyes that he couldn’t draw back now that he’d allowed himself to look at Jason, everything else suddenly disappearing as his vision tunneled on the man across from him with red neon light reflecting off his delicate features.

“On the self-flagellation list, what’s next?”

“Fuck off…” – The first smile poked through, a stifled laugh leaving Roy’s throat.

“You mind?” 

Jason pushed his hips up, squirming reaching inside his pockets for the cigarettes and lighter while Roy waved him off, his eyes focused on Jason’s hips, the way the fabric bunched around his crotch. He travelled up and saw how Jason’s t-shirt clung to his body, it was tighter than he’d expected, surprised to find the outline of his muscles and soft tissue poking through the blue hue.

Jason opened the window behind him, taking a cigarette and placing it between his lips aware of Roy’s lingering gaze. With droopy eyes he warmed his face with the flame and took a deep drag, turning his head to blow it out the window. Roy’s hand found Jason’s boot, resting his hand over the laces. Jason looked back at him with a squinty smile and offered him the pack.

“Want one?”

“Sure…” – Roy agreed picking a cigarette between shaky fingers.

Jason took another deep drag, the flame lighting up his face in the dark car and he leaned forwards, still keeping his outstretched leg on Roy’s seat.

“Can I have a light?” – Roy asked placing the cigarette between his chapped lips.

“I got you.” – Jason said positioning himself as close to Roy as he could.

He held Roy’s face with both palms and touched the tip of his cigarette to Roy’s.

“In.” – He ordered.

Roy breathed in, lighting his cigarette with Jason’s flame. A few short puffs and it lit up. He pulled himself away from Jason not to blow smoke on his face.

“You’re the worst…” – He said with a chuckle leaning back against the side of the car like Jason.

“Open up the window, would you?” – Jason ordered with sleepy eyes.

“You know, smoking’s bad for you…” – Roy joked turning the manual lever behind him, stretching his arm out the window to tap the ashes off.

“Deadass?” – Jason asked faking surprise. –  “What did you do to get kicked out of the bar? You don’t look that wasted to me…”

He slid further down, both legs invading Roy’s seat.

“Seeing you sulking by the car sobered me up real fast.” – He joked holding the cigarette out the window, his other hand finding Jason’s shin and resting on it – he could feel the warmth of his skin through his thick jeans. – “Was being an asshole…”

Jason nodded, his eyes focusing on Roy’s hand on his leg, his shifty thumb over the fabric of his jeans. He swallowed hard and forgot about his cigarette for a second, thinking of better uses for his mouth.

“I meant it when I said we shouldn’t anymore…” – Roy said taking a deep drag to run from his own words.

“Yeah, I heard you then.” – He clenched his jaw. – “I disagree.”

Roy laughed.

“Jay…”

“Come on, don’t tell me what you think – tell me how you felt when you saw me standing by the car.” – He dropped the cigarette out the window and leaned forwards.

“Jay.”

“I mean it, what did you feel when you saw me there. How long has it been? Three weeks? Almost four?”

Jason reached a hand over and gripped Roy’s headrest, a need to fill his idle hands overtaking him.

“Yeah four weeks…”

“Go on, I can take it, I’m a big boy you don’t gotta coddle me… what did you feel when you saw me out here in the middle of fuck-all waiting for you?”

“Jay, I mean-”

“Roy, I’m gotta get an answer out of you one way or another.” – Jason said leaning further in.

“Fine! I felt relief! I felt relief and then I felt shame and then my heart started racing cause I couldn’t believe you came for me again…”

Jason smiled a smug smile and leaned back, satisfied with the response.

“You’re so full of yourself…” – Roy complained shaking his head.

“Careful, you’re about to burn your fingers…” – Jason said seeing the flame inching closer on Roy’s neglected cigarette.

He looked at it, at the long line of burnt ash that clung desperately on, ready to fall apart at any motion. He tossed the cigarette behind him out the window and lunged at Jason. He leaned over the stick squeezing himself between Jason’s legs, his hand gripping one of Jason’s hands by his head, the other holding onto the car door behind him. They froze there, deep breaths they shared that now smelled the same, Roy’s heart in his throat and Jason’s lips curling into an accomplished smile.

“You brat.” – Roy’s eyes darted between Jason’s eyes and his lips. He’d always hated the smell of cigarettes, the one bad habit he’d never picked up but recently he’d find himself seeking out the scent, even going so far as to buying the same ones Jason smoked to taste him when they were apart. 

He’d never thought himself capable of becoming addicted to the taste of someone quite like this.

“Hey Roy…” – Jason said reaching his idle hand towards Roy’s thigh.

He touched him softly and let his hand linger, holding him the same way he did whenever Roy would speed up while buried deep inside him.

“Mmn… don’t…” – Roy closed his eyes and shook his head.

“Come on… let me make you feel better…” – Jason said rubbing his cheek against Roy’s. – “Make me feel better…”

“I’m no good for you…” – Roy said leaning in, his lips magnetised to the stupid scent.

“Then why does it feel so good when you’re around? And why does it hurt so bad when you’re gone?” – Jason said moving his hand up to Roy’s hip.

“I could say the same thing about a dozen things that I shouldn’t do too…” – Roy let his lips brush over Jason’s, a tingling over his skin. –  “You’re the hardest bad habit to drop…”

“Come on… I can’t be worse than heroin…” – Jason spoke against Roy’s lips, his speaking against him like that more intimate than any kiss could be.

“Hurts worse being away from you… I’d take that over being without you… I take the cramping, the sweating, the puking, the nights awake, the fever, the chills… it’s easy compared to staying away from you…”

“Roy… did you relapse cause you pushed me away?” – Jason asked opening his eyes, looking at Roy with shock over his face.

“Numbs me down… numbs the pain, the loneliness… numbs everything… can’t think of you on a downward spiral…” – He said inching closer to Jason, their noses pressing against each other’s.

“Fuck, Roy…”

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry I pushed you away… I don’t wanna I just- I can’t… I can’t help it… I’m scared…”

“Scared?” – Jason replied closing his eyes.

“I’m so scared to give in to this…”

Roy moved his hand away from the car door and dragged it by Jason’s head, messing his hair, then lowering it over his cheek and neck, brushing over his chest and settling on his waist, grabbing him with a firm grip.

“Roy, please…” – Jason said completely surrendered under Roy.

“Jay, don’t. Please don’t… don’t ask me that… I can’t-”

“What?”

“I can’t resist you…”

“Please, Roy… I miss you so bad… please don’t push me away… please…”

Roy felt Jason’s breathing quicken, his voice choked. None of that broke him, none of that made him give in until Jason swallowed, a soft whimper leaving his lips as he breathed out. 

Then, only then did Roy give in.

His lips pressed against Jason’s with a desperation that surprised even himself, both hands wrapping around Jason and holding him tightly around his arms while his lips dragged over Jason’s. His own chin was covered in stubble that scratched Jason’s skin but he didn’t mind it, grabbing Roy’s hair and cheek with both hands. Giving in was so easy, it felt so good and so right Roy hated it. He groaned and pulled away slightly, a string of spit stretching between their lips.

It started raining outside, a heavy summer storm unexpectedly rushing in. Jason laughed and wiped off the spit his with thumb, dragging it over Roy’s bottom lip while Roy reached behind him to close the window.

“Shit!”  – He exclaimed while Jason laughed pegged underneath his weight.

“The other one! Get the other one!” – He urged him on fighting off his hand for the lever.

Roy turned around with some difficulty, the car way too cramped. They closed the windows hearing the heavy sound of fat drops of rain assaulting the outside out the car, perfectly safe from the downpour inside. He turned back around and saw Jason just where he’d left him, only this time his hand was resting on the waist of his jeans, a bulge pressing the previously bunched up fabric. It was taught at spread now, outlining his shape.

“Sorry… can’t help it…” – He said thrusting his hips up.

“No… no, no, you can’t do that…” – Roy closed his eyes and shook his head taking deep breaths in.

“But I can’t help it Roy, come on…” – Jason whined.

“Jay… come on man… I’m-” 

Roy was interrupted by a crack sound that made him jump. He opened his eyes to see Jason’s seat was now fully reclined back, the culprit undoing his zipper with a shit eating grin on his face and begging eyes.

“Come on, Roy…” – He nudged at him. – “Let me make you feel better…”

“You’re the worst…” – Roy complained with a pained expression in his face.

“Please… please, Roy…”

“You should be mad at me, you should be disgusted by me…” – He said following Jason, guiding his body down the reclined seat and positioning himself over him. – “You should hate me, Jason… You should hate me and want nothing to do with me…”

“I’m really bad at doing what I should though…” – He spoke against Roy’s neck, giving him a soft kiss before he pulled away, sitting over Jason’s lap. – “And I excel at doing what I shouldn’t…”

“Does it get you off? Huh? Being with me when you know how much Dick would recoil at it?”

“Yeah.” – Jason said with a smug smile. – “But that’s not why I do it…”

He gasped feeling Roy’s hands pulling his jeans down, the leather seat feeling cold against his bare ass.

“Then why do you do it?”

“Cause I’m mad about you, you asshol- mmmnnn…”

Roy shut Jason up with a kiss to his tip. Jason squirmed under him, a naughty grin spreading as he felt Roy’s hands move over his stomach down to his thigh, caressing his inner thigh and slowly reaching towards his taint.

“Roy…”

“No, shut up… you talk too much…” – He complained pressing kisses against his tip and length, dragging his lips making his foreskin move and stimulate Jason.

“Mmmnn… wait… Roy, lis- ahahhmmnnn…”

“Shh!”

Roy trailed his fingers further back and stopped feeling cold metal against his tips where he’d hoped to find Jason’s soft skin.

“What the-” – He pulled back with a confused look on his face.

Jason grinned and whimpered, a chuckle making his abs muscles tense.

“I tried to warn you…” – He chuckled bringing his arms up and resting them behind his head.

“You- you had that in you this whole time?!” – Roy exclaimed pushing his thighs apart and looking down at Jason’s home and the flared base poking out of it. – “Are you insane?! I could’ve been drugged out of my mind in a filthy bathroom or something!”

“Come on, I can multitask.” – Jason winked. 

“You’re messed up…” – Roy said with a grin and a glimmer in his eyes, tugging at the metal and watching Jason squirm under him.

“Mmmm yeah…” – Jason sighed closing his eyes. – “Besides, you know you wanted me to find you… easiest trail I’ve ever followed… you wanted this…”

“Look at me.” – Roy ordered slipping back into old habits fast. – “You want me to fuck you right here? In your car?”

“Windows are all fogged up already… with this rain… middle of nowhere… come on…” – He said with sharp breathing. – “I got a condom or two…”

Roy leaned down and kissed Jason, a softer more adoring type of kiss he usually saved for the mornings.

“You gotta try and keep it down when I pull this out of you…”

“You implying I can’t?”

“I know you can’t…”

Roy placed a hand on Jason’s belly and locked eyes with him, the fingers on his other hand gripping around the flared metal base.

“Relax yeah, I’ll take it slow…” – He caressed his skin, feeling him as he took deep breaths in and out. –  “Yeah, just like that… in and out, Jay… relax a little more for me…”

“HMMmnnn… Roy…” – Jason closed his eyes and tensed his core.

“No… shhh… slow… slow… ease up for me… relax.” – He ordered reaching under his t-shirt and tugging at his skin, rubbing him.

“Just… just get it off… mmmnnn…” – Jason frowned and smiled, his dick depositing pearls of precum over his lower belly.

Roy pulled slow, following Jason’s breathing with eyes that barely blinked. He could feel a wet patch forming inside his pants and it took everything in him to have the self control to go slow. 

Jason gasped as the widest part neared his hole, reaching behind Roy’s neck and gripping him tightly.

“In.” – He ordered, stopping and waiting until Jason took a deep breath in. Once satisfied, he followed his instruction. – “Out.”

With a deep exhale he pulled the plug out and dropped it on the floor between the seats. It made a loud thud sound that was drowned out by Jason’s moans and heavy breathing.

“Ahnmm… mmnnhggpmm… nnhgmm…”

“Shh… come on… keep it down… I ain’t gonna do anything to you if you can’t keep quiet.”

“Please… please Roy…” – Jason pleaded reaching for Roy’s jeans and undoing his buttons and zipper.

Roy watched Jason’s shaky fingers until he couldn’t anymore, taking over and pulling his pants and underwear down to his knees in one fast movement.

“Get your shoes off, kick them off.” – He ordered pulling Jason’s jeans clean off his body. – “I need to be able to fold you.”

“Mnn.” – Jason obeyed with his breath caught in his chest.

They undressed desperate and clumsy, jackets, shoes, and jeans flying off their bodies and landing all over the car seats and floor with disregard. Roy climbed over Jason pushing his knees up against his chest and stopped for a moment, admiring Jason under him. He reached a hand and caressed his cheek with the back of his fingers.

“You sure about this?”

Jason huffed with raised eyebrows, adorably angry. Roy melted, dropping his head and shaking it.

“You cute…”

“Roy… come on… I’ve missed you so bad…” – Jason whined under him, his hands tugging at his hips.

“I’ve missed you too, Jay… fuck, I’ve missed you so bad…” – Roy finally admitted. 

With the weight off his chest Roy felt an explosion of excitement wash over him. It was so overwhelming he leaned down and kissed Jason to stop himself from crying.

“Where’s that condom you promised, huh? Don’t wanna hurt you…” – He asked between kisses.

“Glove box…”

Roy reached back, finding more than just one or two condoms. He chuckled and looked back at Jason with raised eyebrows while he ripped the plastic. He pumped himself a couple times over Jason getting himself ready and covered his dick with the condom, drinking in the sight of Jason dazed expression watching his every move. He could do it all night, stand there watching how Jason looked up at him.

“You ready?” – He asked steadying himself with one hand while the other held Jason’s leg up by his chest.

“Mhm… yeah…” – Jason nodded.

Roy slipped inside slow. His trepidation was less about fear of hurting Jason but more about a fear he’d make a fool of himself before he could even bottom out. Jason’s insistence, his persistent unwillingness to let Roy push him away was so much he felt like he could come at the slightest sigh. Jason moaned and tilted his head back, his adam’s apple bulging as he swallowed hard.

“Roy…” – He moaned.

“Yeah, yeah baby…” – Roy responded pumping himself deeper, grabbing Jason’s hips.

He filled his hands with a softness Jason reserved only for him. His strong muscles, his build was intimidating to most but Roy knew under the armour, under the mask there was a layer of softness covering his muscles. His thighs and ass splayed against the seat of the car gave Roy the perfect grip to hold onto as he drove himself deeper and deeper inside the most loving man he’d ever known – the man who was desperate to love and who was denied it by everyone in his life.

“I’m so sorry I pushed you away…” – Roy admitted with a sigh, speeding up his thrusting with a desperate need.

“It’s okay… I get it…” – Jason replied picking his arms up from underneath him and wrapping them around Roy’s shoulder and neck, pulling him further down against the car seat with him.

He wrapped his fingers around Roy’s hair and played with him while Roy pounded into him.

“Fuck, Roy… oh my god… mmmnnn…”

“That feel good?” – Roy asked kissing Jason’s face.

He pulled Jason up a bit, wrapping his arms around his torso in a tight hug, trapping Jason’s dick between their bodies. Jason gasped at the feeling, the tugging and pressing and rubbing making him lose composure.

“Come on, Jay… that feel good?”

“So good… so good…”

“Yeah… you damn right… fuck… you feel so good…” 

Roy could feel Jason clenching around him and planted one final kiss on his cheek before pulling away. Jason resented the distance before he realised what Roy was doing. He drove into Jason faster and faster and picked up his dick in his palm, pumping him with half shut eyes.

“Oh… oh my go- yeah… yeah, just like that… fuck… yeah…” – He breathed out shuddering.

“You’re so pretty… you’re so fucking pretty… I hate you, you prick…”  – Roy repeated in desperate bursts as he pushed harder and harder into Jason.

“Damn… imagine what you’d do to me if you liked me…” – Jason joked, his laugh turning into a pained moan as Roy drove into him tip to base slamming hard against him.

“Like you… pft… you’re such an idiot, Jay…”

“The hell, man…” – Jason complained tugging at Roy’s hips.

“I love you, you idiot… I hate you and I love you, but no, I don’t like you… you’re the worst… stupid know it all with a sweet tongue… you always break my walls… you always break me down…”

He was twisting Jason’s dick in his palm mercilessly, dragging over his tip and milking him oblivious to how hard he was going, his mind split between the fullness of his hand and the clenching around his dick.

“You and you alone, apparently…ha! Ahnmmm… slow, slow! Fuck!” – Jason yelled and panted under Roy.

Jason came over Roy’s hand unexpectedly, an explosion of cum that shot up reaching Roy’s stomach.

“You brat… so messy…” – Roy chuckled.

“Hey, it’s my car… mmmnnmm… I’ll cover it in cum if I want to…” – Jason’s lips parted and he closed his eyes in relief.

“Nasty…” – Roy joked continuing to pump him through his orgasm, draining every last drop from him he could.

“You love it…”

Roy moaned and kept thrusting, Jason’s orgasm making him tense around him so much Roy was about to come any moment, just needing a little more push to finally let go.

“Yeah I do… I love your nasty cigarettes and the way you always cum way too much… make it drip out the side of my mouth when I blow you… love the way you break into my place, love the way you track me down and show up uninvited… love the way you don’t give up on me… you’re annoying and I love it…”

“Ah… Roy- mmnnpphhnn… you close?!”

“So close… so so close, Jay…” – Roy closed his eyes and when he opened them back up he saw Jason frowning in pleasure, holding his breath. – “Jay?”

“Mmnhnpphmm…” – Jay moaned, still tensing under Roy. – “Fuck…”

“Go on… let go… relax Jay…” – Roy ordered slowing his thrust. – “Breathe for me, baby… please breathe…”

He came clutching Jason’s knees by his chest. A slow drawn out orgasm that shook him, Jason’s own milking his dick inside him, urging him on.

“Fuck… fuck, how are you so perfect?” – He asked catching his breath, his face hidden by his messy ginger mane.

“Roy… mmmnnn… that was so good… oh my god…”

“Shh… I can’t take it… you gotta stay quiet… don’t say another word.” – He said frowning.

“But-”

Roy covered Jason’s mouth with his hand, the one that wasn’t covered in cum, and held it there.

“Shh… not another word from you… I can’t take it…” – He laughed. – “God, Jay… you burn so hot…”

“Wha?” – Jason’s voice was muffled.

“Nothing… nothing… just… you warm me up like nothing else…”

Jason tried speaking but his words were indecipherable. He squinted his eyes at Roy and bit his fingers.

“Ouch!” – Roy pulled back fast without thinking. – “Jay!”

“You won’t get rid of me…” – Jason said with half shut lids and a relaxed mouth that breathed in and out slow, his chest and belly moving out of synch as he tried to catch his breath. – “I can’t give you up…”

“I’m bad for you, Jay… you know it…”

“But I’m good for you…” – He said bringing a forearm up to his forehead.

“You okay?” – Roy asked with concern in his eyes, cradling his cheek. – “Was I too rough? Did I hurt you?”

“Nuh-uh…” – Jason shook his head. – “No…”

“I did… you look spent…” – He said with a frown.

“I love it…” – Jason said with a whimper feeling Roy’s dick twitch inside him.

“Imma pull out… you ready?”

“Yeah, yeah, sure…” – Jason responded laying back completely still, his body still moving through pleasure and recovery in a painful ecstasy he was absolutely hoooked on. He couldn’t believe he’d managed to wait this long to get Roy back, the thought of going a single day without feeling this way sounding like hell to him all of a sudden.

Roy was slow and gentle, pressing on Jason’s lower belly as he pulled out the way he knew made it easier on him. 

“Ah fuck…” – He moaned with relaxed parted lips, missing the feeling already.

“You good… you all good… Imma clean up, you relax…”

“Glove box… tissues…” – Jason mumbled. – “Keys… pocket…”

“Huh?” – Roy asked wiping his hand and Jason’s belly clean of his cum.

“The car keys… in my pocket…”

“Why you telling me where the keys are?” – Roy asked leaning down and giving Jason’s pouty lips and kiss.

“You think I can drive after this?” – He joked finally opening his eyes.

“Jay, I can’t drive.” – Roy chuckled sitting back on Jason’s thighs, pulling off the condom and tying it up.

“Huh? Why?” – Jason exclaimed coming up to his elbows.

“I’m drunk! I told you I’d been drinking…”

“But-” – Jason’s eyes widened and he collapsed back onto the seat hearing Roy laugh.

“I’ve mixed pain meds and alcohol and cigarettes… I’m gonna kill us if I get behind that wheel. You gonna have to be a big boy and get it together and drive us back home…”

“Fuck me…” – Jason complained. – “Gimme five…”

Roy chuckled and caressed Jason’s pecks, squeezing one in his palm. He let go and started making sense of the mess of their clothes. He found Jason’s t-shirt and hugged him, pulling his ragdoll body up against his own and put the t-shirt on, taking his time to untwist it around his skin, pulling the fabric down to cover him slowly, his hands lingering on him with caresses while Jason rested against him. 

He got himself and Jason dressed in silence, cleaning up the car until Jason stopped him, a hand resting on his thigh.

“Roy… did you mean it?” – He asked opening his eyes.

“What?”

“All the stuff you said… you really feel that way about me?”

There was a sad desperation in his eyes and tone that cut through Roy like a dagger. It stabbed him making him regret all the times he’d pushed Jason away because he felt ashamed of how much he liked him, because he feared judgement and the slew of questions that would haunt him if anyone knew about them.

‘Are you out of your mind?’

‘Jason is dangerous! You can’t trust him!’

‘Jason is a killer, he’s not one of us!’

He blinked slow looking at Jason, the sweet and brave Jason who never gave up on him. His eyes darted behind Jason and his jacket in the backseat. 

What did any of them know about killing? What did any of them know about the choice to kill? How could anyone think they knew more about killing and dying than Roy and Jason?

He swallowed hard. 

“Jay… there’s two balloons in the left-side pocket of my jacket.” – He admitted.

“What th- okay…” – Jason widened his eyes. – “Okay…”

“I need you to get rid of it for me… or make sure I do… yeah?”

“Yeah, of course…”

Roy pulled Jason’s seat up with him still lying on it, slowly sliding down pressed between Roy’s body and the sweaty leather cushion underneath him.

“I meant every word I said… You… you’re more addictive than anything I’ve ever shot up in my veins… you’re harder to drop than any pill I’ve ever gotten hooked on… It’s so bad… I know I shouldn’t but I can’t help it… I’m so selfish, I have to have you…” – He leaned down and kissed Jason.

“Roy…” – Jason moaned between kisses.

“I’m addicted to you, Jay.” – Roy said pulling back and breathing against Jason. – “You’re my worst addiction… by far… it’s not even close…”

“Sorry for making you relapse.” – Jason lied through a smug smile.

“No, you’re not…” – Roy laughed pressing him against the car seat and kissing him with a burning desire Jason’s lips only fuelled.

Jason’s love was so addictive, so precious and irresistible it was never enough. Every fuck, every kiss, every laugh only made Roy want more – it was never enough, a hunger he couldn’t sate no matter how much of him he had. 

The stony floor felt sharp under his palms and his breathing was accelerated. Bernard barely made it to Zamaron, his ring quiet and colorless a warning he failed to heed. The humming and drumming of the battery grew more intense as he approached it, his body feeling alive and alert at the energy pulling him. He rested a hand on the surface of the large crystal, the cut on his forearm shining a bright purple.

“It’s funny… I’ve decided to keep this ring after all… but I still don’t know why you chose me… I still don’t know why I got it in the first place…I don’t know if I’ll ever truly know, if there’s even reason to your choice… maybe… maybe it’s all a big cosmic joke, make the guy who’d never loved anyone, especially not himself, become a fighter of love.” – He chuckled. – “I don’t know what Tim saw when he gave me this watch all those years ago… I suppose just like I’ll never know what fully goes into someone’s mind when they choose a gift for me, I don’t know if I’ll ever know why you chose me to wear this.”

Bernard stepped away for a moment, taking his hand away from the stone.

“I don’t know why you chose to give me this ring, give me this second chance but it was the perfect gift… the type you don’t know you needed until you have it and suddenly you can’t imagine your life any other way. The watch Tim gave me is my watch, has been for years… this ring… it is my ring… with your permission, of course…”

Bernard lowered his head, then raising his fist in the air – once again enveloped in violet light and a dronning sound that welcomed him just as it had a year ago. No longer scary, the unknown was familiar and welcoming. Bernard closed his eyes and felt the power that had reached out to him in a time of fear now complete him in a moment driven by purpose.

“For hearts long lost and full of fright,

For those alone in blackest night,

Accept our ring and join our fight,

Love conquers all—with violet light!”

-

The cave was where Bernard remembered it, its entrance the same descending slope he’d trailed with caution. He left no crumbs to follow back this time.

“Hello?” – His voice echoed. –  “I’m back!”

The silence was unnerving, Bernard felt as though he was intruding, he felt like he was being watched. Every corner he turned he expected to find it, the ghosts of all he’d allowed to kill him. He expected his father, the leaders of the Cult of Dionysus and most of all he expected himself.

“Who are you? Who are you really?” – He asked the empty meandering tunnels.

His footsteps echoed the further in he got, his mind suddenly cast back to Earth – to his final moments with Tim before he’d left. 

He turned right.

He’d gasped when Tim had tackled him to bed, holding his arms up by his head.

“You’re the worst!” – He’d shouted with tears flowing down his eyes.

“Tim!”

“Shut up! I hate you! Do you have any idea what you put me through? Do you have any idea how much I grieved you?! It was like I was back in the hospital again seeing you die right in front of me!”

“But I didn’t die!”

“You keep trying! Stop trying to die! Stop killing yourself!”

“I can’t help it!” – Bernard had fought back, switching places with Tim and holding him down in a familiar childish struggle. – “It’s in me! I spend every moment of every day fighting to not kill myself! That’s my natural state! I’ll die and die unless I do something about it!”

“I don’t wanna lose you again!”

He turned left.

“You’re not gonna lose me… but I’m a Star Sapphire now, Tim… that’s who I am… like you’re Robin, I’m a Star Sapphire…”

“I don’t want to lose you… it… I-”

Bernard had lowered himself and kissed him, Tim’s lips swollen and red.

“I’ll be back before you know it…”

He turned right and stopped. Tim was standing before him.

“Ah, there you are.” – Bernard said with a smile. – “Go on, break my heart…”

“You’re selfish.” – Tim said with fire in his eyes.

“Yeah, I know… only child…” – Bernard shrugged.

“You hurt me.”

“You hurt me first.”

Bernard walked towards Tim with slow but sure steps, even as a hallucination he couldn’t help himself but feel drawn to him.

“I will leave you. You will never be enough, Robin will always come first. I will grow resentful of you being a Star Sapphire and I will leave you.”

“Except you admire me being a Star Sapphire… except the words you’re saying are not Tim’s feelings… they’re my fears and I don’t trust my fears. I don’t listen to them.”

He stopped a couple steps away from Tim and extended his arm, attempting to hold his hand. Tim vanished before his eyes.

“Bye, Tim.” – Bernard said with a smile. – “What’s next?”

The hairs behind Bernard’s neck prickled up as he heard a slithering sound behind him. He turned around slowly to find the empty long tunnel stretching into darkness behind him. There was nothing but darkness and then there was a sliver of light. He walked slowly towards it, squinting at the thin burst of light bleeding through a gap between the rocky floor and the stretching darkness. The closest he got to it the more he could see, the light from the cut on his arm revealing a door before him. 

He stopped, his hand hovering over the doorknob. He knew what he would find inside the door, it was why he’d returned. It was easier to be brave towards others than towards oneself. He shivered in anticipation, took a deep breath in, and opened the door.

Blond messy curls and a curled up spine, a red shirt and red drops of blood splattering over the tiled floor. Bernard exhaled and crouched to be on his level.

“Hey…”

He hated the sound of his own breathing, the whimpering and sniffling – did he really sound like that? So high pitched, so desperate, so childish… so childish… like a child… he was just like a child…

“Hey, look at me.”

The figure turned to face him and Bernard clenched his jaw seeing his reflection.

“What are you doing, huh? You think anyone’s gonna come find you like this? Your dad’s not coming, you know that… were you hoping Tim would come? This would’ve only scared him, come on… did you really need everyone to see your pain like that?”

His mirror self didn’t respond.

“I see your pain. I know it, it is mine.” – Bernard said reaching for the razor his mirror self still held against his torn flesh. – “Give that to me.”

He took the razor and was surprised to find it felt real to the touch, that it didn’t dissipate before his eyes. He tried not to think too hard about it.

“Listen. I’m not afraid of you anymore, I know you can’t hurt me. I won’t hurt me, I won’t hurt you anymore. I trust myself, I trust you.” 

His mirror self frowned at him, then finally addressing him.

“How are you doing this? I’m your biggest fear…”

“You were… you were my biggest fear but not anymore… I forgive you but I also swore a vow, remember? I know you can’t hurt me because I don’t want to hurt me anymore… I know you didn’t either, I forgive you for it… you can’t hurt me and I won’t hurt you.”

Bernard moved forwards and extended his arms, embracing himself.

“You can’t hurt me like this, I’m not afraid of me anymore.” – He said squeezing his eyes shut and tightening his arms around himself. He was afraid, he was deadly afraid but he was more worried about the hurt boy than he was scared of him. He overcame his fear to protect himself.

His bathroom dissolved into dark tunnels around him and his own body he’d been hugging shrunk. He pulled back to find a small being the size of a house cat sitting before him. It was covered in fur, a mix of a wombat with a bear cub that looked more like a stuffed animal than a real being. He blinked at it and chuckled.

“Hello?” – He asked amused. – “Are you the source of my torment?!”

“You’ve changed… since you were last here… I cannot frighten you anymore…” – The small being spoke.

“You probably could, I’m just in a particularly good mood today.”

“Will you leave now?”

The creature spoke without moving its mouth, Bernard was sure he wasn’t so much speaking as connecting to him telepathically. He sat back down, the tunnel suddenly widening and revealing they were in a large chamber – the center of the labyrinth.

“Is that what you want me to do? Do you want me to leave?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“I wish to be left alone, here.”

“Here?” – Bernard looked around himself. – “There’s not much here.”

“There’s enough.”

“Mmm… what are you?”

“I am more than you can comprehend.”

“Okay, but like, do you have a name?”

“Not in the way you do.”

“Is that what you actually look like?”

“This is the shape I take for you to understand my being.”

“I see…” – Bernard tapped the floor. – “Why are you here in Mino?”

“Home.”

“Is this your home?”

“Yes.”

“You haven’t been here long though…” – Bernard smirked.

“There was nothing here.”

“True… I guess that’s true… so you’ve been trying to scare me and Carol off… because you want to live here?”

“Yes.”

“Mmm… that’s… reasonable I suppose… but like, what are you?”

“You do not possess the knowledge of my being, but you understand the concept of primordial beings, elemental gods… the ones who personify the skies or planets or other constants… I am such a thing.”

Bernard tilted his head sideways and smiled. – “That’s fascinating… and you were in need of a home?”

“Correct.”

“Mmm… okay… this place is… it’s pretty dead though, I mean, there’s no one here and there’s… do you eat? There’s nothing here to eat… unless you eat lanterns like me!” – Bernard joked.

“I know what eating is because I have peered into your mind, a most troublesome task I do not partake in.”

“Well to be fair it’s more complicated for me than most…” – Bernard smirked. – “So, you don’t eat, you’re more like a concept deity than an actual physical being… and you just wanna live here on your own?”

“A place of rest.”

“Right…”

“My ‘doing’ is beyond your comprehension, I need simply a seat to fulfil my role as a cosmic constant.”

“You have friends or family?”

The creature blinked at him.

“Right… stupid question, you’re talking about being a cosmic being that doesn’t really exist like a person does… okay… well, okay, hear me out…”

Bernard looked around the dark cave and at the small mammal before him.

“If you just lived here, would that impact Zamaron?”

“Only in the way I keep the fabric of the universe where the planet exist together.”

“God, that’s sick… okay… hear me out… what if you were like, okay okay hear me out!” – Bernard’s enthusiasm was tangible. – “Peek into my mind for the meaning of this, but what if you were like Pan? A spirit that lives here and sorta just roams about and minds their business and maybe… maybe you could like, I don’t know, warn Zamaronians if there is ever a threat coming their way you can identify? Does it seem like a fair trade?”

“It is, though you have no power to make such an offer.”

Bernard smacked his lips and sat further back, the cave feeling less scary by the second.

“I- You are very correct… but… maybe I can help plead your case, what do you say?”

“I tormented you to rid the planet of you, twice… and you wish to gift me this place anyways?”

“I was never brought here to get rid of you, I was supposed to investigate what had taken up residency here. I know now what is here and why, and I also know we can do terrible things when feeling cornered… I don’t hold it against you…”

“I understand how you think the way you do, but it is still surprising…”

“Yeah, I get that a lot.”

-

“Nyx!” – Bernard exclaimed holding the small primordial being in the shape of a furry mammal in his arms.

Hal coughed beside him, not even the clinking of Zamaron armor could be heard. It was dead silent in the great hall.

“Yes, uhm… Nyx here, as Star Sapphire Bernard has kindly named, is what we call a concept. They are a type of being that exists beyond physical material existence. It may choose to present itself as such to be understood… usually in the shape of something whoever they interact with will understand… Nyx looks now like that which human children play with or sleep with, a rendering of an animal’s form into a harmless representation that incites… affection…”

“And how does the Green Lantern corps classify such beings?” – Zari asked with raised eyebrows.

“Inevitable, just like the dark of night can be threatening and scary it is also an inevitable part of the movement of the planets… Their existence is in many ways a mystery to us but they are classified as non threatening, they simply are. Like the earth beneath your feet and the sun that warms the planet.”

Bernard couldn’t help but brush his hands over Nyx’s fur while he listened.

“And your plan, Star Sapphire?”

“There is nothing on Mino, it is an empty dwarf planet of no interest to Zamaron but that sits in an advantageous position… Nyx needs a place to exist in peacefully and it harms no one to let them be there… You gave me a house once… Nyx is far less difficult to deal with, I assure you…”

Soft giggles spread across the room, Bernard’s sense of humour had slowly won over the mostly stoic Zamarons over his year living among them.

“We will vote. All those in favour of granting Nyx residence in Mino raise your hands.” – Zari led lifting her own arm.

A wave of blue raised blue arms spread across the room while Hal smiled at Bernard.

“And you, Star Sapphire, will you not vote?” – Zari asked Bernard.

“Oh, can I?! Yeah, yeah, of course!” – He lifted his arm, holding Nyx against his body like a baby, his hip popped to the side. – Of course I do!”

“It has been decided, Nyx shall from now on inhabit Mino and protect Zamaron. Star Sapphire Bernard Dowd is to maintain a relationship with the entity with the vouching of Green Lantern Hal Jordan.”

“Hell yeah, dude!” – Bernard high fived Hal.

“There is another matter to discuss now, Star Sapphire.” – A Zamaron named Hazi interjected. – “You have recently abandoned your duties as Star Sapphire and travelled to Earth, staying there for days as your battery grew weaker. We assumed you had given up on the corps. What is your decision? It has now been a year since you so eloquently put it that you believed the ring might suit you as did your oddly colored shoes. Does it? Or has your return to Earth made you doubt your role as a Star Sapphire?”

Carol placed a reassuring hand on Bernard’s back. He turned to face her and offered her the small cub.

“Can you take Nyx?” – He asked passing the creature to her.

Carol accepted it with some trepidation and Bernard took a step forward.

“I’ve given it some thought… This year, this time among you and working for the corps… I’ve never been happier and more fulfilled but more than that, I’ve never felt more like myself than when I’m out there doing this work. I missed Earth, I missed my mom and I missed my friend and I was scared to go back but when I did, on accident… when I did end up there I realised that I still have a place there… I still have people who care about me there… but for every moment I was happy there I kept thinking of Zamaron, I kept thinking of the Glynth and my missions and, yeah… I think the ring suits me, so, with your permission… I’d like to remain your Star Sapphire, and I’d like my home to be Earth…”

“Very well, Star Sapphire. Do not be a stranger…” – Hazi bowed her head in approval at Bernard.

“You seemed relieved…” – Nyx addressed Carol. –  “I can see Bernard’s cohabitation was at times intruding-”

“Ha! Hehe… you cute thing… zip it!” – She chuckled nervously.

Hal placed his arm around Bernard’s shoulder and pulled him closer. – “Do you even have a place to stay in Gotham?”

“I… I think I do…” – Bernard said with a gulp, remembering how Tim had shouted at him and pinned him down when he’d said he’d go back to Zamaron to finish his quest. How he’d held him down with force and cried about how much he hated him, and how he’d kissed him and taken off his clothes and covered his body with his mouth. –  “I think I do…”

-

The first morning light had hit Tim like a sentence.

Tick.

The afternoon heat made him feel weak.

Tick.

The darkness of night was a painful reminder of the year after Bernard’s disappearance.

Tick.

Dawn broke with withheld breath, Tim’s lungs struggled to do as they should.

Tack.

He lowered his head, the sound of his cape fluttering behind him annoying. He lifted himself and sat over it, trying to stop the fabric from flying in the wind.

“Just stay still!” – He complained smacking the concrete under his seat.

“You talking to me?” – Bernard asked landing quietly behind Tim.

Tim didn’t budge, his face low and hidden from sight.

“You mad at me?” – Bernard asked inching closer.

Tim shook his head.

“Then why you sulking?”

“Did you do it?” – Tim asked picking at his gloves.

“Yeah, I did it… I faced my worst fear, gave a primordial being a name and a home, decided my fate as well…”

Tim nodded. – “And what did you chose?” – He asked with a choked voice.

Bernard chuckled and rushed at Tim, grabbing him and flying off into the air with him in his arms. Tim shouted as he was carried off. 

“Woooah! What the-”

Bernard turned Tim around, hugging him around his torso to keep him upright in the air with him, his cape flying madly behind him.

“What the hell!” – He shrieked.

“Air prison, can’t hide from me up here…” – Bernard said with a shit eating grin on his face.

“Put me down! I’m mad at you!”

“Are you? Why?”

“Cause you left!”

“But you know why I left… you know I’m a Star Sapphire like you’re a Robin… come on now…” – Bernard delivered a kiss to Tim’s forehead, right above his domino mask and Tim growled at him. – “Don’t you wanna know what I decided?”

“It doesn’t matter…”

“I think it does, it concerns you…”

Tim looked up at Bernard in suspension, quite literally.

“I’ll stay a Star Sapphire… but I’ll live on Earth… in Gotham… I’ve missed it too much you know, I have this guy, my best-friend… I’ve been mad about him for years though I was so embarrassed by it… I mean, this guy is the coolest ever and I was the lame type of nerd who I was sure he was so done with… but I went on a date with him, Robin… I went on a date with him and I laughed like we always did and we bickered like we always did and we kissed like never before and it was the most incredible thing… his name’s Tim Drake, you know… think I told you about him once…”

“Rings a bell…” – Tim said unable to hold back a smile.

“I’ve been crashing at his place lately, guy lives on a boat for some fucking reason…” – Bernard lowered his head and kissed Tim’s face, magnetised by his blushing cheeks. – “I actually gotta ask him something…”

“What?”

“Well… if I’m gonna stay in Gotham I need a place to live in… my mom’s place is too small, also, I’m twenty… I wanna ask him something but… it’s all kinda new you know? To crash some place is one thing but to ask to move in is… that’s a big step…”

“Maybe for someone you just met… but you’ve known this guy forever, right? You’ve been friends since you were kids… you’ve practically lived together before… it’s, I don’t think he’d mind it…” – Tim said with a spreading smile he couldn’t hold back.

“No? You don’t think so?”

Tim tipped his head up and back and Bernard found his lips, struggling to kiss him through his smile.

“Bee…”

“Hey, Tim…” – Bernard said pulling away, a sun flare hitting Tim’s eyes.

“I don’t think he’ll mind it…”

“Not even when my phone beeps all night long and I have to get up to get insulin or have a bowl of cereal?”

“No. Robin also usually has cereal when he comes back from patrol anyways.”

Smack.

“Yeah? And won’t he mind it even when I have to rush away to another galaxy?”

“No, he does his fair share of running around and disappearing too while on a mission… maybe you will work out like that, mutual understanding you know?”

Smack.

“Not even when I snore or steal the blanket?”

“Your snoring never bothered me, you just sound like a cat purring.”

“And what about the blanket?”

“I’ll fight you for it.” – Tim responded laughing, losing track of their game.

“Yeah? Like that time you kicked me out of bed cause I was stealing your pillow?”

“Exactly.”

“You’d kick me and watch me fall out of bed?!”

“You can fly!” – Tim shouted and wheezed.

“I guess I can…” – Bernard retorted laughing as well. – “So… so you think this could work?”

“Yeah, Bee… I think it could work… I think we have some lost time to make up for…”

“I can’t wait…”

“For what?”

Bernard kissed Tim longer, not a peck but an emotional long drawn out smooch that gave his heart palpitations.

As the days pass Bernard finds himself at a crossroads, unable to choose between his relationship with Tim and his life as a Star Sapphire. A conversation with Carol and a discovery of the extent of Tim's feelings for him giving him the confidence to follow his gut and make a decision.

“Come on you’re almost there! Keep going! Keep going! No! No! Don’t stop! Bee!” 

“I can’t!” – Bernard complained dropping the controller on his lap and resting his head back against Tim’s chest.

“No! What are you doing?!” – Tim complained, his hands gripping Bernard’s chest and stomach under his t-shirt. – “You had him!”

“No, I didn’t!” – Bernard complained smiling. He totally had him but Tim’s hands had been so distracting he wanted to die already so he could focus on them instead of the game. –  “Mmmmnnn…”

“You- did you die on purpose?!” – Tim complained drawing his hands away.

“No! No, please… come on… come back…” – Bernard pleaded grabbing Tim’s hands and pulling them over himself again. – “I’ll have him this time, I swear…”

“I don’t think you do…” – Tim teased planting a kiss on Bernard’s helix, whispering against his ear while he dragged his hand over his stomach down to the waistband of his shorts. – “I don’t think you wanna beat that monster…”

“No, I do… I swear I do…”

“You just want me to do it, don’t you? Like always?” – Tim’s hand carried over past Bernard’s lower belly, settling over his dick and pressing ever so slightly over him, feeling Bernard hardening against his palm.

“Tim…”

“What do you wanna do, huh? Do you wanna beat the monster or-” – He suckled on Bernard’s earlobe.

“Ahhmmnn… or what?” – Bernard’s eyes were closed, his hands reaching back for Tim.

“Do you wanna do something?” – Tim asked pressing his palm harder making Bernard squirm against his body.

“MMmmnnn… yes… like what?”

“Well… uhm… actually… that’s a good question…” – Tim admitted with a chuckle. – “Have you been with other guys before?” – He asked still drawing his hands over Bernard’s body, teasing him mercilessly and feeling himself growing against Bernard’s back.

“Yeah, kinda… some…”

“Mmmnn crap…” – Tim complained.

“What? Why?!” 

“I kinda wanted to give you a blow job but… I never have…” – Tim admitted with a soft chuckle.

“Oh!” – Bernard exclaimed melting against Tim. – “Doesn’t matter… don’t worry ‘bout it…”

Tim shoved Bernard off of him and placed himself between Bernard’s legs, resting his face on his thigh while drawing circles with the tip of his finger over Bernard’s bulge.

“Will you guide me? Tell me what feels good?” – He asked with doe eyes.

“Mhm! Yeah, yeah I will…”

“Don’t fake it, promise? I wanna get good at it… I wanna make you feel good…”

“Oh my god…” – Bernard squirmed tensing his core.

“Bee!”

“I promise! I promise! I’ll be like, like, oh my god…” – Bernard lost his train of thought, Tim lifted himself pulling Bernard’s shorts and underwear down.

His dick got caught in the fabric and slapped back against his stomach depositing a small splat of precum on his lower belly. 

“Mmmnn… where do I start?” –Tim asked running his fingers over the sticky spot.

“Mmm, head… start on the head… go slow, just take what you can… don’t try to go the whole way down straight away… you ain’t gotta, yeah? Don’t force it…”

“Okay…” – Tim said licking his lips.

Bernard pulled himself up, resting against a pile of Tim’s pillows and bent his knees up – he wanted to see Tim.

He started shy, kissing his tip and licking the grooves of his head with just the tip of his tongue. He ran through the underside of Bernard’s dick and noticed him gasp.

“There… you can use more tongue there…” – Bernard urged him on. – “Just… just think of how it feels, yeah? When you get head, just do what you’d like to have done to you…”

Tim nodded and licked Bernard with a wide and relaxed tongue, covering his body in goosebumps.

“Yeah, oh my god… that’s it…”

Tim did it a few more times and then took Bernard in his mouth, just the tip at first, licking him and suckling while his teeth got in the way. Bernard didn’t mind, he liked Tim’s bite, always had, that edge to him that Bernard had always admired – and envied some.

“That’s it…” – He exclaimed relaxing back into the bed and letting his head fall back.

He didn’t notice it but Tim’s eyes were glued on him, observing his every breath and taking notes. Tim’s analytical gaze noted how Bernard responded to pressure, how his breathing quickened the more of him he took in his mouth and how his hands tensed gripping the bedsheets.

“What now?” – Tim said coming up for air before taking Bernard back into his mouth.

Bernard looked down at him and twitched seeing Tim eyeing him up like that, lowering himself again taking more and more of his length inside.

“Just keep doing that… just keep at it… fuck… I won’t be long… I’ll let you know… I’ll let you know…” – He reached for Tim’s head, scruffing his hair under his palm and resting it heavy over him.

He wanted to push Tim’s head, to pump into him, to press his hips up and make him go faster and deeper but he wouldn’t. He kept his hand over his head to steady him and to pull him off before he came. Tim hooked an arm around his thigh and he tensed, Tim’s lips feeling so soft pulling up and down his foreskin he felt like he was on the verge of tears. Tim felt so good, so sweet, even when it didn’t, even when he struggled to swallow his spit or when he choked up a bit he sounded so sweet Bernard kicked himself for having taken so long to come back to Earth.

Tim wasn’t as satisfied as Bernard and his other hand reached up under Bernard’s t-shirt, caressing his upper body while moving up and down half his length.

“You ain’t gotta do all that… relax…” – Bernard said chuckling.

Tim moaned a complained against his dick. He suckled on his tip, squeezing Bernard’s chest in his hand and brushed his thumb against his hard nipple. Tim was greedy, he wanted to feel and to taste and to have.

“MMmmnnn… yeah… oh my god, keep doing that… like that… fuck… yeah Tim, oh my god that feels so good… that feels so so good…” – Bernard moaned with a more throaty voice than Tim knew, it sounded lower than his speaking tone, raspier.

Tim moaned against Bernard’s dick, dragging his tip across the roof of his mouth while drawing circles around his nipple.

“Mmmnnn… off… off!” – Bernard pulled Tim’s head away from him and reached for his dick, pumping himself tip to base a few times while Tim watched, wiping his mouth on his forearm. – “Mmmnnhhnmm… yeah… fuck…”

Bernard came over his hand, his core twitching as he pumped and Tim watched.

“Why’d you do that?” – Tim complained, annoyed but also devouring the scene with hungry eyes.

“Hmm… mmmnnn aahh… come on, wasn’t gonna make you swallow on your first time… you crazy?”

“But I wanted to make you finish…” – Tim watched Bernard with suspicion, worried he hadn’t done enough.

“You did… fuck… you did… that was so good… you’re a natural…” – Bernard said out of breath. – “Mmnn…”

“Come on…”

“I mean it… that was ridiculously fast…” – Bernard chuckled and drew his thumb over Tim’s lips. – “Fine, you wanna taste me? There…”

Tim kissed his thumb and then licked his lips, breaking into laughter immediately.

“We’re not so shy anymore, huh?” – Bernard teased.

“What about sex?” – Tim asked laughing, his fingers running up and down Bernard’s legs.

“Huh?! What about it?” – Bernard laughed letting his head hang back.

“I’m serious…” – Tim said kissing Bernard’s inner thigh. – “What do we do about it? Can I…”

Bernard looked down at Tim with wide eyes, a twitch in his dick.

“Uhm… yeah… okay we’ll… we’ll talk about that-” – Bernard stumbled on his words, Tim’s lips dragging and kissing him as his hands began to grab him. – “Not now!”

“Fine…” – Tim let go, coming up to his knees and looking down at his boner and a splotch of precum seeping through his boxers. 

“Not now, though… though we gotta do something about you now…” – Bernard said wiping himself and tackling Tim back onto bed. – “Your eyes…”

“What about them?” – Tim asked pinned down under Bernard.

“They’re looking straight ahead…” – Bernard kissed his neck. – “I’d rather they were rolling to the back of your head or slightly crossed…”

-

Tim’s arms and legs were heavy over Bernard, half his body slumped over his as Tim breathed deeply against Bernard’s chest. He didn’t flinch when Bernard’s phone notified him but Bernard immediately stirred, he knew not to ignore it.

He tapped the mattress for his phone and saw it, the high blood sugar warning he knew he’d get at some point during the night. He grunted and pushed Tim off, scooching down the bed.

“No, come back…” – Tim complained grabbing Bernard’s torso.

“I need some insulin…” – Bernard said yawning and leaning down the bed, pulling his backpack from under a mess of clothes.

“Mmn…” – Tim acquiesced.

“Can you turn on a light?” 

Tim sat up and turned on a small lamp on his side of bed, watching Bernard hunching over. He heard the clicking of the pen and jumped behind Bernard, slotting his head beside his and looking down.

“Yes? Hello?” – Bernard asked laughing.

“Can I do it?” – Tim asked seeing Bernard pulling the fabric of his t-shirt.

“You…”

“Can I? I’ve done it before, I know how…” – He said running his fingers down Bernard’s back.

“I know you know, but why?”

“I don’t know…”

“Listen, I’ve had Hal and Carol inject me way too many times over the past year – that bruise there is all Carol. Not the most pleasant experience…” – Bernard leaned back and pointed at a small purple blemish over his lower belly.

“Mm… I just wanted to do something nice for you, you gotta do it so many times a day, wake up in the middle of the night for it… I don’t know…” – Tim sulked.

“Mmm fine…” – Bernard accepted, leaning further back and pulling his shirt up. – “But go easy, yeah? I’m tired of being stabbed with that thing like it’s an epipen…”

Tim came around Bernard, slotting himself between his legs on the ground. He looked up at Bernard and tugged at his belly, then gently piercing his skin and delivering his medicine. Bernard had taken a deep breath in as the needle had pierced the skin, then exhaling as Tim pulled it out.

“So? How was that?” – Tim asked caressing the skin around the injection spot.

“That… that was really good actually… barely felt that…” – Bernard blinked slow at Tim, a soft smile spreading across his face.

“That all?” 

“Yeah, that’s all…”

Tim put the injector on his nightstand and climbed back into bed, immediately getting embraced by Bernard’s warm and heavy arms. He enveloped Tim and nuzzled against the back of his neck, planting soft kisses while Tim struggled to turn off the lamp.

“What was that about, huh?” – Bernard asked kissing the nape of his neck.

“Nothing! Leave it!” – Tim protested.

“Nah, come on, Robin… I see you, there’s always a plan with you, what’s up with that?” – Bernard asked letting go for a second, letting Tim turn off the lights only to tug at him again.

“Fine… fine… I just wanted to make sure I still got it…”

“It’s not rocket science…”

“Well you said so yourself you’ve gotten all bruised up getting it from other people… It had been on my mind the day you disappeared, that I hadn’t done it in so long I wouldn’t know how to… not, not nice at least, pain free…”

“You’re cute…”

“It’s not cute! We’re spending a lot of time together, it’s only logical to-” – Tim shrieked with a smile he hid from Bernard.

“Yeah yeah yeah… it’s cute, admit it…”

“You’re very annoying…” – He complained closing his eyes.

“And you’re cute…” – Bernard said falling on his back, letting Tim half lay over him.

Tim rested his arms over Bernard’s chest and side, reaching for his face and tracing it with the tip of his fingers. He couldn’t see a thing in the dark, all he could hear was Bernard’s teasing voice and the sound of shuffling bedsheets.

“Your mom doesn’t mind you staying over?” 

“Told her we were having a sleepover…” – Bernard joked.

“For the fourth night in a row?” – Tim snorted

“What? It’s not-”

“Yeah, it’s the fourth night in a row…”

“Damn… I promise I’m not couch surfing cause I don’t have a room of my own anymore…” – Bernard joked.

“No, you’re just really obedient.” – Tim said kissing Bernard softly.

“What?!”

“I told you not to go, told you not to leave, didn’t I?” – Tim said with a shit eating grin on his face, his fingers pulling Bernard’s shirt away from his body.

“Yeah… yeah I guess you did…” – Bernard said pulling Tim closer for more kissing. –  “Fuck… has it really been that long already?”

-

It was chillier than Bernard had expected it to be, he stuffed his hands into the pockets of a thick jacket Tim had lent him while rushing back to his mother’s house. He was lucky she lived close enough to Tim he could scuttle home in the early morning on foot. He was almost there, waiting to cross a street, turning his face from side to side when a large truck drove by and behind it he spotted Carol. She smiled and waved at him and Bernard smiled a flat type of smile, his eyes wide and embarrassed. He rushed to meet her.

“Heey…” – He said with his hands still stuck in his pockets.

“Hey kid.” – Carol responded with a bright smile, scruffing his hair. – “Have you had breakfast yet?”

Bernard shook his head.

“Come, let’s have some breakfast…” – She wrapped her arm around his shoulders and led him to a diner.

Bernard slouched on the booth across from Carol making himself smaller.

“So… long night?” – She asked taking a sip of her coffee.

Bernard choked on his.

“Ease up, just teasing you…” – She kicked his foot under the table. – “You know, I see it now… you’re quite good at just… vanishing, huh?”

“I’m so sorry I just… yeah… I should’ve sent word I just-”

Carol waved him off. – “Hm… no, never mind… we knew where you were the whole time, come on now…”

Bernard exhaled in relief.

“Right… of course you did…”

“How’s it been? Your mom, your friend?”

A smile slowly made its way across Bernard’s face, he looked at Carol through his eyelashes and she laughed.

“All’s good, I take it… just how you left it?” – She said trying to encourage him to open up, a stubborn shyness about him all of a sudden.

“No, not at all… that’s what makes it good…” – Bernard said sitting up, leaning over the table. –  “Everything is different… my mom left my piece of junk of a dad and is finally living her best life, Tim was happy to have me back… it’s… nothing is the same and it’s great…”

“That’s good to hear, kid…”

“Sorry I dipped on the mission… I… it was a bit much…”

“I came for you, you know? In Mino… that’s what the Vromith were trying to warn us about…”

“No way! Did you sort it out?!” – Bernard jumped in his seat.

“Nope!” – Carol widened her eyes and took another sip. – “Rushed here as soon as I realised you weren’t there anymore… that thing over there is no joke, plays with your mind… I was worried…”

“It really does…” – Bernard rested his head on his hand, leaning over the table. – “So it’s still there?”

“Eh, we’ll get to it at some point… we’re not exactly brimming with members of the corps and you’ve got some Earth business to tend to…”

Bernard’s smile faded as he tapped his mug.

“What is it?” – Carol asked with the kind eyes she’d shown him time and again during their year training and working together.

“I lost track of time… just like I did in Zamaron…”

“That’s good…”

“Is it? I- I don’t know… I’m in this in between space now, I mean, I split my time between Tim’s place and my mom’s couch… I don’t really exist here anymore, not really… but mom is here and now she knows I’m alive and Tim does too and we-”

“You’ve got something going.”

“Yeah, something real nice going…” – Bernard leaned back and crossed his arms.

Carol watched him in silence for a moment, then rolling her eyes at him.

“You’re insufferable.”

“What?!”

“A year of you whinning and moping about him, all scared you’d ruined things and the moment you land here you two become inseparable… you’re insufferable! You think I can’t see the hickeys all over you?!”

“Shh! Keep it! Keep it down!” – Bernard lifted the collar of the jacket and looked around in embarrassment.

The diner was empty, only a few cops and other night workers having end of shift meals before they could go home and sleep the day away.

“Lost track of time… oh Bernard you’re so blind sometimes…”

“I know, I know… I just… it’s nice but it also feels like I don’t really have a place here, at least not like this, it’s like I’m visiting… like stuff is not quite how it’s supposed to be…”

“So what do you wanna do?” – Carol asked leaning back, clasping her hands over her stomach.

“I don’t know… I enjoyed it you know… I really did but… I’m not sure how good I am at this to be completely honest-”

“What on Earth do you mean?!” – Carol’s voice was raised in outrage, no one seemed to care. They could be sitting in their suits and no one would care, that’s how Gotham was around five a.m.

“I- Come on! I haven’t exactly saved the world…” – Bernard gestured wildly, you can take the kid out of Gotham but can’t take Gotham out of the kid.

“No, you didn’t. You did something far more difficult. You helped a people rebuild theirs, you took care of their young like they were your own brothers and sisters. You travelled and you learned, and-”

“And I ran! Again! On my first mission alone I ran! I left that cave and whatever was in there and I bolted!” – Bernard shrieked interrupting Carol.

“Why did you run, Bernard? What did you see?” – Carol asked leaning forwards.

“I saw… I saw all the ways my initiative backfired on me… All the times I took charge and made up my own mind and didn’t just stand back waiting to be told what to do, where to go, who to be… I saw the night I stood up to my dad, the night I sought community and almost got sacrificed, the night I didn’t pass Tim the controller and ask him to beat the boss for me. I saw the night I decided to end my life.”

Carol squinted– “You don’t trust yourself…”

“Of course I don’t! How could I? After that?! Years of constant monitoring, of watching my every decision, my mind spiraling with what I can and can’t do just for me to impulsively throw it all out the window?! Yeah you damn right I don’t trust myself! I’ve spent years fighting to keep my body alive when it’s trying to kill itself just to-” – He lowered his head, shaking it while squeezing his eyes shut.

“But Bernard, this whole year you’ve-”

“I was copying you… I was emulating you, trying to be just like you… I stand beside you and I do what you do and-”

“But you don’t.” – Carol smiled.

“What?”

“Bernard, perhaps you are inspired by me, and I am flattered if you are… but your methods… your imagination makes it so you find the most creative ways out of any situation! Your knowledge of myths and tales makes it so there isn’t an alien species you don’t fascinate with your stories! You have helped and you have saved so many!”

“But when I was alone… when it was just me I… I ran away…”

“First of all, you ran from an unknown enemy… repositioning, strategising. Leaving an unfamiliar fight is not running… you measured your enemy and found a way out alive, you escaped, you didn’t run. Second of all, what about all those people you saved on that ferris wheel, huh? You did that all on your own, Bernard…” – Carol closed her eyes and took a deep breath, then speaking in a far more serious tone. – “Dumb bravery is not what a Star Sapphire makes, never was. It’s the heart. You have so much heart, Bernard… and you have courage and you have brains… but you don’t see it, you don’t trust your own abilities… you’re insufferable!”

Bernard chuckled, his cheeks blushing at Carol’s words: highest praise could’ve only come from Athena herself. – “I guess…”

“I can’t make you see it, I can’t make the decision for you of how you wish to live your life… whether or not there is a ring in your future but I can tell you one thing, Bernard: You wear it well.” – She winked at him.

“I do?” – Bernard asked suddenly missing the taste of Zamaronian food, the smell of its sunsets and the near constant warm temperatures.

“I can’t imagine you in any other color. It suits you more than you know…. Oh and another thing… I also ran.”

“Huh?”

“From Mino. I legged it the moment I saw you weren’t there, Bernard. You’re not a coward, you’re a survivor.”

-

Tim’s bed was too big. It wouldn’t do. Bernard tossed and turned struggling to fall asleep, waking up to his heart racing. He wasn’t used to being alone anymore, hadn’t had his own room, his own place since he’d left.

He sat up and pressed his phone to his glucose monitor, surely something was up, right? Nothing, he was the picture of perfect health. He dropped the phone and ran his fingers through his hair. Restless wouldn’t begin to describe it. 

He stood up and paced around the room, noticing that in his rolling around in bed he’d shifted the mattress off to the side, the bottom half falling off the platform bed. He picked it up and shoved it back into place, the sound of something falling alerting him. He turned on the lights to find a notebook splayed on the ground. Bernard inspected it, not quite sure where it had been hiding, he’d never seen it before. Mattress was soft under him as he lowered himself itching to open it, his curiosity getting the best of him in the end.

The notebook was covered in short entries, dated. They varied from one to two sentences per day to long multi-page spreads with near illegible handwriting. Bernard flicked through it without trying to read it but he couldn’t help see the same three letters again and again ‘Bee’.

He rushed back to the start of the notebook, to the first entry from April that year – the last one dated the day before Bernard had arrived back on Earth. Bernard slammed it shut and turned off the lights.

“That was a lot for four months…”  – Bernard whispered to himself staring at the ceiling.

The violet glow that emanated from his arm was dim, his ring static. He knew he was practically out of battery, unsure he’d even manage to get to Zamaron on his own to charge it if he tried. He didn’t like the look of it, when the purple dimmed. The color was a reminder of how he’d been chosen that day, and the choice he made to answer to that calling. The purple erased the organic and raw shades of pink and red that reminded him that cut had been a sentence before it had come to represent a new second chance. It was dimming now…

“Ugh…” – Bernard turned on his stomach and pressed his face on the pillow, Tim’s fragrance comforting him and tempting him. – “Just one…”

He jumped up and peeked at the first entry of the notebook.

‘Writing it is then… I’ll probably ramble less than if I record, probably better for me to slow it down too. Miss you, Bee.’

Bernard slammed the notebook closed, his heart racing.

“No, that’s wrong. Leave it.” – He placed the notebook on Tim’s desk and jumped back into bed.

He was almost falling asleep when he heard quiet clicking and steps from outside the room. He sat up rubbing his eyes just as Tim walked inside.

“Hey, go back to sleep…” – He said still wearing the bottom half of his Robin suit. –  “I’ll just go show-”

Tim froze and Bernard followed his eyes to the notebook on his desk.

“I didn’t read it, it fell off when I was fixing the bed!” – He shouted with his heart in his throat.

“You didn’t?”

“No, I was curious but no… I saw my name when I picked it up…”

Tim walked over to the desk and picked up the notebook, flicking through the pages with a detached look on his face.

“Tim?” – Bernard asked feeling nervous, like a child caught in a lie.

“Do you want to?”

“What?”

“Do you want to read it?” – Tim asked in a flat tone, his face a mystery to Bernard as the only source of light came from beyond the door, framing Tim’s body but hiding his features.

“I- What is it?”

Tim chuckled and walked over to bed, sitting on the edge beside Bernard.

“This… they’re like small letters I wrote you over the past few months… when you were gone… I used to send you voicemail but your dad kept getting notifications from the phone company that I was flooding the line’s voicemail so he cut it off…” – He placed a hand on Bernard’s thigh, steadying himself. – “Do you wanna read it?”

“Do you want me to?”

“It’s probably for the best if you don’t…” – Tim closed the notebook and placed it away from himself. – “I say a lot of mean stuff there… a lot of embarrassing stuff too…”

Bernard took a deep breath and rubbed his stomach, trying to squash the swarm of butterflies in there.

“Tim… I’m really sorry I didn’t come back…”

“It’s fine… you’re back now…” – Tim’s words hit Bernard like a ton of bricks.

“Yeah but…” – He froze, the words stuck in his mouth.

“Can I ask though… Why didn’t you come back? Like, really.”

It was bound to happen. The excitement over Bernard’s return, over their intimacy could only last so long before the veneer of normalcy would shatter. Nothing was normal, nothing was as it used to be and the longer Tim and Bernard stayed in these in between spaces the harder it was to suppress the memories of the past year. It was easier to ignore the difficult questions. It was, but Tim was never the type to take the easy way out.

“I… I thought I had nothing left here… lost everything I thought I did in one day… ruined a friendship and most of all I- I betrayed myself because of it… Coming back here was not just scary cause I’d see the aftermath of it all but also… face what I did… two selfish choices, one to leave and one to leave leave…”

Tim reached for Bernard’s arm and traced his scar with the tips of his fingers.

“Did you like it? Being a Star Sapphire?”

“I do.” – Bernard admitted. – “I like it more than anything…”

Tim nodded. – “How long does it take? To go from Earth to Zamaron?” – He asked with a sniffle.

“A few seconds…”

Tim exhaled sharply. – “Do you have a place there? Like, a house?”

“No, Carol does… I lived with her that whole time…”

“And why did you come back then? If you liked it so much? If you were so sure you had nothing left here?”

“I… I ran… I was fighting something that got in my mind and I had to face myself and I ran…”

“But why here?!”

There was hurt in Tim’s voice, a fear that Bernard hadn’t returned for him or for his mother, that he’d ended up here by chance and accepted it just like he’d accepted the ring.

“I was in a labyrinth… being chased by myself and a minotaur… I thought of Theseus and Ariadne and the string he used to resurface, I weaved one and next thing I know I was rolling with you over a rooftop in Crime Alley.” – Bernard chuckled. – “I thought of you, I couldn’t help it. I thought of how I wanted your help, I wanted to see you again. I didn’t want to die not knowing…”

Tim shuffled closer to Bernard, holding his hips with a lowered head.

“You left because you felt rejected… and you came back because you still had hope you hadn’t been?” – Tim asked feeling that string tugging at him, pulling him closer to Bernard.

“I guess… I don’t know, I more just… couldn’t not think of you…” – Bernard grabbed Tim’s cheek in his palm and he nuzzled against it. – “I trusted that the gut feeling I’d had all along had to be right.”

“What gut feeling?”

“That there was more there… since you’d reached out… that there was more between us…”

Tim closed his eyes and leaned forwards, resting his head on Bernard’s chest.

“I missed you more than words can describe and I regretted my choices that night every day.”

“Tim…”

“I’d been trying to find an excuse to reach out to you for months and once I finally did all I wanted to do was spend every day with you. You were wrong. You were so wrong.”

Bernard hugged Tim, cradling the back of his skull giving him soft kisses on the top of his head, his eyes feeling warm and glossy.

“God, Carol was so right…”

“About what?” – Tim asked looking up at Bernard.

“I need to trust myself… I have to believe in myself and in my gut feeling… I have to stop thinking the way I do…” – It was now Bernard who lowered his head. – “Tim… I ran away from myself… I ran to you and I’m so glad I did but I left someone back there…”

“What?!”

“I made a promise… I made a promise that night that I’d never hurt him again… that I had my back and that I wouldn’t do it again…”

“Do what?”

“Rely on others to be okay… hurt myself like that… I promised myself I was not going to hurt him again but when I saw him there with that blade in his hand I bolted… I left him there…”

“Okay, like, metaphorically?” – Tim asked tensing his arms.

“Well like, yes, but also… it’s complicated…” – Bernard admitted, a thin steam of tears running down his jaw and neck. – “I have to go back, Tim. I have to beat that monster and… and not leave him behind again…”

“Okay… okay… I… I can help, like with the ferris wheel, Star Sapphire and Robin, I can help!”

Bernard laughed through his crying, pressing his forehead against Tim’s.

“You can’t beat this level for me, Tim… not this time… I gotta do this on my own.”

“That’s bull!”

“Robin… listen to me… I love that you’re always there to help me beat the tough boss fights… but that does also mean I never finish any video games on my own…”

“What?”

“I get stuck, Tim… I get stuck cause I can’t actually play on the level I’m at… I cheat with you and then I need you to carry on and finish the story for me.” – He kissed Tim, holding his cheeks with his palms. – “I can’t let you do that any more, for my sake, for the sake of whatever it is we got going here… I gotta do this on my own.”

Tim sobbed and immediately laughed at it, embarrassed of himself. –  “God… you’re… you piss me off…”

“Yeah I tend to do that apparently…” – Bernard said planting kisses all over Tim’s face. –  “But I’m working on that… I’m trying to be the Lantern without the mask too…”

“You’re a really good one… I was amazed at how you got everyone from that ferris wheel…”

“Oh man, that’s amateur work compared to the Star Sapphire Glynth daycare project… you know how hard it is to keep the kids of a species defined by their curiosity entertained?”

“Is that what you do as a Star Sapphire?”  – Tim asked squeezing Bernard in his arms.

“Among other things…”

“It sounds fun…”

“It is… there’s, you know… alien diplomacy and cosmic horrors and adjusting the insulin levels to different planet’s food and accounting for different atmospheres and their impact on how fast or slow my monitor notifies my phone but… yeah… it’s a lot of fun… I think… I think I’m pretty good at it and it feels good to be good at something…”

Bernard hugged his best-friend and nuzzled against him, taking a deep breath in and out before speaking.

“But I won’t get better if I keep running from my battles… and I can’t let you fight for me… I gotta do this… I gotta be more like-”

“If you say Percy Jackson I’ll punch you, I swear to god, I’ll deck you-” – Tim interrupted Bernard tackling him onto bed and holding his arms by his head while Bernard laughed.

“I was gonna say Robin, I swear!”

Bruce was still wearing the bat-suit, still wrapped around the cape with his chin tucked against his chest when he heard heavy footsteps approaching him from behind. He jumped, sleep had crept up on him.

“... ruce!” 

“Yes, yes… what?” – He asked turning around and blinking slow.

“What are you doing?!” – Tim asked looking him up and down. – “I need your help! Follow me!”

Bruce got up slowly, the back of his neck feeling awfully stiff and followed Tim through the house. He was confused to find them making their way to his own bedroom. Tim opened the door and urged Bruce to go inside, joining after him.

“I can make my way to bed without the escort, thank you…” – He joked.

“Clearly not…” – Tim wheezed. – “Listen, I need help…”

“What is it?” – Bruce asked removing the cowl and cape, sitting down on the edge of bed and taking off his boots in slow pained movements.

Tim looked around himself with his cheeks blushing and then turned around, rushing into Bruce’s walk in closet.

“Tim?” – Bruce asked amused by his embarrassment. 

“I need a shirt! Like, a nice one!” – He shouted from the closet.

“You have nice shirts, a whole bunch of them…” – Bruce removed his socks and exhaled in relief, dropping the utility belt behind him next, if fell to the floor with a thud.

“No, not good enough…” – Tim mumbled to himself, Bruce could hear hangers being dragged with violence, scratching metal and the sound of ruffling fabric almost covering Tim’s mumbling. – ”No, not this one… too big… Where’s the stuff from when you broke your back?”

“Tim! Step outside, please!”

“Sorry, that was uncalled for…” – Tim said still hiding.

“Tim!”

He came into view holding three shirts in his hands, dark fabrics, blacks and navy.

“I asked Bernard out on a date.” – He said shielded by the shirts. – “But nothing I have looks good. Most of my shirts are too small now and they’re all light colored and I want-”

“A shirt, a nice one…” – Bruce mimicked with a soft smile.

“Uhum… come on! Which one?” – Tim shook them in front of Bruce.

“You know, you’ll need cufflinks for those…” – Bruce said standing up and joining Tim in the walk in closet. 

“Oh, right…” – Tim lowered his head trying to think of where he might’ve kept his, he hadn’t worn anything other than his Robin suit and baggy t-shirts in ages.

Bruce looked at Tim with analytical eyes, measuring him. He took the shirts from his hands and put them back where they belonged, knowing exactly where he’d dragged each one from. He reached in the back of a rack for a black shirt, a more fitted sillouette and passed it over to Tim.

“Try this one.”

He then opened a drawer, running his eyes over the multiple cufflinks displayed like jewels over a velvety cushion.

“Silver for you, will go well with the black…” – He spoke to himself while Tim tossed his t-shirt on the ground. – “Did you seek him out?”

“What?”

“Bernard, you said you asked him out… how did it go?”

“Oh, right…” – Tim was buttoning the shirt, watching himself in the mirror behind Bruce. – “I left him a note asking him to meet me where he’d found me the night before… he came.”

“Did you talk?”

“Some… He didn’t want to stay out long, he didn’t want his mom to worry…”

“What about these?” – Bruce pulled up a pair of rounded cufflinks with a blue stone accent.

“Mmm… nice… do you- do you have something like that but with green?” 

“Green? Thought you liked blue better…”

“I like both… just… feeling green…” – Tim said fidgeting with the collar.

Bruce turned around hearing his struggle and adjusted it for him, undoing the top most buttons he’d done up.

“No, no… this is a bit more casual… you’re not going to a Wayne Gala… no tie, let it breathe.” – He spoke adjusting the shirt, turning around and picking up a pair of cufflinks as close to Tim’s request as he could find, a pair Selina had gotten him years ago – memories of an elusive lover with bright green eyes, seemed fitting. He secured them to the shirt sleeves while he spoke. – “Wear some nice trousers, a straight fit and a belt, I think it looks better tucked in personally… so what did you talk about?”

“Huh?” 

“You and Bernard…”

“Oh, right… uhm… just… just that we’ve missed each other… that he wasn’t ready to come back yet… I didn’t let him speak much to be fair, I did most of the talking…”

“Did you tell him off?”

“What?! No!” – Tim protested looking at Bruce and finding him smiling. – “You’re taking the piss, aren’t you?!”

“So you invited him out?”

“Yeah…”

“Where you taking him?”

“Silvio’s? They got a really nice view of the city… weather’s nice, can sit outside…”

Bruce stepped back from his work and admired Tim, chuckling as he lowered his eyes to his baggy jorts and muddy Converse.

“Shave, you’re not gonna want any stubble on you… put that nice new cologne Damian got you for Christmas…”

“Shave?” – Tim complained looking at himself and running his fingers over his face, it felt pretty smooth to him. Tim barely had to shave at all anyways, didn’t really grow a lot of facial hair yet.

Bruce stood beside him in the mirror, wrapping an arm around Tim’s shoulder. He looked rough, his own face covered in stubble and his hair a mess from being tucked inside the cowl all night. His eyes were surrounded by dark circles and his lips looked chapped. He chuckled seeing the contrast of how he and Tim looked and gave him a light tap on the shoulder before walking away.

“Yes. Shave.” – He said walking away. – “Put some lotion on afterwards as well, you’ll want your face to be smooth and fragrant.”

-

“Mom! Come on!” – Bernard complained holding the dressing room curtain behind him. – “I’m serious!”

“I am too, honey! That looks just as nice as the last three ones!” – His mother responded from the bench she’d taken residency in.

“Does the color look nice?” – Bernard asked catching glimpse of himself in the mirror.

“It’s lovely, can’t go wrong with baby blue.”

“What if it’s too basic? Tim’s… he’s really stylish and stuff… he always dresses so effortlessly…” – He said tugging at the fabric, loose and tight in all the wrong places. – “Bet all his stuff is tailor made…”

“What about the pink one? That one was really nice!”

“That’s… a bit much I think… he wears darker colors…”

“But you don’t…” – She said with an encouraging smile.

“Ugh!” – Bernard growled rushing back into the changing room.

“You’re overthinking this, sweetheart… it’s just a shirt…”

Bernard undressed, catching sight of himself in the mirror for a moment. His arms, shoulders, pecs all had grown so much over the past year he still surprised himself whenever he caught his reflection. He pulled up the last shirt he’d carried over to the dressing room and prayed it would fit, he didn’t want to ask his mother to rush out to get a bigger size – again.

It was a dark turquoise tone, a pretty unique color. He put it on and felt like it was something he could work with. Colorful, some brightness to it while still being darker and more refined. He felt good about it.

“What do you think?” – He asked with excitement opening up the curtain.

“Oh! Bernard!” – His mother brought her hands by her mouth and clasped them. – “That color is beautiful!”

“Yeah? Does it fit good?” – He asked tucking it into his jeans.

“Perfect…”

He fidgeted with the sleeves some, folding them up and noticed his mother’s eyes linger on the long scar on his forearm and the glistening purple underneath it. He was suddenly reminded that no matter how normal this day had felt, going shopping with his mom, nothing was normal about him and hadn’t been in a long time.

“Oh… right… maybe down…” – He said unrolling the fabric.

“What is that, honey? I noticed it earlier…”

Bernard stopped, staring at his forearm and rolled up the sleeves again.

“Was a big cut… got it on a, on an assignment…” – He lied steadying his arm by holding onto his wrist.

“The purple…”

“The ring, it helps heal… it was a pretty bad one, had to be fast…” – He said biting his lip. – “Sorry, this… don’t worry, yeah?” 

He rushed to his mom and kissed her forehead, then escaping into the changing room again. 

He pressed his forehead against the mirror suddenly feeling nervous about the whole thing. Tim hadn’t seen it, it was always covered by his gloves unless he’d caught sight of it when he’d snuck into his house to glue the post it on his forehead. Either way, he hadn’t brought it up at all. 

He took a step back and watched his reflection, unswcidedd between rolling the sleeves up or not. Bernard was the type to always roll up the sleeves of whatever he worn. He scrunched up his nose and slowly rolled up the sleeves again further up.

“He knows what happened… he knows everything… he still invited you out, he still… he still cares… don’t run, don’t hide… he… he knows…” – He said quietly to himself, the violet contrasting nicely with the turquoise.

-

Bernard’s eyes darted over the menu and around himself feeling horribly overwhelmed. The chatter, cutlery clinking, the sirens… everything made Bernard unable to focus. His breathing quickened and Tim took notice.

“Hey, don’t worry about the prices, yeah? I invited you out, I’m paying.” – Tim said with rounded worried eyes.

Bernard cast a glance on the pricing of the wine list and his eyes nearly jumped out of his head.

“Oh my god I hadn’t even gotten to that yet!” – He said dropping the menu on the table like it was a hot coal.

Tim laughed.

“I have some cash… I didn’t assume…” – Bernard complained.

“No, no… I invited you out… besides, you’ve been in space for a year…”

“Right… right…” – Bernard flicked through the drinks menu trying to find something he could order, every option making his mind spin making calculations on how much insulin to take depending on what meal they’d settle for. – “Tim… I’m not being cheap, okay?”

“Okay?” 

“I’m just gonna order some like, I don’t know, some sparkling water or something to drink…”

Tim shrugged. – ”Yeah, whatever.”

“I know this is a fancy place and all, one of the best bars in Gotham I just…” – Bernard played with the menu and rolled his eyes, leaning in so he could speak quietly. Tim followed him, leaning over as well. – “I’ve been struggling adjusting my insulin to Earth food again… it’s… everything is different again and I’d grown used to the food over there and it’s, yeah… alcohol makes everything more complicated…”

Tim smiled and shook his head, kicking his foot under the table and finding Bernard’s foot.

“Bee, it’s fine. I’m not gonna drink either.” – He responded with the smile he’d worn on his face from the moment he’d seen Bernard in that shirt, a smile he couldn’t seem to budge.

“Why not? You can! You should!”

“I don’t have a spleen.” – Tim responded pressing his lips together to avoid laughing too loudly.

“You- you what?” – Bernard asked incredulous.

“I don’t have a spleen.” – Tim responded bursting into laughter, the two hunched over the table trying to keep quiet and failing miserably at it. –  “I avoid alcohol, makes me feel like crap…”

“What the fu-”

A waitress interrupted them, making the two straighten up and try to cover their laughter as best they could. They looked completely out of place amidst Gotham socialites and politicians, their shirts suited them nicely but their sneakers were muddy and their faces still younger than you’d expect to find in a place like this.

“Excuse me, gentlemen. Could I get you started with some drinks?”

“Hi, could I ask for a large bottle of sparkling water for the table? Two glasses with ice and some lemon slices in them?” – Tim took charge and Bernard watched clenching his jaw, something about his initiative making him shift in his seat.

“Sure thing, are you ready to order food?”

“Not yet, haven’t gotten round to that part just yet…” – Tim responded looking at Bernard with a shimmer in his eye that made Bernard feel like he was melting.

He anxiously tugged at the fabric over his chest and pulled his sleeves up, ironing and anxiety be damned. Bernard wasted no time getting back on track the moment the waitress left them.

“Was that like, a normal people thing or a ‘mask thing’ that got your spleen?”

“Definitely, most absolutely not normal people stuff. I got impaled.” –Tim stated crossing his arms and sitting back.

“That’s insane. You… can I ask…” – Bernard’s eyes lit up. – “What’s the weirdest injury you’ve ever had? Like, on the job.”

Tim smiled and looked around for a moment. He was used to these types of talks with a select few. It felt strangely exciting to be sharing about this side of his life with Bernard. 

“Broken bones I’ve lost count… missing spleen, missing appendix too and no, that wasn’t appendicitis that took it… I’ve gotten burned a few times… got shot in the neck, that might’ve been the worst, saw the light on that one… I’ve gotten shot a whole lot to be honest…”

Tim’s eyes darted across Bernard as he spoke, from his hair that was a perfect amount of messy to look effortless to the way the shirt made his green eyes pop. He noticed just how much bigger Bernard was, his shoulders so rounded and his forearms so much thicker as well. He couldn’t help but notice the scar on the inside of his forearm featuring a purple streak that matched his ring. He got a shiver thinking back on the crime scene pictures of his bathroom.

“That’s crazy… Do you get sick a lot?”

“Oh, don’t get me started on that…” – Tim joked looking back down at the menu. 

Bernard watched him for a moment before remembering he was meant to be doing the same, having lost himself to Tim’s perfectly groomed hair with long black strands that framing his face just perfectly. 

“So uhm… what’s good here?” – He asked fidgeting with his watch.

“How’d you get that back?” – Tim asked pointing at the watch with his nose, the watch he’d given him for his sixteenth birthday.

“This? I- what do you mean?”

“Thought you said you’d had to go shopping for clothes with your mom, did you manage to get your old stuff back?”

“Oh, no… I had this on when I left… I never stopped wearing it.”

Tim’s face softened and he nodded, looking down at the menu to hide how much he wanted to lunge over the table and kiss Bernard.

-

“And I’m saying you should’ve gotten dessert! I know you love lava cake, why are you acting like you don’t?!” – Bernard laughed as he spoke, his and Tim’s stride slow and lazy. Their hands kept brushing against one another, neither quite ready to take the other’s in theirs just yet.

“I’m not gonna sit there and eat dessert while you sit and watch! That’s so rude!” – Tim retorted. – “Besides, I didn’t even want it…”

“Mmmm sure…”

“Only if you wanted to share…” – Tim admitted bumping his shoulder against Bernard’s.

“Ha! Knew it!”

They were walking the city’s canals, close to where Tim lived, they could hear the sounds of a carnival as they neared a park. They hadn’t exactly agreed on what to do after dinner, having just carried on talking and walking aimlessly. It was a warm summer night, the rare time of year where Gotham transformed. It was like the intense heat slowed everything down, crime included, criminals melting like popsicles on sizzling concrete. Gotham’s jaws eased up when the temperatures soared giving the city’s inhabitants some much needed reprieve from its sharp bite.

Tim slowed his pace as he conjured the bravery to do just the same, let go of the harsh bite of winter and transform the familiar into something entirely new, softer, brighter, better.

“You really shouldn’t guide your food choices on mine, I’m a whole mess… it’s like no sugar or carbs for days and then I suddenly have to eat every single candy in proximity or else I’ll face iminent death! I-” – Bernard stopped his ranting feeling Tim’s absence on his side.

He turned around and saw Tim standing a couple steps behind him, a hand in his pocket. The park was lively, music and bright lights booming all around them but Bernard lost track of it all as he stepped towards Tim. His vision tunneled feeling his heart race. Ther it was again, that timeless moment where everything suspended and the future was a complete unknown.

“What are you doing?”

Bernard’s foot got caught in a loose cobblestone and he tipped forwards a bit, having to pull his hands out of his pockets to regain his balance. Tim reached for him and wrapped his hands around his waist, steadying him. Their faces stopped mere inches from each other as Bernard’s breathing quickened feeling Tim’s grip around him. Tim had never touched him like that, never held him like that. He didn’t let go once Bernard was steadied, but rather adjusted his hands further and stepped in, closing any gap between them.

“Doing what I should’ve done that night…” – Tim responded wrapping his hands around Bernard’s back and pulling him in even closer.

That unknown outcome… time slowed even further as Bernard relaxed his tense arms, bringing them down and cupping Tim’s cheek in one palm with it. They kept their eyes open until the last minute as if in disbelief of what was happening, the inching of their faces getting closer and closer until Bernard could feel his lips brushing against Tim’s. He took a breath in and was ready to dive when a loud metallic clank echoed through the park followed by the screams of people nearby. Tim and Bernard both pulled away at the last second and looked around them to find a ferris wheel going into overdrive. The whole structure was jittery, the engine stuck, sputtering, making the whole thing shake uncontrollably prompting the screams of the unfortunate riders.

The engine was overworked, sparks flying as it tried to get itself unstuck.

The two disentangled and ran towards it together, Bernard found Tim’s hand and clutched it as they ran.

“Can you turn off the engine?” – Bernard asked Tim.

“Should be able to, what-”

“I’ll get people down!” – Bernard jumped into the air and transformed, his Star Sapphire suit covering his body as Tim’s hair flew back at the speed from which Bernard ascended.

“Wow…” – Tim mouthed admiring Bernard before rushing to the unattended controls and engine of the ferris wheel.

Bernard flew as fast as he could, rescuing people from the highest gondolas first, mostly children with their parents and a few young couples. He strained, using the ring to help him carry the weight but soon realised he was not fast enough. He perched over one gondola catching his breath and came up with an idea.

“Aracne help me…” – He said to himself casting a line between the shaking gondolas and nearby trees, stabilising them.

He launched line after line, helping stabilise the structure while a fire erupted in the engine. He had no time to check up on Tim, trusting that if anyone could manage to turn it off it would be him, and carried on collecting the scared riders one by one. He was just about done when the engine stopped, it’s final sputter making a gondola shake so hard it tipped  over. A pre-teen couple slided right off while holding hands, the boy grabbing a decorative trim of the gondola before he fell off, gripping while shouting for help as the girl dangled in the air below him.

Bernard lunged at them and caught them both mid air as the boy lost his grip. They screamed as they fell and Bernard embraced them against himself. He broke their fall and wuth his back, hugging both tightly against his body. 

“Ow!” – He exclaimed hitting his back against the grass. – “You good? Everyone good?!”

“You saved us!” – The boy shouted helping his girlfriend up.

“Are you okay?!” – The girl exclaimed looking down at Bernard.

“All good!” – He said smiling making a thumbs up. – “Ow…”

He was sitting up when he saw Tim rush towards him, the flashing of sirens behind him framing his dark hair as firefighters pulled up to the scene. Tim skirted to the ground and hugged Bernard, prompting another pained cry from his mouth.

“Ow…”

“Are you okay? Are you hurt?!” – Tim asked pulling away and examining Bernard.

“I’m fine, I’m fine…”

Tim furrowed his brows and hugged him again.

“That was amazing… you were amazing…”

“Did I get everyone?” – Bernard asked closing his eyes.

“You did, you got everyone just in time… Come on, let’s get you to your feet…” 

Tim helped Bernard stand up while a crowd applauded the Star Sapphire. Bernard was surprised at first, soon smiling wide and waving at the crowds. Bernard smiled and waved and accepted handshakes from a growing crowd he felt overwhelmed by, losing Tim from sight. 

“Tim! Tim! Hey, did you see my friend? Hey, sorry, my friend? Tim?!”

He was on the verge of panic when he felt a hand tugging his. Tim yanked him away from the suffocating group and Bernard let himself be carried away knowing it was Tim’s firm grip rescuing him. 

“Sorry, got a bit crowded there…” – Tim joked trying to pull Bernard away.

“Ah what the hell…” – Bernard said giving up on fighting his way out of the crowd and pulled Tim towards him, pressing his body against his own and took off to the skies, his arm finding the back of Tim’s knees and carrying him off princess style.

“Woah!”

“Hold on tight!” – Bernard shouted getting them away from the city’s stomach.

They landed on a rooftop not too far from the park, Bernard’s back complaining from Tim’s weight.

“I said hold on tight! You’re barely gripping!” – Bernard complained helping Tim to his feet.

“It’s not my first time being carried, okay? I’m not scared you’ll drop me!”

Bernard chuckled and in a violet flash his suit was gone and he was back in his regular clothes. Tim observed and his smile dropped a little.

“What, on?” – Bernard put it back on.

“No…” – Tim laughed. – “Well, I like both… your suit… it looks…”

“Familiar?” – Bernard asked with a shy smile. – “Thought the cape might be overkill…”

“You… for real? You based it off of my suit?!” – Tim shrieked walking a circle around Bernard, inspecting the suit from up close.

“Yeah…” – Bernard said feeling slightly embarrassed, changing again into his regular clothes as Tim finished a full circle.

“That shirt is really nice too…”

Tim moved in closer and shook his left hand on his side. Bernard stopped him and brought his hand up to inspect. It was burnt, not too badly but there was a large bright red gash that looked wet and painful.

“Tim!” – He exclaimed holding it up.

“It’s nothing, just some of the sparks singed me, that’s all…”

“No, it’s not… hang on…” – Bernard held his hand in his and closed his eyes furrowing his brow.

Tim’s eyes darted from Bernard’s face to his hand and back up at his face. The skin suddenly losing its redness, the burning fading away until it was completely gone.

“There…” – Bernard said opening his eyes. – “Now it’s nothing.”

“How- that’s- I didn’t know you could do that!” – Tim exclaimed touching his skin in disbelief.

“I’m not particularly good at it to be fair, my rings battery is also pretty low… we might have to take the stairs down from here.” – He said scratching the back of his neck.

“You… that’s amazing, you… you’re amazing…” – Tim asked looking up at Bernard with wide eyes.

“Oh come on…” – Bernard said taking a step closer to Tim, their feet touching.

Slow quiet movements, shuffling steps and witheld breaths drenched the air between them in palpable tension while Tim and Bernard hesitated towards one another, orbiting their desire with trepidation. Tim had reached out first before their attempt at kissing had been interrupted but this time Bernard took the lead, finding Tim’s hip and pulling him towards him while his other hand reached for a strand of hair, pushing it behind his ear.

“So, what was it you should’ve done that night?”

“This goddamn city… I better not get interrupted again…” – Tim said exhaling through his nose, finding his way to Bernard’s waist again.

He tilted his head as he came closer to Bernard, his eyes shut and hands shaky clutching his sides. They hovered around one another until they finally felt their lips brushing, all hesitation then flying out the window as they pressed their lips against each other. Slow and shy at first, noisy pecks that soon transformed as their hands gripped each other harder, splaying over their bodies as their mouths opened wider. Their lips dragged against each other’s as they tilted from side to side, a push and pull neither could quite believe was finally taking place. Just like that, an attraction that had stayed hidden and buried for so long was finally actualised under open skies, finally free to be expressed with no holding back. Enough had stood in their way before, relationships, responsibilities, fear and self-doubt but under open skies Tim and Bernard were able to admit to each other what they hadn’t been able to admit to themselves for too long – it had always been more than friendship.

Tim squeezed Bernard’s bicep and suckled on his bottom lip, a moan escaping his throat as he did so.

“Woah…” – Bernard exhaled as Tim pulled back. – “Do it again!”

“Bee…” – Tim giggled.

“Do it again!” – Bernard lunged himself against Tim’s lips again, kissing him harder than before, his tongue pushing through and dancing around Tim’s.

Tim did it again, not the suckling, but the soft moan making Bernard smile against his lips.

“Wow…”

“Stop doing that!” – Tim complained squeezing him harder.

Bernard wrapped his hands around Tim’s head, caressing his cheek and making a mess out of his neat hair.

“You stop!” – He giggled trailing Tim’s cheeks and jaw down to his neck with soft kissing.

“Mmmnn…” – Tim did it again, his eyes closed and knees weak feeling Bernard kiss and nibble on his skin.

“I see how it is…” – He spoke against Tim’s skin, his breath so warm Tim had to hold onto Bernard tighter not to fall back.

“Shh… shut up… mmmnn…”

Bernard held Tim with more force and pushed his head off to the side, giving him a hickey. Tim lost composure as Bernard suckled his skin, his teeth nibbling his soft skin giving him no reprieve.

“Bee… aeehhm…” – Tim winced in pain and Bernard let go.

He caught his breath admiring Tim, the dazed look on his face and his parted lips driving him mad.

“Oh… sorry…” – He said inspecting the damage.

“What?” – Tim asked running his fingers up and down Bernard’s arms.

“Got carried away…” – Bernard said with an apologetic frown running his thumb over Tim’s jawline. – “You want me to- want me to heal that for you?”

“No! No…” – Tim exclaimed kissing Bernard. – “No… please leave it… I wanna see it in the morning and remember this…”

“Yeah? You want me to leave some evidence behind?” – Bernard joked between kisses.

“Please… please leave a trail I can follow this time…”

“I’m not going anywhere, Tim… you crazy? I’m not going anywhere…” – Bernard said yanking Tim up and holding him by the underside of his thighs. 

Tim wrapped his legs around Bernard’s hips and he kissed him while Bernard carried him over to a ledge, sitting him down and slotting himself between Tim’s legs. 

“Don’t go… please don’t go… I’ll kill you if you do…”  – Tim repeated letting his head fall back while Bernard covered his neck in kisses.

“Stop talking crazy, I’m not going anywhere…”

“But you did…”

“Yeah, before I knew you would kiss me back like that… before I knew you sounded like that…”

“Mmmnnm…”

“Yeah, like that… and before I knew you tasted like that…”

“Taste?” – Tim chuckled.

“You’re so smooth… your skin is so soft…” – Bernard said losing himself kissing and licking Tim’s jawline and cheeks, undecided between his lips and his fragrant skin. – “You smell so good…”

This chapter ping pongs between Bernard looking for his mother as Tim and Bruce bounce around each other while Bruce tries to figure out what to do about the return of Bernard while Tim struggles to remember the night before.

There had been countless times Bernard had sat at the very top of the mountains of Zamaron thinking of whether he should tell his mother he was alive. The more time that passed however, the harder it seemed to get himself to go back to Earth, back to his old life. He distanced himself from it to such a degree it felt almost like someone else’s life. 

Bernard’s mother was demanding, he was her only child and he expected great things of him and he’d resented her for it in equal parts as he understood her. Unlike his father though, her kindness and love always pushed through her expectations of him. 

Bernard landed on a fence, hiding behind the foliage of a tree suddenly unsure of how to approach this. There was no running away from running away anymore, Bernard was back on Earth and he couldn’t leave now, he had to face this. He had to face the aftermath of that night.

He looked down at the house before him and at the woman who’d imparted a love of myths and heroes onto Bernard from the cradle. The woman who’d watch over his homework like a  hawk and who’d show disappointment at bad grades. The woman who’d taken him to the movies to watch the Percy Jackson adaptation when Bernard was twelve. The woman who’d sat with him afterwards and listened to him rant about all the ways the movie differed from the books over ice cream. It had been the first time having so much sugar in one sitting after Bernard’s diagnosis and she’d been terrified, trying to focus on his words rather than redoing the calculations in her brain, wondering if he’d eaten anything else that day she hadn’t seen. She knew she probably shouldn’t have let him but he was inconsolable and hadn’t had dessert in months, she’d cracked under the pressure of his pleading eyes. Bernard remembered that day, it had been a great day.

He was sure that if there was anyone in the world who would understand Bernard had gone on a great adventure in the cosmos it would be his mother.

The townhouse was skinny and tall, nothing like the imponent Dowd mansion. It featured a narrow backyard in the back that paled in comparison to the one in his old home except for a blossoming garden, full of lavender. Bernard’s father was allergic to them, his mother had never been able to plant them. He smiled at them. He peeked inside and saw her, grabbing a branch to not fall off. 

Bernard’s mother was in the living room, a coffee table pushed to the side to make room for a mat while she followed a yoga class on the tv. The sliding glass doors to the backyard were open with curtains swaying in the wind and Bernard hesitated, whether or not he should.

His mother lost her balance transitioning from one position to the next and giggled, talking to herself.

“You old lady… what was that?!”

Bernard smiled and as she turned away from the garden he felt braver than ever – homesick too – and jumped down from the tree into the middle of the garden, Star Sapphire suit on and all. He removed his mask and exhaled.

“Mom?” – His voice came out quiet and shy, he repeated himself. – “Mom?”

Bernard’s mother looked up and jumped to her feet, none of the lack of balance she’d displayed before hearing his voice.

“Bernard!” – She shouted and bolted at him.

In an instant Bernard was wrapped around her arms being squeezed so tightly it hurt. He broke down into tears and hugged her back. She squeezed and patted him down and pulled him away to see his face, inspecting him in disbelief.

“Honey, is that really you?” – She asked cupping his cheeks in her palms.

“It’s me mom, I’m so sorry I took so long… I’m so sorry I disappeared…”

“Am I dreaming?” – She asked with tears filling her eyes.

Bernard pulled his arms up and wiped away tears from her cheek.

“No, no you’re not mom… I’m… I’m so sorry, I couldn’t come any sooner… I wasn’t ready yet…”

“What on Earth have you been up to, honey?” – She asked looking him up and down, finding the ring in his finger bright and unnatural.

“I went on an adventure mom, a really big one…” – Was all Bernard could say.

“Like Percy Jackson?” – His mother asked with a sob, kind eyes Bernard felt immediately comforted by.

“Yeah… just like Percy Jackson… I even fought a Minotaur…” – Bernard chuckled. – “Well… I ran away from it actually…”

“Probably for the better…” – She said with a quivering lip and eyes that could barely blink.

“Mom, where are we? I tried to find you home and no one was there… the house is for sale?!”

“Oh, sweetie… your dad and I got a divorce… this is my home now, just mine…” – She said grooming Bernard’s hair, admiring how he’d matured, it had pained her to think she’d never know how Bernard would’ve looked like older and seeing him now much bigger, his features more defined she couldn’t help a huge smile spread across her face. So much had changed in a year. –  “Come, come inside…”

She led Bernard inside the townhouse holding tightly onto him, afraid he’d dissipate into thin air the moment she let go. 

“I can’t believe it… you and dad…” – Bernard said looking around himself, the passage of time suddenly tangible in the life his mother had lived on her own since he’d left.

“Oh honey, it was… it was a long time coming… I’d already met up with lawyers before you disappeared… your dad’s coldness afterwards was the final push I needed… Come, come to the kitchen, are you hungry?”

“Starving, actually…” – Bernard said following his mother, their hands clasped together as she refused to let him go.

Carol watched from outside, having arrived back on Earth just in time to see Bernard come home, just in time to see him bravely call his mother while wearing his suit. She watched with a smile and Hal appeared beside her not long after.

“Hey! What is it?!” – He asked with urgency, not sure why Carol had called him.

“Look…” – She pointed at the kitchen window.

Bernard was sat on a small circular table speaking and gesturing with a wide smile on his face, his mother pouring him a cup of coffee and sitting down with him. Her hands never left him as she walked around the kitchen, she’d touch his shoulder while reaching for things, give him a kiss on the top of his head as she walked past him and now as she sat down with him she reached over and held his hand in hers over the table, caressing him with her thumb.

“He came back…” – Hal said widening his eyes. – “How did you do it?!”

“I didn’t… I’m not sure why he came back… I think the presence in Mino is a trickster sort of entity, it gets in your mind… I’m not sure how Bernard got away but maybe he saw something that made him want to come back…”

“Have you talked to him?” – Hal asked hugging Carol.

“No… I’ll keep an eye but I think we should see what happens if we just… let him do this mission on his own-” – Carol was interrupted by a buzzing sound. – “What’s that?”

“JL… been buzzing for a while…” – Hal disentangled from Carol and picked up a small device from his pocket, immediately swallowing hard seeing the caller. – “Carol… you know if Bernard has seen anyone else since he landed here?”

“No, I was looking for him in Mino until now… why?”

“I think we might be in trouble…” – He said seeing the coordinates Batman had just sent him. – “I think I’m about to get a talking down to…”

-

There was a familiar sound that pulled Tim from his sleep though he couldn’t process it. A voice playing again and again in his mind as he regained consciousness. Tim woke up with a gasp, a shout stuck in his throat that came out a dry shriek as he lifted himself. He was in a stretcher in the cave, Bruce not far from him by the computer.

“Tim!” – He gasped rushing to him. – “Easy, you might feel a bit dizzy…”

“Ugh… what happened?” – Tim asked bringing a hand to his head, a pounding headache making his vision blurry.

“Crane… you got to trial run batch of his new fear toxin…” – Bruce responded immediately inspecting Tim, bringing a light to his eyes and examining his pupils. – “What do you remember?”

“Not much… it’s like… a nightmare… flashes of these monsters chasing me down…” – He looked down at his hand, his knuckles were sore.

“You ran off like I’ve never seen you before… lost you for a moment there…” – Bruce said brushing his hair off his face.

“I think I was scared of you too, sorry…” – Tim said remembering the terrifying human-bat monster that had chased him down the narrow labirynthic alleyways of Gotham. – “How’d you find me?”

“A Star Sapphire intercepted you, tied you up and left a bat-signal in the sky for me…”

Tim looked away for a moment, suddenly remembering flashes of blond hair and a struggle.

“Right… right…”

“Tim, do you remember it? Them?” – Bruce asked with some hesitation.

Tim looked back at his hands and focused. His head was pounding and his memories so patchy he struggled making sense of anything at all. A heart rate monitor allerted them of Tim’s rushing heart and broke his concentration.

“I… I can’t… I’m not sure… Who was it, Bruce? Do you know?”

“I’m not sure…” – Bruce lied combing Tim’s hair away from his face. – ”We’ll look into it later… I want to make sure the fear toxin is fully out of your system first…”

Tim nodded while opening and closing his fist with an annoying gut feeling he couldn’t shake. Like with a regular nightmare, Tim woke up with a sinking feeling that carried over to wakefulness despite not remembering any details, not knowing why he felt the way he did. It was disorienting and annoying, his lips turned into a pout as he tried to force his mind to remember what he’d seen as it slipped away from him the harder he tried to remember.

-

Batman was waiting for Hal, standing looking over the city in the skeleton of a building he’d sent him coordinates to. They wouldn’t be bothered here, nothing but abandoned construction materials and noisy tarp flapping in the wind. Most important of all, Tim wouldn’t find them.

“Oh come on, and here I was thinking I’d gained cave privileges after last time!” – Hal complained joining Batman.

“I guess it’s on me I never thought to ask. Suddenly so obvious… you’d known the entire time… the sheer amount of insulin, glucose monitors, cellphones you and Carol bought over the past year…” – Batman said looking at Hal sideways, his expression a mystery to him.

“How did you ev- no, stupid question…”

“Why the cellphones? Five of them?!” – He asked letting a hint of curiosity in his voice.

“Kid breaks them all the time…” – Hal shook his head.

“Why did you not say anything? A kid from Gotham goes missing and becomes a Star Sapphire…”

“He didn’t want to come back, bat… he was hurt and he needed something to live for… the ring, the ring saved him from himself…”

Batman quieted down, looking around himself hiding his face. Hal waited for a response in suspense.

“So the blood in the bathroom…?”

“Yeah… he did it… was in a state when Carol found him, he almost slipped into a coma from the sugar and all, it was… it was intense.”

Batman looked at Hal and he could’ve sworn his expression softened under the mask.

“I tried to get him to come back so many times but he- he’s a great Lantern, he loves it… he’s found himself in that suit, I’m sure you can understand that…”

“Of course I can, the issue is I’ve had a Robin who’s spiralled into a near catatonic depression for the past year, incapable of keeping friendships never mind relationships. He’s been absent minded and so deeply heartbroken-” – He paused, looking away from Hal for a moment. – “Bernard saved him last night, he was running away in a frenzy, was exposed to something that makes you hallucinate your biggest fears and Bernard found him for me…”

“How did he react to Bernard?!”

“He doesn’t know, his memories are scattered but- I could hear Bernard through his comms, he was sweet to him despite Tim fighting him off like a cornered animal…”

“Bernard apparently said some things before he disappeared you know? Opened up about feelings he has for Tim… he tought he’d hated him for it… he thought… I think he thought he’d ruined their friendship that night…”

“Robin hasn’t been able to live with that knowledge… he panicked and pushed him away and lost him all in one swing of the bat…” – Batman shook his lowered head.

“I’m sorry I didn’t say anything, but he’s not a kid, bat. I respected his wishes… besides I- I had no clue this, this whole thing…”

“Why is he back now?” – Batman interrupted him.

“We’re not sure either… he was on a mission on his own when he popped back up on Earth.”

“Where is he now, with Carol?”

“No, no… he’s with his mother…”

“Mmm…”

“So… so what are you gonna tell him?” – Hal asked scratching the back of his neck.

Batman turned around with his hands resting on the sides of his hips, pacing around. He exhaled loudly and Hal found it extremely amusing, he loved catching glimpses of the man behind the stoic mask.

“It might be worse if Robin learns he’s been alive and well this whole time avoiding him… he’ll be relieved of course but… it might hurt in a different way… but if we don’t say anything… Do you think Bernard will try to reach out to him?”

“I- uhm… Carol… Carol knows him better, they’ve been inseparable for a year… I-”

“Hal… I’m asking you, from what you’ve seen…” – Bruce pleaded. – “When I heard him last night I- he soothed Robin, called himself his best-friend…” 

“Alright, if you wanna know my personal, subjective, non-scientific, feelings only assessment…” – Hal spoke walking closer to Batman. – “They’re not done with each other, not at all… I think Bernard was terrified of rejection and has been running away from facing him this entire time.”

Bruce sulked for a moment, finding himself in a tough spot. He wanted to tell Tim the news, to finally have something good to tell him about Bernard. Bernard is back! Bernard was the one who helped you last night, listen to how he spoke to you! But then again… he maybe oughta let Bernard reach out to Tim in his own terms… make amends or whatever when ready. He chewed the inside of his cheek and Hal chuckled.

“Don’t worry old man, they’ll figure themselves out…”

“Don’t tell me not to worry, all I’ve done is worry about that kid for a year and now you tell me he’s been flying across the galaxy having the year of his life while I had to-” – He paused thinking of all the times he had to break into Tim’s apartment after he’d disappear for days. All the times Tim got hurt on a mission unnecessarily, slow to dodge, punching too hard, brooding… All the times he showed up at the manor unexpectedly and spent days there, not a word explaining why. He’d hung around him and Damian quiet and it had always scared Bruce, the way he’d suddenly need to be with someone at all hours of the day afraid of what the whispers hide in loneliness.

Hal placed a hand on Bruce’s shoulder.

“I need to think, I need to think of the right way to break the news… if Bernard doesn’t reach out to him tonight I’ll tell him, I just gotta figure out how to do it in a way that won’t-”

“Shock him too bad? Make him angry?”

Bruce nodded and lowered his head, the sound of Hal’s chuckles making him even more tense.

-

It was way too hot out on the streets, Tim’s head was still pounding but he’d slipped away from the cave in need of some quiet in his house boat. His mind was flipping through the hallucinations from the night before and all he wanted was to hide and be alone. He felt on edge and terribly annoyed at how little he could remember of the Star Sapphire who’d rescued him. 

He was walking slowly down the sidewalk with a small grocery bag full of electrolyte drinks and a frozen pizza when he turned a corner and came to a sudden stop.

Right ahead from him he saw a blond man step out of the passenger seat of a car aiming for a drugstore. He had a glucose monitor on his right arm and Tim’s vision flashed, the feeling of his fingers gripping around it and the shout of pain that followed. 

Strike one.

The man stopped halfway through the sidewalk as the driver called back for him. He turned, his movements fluid and relaxed, and leaned against the car window smiling. His jaw… his squared and freckly jaw featured a large bruise from where he’d been punched the night before, it looked fresh and painful but the man smiled anyways, laughing as he turned back away and sprinted into the pharmacy. Tim tightened his fist, feeling his aching knuckles.

Strike two.

He watched as the man rushed up the steps, turquoise beat up Vans in his feet hiding under baggy jeans. He looked back at the car one more time before walking inside, his full face on display for a moment. Green eyes so vibrant batted their lashes, a button nose dotted with freckles and a defined jawline that had lost some of its softness all came together before Tim’s breathless self. He’d never looked better. He reached for the door and Tim saw it in his finger, a purple ring.

Strike three.

The pharmacy door closed behind him and Tim dropped the bag of groceries.

-

Bruce had heard the angry engine rushing down the cave and braced himself. He rested his hands over his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath.

“What the hell’s gotten into him?” – Damian asked looking up from his homework.

“You might wanna move upstairs, son… I think it’s gonna get loud down here…” 

“Bruce!” – Tim shouted getting off his motorbike, throwing the helmet off to the ground.

He stumbled towards Bruce and Damian paying no mind to the latter, his eyes fixated on Bruce.

“Guess who I just ran into?!”

“Tim… calm down…”

“Calm down! How long!? How long have you known?!” 

“He came back last night, from what we know he arrived the moment he bumped into you – we’re not sure how…” – Bruce tried to speak calmly and slowly while Damian watched with wide eyes.

“We?!” – Tim slammed his fists on a tool cart.

“Green Lantern, I reached out to him.” – Bruce stood up. – “Where did you see him?”

“Just walking down the street! He was going into a store!” – He walked over and collapsed onto a chair, immediately folding forwards. – “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I needed to be sure, I had my doubts but the Green Lantern confirmed it today I just-”

“Then why didn’t you tell me?!”

“I was going to, Tim… listen to me. I was going to but I also wanted to give Bernard a chance to find you first…”

“Well, fuck me! I found him first by accident!” – Tim complained covering his eyes. – “He’s a Lantern?”

“Star Sapphire…” – Bruce corrected.

Damian snickered.

“What?” – Tim asked with some tension in his voice.

“Oh nothing, just thought they were all girls…”

“Shut up!” – Tim shouted.

“Hey, don’t.” – Bruce raised a finger at Tim. – “Damian…” – Then turning a stern look towards his son.

“Sorry… didn’t mean anything by it…” – Damian responded shrugging.

“This whole time? He’s been a Star Sapphire this whole time?” – Tim’s voice was choked, Damian quickly regretted making jokes.

“That’s better than being dead…” – Damian mumbled trying to make things better, Tim’s irate eyes telling him he’d missed the mark.

Bruce motioned for Damian to quiet down, a hand finding his knee and patting it gently behind his back while his body was open towards Tim.

“Hal and Carol don’t know why he came back now, he hasn’t wanted to… he went to see his mother this morning, perhaps he missed her…”

Tim nodded.

“But he saw you first…” – Bruce said in a desperate attempt to make Tim feel better.

“What?” – He looked up at Bruce.

“Last night… he came to see you first…”

“Can I see? The feed from my mask?” – Tim asked scratching the sides of his thumbs nervously.

“Your mask shattered, it stopped recording… but I have the audio I picked up from your comms, do you wanna hear it?”

Tim nodded, following the cursor with glossy eyes as Bruce pulled up the recording in the bat-computer.

“Oh, damn…Robin?!” 

“NO! NO! Get AWAY FROM ME!” 

“Robin, wait!” –  “Robin?”

“No!” 

Tim flinched hearing the sound of the struggle and the puch he’d delivered to Bernard, the soft gasp that left his lips as he’d been struck.

“I’m not-” – Bernard coughed. – “I’m not your enemy!”

“Liar! All liars! You all lie to me! You lie lie lie!” 

“Jeez, what was up with you?” – Damian asked pulling a funny face.

“Sh!”

“Okay, something’s up with you…” – Bernard’s voice felt so familiar, so warm Tim couldn’t believe he’d forgotten about it when he’d woken up. – “What happened to you?” 

He heard more shuffling and sounds of struggle, his own ragged breathing and grunting as well as Bernard’s cry of pain.

“Ow! Motherfucker! Enough!”

And suddenly there was silence, Tim leaned in hearing his own ragged breathing sound choked.

“Bee…” – He heard himself say softly.

“What? I!” – Tim stood up, he couldn’t believe he’d identified him and forgotten about it.

“It’s okay… it’s okay…” – Bernard’s voice sounded so sweet Tim felt a knot in his stomach.

“Bee… NO! No! You’re another lie! You’re dead! You’re dead! No!”

More sounds of struggle, more fighting.

“Calm down!” – Bernard  shouted.

“No! No!” 

“Do you have some comms or something? Can people hear you? Hello? Batman, you there? You got a mad Robin out on the loose, I’m gonna send a signal, follow it or something I don’t know… not sure where we are…”

Damian chuckled and so did Tim, his eyes were tied to the screen while Bruce observed Tim attentively.

“No! No! He’ll kill us! He’ll kill us!” 

“Sorry about that…” – Tim said looking sheepish. 

“Not the first time…” – Bruce responded with a chuckle.

“Calm down… it’s all gonna be okay… It’s okay… whatever happened to you, it’s gonna be okay… your dad’s coming… you’re not alone… your best-friend is here… I’m here with you, I’m not leaving you alone… Goddammit, you messed me up good…”

Tim sat back down and gripped the arms of the chair hearing how Bernard had spoken to him, a chill running down his spine as he called himself his best-friend.

“He’s dead… he’s dead… I killed him… I killed him…”

“Who the hell are you talking about?” 

“You… I killed you…” – Tim pressed his lips hearing himself cry.

“Crap…”

“Robin!” – They heard Bruce shouting. 

He pressed pause on the recording. 

“That’s all, the rest is me untying you and carrying you to the car.” – Bruce said looking back at Tim. – “Tim, are you okay?”

Tim’s eyes remained glued on the screen, the little waves displaying all his shouts and cries and the other waves showing Bernard’s soft and steady voice. He couldn’t believe how he’d spoken to him. He’d punched him, tackled him, apparently ripped out his glucose monitor and yet… he’d spoken to him kindly, laughed at the pain…

“I… yeah… I’m okay…”

“What are you gonna do?” – Damian asked peeking from behind Bruce, he’d deny it but he’d been sitting at the edge of his seat the entire recording unable to look away from Tim’s reactions to the audio.

“I…” – Tim looked up at Bruce. – “I think I gotta go- I think I gotta go talk to him…”

-

There had always been something about transitions that Bernard identified with. The liminal space in between the here and there, the night and day, had always been ones he loved to inhabit. He used to love falling asleep in the afternoon after school only to wake up to that blue-ish hue that came after sunset. The house quiet and dark, car lights running across the walls as night hadn’t yet fully taken hold, but the day was far behind. He’d felt much like that’s where he’d been for the past year, that space after you leave shool and your friends before your parents come home, before the rush of dinner and updates and all. That quiet moment when it’s just you and no one quite knows where you are, they think they do, but they don’t really.

Bernard woke up to the clinking sounds of his mother cooking in the kitchen just one wall over. The sliding door to the garden had been left open, a breeze so soothing had made Bernard fall asleep heavier than he’d intended – he hadn’t exactly slept at all the night before. He opened his eyes and was immediately frightened, something covering his vision. He sat up and plucked at the paper resting over his eyes – a post it note glued to his forehead.

Meet me where you found me last night, 10 p.m., Robin

Bernard’s heart took off as he analysed the handwriting he’d seen scribbled on his own school notebooks so many times before, tracing his fingers over the back of the paper where the pressure of the pen made deep grooves. He sought his phone completely lost as to what time it was and much to his dismay found he still had a few hours to go. He stood up slowly, stretching, unaware he was being watched, and sought out his mother in the kitchen.

“Mom? Did you see anyone come in?”

“Come in? What do you mean?”

“Like, did you see a kid in a cape by any chance?”

Tim chuckled watching from the tree in Bernard’s mom’s backyard, a shy accomplished smile taking over the nervous lip biting he’d been doing watching Bernard sleep.

-

Tim looked at his watch while kicking his feet, his hands tapping the edge of the building while his mind convinced him Bernard wouldn’t show.

10.01

“Fuck…” – He sighed.

There was a soft thud behind him, she sound of landing. He didn’t turn, his every muscle tensed and he stopped kicking his feet. He didn’t turn when he heard a sniffle, and he didn’t turn hearing steps approaching him. He only moved his head when Bernard sat down next to him.

Sideways glances between the two masked men as the Star Sapphire smiled.

“Hey.” – Bernard said first.

“Hey.” – Tim responded unable to look anywhere else but Bernard’s face. –  “Thanks for coming.”

“Sure…”

Tim took a deep breath.

“Listen-”

“So-”

They spoke over each other, immediately laughing at their timing.

“You go first, you- you asked me to come…”

“Right, yeah… uhm… Thanks?”  – Tim said finally allowing himself to take stock of Bernard’s suit.

“Oh, right… yeah, of course…”

“How’d- uhm… or, well… uhm… I guess, what do I call you?”

Bernard hesitated, biting his lip.

“Star Sapphire…”

Tim nodded, catching glimpse of a purple armband around Bernard’s bicep. He reached over Bernard for it, dragging his fingers over his skin and feeling the bump of the monitor on the back of his upper arm while Bernard held his breath.

“You covered it up…” – Tim’s voice cracked.

Bernard looked at Tim’s face feeling his hand around his arm, the way his body bent to reach over him. He barely breathed.

“Yeah, some lunatic tried to rip it off of me…” – Bernard said exhaling through his nose.

“And that?” – Tim moved his other hand and reached for Bernard’s face, grazing the bruise on his jaw with the back of his fingers.

“Some lunatic decked me.”  – Bernard chuckled.

There was silence between the two, Tim’s fingers lingering on the side of his jaw not quite ready to move away.

“Bee-”

Tim was smothered by Bernard’s arms wrapping up around him the instant he spoke those three word Bernard had been aching to hear. Bernard hugged Tim hard and Tim immediately found his way around his body as well, clutching him with shakier hands than he liked to admit. He let out a pained gasp and rested his head on Bernard’s shoulder, hiding from him.

“Shh… it’s okay…” – Bernard said cradling the back of Tim’s head. – “I’m so sorry… I’m so sorry… I-”

“No, I’m sorry…” – Tim said sniffling. – “I was an asshole…”

“No, you weren’t… it’s… it was all messed up… I- I’m so sorry I didn’t come sooner I just thought you didn’t want anything to do with me anymore, thought I was doing you a favour by staying away…” – Bernard said with a trembling core Tim could feel. 

“Fuck… I missed you so bad…” – He admitted and squeezed Bernard harder, then pulling back. – “I hate you for how much you made me miss you.”

“I-” – Bernard choked on his words, overwhelmed by Tim’s raw emotions and desperate grip.

“No, let me talk.” – Tim interrupted Bernard. – “I’ve been needing to say something for a year.”

He straightened up and lifted his hand to his face, grabbing his mask. He hesitated removing it, nudging at Bernard to do the same.

“There’s just one thing I need to say to you…” – He said pulling his mask off.

Bernard watched with his stomach in a twist. He knew Tim was Robin, he’d known it since that night but still… seeing him remove his mask for him he felt like he was learning the biggest secret he’d ever been privy to. He removed his own mask and watched Tim with quivering lips.

“What?” – He asked with flushed cheeks and upturned eyebrows.

Tim saw the monster charging at him, a growing darkness he’d run away from that night. That dreadful scary face off he’d bolted from and regretted since. He saw the monster charge at him and dissipate, fizzle into nothing revealing Bernard’s familiar and beautiful face hiding behind him. He was no longer afraid.

“Bernard, do you want to go on a date with me?”

August, Planet Gou-54, twelve months after Bernard’s disappearance

Bernard was tapping the sides of his thighs, his eyes darting the room. Carol was patient, more patient than he would’ve been were he alone – he took a mental note to be more like Carol. 

Bernard had come to learn that there were some alien species who were far more fun to interact with than others. The Glynth? Stupid fun to hang out with.  Their curiosity made them open and receptive, natural born storytellers too. The Vromith on the other hand had a name that suited their kind to a T. It was as though every time they opened their mouths they couldn’t help themselves but vomit words indefinitely. They spoke slow and in nauseating, excrutiating detail.

The lunch had lasted hours as each dish received a forty minute long introduction. Not that it mattered much, their food was all eaten cold, but still, Bernard had almost fallen asleep on his soup a couple times and now? Now they were finally talking business to the Star Sapphires they’d requested and Bernard realised his lack of knowledge on their planet’s biology made it so he’d miscounted how much insulin he’d needed to get through the meal. He’d been using his ring to compensate for the past fifteen minutes, but was on the limit of what he could do. 

He was saved by the beeping of his phone.

“... and of course we musn’t fail to mention the twenty second meeting between the Vromith and the Star Sapphire Corps led to a paramount bridging of- what was that?!”

Bernard feigned embarrassment and spoke with wide apologetic eyes.

“Forgive me, master Chlick… I am afraid I must excuse myself for a moment. The bell warns me my health is at great peril.”

The tentacled Chlick widened his eyes – all nine of them.

“Great Vromithius!”

“Nothing to worry about, master Chlick… but I am afraid I must rush and bring my companion with me to help me manage the situation, see it includes me piercing my skin with a sharp blade and I am deathly afraid of needles!” – Bernard motioned for Carol to follow him out of the great hall.

“At once, companion!” – She rushed after Bernard stifling a giggle.

They rushed to an outside patio with lush vegetation and Bernard leaned against a stone beam and let out a soft chuckle, checking his phone.

“How bad is it?” – Carol asked joining him.

“Holy crap, bad bad…” – He widened his eyes and reached in his utility belt, a group of tentacled Vromith walking past them with inquisitive looks – to be fair, any look from a Vromith would feel intense with their nine eyes and all.

“Wait, hang on. Let me do it.” – Carol stepped closer, taking the small injector from Bernard.

“Uhm… I’d rather I did it…” – Bernard said adjusting the dosage and swatting Carol’s hand away.

“The Vromith are the opposite of the Glynth, suspicious by nature… Pretty sure they evolved to have so many eyes and tentacles cause of it, nosy as ever… Don’t wanna be caught in a lie…”

“Right…”

Bernard handed her the injector hoping this wouldn’t go like last time when Hal had injected him, he’d had a bruise for days.

“How hard is it? Calculating how much you need with all the alien food?” – She asked watching Bernard sit on a half wall and pull up the top part of his suit.

He was much stronger now than a year ago, he’d taken his training seriously. Rebuilding the Glynth world had also given Bernard’s muscles some definition. He’d matured a lot in the past year, he looked less like a scared teenager and more like a superhero by the day. Carol watched him realising time had slipped by and she’d barely noticed how much Bernard had changed, grown, bloomed.

“Harder than I’d expected to be honest, I’d never imagined there could be alien sugar analogues out there that would be so hard to figure out… doesn’t taste particualrly sweet and then bam!”

Carol pinched the skin of his lower belly, having to tug a lot harder than he used to have to and stabbed him with a bit more force than needed – not as much fat to tug anymore, Bernard was in the best shape of his life.

“Ouch!” – Bernard exclaimed. – “What the hell?”

“Gotta sell it…” – She said with an apologetic look on her face, a group of more Vromith standing by watching the whole thing. – “Go on, make it look like it was worse than it was…”

Bernard leaned back, rubbing the spot with a pained look on his face, his other arm dangling off his side lifeless.

“Like this?”

“Perfect…” – Carol said leaning by Bernard and forcing a concerned frown. – “You know… I’m getting tired of this… they call for our help and we’ve been here for the whole day and they still haven’t told us what they need…”

“Yeah, I mean, when you said they’d do a retrospect I didn’t expect-”

“More please…”

Bernard grunted and wimpered.

“I didn’t expect them to go through every single interaction they have ever had with the Corps… mmmnnn…” –  Bernard frowned as he spoke, tossing his head from side to side and crying out performatively.

“Yeah this ain’t going anywhere… Can you fake pass out or something when we get back inside?”

“Yeah sure, only if you catch me though…”

“No, but I can heal you if you crack your coconut on the stone, though…” – Carol said struggling not to laugh.

“Amazing…”

She smiled at Bernard’s performance and looked around them, then leaning in closer.

“Listen, while we have a moment… I’ve been meaning to tell you something…”

“What?” – Bernard opened his eyes and looked up at Carol.

“I wanna send you out on a solo mission.”

“Really?!” – Bernard widened his eyes and smiled.

“Pain!” – Carol said without moving her lips.

“Aahshmm… mmnnn… Star Sapphire… please…” – He said covering his eyes.

“There’s a planet not far off from Zamaron that used to be unhihabited, the one we can see at night… something has settled there… I’d like you to investigate just like we did that asterism last week… think you’re up to the task?”

An envoy rushed in to check on them before Bernard could reply.

“Star Sapphires! What is the situation?!”

“I can’t do it, Carol! I can’t go on like this!” – Bernard cried out, clutching his stomach and twisting his face in anguish.

“You must! We cannot postpone our visit with the Vromith, it is too important!” 

Bernard let his body go limp, rolling his eyes back and fell off the half wall.

“By the tentacle of the great Retch! Star Sapphire!” – The Vromith exclaimed.

Carol dropped to her knees and tried lifting Bernard’s upper body. He made himself heavier on purpose, struggling to stifle a laugh as Carol grunted bringing his torso up against hers, pressing the back of her hands against his flushed cheeks.

“MMhn.. ah! I’m afraid we must adjourn our meeting! Would you send master Chlick our apologies? I must get my companion back to Zamaron immediately, the atmosphere of Gou-54 is not agreeing with him!”

“Why- of course…” – The Vromith agreed scratching its head with three tentacles at once.

“And maybe… maybe you may send your request for assistance in written form… we will read and get back to you at our earliest, would that work?”

“Yes! Of course, I shall engage our scribes promptly!”

“Phenomenal, thank you for the hospitality as always!” – Carol smiled charismatically and tickled Bernard.

In one bright flash of violet light Carol and Bernard escaped the tedious job of communing with the Vromith and found themselves back in the comfort of Carol’s apartment in Zamaron. They both collapsed on the floor laughing, exhausted wouldn’t begin to describe.

Carol got herself up while Bernard stayed down on Carol’s fluffy rug, his arms tossed above his head with a wide stupid smile on his face.

She addressed him while taking off her mask, walking away stretching.

“Well… I believe we just bought ourselves a couple days minimum… if their speech is extensive their writing is gargantuan! Should be plenty of time for you to go on your mission and for me to take a little trip back to Earth. What do you say Star Sapphire, up for the challenge?!”

-

August, dwarf planet of Mino, twelve months after Bernard’s disappearance

Bernard sang to himself as he walked the surface of the dwarf planet of Mino. Only a short journey from Zamaron, Mino could be seen from the Star Sapphire seat like the moon from Earth. It was a beautiful planet although terribly small, only one biome covered its surface with plains of violet grass that extended as far as the eye could see. Very little life on the planet aside from plants and insects. Bernard stepped over the fluffy and juicy grasses while following a signal on a small device he held in his palm that showed him the way. He walked slowly, taking in the view until he reached a cliffside, a depression in the rocky terrain leading down a dark tunnel.

“Really?” – He complained rolling his eyes. – “Why is everything a cave? What’s up with that?! Wake up in a cave, gotta go charge the ring in the cave, Glynth pups running around in dark creepy caves… I’m so done with caves!”

He mumbled as he descended into darkness, his ring his only source of light as the entrance he’d taken grew smaller and smaller behind him.

“Hey Bernard, how about you go on a mission all on your own? Yes of course, Carol! What should I do? Slay a great dragon? Forge peace between two warring alien species? No no… something far more important! Go check out a creepy cave! For fucks’ sake…”

The descending tunnel took a turn to the right, Bernard followed seeing the pinging pink dot still somewhat distant from his location – the planet seemed to be practically hollowed out by the cave system.

“No wonder there’s no trees… nothing can take root if it’s all scooped out inside… Let’s see, if I go-”

Bernard paused, there were suddenly too paths he could take. His device gave him an approximate distance to the life form but no mapping of the cave system and its tunnels.

Bernard would have to find his way in and out on his own. 

“Crap… Stick to the right…” – Bernard took his right had and extended it, marking the tunnel’s walls so he’d always keep to his right.

Every few steps he deposited small star shaped constructs on the side of the walls, marking his way back. He’d walked for what felt like forever when a rustling sound behind him made the hairs out the back of his neck prickle up. He turned to find a body scuttlig away from him, hiding behind a rock.

His breathing quickened, fear taking over him like he hadn’t felt in a long time.

“Hello?” – He asked slightly bending his knees and standing sideways, be brought his arms up by his face defensively.

He narrowed his eyes and prepared himself.

-

Carol hadn’t expected the Vromith message to reach her before a fortnight had passed or so, but it seemed they’d done their best to forward her the message as soon as possible.

She was driving down an old country road when her ring allerted her a messaged from Gou-54 awaited her. She pulled up to the side of the road and leaned back, projecting the message from her ring in the air in front of her and scrolling through the thirty page introduction. She scrolled until she reached a terrifying illustration or a great shadowy monster. It stopped her in her tracks and she scrolled back, trying to find where the message really began.

“In your neighbour dwarf planet of Mino has the great Deceiver taken residence. The first recorded sighting – no thanks! – come on, come on… the great deceiver… what is it?!”

She spoke to herself flipping through the pages recounting every single recorded encounter between the Vromith and the entity until she reached a description.

“The primordial being peeks into the mind of their victims and hunts them by – oh my god… What have I done?!”

Carol’s car was abandoned with a bright pink flash of light. She left Earth realising she’d made a terrible mistake letting Bernard investigate on his own.

-

Bernard opened and closed his fists seeing movement behind the rock ahead of him.

The figure slowly emerged and revealed itself to be a chaos monster, a familiar sight. The leader of the Cult of Dionysus lunged at Bernard with that same dagger he’d sought to kill him with a little over a year ago, giving him no time to register what he was seeing. Bernard was pure instinct and dodged the attack, unsheathing a blade he conjured from the bedrock of the tunnel. The two circled each other.

“Alright… can you speak?”

“... we gather today to honour the great god, Dionysus…” – The man repeated.

“Aha, I see… so you’re taking a tour inside aren’t you?” – Bernard concluded pointing to his head. The words were the same the man had spoken before attempting to sacrifice him. – “Then that means I already know how this fight goes…”

Bernard fought the creature much like he had with Robin except its body turned to mist after Bernard struck it, disappearing from sight.

“Alright… okay…” – He repeated to himself while recovering. – “Not too bad…”

He carried onwards. The tunnels grew wider and smoother, the stone no longer natural but rather clearly dug out, the markings of tools on the walls – a deeply troubling sight, Mino had never been populated. Bernard took a right turn and was suddenly faced with the altar he’d been tied to on that day. He blinked and found himself lying on it, the Cult Leader returned with its blade dangling over Bernard.

“Woah! How’d you do that?!” – He exclaimed feeling the tug of the rope on his hands and feet. – “Alright, this ain’t good…”

Bernard closed his hand in a fist and shone a bright light from his ring directly at the monster’s face. The ray pierced it, once again turning it to dust. The altar crumbled under Bernard and he fell to the ground untied.

“Woah! Okay… you’re incorporeal… what are you doing then… are you…” – Bernard narrowed his eyes. – “You’re figuring me out, aren’t you? You’re digging through my mind, seeing how I deal with a threat… oh you’re good… you’re smart… that’s not good…”

He dusted his hands off and picked himself up, continuing his descent noticing loud snoring and overlapping chatter flood his hearing. His dad’s voice mixed with his own, his mother’s and Tim’s. The voices of teachers and the cute skaterboy barista he’d gawked at on more than one occasion all calling his name. The buzzing and snoring grew louder and louder making Bernard stop and cover his ears. He looked behind himself for the first time in many steps and made a chilling discovery: the stars he’d left behind were gone.

“Fuck!” – He exclaimed conjuring noise cancelling headphones. It granted him some reprieve though he wanted to keep his ring use at a minimum as to not give too much away. 

He continued his trek feeling like forwards was the only way to go now. 

He turned yet another corner to find himself in a dead end, facing a crouched blond man. He froze seeing the red shirt he’d worn that day, red blood streaming on the ground, dripping and running towards him. Rivers of blood drained from the crouched figure who cried and Bernard stumbled back in horror.

“Stop that. Stop that! That’s not what happened, you… you’re making things up… there was never that much blood… never, I would’ve died!” – He shouted and heard his voice echo. 

The snoring stopped. 

“Why did you do it?” – The crouched Bernard asked himself. – “Why did you kill me?”

“I didn’t!” – Bernard shouted back. – “Stop playing mind games!”

“Is this hell?” – The crouched crying Bernard asked with a sob. – “Did you kill me and send me to hell?”

“Oh crap…” – Bernard squeezed his eyes shut feeling like he was about to puke and when he opened them back up it was he who was now crouching, the razor in his shaky hand. – “Ahh!”

Bernard screamed and fell backwards, dropping the blade and scurrying away. He ran back and away from the dead end losing track of his path. He ran scared and desperate with tears streaming down his eyes afraid to look back until he started hearing an awfully loud sound behind him, huffing and puffing and the sound of hooves on stone.

Bernard peeked back and found himself being chased by that which had been snoring so loudly – Bernard’s screams had awakened a Minotaur. 

Bernard screamed again increasing his speed. Afraid to close his eyes, afraid to stand and fight. The razor had felt so real in his fingers… what if the Minotaur was flesh and blood? What if he didn’t turn to dust? What if that had been bait? The strange intelligent creature who’d taken residency here measuring his opponent making him believe he was untouchable until the final fight? Bernard ran so fast his lungs were burning, skirting corners madly and gripping the walls for balance.

“Focus! You need to find a way out! You need to find a way out!”

He jumped over a half wall and looked back at the great minotaur, suddenly reminded of Theseus and Ariadne.

“Okay, a thread… I need a thread home! I need a thread to bring me home!”

He focused while running trying to visualise Zamaron, trying to think of Carol and her apartment. The light of his ring was shining brighter and brighter leaving a purple streak behind him, a line that would bring him to his beloved, a line that would save him from the labyrinth he’d lost himself in. The line shone bright and his ring enveloped him in a purple cloud as he shouted.

“Take me home!”

-

He was running for his life, his lungs burning and gasping for more air than he could take in. His vision was blurry, deceiving him. Everywhere he turned there was another monster, another hallucination, another dreadful being hunting him down. He navigated the narrow passages trying to keep his balance, seeking to surface above the labyrinth of it all. Behind him he could hear the roaring of a beast calling for him. The sound a dreadful distorted scream that called him a foreign name that terrified him. 

He ran far and climbed high enough that he reached open skies, carrying on running over rooftops, jumping clumsily and landing poorly trying to get away from the dreadful beast. 

Robin had just landed a particularly long jump when a body impacted his, making him fall and roll forwards.

“WOOOaaahhHHH!” – Bernard shouted as he rolled over a rooftop tangled against another body.

Robin’s cape rolled around Bernard, the two also enveloped in bedsheets that had been hung to dry as they slowed down. They’d rolled away fast and clumsy until they finally stopped.

Robin tried to disentangle himself first, fast, angry and desperate movements pushing and shoving while he panted.

“Oh, damn…” – Bernard breathed in sharply pulling away, not quite sure where he’d landed. He pulled a bedsheet revealing Robin in front of him and he couldn’t believe his eyes. – “Robin?!” – He exclaimed letting his mouth hang open in surprise.

“NO! NO! Get AWAY FROM ME!” – Robin shouted launching the mess of sheets away from him and attempting to get up.

“Robin, wait!” – Bernard pulled his arm back and noticed his entire body was covered in goosebumps, Robin was shaking uncontrollably. – “Robin?”

“No!” 

Robin turned and attacked Bernard, punching him in the jaw and tackling him to the ground. He bared his teeth and Bernard’s ears rung from the force of the punch. He fell back with no resistance, his head spinning from the force of the impact and watched as Robin pinned him down to the ground. 

“I’m not-” – Bernard coughed. – “I’m not your enemy!”

“Liar! All liars! You all lie to me! You lie lie lie!” – Robin repeated with strained sounds in his voice.

“Okay, something’s up with you…” – Bernard acknowledged and fought back.

He switched places with the rabid Robin in no time, pegging him down on the ground. He was amazed at how strong he felt compared to Robin, he’d expected much more resistance. It troubled him more than amazed him, was he that much stronger now? Or was Robin so disoriented he couldn’t fight back?

“What happened to you?” – He asked pressing Robin’s hands besides his head, scanning his face for any clues.

Robin kneed Bernard on his back and headbutted him with an animalistic grunt. Bernard’s grip faltered and Robin was able to retrieve his hands for a moment. He grabbed Bernard trying to tackle him again, his fingers wrapping around his biceps. He dug deep, his right hand was gloveless and his sharp nails pierced Bernard’s skin. He wriggled trying to free himself and Robin’s nails wrapped around Bernard’s glucose monitor in the back of his arm. He howled in pain as Robin yanked at it.

“Ow! Motherfucker!” – He cried out with tears swarming his eyes. – “Enough!”

Bernard looked at Robin and found him frozen staring at him, his hands still gripping but softening while he mouthed something he couldn’t hear. His mask was shattered on the side of his face and Bernard could see a sliver of Robin’s eye. It was rounded and wide, panicked.

“Bee…” – He said softly.

“It’s okay… it’s okay…” – Bernard repeated trying to ease Robin’s grip on him.

“Bee… NO! No! You’re another lie! You’re dead! You’re dead! No!”

The struggle resumed but Bernard was hurting and decided he’d had enough, whatever was going on with Robin he couldn’t fight him in this state without both getting hurt. He conjured a rope and made quick work of tying Tim’s hands and feet. He laid him on his stomach and sat over his ass holding the rope tight in his fist.

“Calm down!” – He shouted.

“No! No!” – Robin wriggled under him, his face pressed sideways against the concrete.

“Do you have some comms or something? Can people hear you?” – Bernard asked lowering himself, speaking close to his ears. – ”Hello? Batman, you there? You got a mad Robin out on the loose, I’m gonna send a signal, follow it or something I don’t know… not sure where we are…”

Bernard looked up at the moon-less sky and pointed his ring upwards. Like a firework he sent out sparkling purple light that exploded in the shape of the bat-symbol. It lingered above them for some time while Tim mumbled to himself.

“Robin?!” – He heard Batman shout not too far from them.

“No! No! He’ll kill us! He’ll kill us!” – Robin pleaded looking back at Bernard with such fear in his eye Bernard’s stomach dropped.

“Calm down… it’s all gonna be okay…” – He said pushing a strand of hair away from Robin’s face, softly tucking it behind his ear. He surprised himself by shushing Robin and caressing his cheekbone. – “It’s okay… whatever happened to you, it’s gonna be okay… your dad’s coming… you’re not alone… your best-friend is here… I’m here with you, I’m not leaving you alone…”

He looked down at his arm and noticed a thin stream of blood running down from the monitor. 

“Goddammit, you messed me up good…” – He chuckled.

“He’s dead… he’s dead… I killed him… I killed him…”

“Who the hell are you talking about?” – Bernard asked hearing the sound of heavy boots climbing up a metal staircase not too far from them, his heart rate suddenly increasing, his position… his position sitting over Tim’s ass holding him tied up under him feeling incredibly inappropriate all of a sudden.

“You… I killed you…” – Tim cried out with a pained sob.

“Crap…”

“Robin!” – Batman shouted and Bernard flew up in a panic before Batman could see him.

He hadn’t planned on coming back to Earth… nor did he think his Ariadne string would’ve led him back to Tim. He hadn’t considered how to announce he was alive, he hadn’t considered if he’d ever do so and in a panic bolted, leaving Robin tied up for Batman to find.

He sat atop a billboard not too far and watched as Batman reached down to Robin. He inspected the surrounding area with inquisitive eyes but focused on his Robin, who was sobbing uncontrollably repeating over and over how he’d killed him.

Batman slowly undid the knot holding Robin back and injected him with a tranquiliser, carrying his limp body away as Bernard’s rope turned to dust on the ground. Before jumping off the rooftop Batman looked back around his shoulder trying to spot the stranger who’d found Robin and left him for him to find. He failed to spot Bernard and rushed away to the bat-mobile.

Bernard exhaled.

He kicked his dangling feet looking over Gotham from a completely new viewpoint assessing whether there was saving his glucose monitor. He concluded it was hopeless, Tim had gripped it so hard he’d pulled the needle halfway off his skin. He peeled it off with a grimace and watched as the sun began to rise above the city.

He didn’t understand why he’d been slingshot to Gotham, he’d clearly intended to return to Zamaron but somewhere in the midst of his panic his mind had wondered away from Carol and the Zamarons and had focused on Tim instead.

“What the hell was that…” – Bernard asked himself shaking his head. – ”What the hell…”

He sat and watched the sun rising losing track of time. He hesitated in his indecision, unsure where he wanted to go. He’d settle for returning to Zamaron only to think back on Tim’s terrified cries, his shaky hands gripping him and how they’d softened once he’d felt his monitor. His cries, his cries made Bernard feel like he had a tennis ball stuck in his throat most of all. 

The sun was bright in the horizon but all he could see was Tim’s profile against the concrete as he’d brushed his soft hair away from his face. 

“Fuck…” – He sighed in resignation, suddenly sure that the last thing he wanted to do was return to Zamaron.

-

Carol was flying as fast as she could towards the location she’d shared with Bernard, the same device in her palm he’d used to lead him to the opening of the cave. She stopped flying once she saw a shoreline in the distance. There was no ocean in Mino. Hovering in the air, she watched open mouthed as gigantic waves were pushed aside opening a path in the sand for her to follow.

“Ring, show me the location of Star Sapphire Bernard Dowd…” – She spoke into the device in her palm.

“Star Sapphire Bernard Dowd is on planet Earth, Gotham City. He was in Mino approximately-”

Perception distorts time and space. The ceiling of Bernard’s room had felt tall when he’d been there with Tim, time had dragged on as they played and talked. Later that same night Bernard felt constricted, pressured by every wall, the ceiling collapsing on him as time marched on without his consent.

Time dilated, passing by painfully slowly as he stood beside the Star Sapphire in clothes borrowed by Hal Jordan that draped over his body like they’d been borrowed from an older brother who’d gone through 3 more growth spurts than you. The ceiling… the ceiling was so tall Bernard struggled not peeking up, his eyes were curious about the glass and crystal of the great hall they were in, the blue skinned tall ‘women’ there too but Bernard had to focus. 

He was the reason they were all gathered there after all.

“... we have for some time now understood that the ring has a will of its own when one by one they forsake the hosts we had selected for them… we know the power of the Star Sapphire is too much on its own, the splitting of the crystals and battery has allowed us control over it for the good of the universe… I believe the battery is perhaps more intelligent than we initially understood… if you’ll allow me, I will present my theory as to the mysteries surrounding it we have recently encountered…”

Bernard couldn’t see a hierarchy in the formation of the Zamarons around him, except that he and Carol were surrounded and that he specifically was at the lowest level in the room. 

The blue woman spoke with authority and was listened to attentively, their suggestion to share their mind immediately encouraged by hums and nodding. They looked like gladiators, their outfits fit for battle made up of purples and pinks, their heads decorated with large plumed helms Bernard found fascinating.

“Our journey through the universe brought us to the great Zamaron, where within its caves we found the fossils of the two corpses that would decide the fate of our people. A male and female, embracing each other as they died and between them the star sapphire. When the universe needed the power of love the most we built a corps, the power of the Star Sapphire stronger than ever before and yet once our enemies were defeated, one by one the rings died. It is my theory that the battery, the crystal… they identify the greatest threats the universe faces and adapts to best face it. The crystal now perhaps seeks a balance by having a champion of each gender, together representing the ideal love in the image of the bodies in the cave. Carol Ferris has been our champion the longest, and her ring vibrates with stronger power than ever before, but it seems it has now sought a male as its host – an unusual choice as we well know. I therefore propose that Bernard Dowd has been sought as the holder of the ring that will exemplify the perfect love bond between the man and the woman in the cave, besides our Star Sapphire.”

Carol frowned.

“How old are you?” – She asked Bernard quietly, nudging him on his side.

“Nineteen ma’am…”

“Jesus Christ…”

“Hang on… I… this can’t be it ma’am… I…”

Bernard was glad to be wearing Hal’s baggy clothes, he could feel the sweat dripping down his back.

“Don’t worry I’ll say something-” – Carol whispered.

She was surprised to find her words interrupted by Bernard. With wide eyes and blushing cheeks he raised his hand as though he were in a classroom.

“Eh… sorry, excuse me miss Zari… can I- can I say something…?”

The soft sound of metal clicking echoed through the great hall like a line of dominoes falling as every Zamaron in the room turned to face him. Zari, who had been sharing their theory nodded at Bernard.

“Speak, Sapphire…”

He nodded in response, his hands fidgeting with each other on his front.

“I don’t think your theory is very correct ma’am, no offense… but, uhm… I don’t think I would’ve been picked to be a representative of the ideal love between the man and woman you- you found in that cave…”

“And why not? Are you not an Earth male?” – Zari asked with raised eyebrows.

“I am… it’s just that, uhm, in matters of the heart…” – Bernard swallowed hard, so many eyes staring at him, so many eyes… he’d never said it out loud, not really… especially not to a roomful.

“Bernard?” – Carol asked noticing he was awfully shaky.

“Ah fuck me… I’m pretty sure I’m gay!” – He blurted out, immediately pressing his lips together and biting his lower lip.

Carol giggled beside him while the sound of chatter grew louder.

“Gay?” – Zari asked.

“I like men, only men, never women, not really… I mean yeah they’re beautiful and awe inspiring of course, the biggest role models in my life are women but… when it comes to feeling and that stuff… yeah… it doesn’t… doesn’t do it for me… at all. I’ve tried, trust me but… I don’t really feel anything like that… but with guys… I like guys...”

And exhale.

“Uhm… how strange…” – Zari concluded, her expression hard to read.

“Aren’t some of you guys gay? A little bit?” – Bernard asked raising his shoulders in tension.

“Oh yes, very much. We have separated from the males of our species eons ago.” – Zari responded matter of fact.

“Oh… okay… so we’re all good then! You get it, right?” – Bernard exhaled and smiled wide, Carol’s giggling beside him making him feel more at ease too.

“Yes, Bernard Dowd, we understand your attraction to the same gender as your own, what this fails to explain is why the ring chose you. You are a mate-less, virgin, disabled earthling with limited combat experience and a strange fascination with ancient gods you do not even seem to worship. It seems you keep love at arms length everywhere you turn.”

“I’m not! I did some- Listen! I- Carol?!” – Bernard raised his voice and stumbled on his words, his face so red Carol was afraid he’d have an anneurysm. 

“Calm down, kid… I got this.” – Carol took a step forward and made a gesture for the room to quiet. – “The ring chose him! From my limited exposure to Bernard he is brave and honest. He is a curious young man who accepted the circumstances he found himself in head on with no hesitation. He came to meet you seeking the same answers you do but we have all we need to know, and that is that the ring chose him! It healed him in a time of need and brought him to Zamaron without need of an envoy. I found Bernard by the battery’s core. If the ring and the battery trust him, so must we.”

Zari and others spoke quietly while glancing at Bernard. He tapped Carol’s hand.

“Thanks…” – He whispered.

“Bernard Dowd!” – Another Zamaron addressed him. – “What do you think?”

“Me?” 

“Yes.”

Bernard lowered his head, his eyes darting across the tiled floor while his head reeled. 

What did he want? Did he want to go back home, to his father? Did he want to go back to school to the same city that had just tried to swallow him? Did he want to go back to his mundane lonely life? Did he want to find out if Tim had lied to him when he’d said he’d missed him? That he’d wanted to be closer again? Did he want any of that or did he want to surrender to destiny, to embark on a great adventure? His eyes glanced over his shoes, a  turquoise pair of high-top Vans that were starting to look worse for wear – they’d become his trademark at this point.

“You know, Zamarons… when I bought these shoes… I had a different pair in mind. To be honest, I’d never even considered getting a pair this color but then… this one was on sale, it was such a good deal I could spend my birthday money on it and still have so much left I could buy the anniversary special edition of my favourite book that had just come out… I really wanted both you know… Sometimes, sometimes we’re offered things we never really considered before, didn’t even know we could like. It was a really tempting price and there was something there about wearing a shoe in a color I’d never tried before that drew me in… And sure maybe it wasn’t the pair I had in mind… but these are my favourite pair of shoes now. I wear them so much I know I will buy the exact same pair when these fall apart. Also,  uhm… This watch here…” – He pointed at his wrist. – “I wanted a different one but I ended up getting gifted this one for my birthday and it also grew on me. Now I can’t think of myself wearing the one I wanted originally, this one is… it’s mine… Someone I care about saw it and thought of me and I made it mine because of that, because maybe… maybe I didn’t see myself as someone who would wear this, it was a bit too out there, too cool for me, but he saw this watch and thought I was cool enough to wear it….”

“Is he comparing the Star Sapphire ring to a pair of shoes?” – He heard a Zamaron whisper to another.

“I take it you are therefore tempted by this offer just as you were by the unconventional pair of shoes you wear?” – Zari asked with a smile on her face, Bernard’s answer satisfactory enough it seemed.

“I think I never would’ve known how well they suit me unless I’d tried them on. I don’t understand why the ring chose me, not at all, but it did… I need to know why… I need to know why it thought of me, found me… I need to know if this is who I am even though I can’t see it myself yet. Maybe… maybe I’ll wear it well…”

-

July, Gotham, the day after Bernard’s disappearance

“Log 1, Bernard Dowd’s disappearance. It has been 27 hours since Bernard was last accounted for. The door to his room was closed, his phone on the ground behind the door and in front of his closet, the screen broken from the upper right corner – the phone hit the closet at fast speeds leading to the cracks, an indent was left in the wardrobe door. The bed cover was ruffled but the bed was still made, Bernard didn’t go to sleep. The bathroom door was locked from the inside. The ceiling lamp of the bathroom was shattered, the lightbulb exploded. In the middle of the bathroom, between the tub and the sink was a bloody towel, a razor and a large puddle of blood.” – Tim sighed. – ”There was no disturbance on the blood, no drag marks, no handprints, no evidence of a struggle, not even any movement. The windows were shut and are too slim for Bernard’s body to have squeezed through without getting himself injured, he would’ve left tissue behind, fabric fibers… something, anything… They were also locked from the inside.”

Tim stood up and paced around the cave while holding the recorder to his mouth.

“His father claims not to have heard anything. Tim Drake was questioned and in the past 27 hours the GCPD and Oracle have scanned the city for signs of Bernard. Batman and Robin have visited the Dowd residence and found no evidence of foul play. Bernard vanished on the twenty third of July, the hottest day recorded in Gotham this year.”

He pressed pause and looked at the small recorder feeling dissatisfied. Something about the act of reporting on the case feeling cold and detached, he was reminded of the way he’d pushed Bernard away in the alley and grunted.

Tim rushed to his bedroom and shut the door behind him, picking up his phone and dialing Bernard. He called two times before he got the courage to press 1 and leave a message.

“Hey Bee… I’m sorry I didn’t see your messages and your calls… I’m sorry I… I’m sorry we didn’t hangout last night… I- I wish you would’ve asked me to… Everything would be so different now if you did…” – Tim sat down on the edge of his bed and pressed his forearm against his stomach, bending over it trying to steady his voice. – “I’m doing everything to find you, I swear… I won’t stop trying to find you… I let you go once… I can’t let you go again… not now that I know… not now that I know how you feel…”

Dissatisfying click, the line went dead. He rocked back and forwards while trying not to cry until he inevitably broke down.

-

July, Zamaron, two days after Beranrd Dowd’s disappearance

“Again, you decide what you want your suit to look like!” – Carol exclaimed dropping into the couch.

Bernard was standing in the middle of the room in his underwear and mismatched socks holding his fist up by his chest.

“I’m trying! I can’t make up my mind! It’s a big choice, okay?!”

“You can always change it! Just something, focus on what you want to look like!” – Carol covered her eyes. – “Just put something on, kid!”

Bernard looked down at himself and back at Carol. He liked how her suit looked. Black with accents of purple, the star on the chest… it was sleek  and hugged her figure beautifully.

“Shouldn’t I just look the same as you?”

“If you wish. I am telling you, you decide what you look like, that’s the whole thing with the ring Bernard, your imagination decides what you do with it…”

“Right…”

He tried to visualise it, a suit he could see himself wearing. The long sleeves wouldn’t do… he needed access to his monitor. Robin’s suit had short sleeves… black and with green shoulder pads… he liked how it looked… the Robin symbol on the left side of his chest… he had a utility belt too, Carol didn’t but he’d have to carry some stuff around if they were to be gone for long… the pants could be the same black material, perhaps kneepads, also purple and padded to match with the shoulder and the shoes… 

“You said you could fly?” – Bernard asked Carol with a twinkle in his eye.

“Yes, you can too… will…”

“Okay… but like, do you grow wings or something? Like, how does it work?”

“No, no wings… you just do… like Superman…” – Her eyes were closed, her legs up up on a pile of pillows as she massaged her forehead.

“Uhmm…. I see… Miss Carol? Have you ever read Percy Jackson?”

“What now?”  – Carol looked at Bernard, not surprised to still find him in his underwear.

“The movie maybe? Okay, no, uhm… you know Hermes?”

“I do not know Hermes, no.”

“Okay, do you know of Hermes? The messenger god with the winged sandals?”

“Bernard, please… you’re gonna get cold…”

“Fine fine, okay… let me cook…”

Bernard closed his eyes and visualised it, the suit of his dreams black and purple with a matching pair of winged Vans on his feet. He suddenly felt it, the fabric around his body, his skin snuggly wrapped. He opened his eyes to find himself fully dressed.

“Haleluia!” – Carol exclaimed sitting forwards. – “That’s great!”

“You think?!” 

“Yes, now some gloves maybe and a mask… Hang on… Are you one of those?!” – Carol asked widening her eyes seeing the placement of the Star Sapphire on the left side of his suit.

“What?!” – Bernard jumped at Carol’s tone.

“The Batman! Are you one of his Robins?!”

“Oh, no… no…” – Bernard laughed, the black domino mask perfectly wrapping over his freckly nose. – “No, but… you get the kid outta Gotham but you can’t get Gotham out of the kid.”

“Alright, you look great… the wings…” – She shook her head and laughed.

“They’re sick right?” – Bernard smiled scrunching his nose.

“Sure… sure… they’re sick…” 

-

August, Gotham, one month after Bernard’s disappearance

Tim hadn’t given a sign of life in days.

“Tim, please pick up the phone.” – Bruce’s voice sounded serious over the voicemail, another one.

“No, thanks…” – Tim yawned resting in bed, one hand shoved in his boxers, the other glued to his phone: Tim had been doomscrolling for days on end.

The line rung again, straight to voicemail.

“Tim, one last chance.”

“Leave me alooone…” – He said dropping the phone and staring at the ceiling.

He peaked out the windows, sun was going to set any time now. Another day gone, completely unremarkable except for the fact he still knew exactly which day it was, or well…how many days since had passed. 

There was a knock on the door, Tim ignored it. Another round of knocking.

“I will unlock this door.” – Bruce said from the other side.

“Fuck…” – Tim dragged himself off of bed dragging his feet.

He opened it and held onto it, meeting Bruce with a soulless stare.

“Thank you, may I?”

Bruce squeezed past Tim and entered the boat. He looked around while Tim stood behind him with his arms crossed. He paced the room, inspecting it much to Tim’s dismay.

“Can you stop that?” – He asked taking a deep breath.

“When was the last time you left the boat?” – Bruce asked crossing his arms, a standoff.

“Bought groceries yesterday…” – Tim rolled his eyes.

“This is unlike you.”

Tim opened is arms in consternation and slapped them over his thighs.

“Can I help?”

“I don’t need anything…” – Tim ran away from Bruce’s stare.

“I will help you one way or another, Tim.”

“You know what I need help with! It’s not this!”

Tim’s volume had been explosive, echoing through the empty and messy boat.

“We’re still doing everything we can, Tim… everyone –  everyone – has been trying to help but you know as well as I do there are no leads, there is no evidence… any trail we tried to follow went cold. I know you’re hurting but channeling your anger towards me is not gonna solve anything.”

“I’m not mad at you… I’m mad at myself…”

Bruce lifted his eyebrows. He knew Tim had blamed himself for having left Bernard alone and not checked in on him after the fight with the cult but something about Tim’s tone made him think there was more to it. It wasn’t angry, it was a sad resignation Bruce couldn’t quite name though it was stamped all over Tim’s face.

He pulled up a chair and sat down, kicking another one towards Tim and nudging it. Tim collapsed against it, sitting with a grunt.

“There’s more to this isn’t there? I’ve never seen you spend such a long time processing something like this… you’ve lost people before, more than you should’ve… I’ve never seen you like this…”

“Death is final, there’s nothing final about Bernard… he vanished, he could be out there… being tortured, dying slowly hoping Robin will come save him again… it’s…”

“It’s torture to you…”

“I can’t live with myself…” – Tim said covering his mouth and looking away from Bruce.

“Tim… why didn’t you pick up the phone… when he called… you weren’t patrolling anymore, you were at the manor… why didn’t you pick up?”

“I didn’t want a confrontation… he’d figured me out and I- I don’t know how to lie to him… he knows me too well, Bruce…”

Bruce nodded and tapped the table.

“There’s also…” – Tim lost his courage halfway through, pressing his lips together.

“What?”

“Nothing…”

“Tim…”

Tim closed his eyes and let his head hang back trying to breathe enough air to say what he needed to say. Confessions take more oxygen than lies.

“Before he realised who I was he asked me to give me a message… to his friend Tim… that he was so happy I’d reached out… and that by doing that I’d made him realise things about himself and that… that he’d planned on asking me to hang out that night, just the two of us…”

Bruce sat back and smiled with a grimace, an undecided expression.

“Oh, I see… was there something, Tim? Were you…?”

“No… no, but… it had been different in a way, since we’d started hanging out together again… it was different but I wasn’t sure… I thought I was just reading into things… He basically opened up to me about… about being into guys and about being into me and a half hour later I shoved him into an ambulance when he gave me the chance to open up to him because I was scared. I fucking… I chickened out and it got him… fuck…”

Tim leaned forwards, grabbing his head and folding in on himself. Bruce reacted quickly, reaching for him and embracing his body with his owm.

“I’m so sorry, son…”

“I don’t know what I was more scared of…” – Tim said with a choked voice. – “I don’t know which one it was but I ran from either… I ran from… I ran from opening up about who I am and… and I…. god…”

“Shh… it’s okay son… it’s okay… we’ll keep looking… I haven’t lost hope…”

“He’s diabetic, Bruce…” – Tim said sniffling hard, gripping Bruce fiercely. – “He can’t survive being held captive or tortured or anything like we could… he’s… he needs someone to look after him… he needs someone who knows his queues and can help him when he’s not feeling good…”

“I know… I know…”

“He wasn’t feeling good…” – Tim spoke into Bruce’s neck, making the collar of his shirt wet with his crying. – “He told me he wasn’t feeling good and I didn’t pick up because I was scared to face myself…”

-

August, Zamaron, one month after Bernard’s disappearance

“Bernard! Down here!” – Carol shouted at a flying Bernard.

He dove down fast to meet her, flipping through the air as he did and shooting arrows at the targets he’d been practicing on – every one a bullseye. 

“How was it?” – He asked landing by Carol, his bow and arrow vanishing into thin air.

“Look at you!” – Carol hugged Bernard tightly, admiring how good he was getting at, well, everything he tried. – “Let me guess, Artemis?”

“Bingo…”

“Come on, let’s walk and talk a little…” – Carol said swinging her arm around Bernard’s shoulder and walking with him to the edge of a cliff.

They sat and watched the Zamaronian sunset, the only time during the day the sky looked somewhat blue and not purple.

“I stopped by Earth on my way back from that mission.” – She said watching Bernard kick his feet.

“Oh?”

“Got you the list you gave me and doubled it… You should be set for a few months… wasn’t easy but I pulled some strings… Hal helped as well, got you a a new phone as well so you can give your fingers a break…”

She pointed at the calloused tips Bernard’s fingers from where he’d been drawing blood from to monitor his glucose levels. 

“Thanks Carol, that’s… thank you so much… this is such a hassle…” – He said feeling bad about how much of a challenge it had been to figure out how to manage his diabetes while living in space.

“I wish I could help you more permanently… but it seems your body is intent on trying to kill itself, huh?”

Bernard chuckled.

“Maybe next time I drop by Earth you could come with me, pay a little visit?”

“Maybe…” – Bernard shrugged.

“Do you want to know anything?” – She asked drawing a finger to Bernard’s chin, urging him to look at her.

His eyes met hers and he lowered them immediately, shaking his head.

“No one?”

“No…”

“Kid… what hurt you so much?”

“You know what happened, I told you about that day already…” – Bernard said with a pout.

“Yeah, you told me about the cult and about your dad but there’s that one name…”

“Huh?”

“When you woke up, after we almost put you in a coma… you asked for someone… you said Tim… you spoke about a best friend you were in love with… it’s been a month, don’t you think maybe-”

“He wanted nothing to do with me then, he’s not gonna want anything to do with me now.”

“You don’t know that…”

Carol’s insistence forced Benard to think of that day, to look inward. He resented her for it and raised his voice.

“Why do you want me to go back to Earth?! Am I not learning well enough? Am I not using this ring well?”

“Extremely well, which is why I think you could do with a little break! See the people you loved that you left behind…” – Carol didn’t mind Bernard’s tone, she circumvented it with reason.

“That doesn’t make any sense, I’m… I disappeared, and then I show up like nothing happened and then leave again?”

“I am asking that you consider what you wish this life you chose to look like. You know how often I come and go… I have a life here and a life on Earth… Hal knows I’m a Star Sapphire-”

“Yeah, well he’s a lantern!” – Bernard picked up a small rock and threw it away into the abyss.

“And if I’m not mistaken the man you love also wears a mask.” – She said with a know it all smile.

“I don’t love him.” – Bernard said looking away down the chasm ahead of them, a split on the Earth with violet light pouring from inside.

“Are you sure?”

“How could I? He never let me.” – Bernard itched his scar.

“Maybe he would now… absence makes the heart grow fonder… you said you’d opened up to him before everything…”

“Yeah I did, and then he pushed me away and didn’t return any calls or messages all night… he did it on purpose, he’s not into me – I read into things and fucked up.”

“Uhm… maybe… or maybe he was shocked… maybe he was unsure how to deal with the fact you figured him out. It’s not only his secret identity you figured out by knowing who he is, is it? By opening up you also exposed an expectation he might not’ve seen coming, don’t you agree?”

“I guess…” 

“Well then… think about it, Bernard…”

“I will…”

 Bernard lowered his head, it had been some days sice he’d last thought of Tim – it always brought a bittersweet taste to his tongue and a sinking feeling in his stomach.

“And get some rest tonight… I’m taking you on your first mission tomorrow.”

“Really?!” – Bernard perked up immediately.

“But only if you eat your veggies and tuck in early, no trident tossing or sword wielding or construct horse ridding!”

“Yeah yeah…” – Bernard chewed the inside of his cheek for a moment. – ”Did you… did you get a chance to… did you see if-”

“Your mother is fine…”  – Carol said with a tightness in her chest, hoping Bernard wouldn’t ask for too many details.

“She’s back in Gotham?”

“She came back the same day, Bernard… she hasn’t left since…”

“Uhm…”

“She seemed fine to me…”

“Good… good…”

“Come on, I’ll brief you on the mission on our way back home.” – Carol said hopping to her feet and extending a hand down to Bernard.

He took it with a smile on his face and butterflies in his stomach. A month ago he’d had the worst day of his life. A month ago he’d gotten his heart broken by everyone and himself in the span of a few hours. On the anniversary of the shittiest day he’d ever lived through, Bernard eagerly anticipated for the morning to come and a new day to begin.

-

November, Gotham, four months after Bernard’s disappearance

It was the type of night you feel the wind chill in your bone marrow. Robin rushed home just before dawn more tired than usual – it was easy to forget how much longer he was out in the streets for when the night stretches on. Tim shed layer after layer of his suit not quite believing how early the first snowfall of the year had come. In the shower, under scorching water he allowed himself to sit down. He eventually hung the shower head around his neck, letting the water run over his chest and abdomen and picked up his phone. He dialed Bernard and pressed one, a habit he’d picked up and didn’t seem quite able to shake.

“Hey Bee… it’s been a couple days, just wanted to check in… It snowed this week, five inches. Summer was short this year, I feel like it ended after you were gone.” – He paused and took a deep breath. – “I had a girl hit on me last week… was at a Gala… she was beautiful, like, the type that would make anyone a little weak in the knees. She had freckles and all I could think of when I saw hers were yours… I didn’t kiss her, I didn’t feel anything for her… You know the day you left, when I made you take your shirt off… I was surprised at just how much I felt seeing you like that… It made me a bit confused if I’m being honest. I felt bad for looking at you like that, especially when you were in such a vulnerable moment… I wish I’d done different, I wish instead of pulling my hand away from your knee when we were outside that I’d let myself do what I really wanted to do… I wanted to hold you cheek and pull you in… I wanted to spend the night with you, watch some movies, fall asleep way too close and wake up even closer to each other… I wanted to forget my pyjamas and have to borrow yours and wake up smelling like you. I keep thinking how it’ll be new year’s soon… I’m sorry. I… I’m sorry I wasn’t ready…”

Tim disconnected the call and threw his phone at the bath mat outside his shower. It made a loud thud sound.

“I’m so sorry…”

-

November, Azabia, TRAPPIST-1,  four months after Bernard’s disappearance

“Get down from there!” – Bernard shouted, the words transforming as they left his mouth into an alien tongue.

The small Glynth shook its head, so fuzzy and rounded Bernard wondered just how old it might be, the adults didn’t look too dissimilar from humans but their young were fuzzy and much rounder than a human baby – it was adorably stuck on top of a small tree.

“I know you can, I saw you jumping around from leaf to leaf earlier, why don’t you wanna come down now?” 

The small Glynth cowered in fear.

“Hey, no come on… I’m here to help you, little guy! I’m a Star Sapphire, maybe you don’t know this but we are friends!”

The pup looked at Bernard more attentively, he’d never seen a male Star Sapphire. He was equal parts curious and suspicious.

“What if I come pick you up and take you to your groupling? How about that? Will you run if I come up there?”

No response.

“Alright… I guess I’m just gonna have to play with my lyre all on my own then…” – Bernard said feigning sadness and walking away slowly.

He conjured a small lyre and began plucking at it, no Apollo admittedly but he still managed to pull some interesting sounds from it. He could hear the small Glynth pup awing at the sounds – Bernard knew the Glynth well enough by now to know their defining characteristic was their curiosity, a burning one that drove them to travel the cosmos seeking to learn everything they could on other species. Bernard had spent two weeks helping the Glynth after a rainy season had caused damage to much of their small world – he’d spent his nights in their museums learning about the universe after days spent helping them rebuild.

“Sorry, did you say something?” – Bernard stopped playing and turned around only to find himself the target of a jumping Glynth.

The small fuzz ball launched itself from the huge leaf it had been hiding on and Bernard caught it in his arms, immediately playing with it and giving it soft caresses.

“There we go, I knew you’d like that…” – He laughed with an accomplished smile.

Rebuilding their world was easy work compared to taking care of their young, but it was the task Bernard liked the most. 

“Where did it go?” – The pup complained.

“You wanna play with it?” – Bernard asked with a heart exploding with cuteness, he’d not minded the task of gathering curious little pups who’d stray too far, not at all.

The small Glynth nodded and Bernard conjured a smaller lyre for it, carrying it as if it was a chubby otter lying on its back while it played with the lyre over its fuzzy tummy.

Just another day as a Star Sapphire.

-

April, Gotham, nine months after Bernard’s disappearance

Tim had asked for permission. He’d called a few times that week – every time he spoke to Trevor he also spoke to Bernard. He’d told him about the cute guy he’d met at random, how they’d clicked instantly. He told him about Trevors’ skill on the skateboard and how much Tim enjoyed visiting him at work, sitting by the window stealing glances while Trevor got through the morning rush. He always smelled like coffee and pastries and Tim hadn’t flinched when he’d held his hand while they walked from the cafe to the park after he was done with his shift. 

Tim had asked for permission to go on a date with Trevor, and he’d asked for forgiveness. He’d asked, but Bernard couldn’t grant it and Tim had frozen outside Trevor’s door after he’d walked him home. Trevor had invited him inside and Tim had thanked him but apologised for needing to get to bed soon. Trevor had then climbed down the few steps of the brownstone and held both of Tim’s hands in his. He’d said ‘Hi’ with a charming smile and reached for Tim’s cheek, pulling his face in. Tim had held his breath and – and he’d frozen, stuck in place, his neck so stiff Trevor had pulled back and looked at Tim with a confused squint. Tim had apologised profusely and bolted, leaving a disoriented Trevor standing outside his door seeing Tim leg it.

Tim was out of breath by the time he got home, the door barely locked by the time he dialed Bernard’s number. He was greeted with three ascending notes and a new message.

“The number you have dialed doesn’t exist.”

“Fuck!” 

Tim had held it in the whole way home but lost his composure once he heard Bernard’s number had been disconnected. A vase went first, then a couple dirty plates he’d left on the dining table, and then the table and a couple of chairs. By the time Tim was done his hands were bloody and raw and his apartment looked like a crime scene. Tim scoffed at the look of his apartment, tracing his movements through the position of the broken objects.

“That’s how it’s supposed to look like… no one just vanishes… there’s always – always – evidence…” – He said through gritted teeth, sliding to the ground and sitting in the middle of the chaos he’d made. – “I’ll never love anyone… never… I’ll never be able to love, I’ll never let myself feel anything for anyone - ever! I don’t deserved it…”

-

April, Zamaron, nine months after Bernard’s disappearance

Bernard had been woken up from a deep sleep by that same familiar beeping. He dragged himself barefoot to the kitchen rubbing his eye and perched over a counter with a bowl of sugary cereal. He looked out the window while he ate, he hadn’t been in Zamaron in a couple of months and had forgotten how beautiful the sky looked even at night. None of that old Gotham polluted cover that made it so that you were more likely to see the bat-signal than the moon at any given night. 

He was lost in thought when Hal entered the kitchen, jumping back in surprise not having expected to run into Bernard. He was shirtless, wearing boxers only. Bernard couldn’t help himself from gawking.

“Jesus Christ, kid! Oh, god…” – He exclaimed clutching his chest.

“Hey, Hal.” – Bernard said giggling.

“Midnight snack?” – He asked opening the fridge and retrieving a bottle of water.

“Mhm… I brought some sweets from Azabia by the way, over there…” – He pointed at the counter, a small box containing little red balls that tasted like nothing Bernard had ever had before. They were delicious but also packed a punch and he had to be careful how many he ate. – “It’s for you and Carol…”

“Thanks.” – Hal walked over and inspected the small package, tapping his fingers on the counter. – “Uhm, I actually wanted to talk to you… been hard to catch you lately…”

“What about?” – Bernard asking with a mouthful.

“Earth, uhm… you know I’m in the Justice League, right?”

“Sure?” – He tipped the bowl and slurped on the milk, kicking his dangling feet.

“So, there’s a Gothamite in the League you know? Batman?”

Bernard’s feet slowed.

“Was visiting Gotham a couple weeks ago… helping him out on a case… I was in the bat-cave one night, that’s his like, base of operations… anyways, one of his Robins came in from patrol… We were focused you know? Batman and I, but I couldn’t help but notice the kid working on the computer behind us and your picture popped up.”

“Oh.” – Bernard lowered the bowl and wiped his mouth on his forearm.

“You’re still an ongoing open case there, for them… I didn’t know you had a connection to them…”

“Did you tell them anything?” 

“No… not my place, I mean, you haven’t been back since… I don’t know why but I know not to intrude like that…” – He observed Bernard attentively trying to pick up any clues. – “I overheard them talking too… kid sounded like he knew you…”

“Uhm, yeah he did I suppose…”

Hal nodded.

“We were best-friends…” – Bernard dropped the bowl beside him, clutching the counter by his sides.

“You want me to send word? To Robin? To Batman? Let them know you’re alive?” – Hal asked crossing his arms and leaning over the counter.

“I… they were talking about me?” 

“Yeah.”

“On the case? Like, do they have clues or something?”

“No, no the kid was just… not the case, they were talking about you.”

Bernard’s heart suddenly took off in his chest, unexpectedly making him feel a rush of adrenaline.

“Listen, I know you said you’d had a pretty bad day that led you here… I know you’ve adapted pretty well, Carol’s always singing your praises but… there’s still people on Earth who care about you, a lot… I didn’t say anything at first cause hey, I get it, explaining to people what we are can be a bit of a headache… but I don’t think Batman and Robin would have any trouble understanding any of this, yeah?”

Bernard nodded, still hung up on the fact Robin was still looking for him, that Tim was talking about him.

“Can I know what they were talking about?” – Bernard asked looking up at Hal.

Hal pursed his lips from side to side thinking about it, choosing to entertain Bernard’s wishes in the hopes it would lead him to rethink his distance from Earth.

“Robin said your phone number had been disconnected.”

“Okay… I mean, yeah… I assume at some point my dad would kick me out of the family plan…”

“He was distressed, you know? Saying he couldn’t reach you anymore.”

Bernard frowned, not quite sure he understood Hal’s meaning until he remembered that night, until he remembered the recording he’d left Tim.

“Oh… oh…”

A humming and droning sound, soft vibration underneath his body. Bernard stirred with his every sense awakening one after the other and then all at once. He was lying on his stomach, his face flat against rocky ground, a dull ache on his jaw. He pushed himself up, his back aching from how long he’d been lying flat and sat back taking in his surroundings.

Bernard thought he must have died. 

Bernard was in a cave, an enormous cave made up of scintillating rock; in the middle of it all a huge rounded crystal of pinks and purples that shone brightly, casting moving reflections all over the cave’s walls that looked like aurora borealis. Bernard watched in awe, slowly taking stock of himself as well. He looked down at his arm and gasped – the cut he’d just made was still there but instead of looking bloody and scary there was that same shade of vibrant violent poking through his flesh. He ran his fingers over it and it was as if his skin had been mended by the strange light. Even more strange was an object around his finger, a ring with a crystal that featured an 8 pointed star carved out of the same violet stone he could see all around him in the cave.

“Okay… Okay…” – He repeated a couple times and then laughed, a loud laugh echoed through the cave as he tried to get himself up. – ”You… you’re somewhere… you’re awake… you feel pain… you feel alive… you feel alive…”

Bernard faltered for a moment, almost falling but caught himself in time.

“Okay, yeah that’s… mmm… shit… how long since you ate?” – He asked himself bringing a hand to his stomach, it ached a dull familiar pain he knew not to ignore. – “Fuck… my phone…”

His heart suddenly began racing as he looked around his alien surroundings, the excitement of finding himself alive suddenly being replaced with the looming threat of not having any means through which to check his blood sugar. So cruel… he’d seemed to have survived himself, only to immediately find himself in danger again. Was it that different? The mind that tries to kill to the cells that fail? 

It was all Bernard betraying Bernard in the end.

“Hello?” – He asked the empty cave, bringing his hands around his mouth to project his voice further. – “Anyone here?!”

He was still wearing the red shirt he’d donned for the cult meeting. He looked down at himself and recoiled seeing it. He removed it and threw it to the ground, standing now in a tight black undershirt that made him feel more at ease.

“Should burn that, never wanna wear it again - yuck!” – He stomped on the shirt before walking towards the crystal in the center of the room.

The droning sound was soothing and attractive, he found himself drawn to it. The ring in his hand responded to it, vibrating softly and he saw the light in the slit in his forearm shine brighter.

“Did you do this? Did you save me?” – He asked the crystal.

“Are you asking the rock?” – An answer.

“Yes?!” – He looked around himself unable to locate the source of the voice that had addressed him, a woman’s voice.

“It won’t answer you…”

“Will you?” – He asked with a chuckle.

From behind the crystal, across from him he saw a woman appear to him. Dressed in a skin tight black and pink suit that featured the same eight pointed star as in his ring over the chest, the woman’s eyes were hidden behind a pink mask. She approached him slowly.

“Who are you?” – She asked standing before him.

“Bernard Dowd, ma’am…” – He said extending his arm and bowing his head.

The woman smiled at him but did not shake his hand.

“Forgive me, should I… uh… should I bow or kneel before you?” – He asked scratching the back of his neck.

“That won’t be necessary, Bernard.” – She chuckled. – “Where are you from?”

“Gotham, uhm… Earth?” – He said squeezing his eyes and looking around himself, something telling him he was either off world or in another realm entirely.

Perhaps this was death, the great beyond, or perhaps he’d found himself falling into an alternate reality or into another planet. Bernard wasn’t sure, so many exciting options to contemplate he settled for keeping his mouth shut.

“Smart… alright, do you have any idea of how you ended up here, Bernard Dowd from Gotham, Earth?”  – She joked.

“Uh if only I knew ma’am, I was in my bathroom and then there was this purple light and this buzzing, this same humming here… and then I woke up.” – His movements were fast, jittery. 

He moved his arms around, pointing at the crystal, pointing at the spot on the ground where he’d woken up and in doing so revealed his shimmery scar, catching the woman’s eye. She moved towards him and held his hand in hers, examining his forearm.

“Did you do this?” – She asked taking his other hand and finding the Star Sapphire ring snug around his finger.

“I…” – Bernard hesitated.

“Did you heal yourself?!” – She asked drawing her fingers over his skin, noting all the other scars surrounding it, all the short horizontal cuts, white faded scars and bright new pink ones – none healed except for that one.

Did I? – Bernard asked himself.

“I, no… maybe? I woke up like this… the ring too, I don’t know what this is, it’s not mine, ma’am…”

“Call me Star Sapphire… please…” – She said noticing he was awfully shaky. – “Well I’ll be damned, it seems the ring found a new host… a man for once…”

“Huh?” – Bernard asked. – “I don’t understand miss Star Sapphire, ma’am…”

“Oh you’re hopeless…” – She laughed. – “May I ask, Bernard… what happened before you found yourself here?”

She dropped Bernard’s hands slowly and he quickly picked them back up again, folding them over his body, hugging himself in the process. He gritted his teeth, moving his jaw from side to side as he stared at the goddess before him. 

“I was having the worst day of my life.” – He said plainly, lowering his head. 

Such a long day. 

He looked back on his afternoon with Tim, the cult meeting, the rescue and fighting beside Robin, the cold shoulder he got in the alley, the argument with his dad, the slamming of doors and the sharp sound of the razor hitting the tile floor. He squeezed his eyes shut and suddenly noticed how dry his mouth felt, cramping in his stomach.

“Crap…” – He muttered quietly unaware of how much his body was swaying from side to side.

“What’s wrong?” – The Star Sapphire asked placing a hand on Bernard’s shoulder.

“Miss Star Sapphire…” – Bernard said with spots in his vision.

He leaned against a large crystal that stood firm and tall, catching himself before he started slipping further and further down.

“Bernard! Speak to me!” – The woman rushed to him, easing him down to the ground.

“I have diabetes…” – He groaned softly. – “Ma’am…”

-

There are certain sounds that can trigger heightened responses, individual triggers. A mother might stir from deep sleep hearing a change in their baby’s breathing for example. The same way, some people might grow used to the loud noise of the city. Honking, the garbage truck, sirens - might as well be a lullaby. Tim had grown used to the noise living in his houseboat but Tim wasn’t on the houseboat, Tim was in his old room at Wayne Manor and in Wayne Manor the sound of several car doors slamming shut is an alarming sound. 

His eyes shot open and he sat up in bed, his sight struggling to adjust to the soft lighting piercing through his blinds. He heard the sound of muffled voices and tapped his mattress for his phone. Curious about the time, he forgot about it altogether the moment the screen lit up. Notification bubbles crowded his screen, all belonging to one name: Bernard.

“What the-”

Tim was interrupted with the sound of knocking on his door before he could do anything about the flood on his screen.

“Tim? Tim are you awake?” – Bruce asked with urgency in his voice.

“Yeah… uh…” – Tim looked around the room, his Robin suit on the floor beside his bed and the mask on the bedside table. – “Room is a mess, by the way!”

He shouted the code, prompting Bruce to slip inside slamming the door behind him. 

“Get dressed, I got this.”

Bruce moved like a hurricane collecting all bits and pieces of Tim’s suit he’d left hanging around and hid them under a floorboard. 

“Hang on, I gotta check my phone… I have a voice note from Bernard-” – Tim pressed play and sat back rubbing his eyes.

“Hey… Tim? Hey, uhm… I just… I just wanted to talk to you, I know it’s late I’m- I’m really sorry I just… some stuff happened and I… hhmnn… I really need to talk to you, man… I’m not feeling okay and I… I really need to-”

Bruce sprinted across the room and grabbed the phone stopping the playback.

“Fuck…” – He breathed out quietly.

Tim looked up at him with a shaky hand hanging in the air.

“-ruce… what’s happening?”

“Tim… Bernard’s missing.” – Bruce said scanning the room one final time, clutching the phone in his hands. – “The police are here to talk to you, I’m guessing they’ve had access to his phone and heard… that.”

“How- what do you know?” – Tim asked standing up more slowly than he intended, the room spinning around him.

“Not much. His father picked him up from the hospital about an hour and a half after you left him. Sometime around four am he texted you and called you, left the voice note and then-”

“And then?!” – Tim yelled poking his head through a the collar of a t-shirt.

“His father checked in on him around seven, that’s about three hours ago.” – He said looking at his watch. – “Come on we gotta go…”

“What happened when he checked in on him?!” – Tim shrieked kicking his legs into a pair of baggy shorts. – “Huh?”

“He was gone, Tim… he was not there in his house and I’m guessing… I’m guessing something more than parental concern is making the police mobilise this quick….”

Bruce lowered his eyes, the theories he’d come up with while rushing up the stairs to wake Tim suddenly crashing in light of the message. He’d thought maybe a member of the cult had escaped and gone back to get Bernard, kicking himself for having thought Bernard would be safe at home. Now… now he suddenly felt very afraid that leaving Bernard alone with himself had been a greater risk than they could’ve anticipated.

-

Bernard’s mom was back, she was back home and arguing with his dad as usual. His voice louder than ever, it sounded close even though Bernard was standing far from them. He hated how his father spoke to her, always so dismissive…

“No, let me do it!”

“Be quick!”

“I am!”

It sounded wrong, they sounded different… worried.

Bernard felt a sharp sting in his index finger, it woke him.

“Ow… that one’s bust…” – He said lifting his middle finger instead. – “This one…”

“Nice, kid… you back with us?”

“Hal, are you sure you’re supposed to-”

“Wanna say it any louder, sweetie?”

“Oh please… just turn it off!”

“Fine… fine…”

It was hard to keep his eyes open. Once before Bernard had felt like this, the day he was taken to the hospital, the other day he almost died. He was racking those like never before all of a sudden.

Green flashed his vision and he forced his eyes to open, meeting a man’s face extremely close to his.

“Whu-”

“What does it say?” – A woman’s voice asked sounding nervous, on edge, it reminded him of his mother.

“About 210… that’s way too high – read the thingy, how much to inject for that much?” – The man said looking at Bernard with concern, brushing his hair away from his eyes and inspecting him.

“Two? Maybe three units? It says it depends on when you ate and your doctor’s regimen…” – The disembodied voice repeated.

“Can’t you heal him?!” – The man asked looking up away from Bernard with a frown.

“I can help but no, I can’t heal him I don’t think…”

“Three… I feel like I’m dying… three…” – Bernard said with a smile, his head sinking into a pillow, his blinking so slow he was seeing the man’s face in slowed flashes. His eyes rolled back and his lips parted – he realised he was struggling to breathe some.

“Come on Carol…”

“Not there! The stomach you idiot! No! Not like that, Hal you’re hopeless…”

Bernard felt rough fingers lift his shirt and pinch his stomach, the stab had a sharp bite to it that soon became barely noticeable – a warm hand rested over his forehead, a feeling so soothing he lost himself to it.

“Mom?” – He mumbled before blacking out again.

“What now?”

“Just wait…”

“How long?!”

The sound of beeping had woken him up then, not the monitors or the machines around him, no… a far more familiar beeping that could’ve raised Bernard from the dead.

He’d coughed, his mouth awfully dry and heard a clattering sound.

“Miss Dowd!” – A high pitched shout and hurrying footsteps. – ”Bee?!”

Bernard had opened his eyes to find Tim’s face inches from his, his wide eyes darting all over his face.

“Tim… hey…” – He’d smiled blinking slow.

“Wake up, you stupid!” – Tim had protested pushing his eyes open.

Bernard had laughed, the sound of his mother’s high heels covering the soft music from Tim’s Switch.

“Tim, what on Earth are you doing? Bernard, sweetie?”

“Tim… did you beat it for me?” – Bernard had asked licking his lips, all he could focus on  were Tim’s wide blue eyes.

He was surprised then to find how worried they’d looked.

“Yeah, yeah I did… I beat the boss for you…”

“Tim…” – Bernard mumbled, then crying out after his friend as he sat up. – “TIM!”

“Easy son…” – The man he’d caught glimpse of earlier steadied him, still seated by his side.

“Sorry… ugh… where am I?” – He asked looking around himself.

He was no longer in the cave, but rather in an apartment it seemed. A large spacious living room with fun looking furniture, pops of color all around him.

“You’re in my home, Bernard…” – That woman who had sounded like his mother addressed him stepping into view.

She had brown hair, long and kind eyes that looked awfully worried. She stood behind the man who was crouched on the floor by Bernard still, two of his fingers glued to his wrist.

“Oh okay… and who are you exactly?”

The man laughed.

“I’m Carol, I’m the Star Sapphire you met earlier…”

“And I’m Hal…”

“Oh… you’re, you’re a person?” – Bernard asked Carol tugging at the hem of his t-shirt and peeking down at his stomach, bruising where Hal had injected him giving him dull pain.

“Yes, I am a person… so is Hal...”

“Okay, he’s not so green anymore… that’s good, right?” – Hal said squinting at Bernard.

“Green?” – Bernard asked brushing his hair away from his forehead.

“You scared the life out of me there, Bernard!” – Carol said sitting on the arm at the opposite end of the couch Bernard was splayed over.

“Sorry, I’m usually really good at managing my diabetes but today was just… crazy…” 

Hal and Carol exchanged glances not quite sure where to begin, not sure what question to ask first. 

“Can I know what’s going on? Please miss?” – Bernard asked sitting up with some difficulty, his body felt stiff and way too light, like he would tip over if he moved ever so slightly. – “I, really, thank you so much for helping me, you guys just saved my life but… I need to know what’s happening right now… please… Where am I?”

Bernard grimaced and rubbed his stomach, Hal had been too rough on him in his despair.

“You’re in Zamaron, Bernard. A planet far from Earth residence to Zamarons and the Star Sapphire. This is a home of warriors.” – Carol’s eyes never left Bernard’s as she spoke.

“Warriors… warriors of what?”

“We seek to spread and protect the great power of love throughout the universe, well, I do… I was the first and I was joined by many in our mission to fight off darkness and fear, loneliness…”

Bernard nodded, his hand now resting lazily over his lap.

“Okay, I’m assuming the neat little ring you have in your finger has something to do with it… that’s a Star Sapphire, isn’t it?” – He said pointing at Carol’s hands clasped on her lap, then turning to look at his own hand and the ring snug in his finger.

“Correct, the ring allows you to harness the power of the great battery you saw in that cave…”

“You said there were others, not anymore?”

“There was a great battle not long ago…” – She looked at Hal now, a soft smile on her face. – “After it was done, peace restored… the rings stopped working one by one… no one knows why, the battery seems to be working fine, my ring remained active but it was the only one. The ring is… its own entity in a way, Bernard… it chooses its host and it may choose to leave them as well… how it chooses is a mystery to us…”

Bernard played with the ring in his finger and coughed, his mouth still extremely dry.

“I see… it chooses you?”

“Yes.” – Hal responded playing with his own ring.

Bernard caught notice of it and squinted.

“You’re a different color… are you like, the Power Rangers or something?” – He joked.

“Something like that…” – Hal chuckled. – “Different rings harness different emotions to power it… a spectrum of emotions, like the spectrum of colors. You might’ve heard of the Green Lantern who protects Earth.”

Bernard nodded. 

Hal cleared his throat and began his monologue – “Fuelled by willpower, the Green Lantern Corps-”

Bernard cut him off.

“Sorry, sorry to interrupt. You can carry on in a bit I’m just… this thing is purple here, yeah?” – Bernard interrupted Hal and pointed at his finger. He turned his attention to Carol. – “What emotion exactly are you harnessing with this?”

Carol smiled, mostly from Hal’s dejected expression. –  “Love, Bernard. The power of love is the emotion us Star Sapphires fuel to fight.”

“Love?!” – Bernard exclaimed bringing a hand to his forehead. – “Just, love? Wait hang on… how… how do people get chosen then, for this? I’m assuming big guy here is stubborn as an ox and was recruited for his willpower or whatever- but love?!”

Carol laughed and Hal sulked, a smile poking through his pout.

“Well… it depends Bernard… the ring chooses based on ones ability to love, intensity of emotion… I have met Star Sapphires who’d had a great love for humanity or their own species… some who had been heartbroken, some who loved so intensely their love shone like a beacon to the universe…”

Bernard’s face dropped the more Carol spoke, his fingers beginning to tap the cushions rhythmically. A soft tu-dum mimicking a heartbeat.

A great cosmic joke indeed, Bernard couldn’t shake the feeling he was the object of a great joke between bored gods.

“Bernard?” – She asked after he went quiet, his eyes darting from side to side not quite seeing anything but more mimicking the pinbal jumping inside his brain. –  “Bernard, what’s the matter?”

“You said the rings stopped working… that you’re the only one left…”

“Yes, well… until the ring called to you, I suppose.”

“Uhm uhum… it’s, uhm… it’s just that… I… I don’t think… maybe… maybe there’s been some mistake…” – He said slowly moving the ring up his finger.

“How so, kid?” – Hal asked noticing Bernard’s shaky hand.

“I… I haven’t really ever had the chance you know… to love someone… not really…” 

Carol held her breath as Bernard’s sad eyes met her.

“There’s… there’s lots of different types of love, Bernard… love for your family, for your friends, romantic too, sure, but also love and hope for others… love is, it casts a wide net…”

“I understand that I just… I haven’t really had a chance to love anyone…” – He repeated himself. – “I love my mom… I hate my dad… I loved my friends but they betrayed me and tried to kill me… I thought I was in love with my best friend and then I got… they weren’t there when I needed them the most… I’ve never been able to love without getting it shoved back on my face, slapped by it… I… I can’t love anything or anyone… how can I fight for it if I barely know it?!”

Carol looked at Hal, his eyes soon finding Bernard’s arm and focusing on the large violet light pouring from it.

“I used to think I was weak…” – Hal said quietly. –  “Lack of focus, bad habits, you name it… I lost control more times than I care to admit… But this ring… it didn’t find me because I was the perfect most disciplined person on Earth… it found me because I picked myself up again and again… from every dirty gas station bathroom I slept in after puking my guts out… every time I woke up sweaty and with no memory of the night before… every time I was mean to the people I love because of my addiction…” – He looked at Carol with sheepish eyes. – “I picked myself up and I kept going… that’s why the ring chose me, kid…”

Bernard looked down at his arm, the bright lights in the apartment putting every little scar and scratch on display.

“I did the opposite of that…” – He said trailing the long purple streak. – “I felt love draining away from me and I did the opposite… I gave up… I ran.”

“You clearly didn’t though… something… something happened there, didn’t it?” – Hal asked placing a reassuring hand on Bernard’s shoulder.

“What happened, Bernard? What happened before you woke up in that cave?” – Carol asked.

“I… I think… I made a stupid decision I immediately regretted… and then…” – Bernard took a deep breath. – “I think I made a vow that was heard across the galaxy… I think I made a vow that brought me here…”

“What vow was that, Bernard?”

Bernard chuckled, lowering his head and shaking it lightly. He laughed and covered his eyes and face with his hands for a moment, rubbing them hard.

“Ahh… well… I suppose it was a vow of love…  fuck…”

-

A ticking clock. Tick tick tick… Tim could hear every watch, ever grand clock, the drips of rain on the window. Time was ticking and Tim was too late. 

“Thank you, mister Wayne – apologies for the disruption.” – The lead investigator thanked Bruce, taking a cup of coffee from his hand and setting it on the coffee table in front of him.

Tim was sitting on the edge of a couch across from him, his hand by his mouth as he nibbled on the skin around his nail bed.

“No worries gentlemen, we want to help whichever way we can.” – Bruce sat down on a chair between the investigator and Tim, a perfect vantage point to watch both.

“So, as we unfortunately announced, mister Drake, your friend Bernard Dowd has gone missing from his house sometime last evening between four and seven am… we understand that you were with him for a significant part of yesterday, so could you take us through your day with Bernard?”

Tick, tick, tick…

“Woke up kinda late, usually do, it’s summer… I didn’t go anywhere in the morning, just stayed home.”

“Home?”

“My home, not here… I live on a houseboat at the Gotham canals…” 

Tim took his hand away from his mouth and wiped blood on his leg.

“Yes, we tried that address but no one responded.”

“Well not to jump too far ahead but I was meant to go out with Bruce last night but then I didn’t and ended up staying here…”

“Alright, I see. No jumps… you woke up, you stayed home and then what?” – The investigator’s eyes were fixed on Tim, a junior officer taking notes behind him.

“I went to Bernard’s at around noon, took the bus there… Bernard and I just played video games most of the afternoon, just hung out together and then I left at around five.”

“And where did you go?”

“Here, I came here to the manor. I was to accompany Bruce to the Opera but I wasn’t feeling well, I was getting a migraine by the time I got here and Bruce dissuaded me from joining him. I stayed the night because of it.” – Tim cast a sideways glance at Bruce with downturned eyes.

“Is that something you’ve experienced before? Migraines?”

“Yes, often.”

“How often?”

“Very, I’ve had them since I was a kid… my mom also had them…”

“Is there a medical record of your migraines?”

“Yes, sir…” – Tim’s eyes narrowed. – “I have been admitted to Gotham general a handful of times over the past few years due to them… I take medication for it…”

“Very well.” – The investigator looked around the room and smacked his lips. – “And Bernard, did you speak to him again after you left?”

“No, I didn’t… he was going to hang out with friends from college… I didn’t want to bother him… I also fell asleep fast after I took my medication… woke up to Bruce just now…”

“Bernard tried to contact you during the night but you didn’t respond.”

“I was asleep, I avoid screens when I have a bad migraine.”

“Have you checked your phone since?”

“I haven’t had the chance, no.” 

“Alright… Tim, do you know where Bernard was going with his friends?”

“No.”

“Did you ask?”

“No.”

“Have you met these friends?”

“No.”

“During the day… what was Bernard’s mood like? Did you talk?”

“Yeah, I mean, we talked… he was fine, he was uhm… he’s got diabetes you know?” – The investigator nodded. – “He had a tough time with the heat, his sensor, the glucose monitor – you need to know this – it’s not working well… It didn’t alert him to a drop in blood sugar, he was almost passing out when I noticed.”

Bruce raised his eyebrows and so did the investigator.

“My, mister Dowd had no knowledge of this…”

“It was around two? Maybe three?” He was dozing off, I helped him cool down and we got some juice and a candy bar and he was fine in no time but yeah… the sensor is not working well…” – Tim lowered his head and tightened his lips.

Tick, tick, tick…

“Have you witnessed this before? A situation like this?”

“Yeah, of course I have…” – Tim scoffed. – “I was his best friend before he even got the diagnosis… I’ve given him insulin more times than I can count… I knew there was something wrong just by looking at him… It’s… when your best friend has something like that you learn fast to look out for them.”

“Very nice… it seems you two are quite tight… like Bernard trusts you a lot, relies on you…”

“We were… we grew apart after we graduated, like, we each went our way you know? But I’ve missed him a lot-” – Tim’s nails were digging into the sides of the cushion beneath him. – “So I reached out a couple weeks ago… we’ve been hanging out a lot since.”

“Has Bernard mentioned going through a difficult time to you? Emotionally? Or mentally perhaps?”

Tim shook his head. – “No… no he’d… he’d been having a great time in college, had a new friend group… no, he was- he was great…”

The investigator paused, reading Tim as he sipped on his coffee.

Tick, tick, tick…

“Anything else, officers?” – Bruce intervened.

“I believe this is all the questions we had need for, mister Wayne.” – He stood up abruptly, his eyes still piercing Tim. – “Listen, mister Drake… if you hear anything, if Bernard contacts you please let us know.”

“You think he ran away?” – Tim asked standing up as well, his legs feeling more unstable than he cared to admit.

“We cannot discard the possibility, there were no signs of breaking or entering but there are also no signs anyone left the house… it’s a puzzling thing…”

Tick, tick, tick…

“Slow down!” – Bruce shouted at Tim as he ran down the stairs to the bat-cave, jumping over multiple steps at once.

“What do you think he meant with puzzling?!” – Tim shouted back. – “Do you still have your access to GCPD or do we need Oracle?!” 

Tim bolted over the bridge and reached the main platform feeling out of breath – he’d been holding it in without realising.

“Computer!” – He shouted typing his password.

“Yes, I do but wait, Tim…” – Bruce caught up with him, settling next to him on the computer.

“What?! Wait?! Are you mad?! Every minute counts, Bruce!”

“I know, I know son I just- I have a feeling…-”

“Since when?!” Tim shrieked.

“Tim.” – Bruce spoke more sternly. – “I have a bad feeling about that voice note Bernard left you, son…”

“Yeah so do I!”

“Maybe let me check this on my own first…”

“No.” – Tim shook his head from side to side, his arms crossed tightly over his chest. – “No, Bruce. I need to know!”

Tim slammed his fist on the table and gasped.

“I need to know…”

“Tim…” – Bruce placed a hand on his back. – “Did something happen? Something else?”

“I was supposed to protect him Bruce… I’d been following the stupid cult for weeks I saved him from them and-”

“Go on…” – Bruce urged Tim knowing there had to have been a reason why Tim hadn’t checked his phone, why he’d rushed away from the warehouse and hidden away in the manor and it sure as hell wasn’t the fake migraine he’d made up.

“I was… I was mean to him.” – Tim admitted leaning over the table. – “He… he figured it out Bruce… he figured it out, that it was me… he followed me and he called me… he was… he knew… and I… I shrugged him off, I dragged him to the paramedics, said he was hallucinating… I was harsh…”

“Tim…”

“I panicked! I wasn’t expecting it! Not there, not like that! I don’t know how he did it… I shouldn’t… I shouldn’t have gotten close to him before wrapping up the case… I was stupid I know I just- I missed him, Bruce… I missed him so bad… it was- it was so nice…”

Tim broke down, his breath got caught in his throat first and turned into a sob.

“It’s okay… it’s… don’t… don’t blame yourself, yeah?  He called you… he texted you and he called you… if he was angry with you he wouldn’t have.” – Bruce said dragging his hand up and down Tim’s back.

Tim nodded.

“Let’s take a look at this, I’ll get Oracle in with us… we don’t have a lot of time, right?”

“Yeah…”

Tick, tick, tack…

“Fuck.” – Tim exhaled with eyes growing dry from staring at the screen. Not a shout, not an exclamation. Quiet resignation more like.

“Tim…”

“The door was locked!” – Tim said gripping the arms of the chair.

“It’s not necessarily his…” – Bruce said swallowing hard seeing the crime scene pictures of the bloody puddle.

“The towel! What? You think he’d fight off an intruder and then pat him dry with a towel? That… it’s too much blood…” – Tim covered his eyes.  – “The door was locked…”

“I’ll go there tonight, as soon as police leaves…” – Bruce said placing a hand on Tim’s shoulders. –  “Oracle, anything on your end?”

“‘Fraid not, boys… face recognition places Bernard’s last sighting on the passenger seat of his dad’s car two blocks away from home… no other feed featuring him since… there’s also nothing from the neighbours’ security camera on the backyard… no one coming in or out.”

“Play it again.” – Tim said determined.

“Tim…”

“Play it again! Stop coddling me, I’m trying to help him!”

“Fine…”

“Hey… Tim? Hey, uhm… I just… I just wanted to talk to you, I know it’s late I’m- I’m really sorry I just… some stuff happened and I… hhmnn… I really need to talk to you, man… I’m not feeling okay and I… I really need to talk to you right now… please pick up… please… please I… please pick up… fuck…”

Tim listened attentively to Bernard’s words and then the crying before the recording cut off.

“Again, did you hear something in the background of him crying? Can the computer identify any sounds?”

“No, look.” – Bruce pulled up the soundwaves for Tim to see, Bernard’s voice the only sound the recording had really picked up, not even the crickets and cicadas outside could be heard or seen.

“Again.”

“Hey… Tim? Hey, uhm… I just… I just wanted to talk to you, I know it’s late I’m- I’m really sorry I just… some stuff happened and I… hhmnn… I really need to talk to you, man… I’m not feeling okay and I… I really need to talk to you right now… please pick up… please… please I… please pick up… fuck…”

“You should eat something, you didn’t have dinner or breakfast and it’s almost two now…” – Bruce said noticing the paleness in Tim’s face, a yellow tinge taking over.

“Again…”

“Tim.”

“Please… please let me do this…” – Tim begged squeezing his eyes shut. – “I can’t eat right now, don’t- just let me do this… just let me find Bernard.”

“Tim…”

“I need to find him, Bruce…” – Tim said with eyes that swelled with tears and shaky breath that sounded like the shuddering of a freezing night. – “I can’t live with myself if I don’t find him. I need to make this right… I need to tell him-”

“What, what do you need to tell him?”

You never know what’s going on behind a closed door.

That sliver of light that shines through, poking, calling, drawing your attention.

The light is warm toned and if you were to look actually close, real close, you would see the silhouette moving from side to side across the room until it settles right in the center. You would notice the shadow widen as the figure inside crouches, an agonized gulp followed by the sharp sound of metal on cold tile might confuse you. You might wait and hear the large drops of blood falling on the cold porcelain and you would be tempted to rush inside, to unravel what horrible frightful scene was taking place but the door wouldn’t open, it wouldn’t budge. The sliver is all you are awarded and just as you start to lose hope violet light would replace the warm old shade your eyes had grown accustomed to. An explosion of saturated hues would dance in that sliver, eclypsing the shadow until it would be gone just as suddenly as it arrived. You would look at that gap between the door and the floor and you wouldn’t see or hear anything at all. The ragged breathing, the stifled cries, the wet dripping and the scintillating bells would be gone. Cicadas would stir outside the empty bathroom, the lightbulb exploded and shattered would grant you no more insight. 

A mystery, you are witness to a great mystery even the world’s best detective will fail to solve. But you are not the world’s best detective, you are a witness and you saw the boy rush in the bedroom with puffy eyes and shuddered breaths. You saw him try to fall asleep and fail, you saw him run inside that bathroom and slam the door shut, locking it behind him. You heard him cry and grunt and you heard his surprised gasp. You heard it all and you heard the lightbulb explode, breaking the humming and drumming of the violet light with a violent crash. 

But you don’t know what led him there, and you don’t know where he went.

You don’t know what preceded and what caused the disappearance of Bernard Dowd.

-

“... then I realised the programming was completely corrupted, like absolutely broken down to its core which is actually better to fix than to have to hunt down little bugs here and there… I rebooted the whole thing from the roots and bam! It works! Heh, it was so easy, just like this, look! Look! I’m gonna beat this boss for you, you’ll see! Bee? Bee…?” – Tim nudged Bernard beside him with his elbow, his eyes fixated on the screen. – “Hey- woah.”

His nudge led to a soft thud sound, the book Bernard had on his lap sliding from his hand onto the ground. That wasn’t what drew Tim’s attention though. He paused the game and dropped the controller finding Bernard’s arm to be clammy, covered in a film of cool sweat that sent chills down his spine. Bernard made no mention of trying to hold his well loved and annotated copy of Percy Jackson The Battle of the Labyrinth, it fell to the ground clumsy and splayed – the spine broken beyond repair from years of wear and tear.

“Huh?” – Bernard asked, his head had slowly been falling away from Tim, his neck bent from the weight of it.

“You’re soaked… where’s your phone? You hot?” 

Tim’s movements were fast, worried. Bernard was nudged and patted down, his thigh lifted by Tim as he searched frantically for Bernard’s phone. Bernard’s reactions on the other end were slow to come, he’d been drifting into a forced sleep that had snuk up on him.

“Are you hot?” – Tim asked pressing his hand on Bernard’s burning forehead and worryingly pale cheeks.

“Yeah… yeah I’m, I’m really hot actually…” – Bernard finally opened his eyes and found Tim crouched on the floor by him much closer than he expected.

“Where’s your phone?! When was the last time you got a notification from your monitor?” – He asked with urgency Bernard was slow to react to.

“Uh… good point… here…” – Bernard reached behind him under the bed and got his phone.

“Take off your shirt.” – Tim ordered tugging at the fabric.

“What?! No!” – Bernard’s eyes widened and he was struck with nausea. – ”Mmnn…”

“Bernard, just- you gotta cool down, just get it off, it’s drenched…” – Tim protested.

“No! The hell…” – Bernard refused, struggling to unlock his phone.

It had been a little over a minute since Tim had nudged Bernard and felt his burning body against his elbow. Just a minute that felt excruciatingly slow to Tim and dazingly fast for Bernard. The clock ticked in Tim’s mind, Bernard’s pale face and slumped body sending shivers down his spine. 

“Fine!” – Tim grunted and pulled off his own shirt with a huff. – “There, now get your shirt off, please.”

Bernard’s mouth tensed seeing Tim shirtless before him, tugging at Berard’s own shirt with a neediness in his eyes that made him feel something else other than the nausea rolling around in his belly.

“Uh… fine…” – Bernard removed his shirt in slow movements and Tim rushed off to Bernard’s en suite bathroom

Bernard followed Tim with his eyes as he rushed to the bathroom. The door almost shut entirely and for a moment Bernard had no idea what was happening behind that door. It was daytime, Tim didn’t turn on the lights. From the gaps around the edges of the door Bernard couldn’t see any shadows or any movement, Tim was a mystery to him all of a sudden.

“What does it say? Are there any notifications?!” – Tim shouted.

“No… I think this one’s a little faulty…” – Bernard said pressing his phone to the small circular glucose monitor on the back of his upper arm. – “Was a pain to put in and it hasn’t been sending updates on its own, I have to keep checking…”

Bernard let his head fall back as he waited, losing track of time looking up above him.

Bernard’s bedroom ceiling was covered in glow-in-the-dark stars that had never fallen down, no matter how many years had passed since he’d stuck them on. Planets made of paper mache dangled over his bed. He looked at how they swayed in the breeze he could barely feel himself.

“What the hell-” – Tim said from the bathroom.

“Huh?”

Tim rushed back into the room with a drenched handtowel, dropping to his knees and drapping it over the back of Bernard’s neck.

“So?” – He asked with those same wide eyes that had pulled Bernard back to the world of the living.

Bernard looked down at his phone.

“Shit.” – Bernard stated flat, dropping his phone on his lap, only now realising just how shaky his hands were.

“What?!”

“60… sugar’s at 60…”

“Crap. Okay, you got those uh, those tables or something?!”

“Juice, let’s get some juice downstairs…”

Bernard lifted himself slowly, at such a low blood sugar level he knew any fast movements could make him faint. Tim helped him stand and walked behind him with painfully slow steps, his hands reaching for him and then hanging tense in the air as Bernard stumbled down the stairs, his golden hair bouncing with each step. 

In the bigger houses of Gotham, the ones with gardens, one could forget they were living in the city during the summer months. An explosion of color and vegetation hid the backyard of the Dowd residence from both the scorching sun and the city’s towering buildings. It had been a long time since Tim had spent any time here, some time since he and Bernard had hung out like this. It was nice, nicer than he’d expected it to be, aside from the dangerously low levels of sugar in Bernard’s blood that brought back a familiar tension he also hadn’t been witness to in a while. There was a familiarity to being with a childhood friend that no matter how many years had passed, it was none had passed at all.

“Stop chewing on the straw and drink it already!” – Tim complained checking his watch.

“You said something, when you were in the bathroom, I couldn’t hear you. What was it?” – Bernard asked overwhelmed by the sweetness of chugging on a second juicebox.

“Oh… uhm, there was just… there was a lot of bloody tissues in the bin… like, a lot…”

“Oh, right…” – Bernard pulled his arm closer to himself, suddenly reminded of the four parallel cuts on his forearm that were now exposed thanks to Tim’s genius plan of getting him shirtless to help cope with the heat.

“Was that from changing your glucose monitor?” – He asked casting sideways glances at Bernard.

“Yeah, yeah was nasty… been trying different spots and the old one didn’t wanna come out…” – He extended his leg against the wood floor over the steps to the patio the two were draped over and lifted his shorts. There was a large red rash on his thigh, bumpy and with a nasty looking depression in the middle with dried blood on it surrounded by bruising that drew a grimace from Tim’s face.

“Ouch, damn… that looks terrible…” – Tim said leaning in, one hand touching Bernard’s knee with surprising lightness considering his frantic grip not so long ago.

“Yeah, thigh is no good… but with the heat I kept getting rashes on my arms and so sweaty…” – He shrugged.

“Have you tried your stomach? Didn’t you used to put it there when you first got it?”

“That was mostly my mom, she was scared I’d rip it on accident.” – They chuckled together. – “I might try, I don’t know, don’t think it helps with the sweaty dilemma.” – He said looking down at his belly, at the soft spot he tugged between his fingers so many times a day for years now.

Tim’s eyes followed, observing small bruising over the spot where Bernard injected most often. His hand was still resting on Bernard’s knee, much to his own surprise. Bernard wasn’t unaware though, he was highly, acutely aware of Tim’s hand on his knee and his eye on his stomach, his lifted shorts… he felt exposed and observed and he froze like prey taking shallow breaths. Something… a stillness between them, a timelessness, breathing in suspension. 

It was too much.

“What uh- what you doing later tonight?” – He asked trying to change topics.

“You got any plans?” – Tim interjected, suddenly retrieving his hand and smacking the back of his neck with it. – “Ow! Stupid mosquitoes…”

“Was gonna go out with some kids from college… but-”

“Cool, I’m gonna go out with Bruce.”

“Oh cool… just hang out?” 

“Wayne stuff, some opera we gotta watch…” – Tim leaned back on his elbows looking at the thick foliage above them.

Bernard’s eyes followed Tim’s movement. He wasn’t used to how much stronger Tim looked these days and now? Shirtless in his backyard? He looked huge, his biceps bulging, rounded shoulders, defined pecks and even some abs poking through at any movement. There was a softness to his body still, but it was so defined Bernard wondered how long he spent at the gym to look like that – like the stuff of myths.

“Oh, nice…” – Bernard looked away from Tim. 

He hadn’t even managed to ask if he wanted to do something together but felt rejected still, a sharp pang in his chest that made him want to run back to his room and hide.

Tim chuckled unprompted and Bernard whipped his head back and saw Tim itching the back of his neck and smiling wide.

“Gimme a grade, have I grown rusty?” – He asked winking at Bernard.

“What?”

“Diabetes buddy, did I remember everything or did I mess something up?”

“Oh…” – Bernard chuckled. – “You did good, you were so fast. I mean, I was just dozing off cause it was so stuffy in the room, I didn’t even realise till you jumped at me.”

“Nice…”

“Yelling at me to take my shirt off and shoving me around!” – Bernard complained sitting closer to Tim.

“I felt like a sleeper agent waking up. It’s been so long but I don’t know, the moment you didn’t say anything I felt like I was thirteen again or something in pe class and I’d scan the court to find you bending over your knees looking like a ghost. It’s been a while…” – Tim said with a smile that puzzled Bernard, one that dropped fast as he looked away to the trees.

“Yeah… yeah it has… you’re just, always so busy… but like, what do you even do, actually?”

“I work with Bruce a lot…” – Tim said picking at the sides of his thumbs with his nails.

“Doesn’t he want you to go to school?”

“He’s not rushing me, I’m thinking about it but I don’t know, it was a bit hectic the last couple years…”

“Right…”

“So, the kids from college you going out with. Are they cool?” – Tim asked trying to change topics.

“Yeah…” – Bernard looked away and thought of the music and dancing, the torches and the praise to Dionysus he’d committed to memory as of late. The sound of drumming flooding his hearing – “They’re cool.”

-

If you were to have followed Bernard Dowd around for the past two weeks you would’ve thought he was one of the happiest men on Earth. Summer break had started and even though that meant he’d temporarily moved back in with his parents he was still the happiest he’d been in a long time. 

Stupid, manic levels of joy. 

For the first time in a long time Bernard felt like everything was new and exciting and coming into place. His dad had been particularly easy going on him since he’d started university, he was making friends fast and he’d just rekindled his friendship with Tim Drake. Most of all, most of all Bernard felt sought out for the first time in a long time. Tim had come to him, it had mattered more than he could put into words and beyond all of that had been the Children.

The Children of Dionysus had not only embraced him as one of their own, but he’d been showered with affection and become the center of attention from the moment he’d joined the group. He’d been fearful at first, his curiosity driving him despite it and had been rewarded with ecstatic praise. There was such freedom to their rituals, a connection to something ancient. Sure, Bernard had stumbled home on occasion with bruising and cuts on his back and arms he couldn’t quite remember how he’d gotten, but he’d also come home with hickeys and with blurry memories of dancing and making out with his friends. He’d been given affectionate nicknames, his beauty praised and most of all… Bernard was commended time and again as the perfect example of the pleasure that coexists with pain. 

Bernard had never been afraid of needles or blades, it had come in handy when at eleven he was diagnosed with type one diabetes. Since then he’d learned that there was not only nothing to fear from a sting, but that there was relief in it. It was a bad habit, he knew, which is why he’d felt so good when something he’d hidden in shame before was suddenly applauded. Bernard was praised for his scars, for the steady grip on a blade and the ease with which he drew blood from himself. It was euphoric, no longer a shameful hidden secret but an awe inspiring spectacle to be revered. Bernard was perfect for inspiring trust, for squashing fear among the newer members of the group. How could one fear the sting of the blade when Bernard smiled so beautifully when doing it?

No fear, none. 

That was, until he was betrayed. 

If you were to look at Bernard laying on the sacrificial stone, his wrists tied and wide eyes you’d struggle to know what exactly he was feeling. He did too. He grew strangely detached as he listened to the men and women who’d celebrated him for weeks now preparing him for his death. So typical, to let himself get carried away, to dive in without asking how deep only to find the ground closer than he could’ve anticipated. He felt a warmth in his cheeks, his face had been smashed against the bottom of a shallow pool, the top of his head aching from the dull pain of not having asked how high to jump. Bernard felt battered and bruised inside out. 

Strike One.

He breathed in deep seeing the leader raise the blade. 

This was it, he was tied by his hands and feet. Bernard was no stranger to acceptance. He’d accepted it when he’d been diagnosed with a lifelong autoimmune disease. He’d accepted that he’d need to be vigilant over his food, his blood sugar, his exercise levels even as a kid. He’d had to mature a lot faster because of it. He’d accepted it that he’d sometimes have to stand back from fun, abstain from drinking or be careful not to get too tipsy lest he risk a health emergency that would ruin everyone’s night. He’d accepted it when his best-friend had started skipping school leaving him more alone than ever and he’d accepted it when they’d drifted apart after graduation. It happens, right? 

Bernard closed his eyes and accepted that this was his fate, that the choices he’d made had led him here. He accepted with no fear in his heart that his journey was over, and prayed there was something far more interesting on the other side.

He heard gasps and a sharp noise right by him, a grunt of pain.

“Robin?! How!” – The cult leader exclaimed.

Bernard shot his eyes open at the mention.

“You like chaos so much? Have some chaos!”

Before Bernard could spot Robin the room filled with smoke.

“Where is he?”

“I can’t see!”

And then he landed by him on the cold stone, cape fluttering and all.

“Robin?” – Bernard asked with shaky breathing.

“Let’s get you off that altar.” – Robin said cutting the ropes around his wrists and helping Bernard stand.

Bernard was speechless, Robin’s hand clinging to his despite him being on his feet already. The way he held Bernard’s hand was softer than he would’ve expected. Despite the thick gloves Robin adjusted his palm a few times fully taking Bernard’s hand in his, soft but giving him reassuring squeezes as he encouraged Bernard to stand. Something about it threw Bernard in for a loop, reminding him of Tim’s hand on his knee earlier that day. He shook the thought away and said the first thing that came to mind in a nervous burst.

“I- I can’t believe it’s you. I was obsessed with you. But… you seem different…” 

From up close Robin looked so human, so familiar Bernard struggled for a moment. His eyes observed more attentively finding familiar features everywhere he looked, wondering if his mind was playing tricks on him.

“Get out of here now. I will take care of this on my own.” – Robin let go of Bernard’s hand and he missed the pressure terribly. He wouldn’t get rid of him that easy.

“That’s what you think… I’ve been training. You don’t have to fight on your own.”

Acceptance, adventure, hope. Bernard brought his fists up and noticed one of the cult members charging at him and used the cover of smoke to prepare himself. He delivered a powerful side kick to the man’s face and suddenly Bernard and Robin found themselves standing back to back in the center of the room.

Surrounded. Smoke dissipating. Bernard swallowed hard, his moment of heroics suddenly feeling like another jump into unknown waters he should’ve considered more carefully. 

“Robin?” 

“Yeah?”

“If I don’t make it out… Can I ask you a favour?”

“You’ll make it out.”

“Please, tell Tim Drake that… that when he reached out me he made me realise a lot about myself… tell him, well, he probably knows, he’s the smartest guy I’ve ever met. But tell him I wish we could’ve hung out together tonight… I didn’t say it earlier cause I chickened out… I wish we could’ve hung out just the two of us… wish I’d had the guts to ask him out on a date.”

He heard no reaction, there was no time for one. The charge was offensive and the two men protected themselves and each other with all they had. Bernard fought thinking of how he wouldn’t mind dying like this, better to go standing with your fists en garde than pathetically restrained.

They looked around themselves as Bernard leaned over his knees taking deep breaths: it had been an eventful day.

“Robin… we did it!” – He exclaimed between breaths.

“Yeah, I think we did.” – Robin responded itching the back of his neck.

Bernard froze seeing the motion, the spot of the rash… it was right where Tim had gotten bitten earlier that day, the spot he’d spent the rest of the afternoon scratching.

“Tim…” – He whispered to himself as his mouth hung open.

The hair, the voice, the figure… suddenly it all made sense, it all clicked… Tim hadn’t so much disappeared as he’d been replaced. Bernard hadn’t seen less of Tim as the years went by, he’d only seen more of Robin.

He watched Robin attentively as he helped the other teenagers who would’ve been victimcs like Bernard. He watched him as he led him outside while police stormed the building, flashing lights and noise and commotion but all Bernard could see what the rash on the back of Tim’s neck, that little swirl of hair he sometimes twisted in his finger while focusing.

“Come on, we need to get you checked out!” – Robin ordered a slow paced Bernard.

Suspicion drags its feet.

“I’m fine… barely a bruise…” – He said quietly.

Bernard almost lost track of Robin once outside the warehouse. Flashing lights from police cars, sirens, officers and curious bystanders – the street was crawling with people and Bernard rushed past them running after Robin.

He’d let Tim walk out of his life once before, he’d accepted people move on. He wasn’t feeling very accepting now, he wasn’t going to let Robin get away so easy.

He rushed behind him, following him to an alley where Robin was ready to shoot a line from. He ran behind him and tugged at his shoulder, turning him around.

“Robin!”

“Go with the others.” – He said looking tense.

“Tim?” – Bernard said quietly, nothing short of a whisper.

“What?”

“Tim, is that you?” – Bernard’s voice cracked for a moment, his cheeks warmed up at it.

Robin had his back to him, slowly revealing his profile as he peeked back at Bernard.

“I don’t know who that is… you need medical assistance…” 

Bernard scoffed. – “You- you are! What the hell! Hey!” – He tugged at Robin’s arm, pulling him to turn to face him.

He felt cold when Robin yanked his arm back, turning away quickly and guiding Bernard back into the crowds as a disturbing realisation took shape in Bernard’s brain: Tim had reached out to him not even a week after Bernard had joined the Cult of Dionysus. If Tim was Robin, and Robin had been working the case… had Tim only reached out to him because of his connection to them? Was he being investigated?

Strike two.

“Wait, I have to ask you something-” – Bernard whispered trying to look back at Robin.

“I will tell them to run a tox-screen, some of the people in the room looked altered. Your knuckles are bruised and you should be checked out for a concussion. How did they get you on the table?”

Bernard was being shoved with force while Robin spoke in his ear, he could feel Robin’s warm breath and it covered his body in goosebumps.

“I- hang on, wait!” – He protested trying to turn around.

“How did they tie you up?!”

“I- I’m not sure… there was a lot happening…” – Bernard’s memories were a thick fog all of a sudden, he realised he had no recollection of how he’d gotten in that position. – “Wait, Robin… please…”

He was shoved towards a parked ambulance.

“Officer, please do a check on him he might’ve been given something – he’s not making any sense.” – Robin spoke to a police officer and a paramedic, passing Bernard onto them and disappearing in the blink of an eye.

“Wait! Robin! Robin!” – Bernard yelled trying to spot him, a paramedic’s warm hand resting on his shoulder urging him to sit on the back of the ambulance. – “Robin?!”

-

The heavy rain assaulted the hood of the car making the silence inside it seem almost natural. Almost. Dowd Senior was gripping the wheel avoiding the boy in the passenger seat with remarkable success until he couldn’t anymore.

“What am I going to tell your mother?” – He finally spoke, Bernard was unsure whether he was asking him or himself.

“Dad…”

“An answer, Bernard, not an excuse, an answer…” 

“I didn’t know…”

“Excuses.”

“I was lied to.” 

“Excuses.”

“I- I was a victim!” – Bernard shouted.

Dowd responded with a scowl, the car breaking abruptly at a red light. He stared at Bernard through his glasses with a frown and tense downturned lips.

“I will ask you one more time. What am I going to tell your mother?”

Bernard looked at his father through his eyelashes, his eyes slowly shying away from the man’s fury.

“Tell mom… I- tell mom that I-” – Bernard stumbled on his words.

“Do you understand where she is right now?” – His father asked shaking his head and driving off.

“Dad…”

“Her mother is sick. She has upended her life for the past six months travelling back and forth, going through an emotionally difficult period and her only son joins a cult!”

“I didn’t know it was a cult!”

“What was it Bernard?! What did you think it was?! Are you that idiotic? Is my son that stupid he doesn’t recognise a cult is a cult? A death cult at that?!”

“A child reared on sharp stone will find comfort in the edge of a blade.” – Bernard said looking ahead through the heavy rain.

“Look at me.” – His father ordered.

Bernard turned his face and was immediately struck with a wide palm. He jerked forwards from the force of the impact, crying out in shock.

“Is that what you want? To blame me for your stupidity? You dare speak of a sharp stone when we raised you in the best schools? Gave you the best medical care in the world? Pay for your tuition and never, ever until this moment raised a hand at you? Is this what you wish? For me to beat you so you can justify your angst?! Your pain is such you seek a cult that deals in pain and blood to finally put a face to your anguish?!”

Strike three.

Bernard was breathing heavy and his father soon pulled in the driveway. He bolted out of the car.

“It was a metaphor, you asshole!” – He shouted slamming the car door shut.

“Get back here!” – His father screamed after him. – “I’m not done with you!”

Bernard rushed the steps of their townhouse, his father rushing after him and slamming the door shut behind them both.

You never know what’s going on behind a closed door.

-

Step after step Bernard climbed the stairs to his room with a strange feeling. He felt hollowed out and yet so heavy. His limbs were ungainely, his head felt like it had blown up twice its size and his stomach was a gaping wound. 

He knew not to speak back, he knew not to call his father anything other than sir when he was angry with him. He’d made that mistake twice today, calling people by the wrong name and enduring the whiplash from his error. Such a sharp bite in seeing through the mask.

The kind Robin who had come to his rescue, who’d clutched his hand firmly had turned cold when he’d implied he knew who he was. And his father, his father had grown irate at Bernard’s challenge.

For two hours he listened to his father’s rage. His voice boomed alongside thunder and he felt like he was stuck in a nightmare with Zeus himself raining lightning on him. He much preferred the slap.

He’d tripped over the videogame controller Tim had dropped, kicked his book under the bed and collapsed against the firm mattress on his front. He laid there for a while, the ringing in his ears the only sound he could hear as the rain stopped. The ringing grew louder, sharp and painful in his ears. He sought his phone while lying flat over the blankets.

No missed calls.

He texted Tim asking him about the Opera. He asked him about whether he was bored, if he was home already, if he’d been caught out in the heavy rain.

Silence.

He texted him thanking him about his help earlier in the day and mentioned how fun it had been to hang out.

No response.

He looked up at the slightly green starry sky above his head and took a few deep breaths while gathering his courage.

The line rang for some time but no one picked up. Bernard rang again, and again. Fear started creeping in, a dark shadow growing behind him enveloping his body with oppressive weight he could do little to shake. He was agitated, his knees bouncing, his hands shaking. He rang again and got no response.

“Press one if you’d like to leave a voicemail.”

He pressed one.

“Hey… Tim? Hey, uhm… I just… I just wanted to talk to you, I know it’s late I’m- I’m really sorry I just… some stuff happened and I…” – A shuddered breath stopped his speaking, a sob stuck in his throat. – “I really need to talk to you, man…”

Bernard’s voice was strained, breaking every few syllables.

“I’m not feeling okay and I… I really need to talk to you right now… please pick up… please… please I… please pick up… fuck…”

He dropped the phone on his lap and broke down crying, the phone still recording unbeknownst to him. He tried to hold it back and grabbed the phone again, disconnecting the call feeling embarrassed and threw it across the room. The screen shattered as the phone slammed against his wardrobe and he cradled his head between his forearms.

“Stupid, fucking stupid!” 

It was dark in his room, the light of the stars dimming the more he shrunk over the shroud of darkness that was feeding off of him. It was a despairing feeling Bernard struggled to handle, struggled to hold inside of him. If only there was a way to let it out, to open himself and let the pain flow out of him. 

He bolted from bed and entered the bathroom with agitated gestures, closing the door and locking it behind him.

He avoided his reflection in the mirror and dug through his medicine pouch with tears streaming down his face. He felt the sharp edge against the numbed tip of his index finger and swallowed hard, his breath trembling.

With quivering lips he dropped to his knees in the center of the bathroom and held the razor with some hesitation. 

Surely, you’d think, surely Bernard would’ve learned his lesson. That this behaviour had only brought him pain, that it had nearly killed him. Surely, you’d think, surely Bernard would know this was a problem, not a solution and you’d be right. Bernard did know, he was ashamed of it and he was fearful as well. He knew every time he’d pressed that razor against his skin that he was doing something wrong but he still did it because the relief of doing this was better than nothing at all and because a small cut was better than the much worse alternative of a far larger cut, of the breeze on his way down or the feeling of water in his lungs. A small sacrificial cut to fend off the bite of death. 

A reasonable bargain any sane man would be willing to make.

He started slow, touching the metal to his skin convincing himself that would be enough. A little pressure, the thrill of it, that’s it, nothing more. 

A treacherous gamble that backfired.

In one fast and desperate movement Bernard flipped the orientation of the blade vertically and gasped. 

“Argh! Fuck!” – He exclaimed dropping the razor and clutching his forearm, a stream of blood pooling down.

“What are you doing? You don’t wanna die! You do it because you don’t wanna die! I… I…” – His eyes blurred with tears. – “I’m sorry… I’m so so sorry… I didn’t mean to… I’m sorry, I’m so sorry… I’m such an idiot… I’m such an idiot… You don’t deserve this… you don’t… it doesn’t matter… it doesn’t matter… I’m so sorry I hurt you, I’m so sorry I considered it, I’m so sorry I did it… I’m sorry…”

He rocked back and forth resting on his heels as a realisation suddenly dawned on him as he reached for a towel to staunch the bleeding.

“I’m so sorry… I didn’t do it, did I? I tried everyone except you… Not mom or dad, not the Children… not even Tim Drake… It’s never gonna cut it, is it? You’ll never be okay if you need them to be okay… If you need anyone else… I’m sorry, I’m so sorry I hurt you, I should’ve… I should be the one on your side… I should be the one who’s got your back… Fuck… I’ll… I’ll do it…”

The light flickered above him, you would’ve noticed if you were outside the door, watching, listening, spectating the tragedy of Bernard’s choice. You would notice the flickering grow more intense as he steadied his breathing, as his own light dimmed.

Bernard pressed his eyes shut, suddenly terrified of the razor, of the blood, of the cut. The sting sending his body into overdrive, shaking while his heart tried to break free from his ribcage.

“Never again… you hear me? From this day on, I got you… I’ll do everything that I can… It doesn’t… doesn’t matter if you’re alone, I got you… in darkest night I got you, in the depths of hell I got you and in the blackest of nights… I got you… I got you… I’ll never hurt you again… I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry I hurt you… I-”

He opened his eyes slowly to a soft ringing sound that reminded him of wind chimes. It was a soothing sound that came accompanied by an unnatural hue surrounding him. Bernard looked around himself to find a strange purple glow emanating from under the towel he pressed against his skin. It decked the room in a feint purple that shone brighter as the ringing grew louder. Bernard looked around himself in confusion until the lightbulb exploded above him, casting the completely empty room into darkness. 

You never know what’s going on behind a closed door.

Bernard was looking ahead, his hair being tossed from side to side by undecided wind gusts. Dawn would break soon, there was a faint warmth breaking the bluish sky. His phone was buzzing in his pocket, he looked up the caller but it was unknown. He declined.

“There you go, Officer…” – Batman said passing a coffe takeaway cup to Bernard.

“You actually did it?!” – Bernard asked laughing. – “And you got yourself one too!”

“Of course… long night…” – Batman said coming up next to him, sitting on the ledge of the rooftop of GCPD headquarters.

“Do you have to sit there?” – Bernard teased taking a sip of his coffee and burning his tongue. – “Damn… thought it would have cooled on its way here…”

“Offic- uh you’re hopeless…” – Tim broke through laughing as well.

“So, I’ve been meaning to ask… was he?” – Bernard asked with wide eager eyes.

“Huh?”

“Lincoln March… was he a Wayne?!”

“Oh! That! No! Of course not, always knew that…”

“You still tested him though…”

“For their memories… for the memory of Bruce’s parent’s… so that he’d know they’d never lied to him.”

Tim’s tone shifted, more serious now. He looked over the horizon and took a sip of his own coffee, also burning his tongue but he hid it.

“Right… did you tell him?” – Bernard asked with raised eyebrows.

Tim smiled softly and met Bernard’s eyes. – ”Yeah, yeah I did…”

“I guess that’s that on the Court… for now…” – Bernard said shivering, temperatures were dropping fast in Gotham, the city would soon be covered in a sprinkling of powdered snow. 

The phone in his pocket began vibrating again, he ignored it until it stopped.

“Come on, Robin… you sound almost disappointed… Haven’t you had enough of them?!” – Tim teased.

“You really gonna be calling me Robin?” – Bernard asked with a shy smile.

“Well, you didn’t seem to like detective…”

“Stop saying it! You’ll jinx it, I mean it!”

“Exactly, so while we wait for you to become detective, I’ll call you Robin.”

“Do I get a cape? A mask?”

“No, Robin’s… Robin’s not about that… but you always knew that, you always knew what Robin is about, Robin is about hope… It’s about-”

“Hang on, same number keeps calling me…” – Bernard said interrupting Tim, pulling up his phone in angry fast movements. – “Hello?!”

“Batman with you?”

“What?!” – He shrieked almost dropping his coffee.

“Come on, pass it over to him… and next time pick up faster, it’s Robin…”

“I- sure…” – He lowered the phone and looked at Batman giggling. –  “It’s for you…”

“Who is it?”

“Robin…” – Bernard grinned taking a step forward and handed Batman the phone, amused seeing him press it against the cowl.

“Batman?!” – Dick said on the other side of the line.

“What?!” – Tim’s heart dropped hearing Dick’s shout on the other side of the line. – “What?! Is Babs-”

“Batman, get down here to Bludhaven right now! Babs gave birth! We’re parents! We have a little baby!, Batman! I’m a dad! – Dick’s excitement was tangible, his voice shaky and happy, so so happy.

“You- congratulations Dick… how is she? How’s Babs?!”

“She’s doing great, it was so fast I barely had time to let Steph know, she’d just popped out for a second… get your ass down here now, you need to meet our little girl… oh, and bring him with you!”

“You sure?” – Tim said smiling so wide, finding Bernard standing in suspension looking at him with wide curious eyes.

“Yes, B.! Now!” – Dick disconnected the line and Tim was left standing in his suit smiling at Bernard.

“What? What happened?” – Bernard asked retrieving his phone.

“We gotta go to Bludhaven right now, Bee.”

“What? Why?! Is Barbara-”

“She’s okay, she had the baby… my brother’s a dad…” – Tim said with a shaky tone himself.

“You- you’re an uncle?”

“Yeah… yeah I am…”

“Shit, alright, you got a change of clothes nearby?” – Bernard asked collecting their coffee cups and pouring out the remaining liquid, shoving the empty paper on a backpocket.

Tim stayed still for a moment, looking at the sunrise rolling over Gotham while Bernard rushed around him. It would be day time soon, the sun would warm the skies in shades of pink and orange and give the city a warm shade that reflected off of all the tall buildings. A perfect dawn to celebrate the beginning of a new chapter.

I still don’t really know when to stop, where to draw that final line and put it away. I don’t think you ever managed to, did you? It wasn’t when Jason died, it wasn’t when Damian came along… it wasn’t in one of the dozens of times you almost died… I don’t know when I’ll feel that urge again, to drop it, to seal the cave cause right now? Right now I feel like something new is starting, a new age for Gotham. I feel hope for the first time in a long time, hope for myself, hope for Gotham, hope for Dick and Babs, hope for Steph… I feel hopeful in a way I haven’t in ages. 

I spent the night working as Batman with the man I love. It’s amazing not having to hide from others… it’s amazing that I can speak to him openly, that I can… I can count on him on the hard days, I don’t have to isolate, push him away… Bernard gets it, Bernard makes me better and makes me feel better… I like to think I do the same for him, he hasn’t smoked in three days, but who knows? I’ll be there regardless to pick up the shattered bits because he makes me feel like nothing else… with him I can see both futures finally coexisting… I can keep your legacy and I can live a happy life with someone I love… someone I’ve loved before and had to let go… I won’t be letting go of him now, I won’t ever let go of the hope he makes me feel, ever again.

So for today’s Gotham is… 

Bernard’s eyes burned like coals staring at Callum Doyle, the DA, as he leaned out Commissioner Lawrence’s office window tapping his cigarette lazily.

“Didn’t think you’d come to your senses, Lawrence…” – He said releasing a thin long stream of smoke.

Bernard bouncing his legs and tapped a mug in his fingers, his body sinking into a desk chair. It had been the longest day of his life. 

“Sometimes it takes an obstinate kid to snap you out of it, huh? Listen, there was just so much conflicting evidence, I did what was best to try and keep people safe…” – Lawrence lied trying to cover his ass. 

“I’ve been building a case on the Elliot’s influence in the city’s politics for years…” – Callum tapped the cigarette looking at the stills from the security video type footage from inside Maslow’s apartment that showed he’d been visited by the old man, that he’d been handed the papers that would ultimately frame Tim. – ”Would you like to serve the warrant, Officer Dowd?”

“Huh?” – Bernard hadn’t really been listening, his eyes fixated on the cigarette.

“Are you alright Officer Dowd? You’ve been sitting there for a while…”

“I’m fine… just… it’s been a long day…” – He said rubbing his chest and squeezing his eyes shut for a moment.

I am worried about Tim, I am freaking out about whether or not this will be enough to get the Court down… so far… so far we have four family’s involvement proven, but how many are there? How many people are really a part of this? When will it be over for him? When will he be safe?”

“The warrant, Officer Dowd? Would you serve the warrant to the Elliot’s? Should come in any time now…” – Callum repeated himself watching Bernard’s face turn more and more pale by the second.

“Yeah, yeah sure I will… just… I just need to step out for a moment…” – Bernard jumped off the chair and bolted out of the room.

He tried really hard to do something else, to get a snack, to find some gum, to distract himself but the station was quiet, that late afternoon dip in movement as officers get ready for the night ahead. Tension… tension spreads like fog and it’s suddenly quiet, the coffee gone stale and the kitchen empty, crumbs being silently carried away by ants.  

“Fuck it…” – Bernard mumbled reaching into the pockets of the jacket he’d left behind at the station some days ago, exhaling in relief once he felt the cardboard rectangle in his palm.

Bernard’s head tilted back staring at the sky and his hand was firmly planted on his belt buckle while the other tapped the cigarette between his fingers nervously.

“Fucking idiot…” – He mumbled to himself.

How the hell is Tim into you? He’s Batman, he’s probably one of the most disciplined people to ever walk the Earth, his body, fuck… who knows what he’s fought, the horrors he’s faced and you… you can’t even stop smoking, you can’t conjure the willpower to not do something that hurts you… what’s gonna do it? What’s gonna have to happen to make me finally drop these?!

He heard a bottle smash not far from him, it made him jump. He looked around the empty back street and sighed. Even during the day Gotham had a way of looking spooky. 

It was a particularly dark and gloomy day, heavy thunderclouds were rolling in and the sky had a tinge of green to it. A storm was on its way, a long dark day followed by a long stormy night.

Bernard brought the cigarette to his mouth one last time and put it out on the wall behind him. He took a few steps forward stretching, looking up at the scaffolding that was covering the side of the building. Another explosion had taken out a section of the building not too long ago – an average occurrence. He observed the tarp flying wildly in the wind until commotion inside headquarters broke his focus. He rushed back inside to find men running down to the garage, Blake Jenkins among them.

“Jenkins! What’s happening?!” – He asked joining the men.

“Explosion in the Gotham Museum, firemen arrived not too long ago but asked for backup.”

“What, why? What caused the explosion?!”

“No one knows but one of their men was attacked by one of those…” – Jenkins said more quietly.

“One of those?”

“The talons… the place is swarming with them or something… they also said they saw Batman… don’t know which one though…”

“Crap… I’ll be down in two minutes! Don’t leave without me!” – He shouted running back upstairs.

He bolted up stairs and skirted sharp corners tripping over his own feet. He found his locker with flushed cheeks and feeling out of breath and retrieved the shotgun from it. There were two rounds left inside.

Guess this will have to do…  fuck… I gotta quit smoking… – He thought rushing back down with a sharp stitch on his side.

-

It is on nights like these I wonder just how addicted to this life I am. I’ve changed mantles, stepped in and out of capes… This life never found me, called to me, I found it… I took it in my hands and shaped my future. I regret it some days… on the days I fall asleep on the couch with Bernard and wake up to his hands on my body… I regret it. On days I think about all the pain, all the suffering through the years… the injuries, the losses… I regret it… but then again, that’s stupid and short sighted… I’ve experienced inexplicable joy wearing a mask, I’ve found meaning and purpose and a family… and maybe most of all, I found something I am really good at.

Tim watched as the Talons spread around the room looking for him. He was crouched underneath the floor, the decorative railing paired with his mask giving him sight above ground. 

Was not that long ago Bruce was doing this and his knees cracked so loud he gave away our cover… he was embarrassed at first, I could tell… once we made it out though… he looked at me and burst into laughter. I hadn’t seen him laughing like that in costume in a while, my stomach hurt from how hard I laughed too.

The first group of Talons got close enough to a box covered in tarp and Tim’s eyes narrowed.

Hope I get to laugh out on patrol again one of these days… Batman… Batman needs a Robin…

With one click of the computer on his wrist the cables went out flying, attaching themselves to the Talons with its sharp prongs and yanking them back towards the box. It was faster than he’d expected, the exchange in temperature so sudden the Talons weren’t able to resist at all.

There goes the element of surprise… well, sorta… they don’t know where I planted the batteries… gotta rush and get them all before they figure it out.

Tim jumped out of the grates and ran, tackling Talons and shoving them closer within range of the cables, freezing Talon after Talon this way. For the more scattered ones he used the small hexagon attacheable batteries. He ran and jumped through the air, slinging between Talons and attaching the batteries to their bodies on a determined path. 

Not bad… not too many hits… preserve your energy, you’ll need it for Lincoln…

It was better than he’d imagined, the cables worked with no kinks, dragging Talons with force and imobilising them almost instantaneously. It was dark in the room now, rain was beginning to fall and the Talons couldn’t see the snakes pouncing at them. 

This is sick…

He was facing off a determined Talon, attempting to shove him closer to the center of the room but struggling when he heard the explosion on the other end of the room, the wave hitting his front making him fall on his back. The Talon fell too and was immediately attacked by one of the cables, the prongs biting into his chest turning his upper body limp over Tim’s legs.

Shit… one down…

His contraption had been discovered by none other than Licoln March. The Batman walked with slow heavy steps towards Tim with fire burning behind him, a hellish picture. Tim wondered if he ever looked like that in the suit, he hoped not. 

Lincoln watched as the Talons dropped beside him in suspension, their body temperatures too low for them to function. Tim wondered if he’d try to bring them back but he didn’t, he marched onwards with hunter eyes.

“Not gonna try and get your buddies out?” – Tim baited him.

“I’ve been watching you, Tim Drake… tell me, what will happen if I try and release my brothers?”

Tim shrugged and laughed getting up on his feet. –  “Why don’t you give it a go?”

“I do not need them to beat you.”

“Fair…” – Tim and Lincoln began circling each other in the middle of the room. – “You do understand what’s happening here, don’t you?”

“Yes, the glorious battle for the future of Gotham…”  – Lincoln said launching an attack on Tim.

“Not quite!” – Tim said dodging it. – “We’re being played into the hands of the people who made you into this, people who don’t care about either of us…”

Lincoln is brutish, way too powerful but he is limited… his attention is scattered… I need to bait him and get that damn tooth out from his mouth… somehow… last attempt didn’t go so well for me… Bernard managed to stay alive by appealing to Grundy’s childlike mind… Lincoln is not so much a child as he is insecure… terribly insecure and deadly afraid the version of his lifestory he’s been told is fake… let’s put salt on the wound…

“You know, I was never there when Batman first fought you…” – Tim said circling Lincoln, he couldn’t stop, he couldn’t give any openings, he had to keep going, to stop is to die.

“Were you grounded, little bird?”  – Lincoln teased throwing a plank of wood at Tim.

“Woah!” – Tim dodged the plank. – ”Nah, I was too busy getting head for the first time between second and third period… Was in boarding school, you know? Have you ever gone to school Lincoln?”

Lincoln snarled and got closer to Tim, a sequence of hits Tim could do little to dodge slamming against him. He blocked and countered as best as he could while still trying to save his strength, he needed to wait for the perfect moment to execute his hit.

“I had my first girlfriend back then, it wasn’t serious, but man… she was hot…” – Tim gritted his teeth receiving a powerful blow to his ribcage. – “Didn’t last long but that was not the first… How many relationships have you been in, Lincoln?”

“Quit messing around and fight me!”

“I got real good at skateboarding durig those years… used to go to the park with my best friend all the time… had such a crush on him it got to a point where I felt like I would faint every time he looked at me a certain way…” 

Jab, jab, knee to the balls – BAM!

“uuUHAFNSM” – Lincoln roared in pain.

“He’s so beautiful you know, that type of beauty you only see once in a generation or so… I didn’t even know I was into guys then but I knew I was into him, he was everything to me…”

“I don’t care!” – Lincol complained shoving Tim away from him.

Tim flew back but managed to strike a landing, an outstretched leg on his side and his hand in front of him – a Robin pose.

“But it was okay, I lost him for a while there but I gained something in return… I gained a family and friends, I have so many people who care for me I sometimes forget… I get too caught up on the mission that I forget… Bruce… Bruce never let me forget though… He was always there with me, he embraced me as his own, called me son…”

“Shut up” – Lincoln shouted charging at him.

Tim jumped up in the air and shot his hook at a gargoyle, swinging wild before dropping closer to the fire. He could see the lights of the fire truck running across the walls of the room.

Crap, can’t let anyone in here…

He didn’t have the time to rush out to warn away the firefighters, Lincoln was by him sooner than he’d expected. He was hit with an uppercut in the stomach that made him gasp. He fell to his knees clutching his belly struggling to breathe.

Suboptimal.

“That’s why Lincoln… that’s why you’ll never be Batman…” – He said wheezing. – “You can wear that stupid costume and call yourself by the name… Bruce Wayne fought every day so that people would never lose their family like he did, so that people would never have their love taken from them, their hope…. He fought for people to live life to the fullest and that’s why you can’t be Batman.” – He looked up and stared Lincoln with a shit eating grin on his face. – ”You’ve never been alive at all, have you? You’ve never lived!”

He jumped up and the two tangled in a tight fight.

“You can’t protect something you don’t know! You will fail to protect love if you’ve never felt it! You can never be Batman because you’re a Talo! No matter what costume you wear and what deranged fantasy about your origin you hav-”

-

“How the hell did you sneak that inside the station?!” – Blake shrieked running a red light.

“Mind your business!” – Bernard responded holding on tightly to the dashboard. – “There, at the back! Drop me off there!”

“I’ll help!”

“Help by making sure no one comes inside! You’re useless in there!”

“Bro, what the fuck?!”

“You got your coconut smashed in by a Talon and slept through the whole fight, you think this gonna be any different?”

“Come on, I’m a better shot than you, you know it!”

“Doesn’t matter, this is too high stakes… I can’t trust you with this…” – The shotgun was secure between Bernard’s thighs, two of their colleagues exchanging confused glances in the backseat.

“There, drop me off there – you all help secure the building and make sure the firemen don’t try to go inside, I’ll sneak in and let you know when it’s safe, got it?!” – Bernard ordered looking at the two officers in the back.

“Why are you giving us orders?” – One of the men said.

“Cause Batman said I could- there!” – Bernard hopped out of the car before it fully stopped, rushing inside a side entrance through heavy rain.

He was soaked by the time he came inside, immediately barring the door behind him.

No way in, no way out… this is it… you got two shots to cover him… make them count…

Bernard rushed up the stairs hearing the sounds of the struggle in the great hall, they echoed through the dark and empty museum contrasted by the sound of rolling thunder.

He finally reached a vantage point on a level above the hall, slotting himself between the railing running all around the marquee.

Okay… two shots… two shots and- fuck… he’s fast… – Bernard observed as Tim dodged Lincoln just in time, hopping over a crate that Lincoln promptly kicked and sent flying. 

Tim once again jumped in time over Lincoln, landing behind him. He heard Tim speak, his voice echoing.

“That mask? It needs a person underneath it… It needs someone who hurts and bleeds so they know to hold their punches…”  

Tim said it throwing batarangs at Lincoln, two behind the knee and one on the shoulder Bernard had hit with the shotgun. Lincoln roared, covering Tim’s voice for a moment.

He subdued Lincoln and hit him with a sequence of hard punches on the side of his face. It was theatrical, the wind up grand and the slams so hard Bernard could hear them over thunder.

“It needs someone who understands the worst of people and knows that they’re still worth being loved and saved even if they make bad decisions!” – He exclaimed out of breath.

He’s targeting something… he could take him down a million other ways, why is he punching him in one spot again and again?!

Lincoln grabbed Tim’s wrist and twisted it, prompting a yell to escape his lips. Bernard flinched, aiming the gun.

I can’t get a clear shot, dammit!

Lincoln stood up, yanking the batarangs and throwing them at Tim. Tim dodged one but was hit with the other on his side. He almost fell but held himself up against the scaffolding. He held his fists up against Lincoln while walking away slowly from him, a whimper escaping his lips as he faltered, the batarang stuck to his ribcage.

That looks wrong again… like he’s missing something… the fists alone… that’s Batman, that’s not Tim… That’s not Tim!

Bernard looked around himself and dropped the shotgun, scuttling away while low towards a gap in the railing. The old simple iron railing was being taken down, piles of long staffs that had been removed sat right by the gap.

His fists alone weren’t cutting it, Tim doesn’t fight with them alone… Robin… he uses a staff…

He picked one up and gathered his bravery, waiting for the right moment to launch. 

Tim emerged from under the scaffolding, wooden planks and pipes flying as Lincoln destroyed everything in his path.

“Shut up! Stop talking!” – He protested.

“Sorry, am I bothering you?” – Tim retorted with a chuckle.

“Raahh!” – Lincoln charged at him and Tim jumped away, landing on a platform Lincoln’s rage hadn’t tore down yet. 

Higher than Lincoln, closer to Bernard, Tim took a deep breath and removed the batarang feeling the hairs behind his neck jump.

Bernard took his shot.

“Robin!” – He shouted, Batman’s eyes immediately finding his.

He launched the railing towards Tim with all the force he could muster and Tim jumped in the air to grab it.

He landed on the floor holding the staff behind his back. This time it was he who charged at Lincoln, sliding on the floor just before their bodies collided and zooming all around him with disorienting speed. He tested the staff a few times against Lincoln’s body and found it to be sturdy enough.

I hope Bernard was listening in… something tells me he was, he always was… he always knew me… always knew me so well… this is gonna work, this is gonna work just fine…

Tim jumped in the air and swung the staff at Lincoln’s face, dropping to the floor to find the man spitting three teeth out of his bloody mouth.

Checkmate…

“The mask… it needs someone who has people they love to go back to in the morning…”

Tim said watching Lincoln collapse to the ground, circling him, his shoulders slumped. He knew it was over too.

“It only works like that, Lincoln… it only works if you do it for love, not vengeance, not even justice… love… love is what makes sure no one is ever left behind, not even the bad guys…” – Tim stopped and lowered himself, extending his arm at Lincoln. – “Even you… leave it Lincoln… leave the cowl, leave the Court… leave it all and be, just be for once in your life…”

“This is all I have! This is all I am! I have to be Batman! You had a life, you had a family! The shadows are all I’ve ever known! You are right, I never loved, I barely knew a normal life – it is Batman or nothing at all! I have to be a Wayne! I have to be Batman or else I am nothing at all! I have no choice!” – He raged at Tim.

“There is always a choice Lincoln! There is always a chance to walk away and start again! To take life by the reigns and forge your own destiny! No matter how many times you fail, how many times you find yourself back at square one… you can always try again… that’s what this cowl is about!”

“Not for me… not for me…” – Lincoln cried, removing the cowl and dropping it to the ground. – “I cannot be Batman and be Lincoln March… there is no Lincoln March… there never was, was there?”

“No, but there can be Lincoln… you can be…” – Tim said with a smile. He still held the staff beside him.

Lincoln shook his head, tears streaming from his eyes.

“That won’t do it… that won’t cut it… If I cannot be Batman… then I’d rather be nothing at all…”

“What-”

In one fast movement Lincoln grabbed the staff from Tim’s hands while they were still gripping it and drove it through his own heart. 

“NO!” – Tim exclaimed. – “Why did you- NO! Lincoln! I gave you a choice! I gave you the choice to-”

“You gave me the choice to choose my destiny… for the first time in my life…” – Lincoln said through shuddered breaths. – “I made my choice… I am tired… in life I was told who I was, maybe in death I will find freedom from my masters…”

“Dammit!”

Lincoln’t body fell forwards, blood running from the side of his mouth. Tim eased his body down, laying him sideways. He could hear Bernard’s footsteps as he ran down the grand staircase towards him.

“Batman!” – He heard Bernard shout, feeling numb. – “Batman we have to get out of here!”

He heard Bernard coughing and turn to face him running towards him, his face red and dripping in sweat, only then feeling the heat in the room himself. The fire was running wild.

“Jenkins, you hear me? It’s over, the fire’s getting out of hand!” – He spoke into his rádio just before sliding on the ground before Tim. – “Batman, look… the fire! We gotta get out of here!”

Tim looked back at the fire destroying the building and the shotgun Bernard was carrying. Bernard followed his eyes and aimed, firing two shots at the source of the fire quelling it some.

“Okay, we’re done here… let’s go!” – He said helping Batman to his feet.

“I can’t believe he did it…” – He said with a groan, his body was screaming in pain.

“Yeah well… dude’s crazy…” – Bernard responded slinging Tim’s arm around his shoulder. – “How bad are you hurt?”

“Not too bad… Bee…”

“What?”

Tim stopped for a moment, looking back and Lincoln’s body and the staff poking out of him.

“Thank you. I couldn’t have done this without you… any of this…”

“Oh for fucks’ sake! You can do that later!” – Bernard complained rushing him out of the building, smoke rising making it even darker.

“No, I can’t… look at him.” 

They stopped for a moment, Bernard’s hand pressing against the cut on his ribs. He looked back at Lincoln March’s body and then back at Batman.

“That would’ve been me without you…” – Tim said with a soft tone, his voice cracking slightly.

“You would’ve managed, you’re Batman…”

“No, not the fight… the choice…” – He said feeling a knot in his throat. – “I was close to losing it… to losing hope… to giving up… I was close… you reminded me of it, you reminded me of what I’m fighting for, you reminded me why it’s worth fighting for it… thank you, Robin… you saved me…” 

Tim leaned in and kissed Bernard. He kissed him with salty tears streaming down his cheeks as the room was suddenly flooded with water attempting to quell the fire.

“Bat-” – Bernard moaned against Tim’s lips.

“Okay… now we can go…” – Tim joked pulling away, immediately regretting his choice and finding Bernard’s lips one more time. – “Okay, now we can go…”

Bernard smiled and used all his strength to walk out of the building with a slow and heavy Batman on his side.

“I know you can draw blood but can you stitch up wounds as well?” – He asked as they stepped out into the pouring rain.

“Ha ha, very funny…” – Bernard snickered. – “Jenkins you there? Need a getaway driver… exit C by Robinson Park!” – He spoke into his rádio.

“No I…” – Tim laughed. – “I didn’t mean it like that, just that you took my blood very well after that first fight with the Batman, didn’t feel it at all … I didn’t mean…” – Tim made a slicing motion with his gloved hand over his own forearm.

Bernard laughed in response, a loud wheezy type laugh that Tim hadn’t hear in years. Tim folded over in laughter too, he was in so much pain, making blood gush the wound but Bernard’s laughter made it impossible for him to stop laughing.

“Coming!” – Jenkins shouted over the rádio.

“Yeah, I can stitch up wounds just fine… how bad is it? My hand feel positively drenched…” – Bernard responded letting Tim rest his body against his, his hand still firmly planted over his side growing antsy at the feeling of blood pouring out.

Bernard didn’t shine the light, he promised he wouldn’t and he was the type to keep his word – no matter how much he wanted to flick the stupid switch. He hoped just standing there would be enough, that by standing on the rooftop he’d signal to the bat he needed to speak to him. 

He hoped his hope would be enough to bring Batman out of the shadows.

He played with a lighter, the back of his arm itchy covered in nicotine patches. He’d gone on a bender, smoking a pack a day since the day Harry died and since then had been going through horrible withdrawals. Tim didn’t chastise him for it, but he felt awfully stupid stepping outside to his balcony to smoke them leaving Tim alone. He felt ashamed of how little self control he had and hated himself for it and was now pushing through as hard as he could to stop smoking. 

Desperate to escape himself, he’d spent all day prodding and poking where he shouldn’t and he’d struck gold in Commissioner Lawrence’s office.

“Are you nearly done?” – Blake had asked poking his head inside.

“Out. Shut up.” – Bernard had responded with irate eyes.

Incompetent, unreliable… fuck I hate Blake… – He thought shuffling through Lawrence’s desk. 

It was messy, crumbs and coffee stains all over – a disgrace to the victims on the files he handled so haphazardly.

You spend long enough in a profession like this, in a city like Gotham… are you bound to become callous? Are you bound to see all of this as boring paperwork? Will I stop caring about Harry some day? 

Scribbled on a post it note was a message that he might’ve overlooked had he not been in Harry’s apartment, had he not seen the Talons.

The owls will take the bats.

He kept digging, not satisfied with the sticky note itself he dug through Lawrence’s file cabinets and he found evidence from Maslow’s apartment, pictures he hadn’t seen before. He observed how in some of them, by Maslow’s desk in his office there were piles of documents scattered on the floor which were missing from other ones. The pictures had been shoved into the back of the file cabinet with haste, folded up. A time stamp on the corner of the pictures revealing why they’d been taken.

You know what you’re doing is wrong, Commissioner… you still have a conscience, don’t you? You’re still keeping the evidence of your own misdeeds just in case… you could be a little better about it you drunk fool… – He thought shoving the pictures into his back pocket.

“You got something for me?” – The Batman said making Bernard drop the lighter. –  “Sorry…”

“Fah-!  Ugh… it’s fine…” – Bernard composed himself and turned around to find Batman perching behind him. – “Yeah, I do…”

He inspected Batman, his eyes lingered on him way more than previous times and he squinted hard.

It has to be him… that jawline… I know how that jawline tastes… I can see the stubble, he can’t get a close shave with that stupid blade-less shaver of mine…

“I found something… this…” – He walked towards Batman and handed him the note feeling extremely anxious. –  “I thought the Talons worked for the Court… I thought that Batman Talon… I thought he was working for them but I don’t know now…”

Tim inspected the post it note. Bernard was off about what the note meant, this… this was the confirmation Tim had been waiting for… the confirmation that the two Batman’s were played against one another, the Court using them to get rid of their biggest obstacles. 

Lincoln’s rage made him reckless and Tim’s grief drove him to the edge, the injury of a man claiming to be Batman surely enough to draw him in to a fight to the death. The owls will take the bats both.

“This… this is great… thank you, officer.” – Tim said forcing his voice to go lower.

“What does it mean?”

“It means… it means there might be hope still… it also means I’m fighting a bigger fight than I hoped for…”

“I will help you.” – Bernard said with a determined look on his face.

Tim held back a smile, swooning over Bernard’s bravery. 

“As much as I appreciate your help, officer… This will get ugly.”

Bernard’s chin quivered, his eyes fixated on the bat in front of him, aching to touch him.

“I failed you, didn’t I?” – He asked lowering his head. – “That’s why you don’t want my help?”

“Failed me? You kept me and officer Jenkins alive… yourself too, don’t forget… every time you come out of a fight like that remember you also saved yourself… I’d say that’s a very good tip of the scale you got there… I appreciate the help, I do… but I need you out in the streets being the officer you are. You know… it’s good to know there’s some good still in the force…”

Bernard couldn’t help a bit of a smile to poke through.

“There’s something else I found…” – He took out the files he’d shoved into his back, the pictures from Maslow’s apartment. – “There is evidence of the cover up by the GCPD on Maslow’s death… these pictures show some of these documents were planted… I don’t know what they were but… it’s something…”

Batman reached for the pictures and observed them attentively.

That’s it… the documents on the plan on selling Wayne tech to the military… the spark that started this whole thing…

“What now then? What are you going to do?” – Bernard asked with jittery hands.

“Now… I got some work to do… I have a hollow to visit…”

-

Tim wasn’t home when Bernard got there. He walked from room to room with slow heavy steps flicking on light switches while his voice got lower every time he called after Tim.

That’s… some confirmation I suppose… or something… something worse…

There was no evidence the apartment had been broken into, nothing missing, nothing broken. Tim was gone as though he’d just walked out of the house, which is most likely what he did.

Bernard sat on the edge of the bed and pondered his situation for a moment.

I went looking for Batman first… I found him, I knew I had from that first day at the wake… So stupid, you knew from the start… don’t go acting surprised now…

He ran his hands over his thighs a couple times. No matter how much he’d had a gut feeling about it, confirmation only made it worse. Not only was Tim in danger, being framed for murders but so was Batman. He wanted to do something, to help, to fight and he felt powerless… he felt so distant from it all, so incapable… He tried to fall asleep but failed to,  instead he left his apartment and took a taxi to the Commissioner’s house.

I’m trying to think of how to help Batman… I don’t know how to do that, I’m not a Batman, I’m not a Robin… but I can help Tim, I know how to do it… It’s second nature isn’t it? I gotta be annoying and conspiratorial and insistent… I gotta do what I do best and go stir things up…

He knocked loud and hard for a long time before the lights came on inside the brown brick townhouse. Commissioner Lawrence appeared in a bathrobe rubbing his squinty eyes.

“Officer Dowd? What on Earth are you doing here?! How do you know where I live?!”

“No time for this, Commissioner… I have a matter of great concern to discuss with you.” – Bernard said leaning against the side of the door.

“Officer!”

“Shh… there’s owls out at night… bats too, Commissioner…” – Bernard said bringing a finger to his lips. – “Come with me, we don’t have a lot of time…”

They stood under Kane Bridge, the wind cold against their faces as they heard the waves crashing against the large containment walls.

“You kept it… You kept the proof! Why?” – Bernard asked with his hands tucked into his pockets.

“The Wayne boy…” – Maslow said taking a deep drag of a cigarette. – “I couldn’t… Bruce and I… I’ve known him my whole life, he’s vouched for me… he helped make me commissioner… He gave me a second chance when I was considered a joke… laughed at by the entire city… the drunk fool… I couldn’t live with myself framing his boy, not right after his death…”

“You still did it though… You think leaving the breadcrumbs is enough? You still sent out a manhunt for Tim Drake!” – Bernard protested feeling on edge, unsure whether it was mostly due to Lawrence’s hypocrisy or the burning cigarette between his fingers tempting him like a siren’s call.

“I was being threatened left and right! I didn’t know who to trust with this…” – Lawrence said looking down, ashamed of meeting Bernard’s eyes.

“Batman!”

“Batman was the one making me do it! Don’t you understand?!”

“Ugh… there were two, Commissioner…” – Bernard said bringing a hand to his eyes, pressing on them.

“I know that, I know that now… but still… I didn’t know who to trust in this time… Gotham is… Gotham is hopeless…”

“No, it’s not! Listen to yourself! Do you think Bruce Wayne would’ve supported you if he knew that’s how you felt? You were his friend, don’t spit on his grave! Help his son!” – Bernard protested, breathy shouts as he stifled his volume.

“I… I don’t know where to begin… I don’t know…” – Lawrence said scratching his forehead, the cigarette falling to the ground.

Bernard stumped on it and came closer to Lawrence.

“Listen to me, Commissioner, it’s very simple. You have all the evidence gathered… is the district attorney crooked? Is he in with the Court?”

“No… no, I made sure of it… I trust him, I trust him greatly… he’s opposed me before, he’s currently working already on stalling any charges against the Wayne boy… he saw right through it all… he’s… you two will get along I think…” – Lawrence said through a chuckle.

“Then call him up… we got a long night ahead of us officer, we’re about to take this whole damn nest down!”

-

It was nearly dawn by the time Bernard came home. He’d spent the night with the Commissioner and Lawrence setting up their takedown of the members of the Court of Owls, the ones involved in the setup of Tim Drake at least, when he’d realised there was a piece of evidence missing… a piece he’d stolen and given to Batman.

He’d considered where to find him, where to go to request the pictures. He was halfway up the staircase to the GCPD rooftop when he gave up, getting into a taxi and going home instead.

“Tim?” – He asked closing the door behind him.

Much to his surprise Tim rushed out of the bedroom to meet him. He was wearing his pyjamas, his hair messy – he looked like he’d been asleep, as though not so long ago Bernard had come home to an empty bed.

“Bee! I called you a million times, where were you?!” – Tim asked full of worry.

Bernard looked at his phone with a dazed expression and realised there were dozens of messages and calls he’d missed. In the frenzy of his work night with Lawrence and the DA and his scheming to find Batman he’d forgotten his phone.

“Shit, sorry… I got caught up in something… I-”

It was like Tim could read him, inspecting Bernard with suspicion. Bernard put the phone down and blinked slow, gathering his courage and then he looked up at Tim with intensity in his eyes. His hands tapping his sides.

“Tim, I need the pictures back.” – Bernard said unblinking.

“What?” – Tim asked frowning.

“I need them. We know who set you up, we know how, we have evidence but we’re missing the pictures I stole. I need them.” – Bernard said unflinching. – “You decide how you wanna give them to me.”

“Bee… hang on…” – Tim said with his heart in his throat.

“Am I wrong?!”

Tim hesitated, his hands felt shaky and he felt a wave of dizziness rush over him. 

“I don’t have them with me.” – He said lowering his eyes.

“Just get them to the DA whichever way you can if you won’t give them to me.”

“Hang on…  You… you’re clearing my name?” – Tim asked gripping a chair, his light swaying worrying Bernard.

“What’s wrong with you?” – He ignored Tim’s question.

“I spent all night setting some stuff up… I didn’t stop for hours… I just got home…” – He admitted and fell to the chair.

“Shit!” – Bernard rushed towards him and immediately cradled his face in his palm. – “What can I do?”

“Nothing, just… just gimme a sec… I wasn’t expecting this… not now…” – He said frowning, slowly feeling stable again now that he’d sat down, now that Bernard was closer to him.

“Tim, listen…” – Bernard dropped to his knees between Tim’s thighs. – “We’re gonna clear your name, okay? We’re gonna do it… it won’t take long you-”

“When?”

“What?”

“When did you realise?” – Tim asked lowering his head.

“Tim, you’re an idiot…” – Bernard responded chuckling, his hand caressing his cheek playfully.

“What?!” 

“You told me…” – He squinted at him. – “Over ten years ago, you told me Bruce Wayne was Batman… I knew it from the wake… it was process of elimination, really…”

“You, you were watching me… us….” – Tim said meeting Bernard’s eyes.

“The oldest, Dick Grayson… Gordon’s son in law? With a wife ready to give birth any day now? Never… Bruce’s son, Damian Wayne? Wrong body type, too tall… there was one man I thought could be him, the one who didn’t join the wake… he left Gotham, wrong build too, too tall, wider than you… it was you, I was sure…”

He did it… the motherfucker did it… he watched me at the rooftop, noted my build and then confirmed his suspicions at the wake… I love him.

“Why didn’t you say something?” – He asked feeling a certain weightlessness that wasn’t only due to the overall weakness he felt.

“When did you first notice my scars?” – Bernard asked looking at his forearms.

“Before you showed them to me…” – Tim admitted, hoping Bernard wouldn’t ask a follow up of when that had been…

“You didn’t ask me about it… you let me tell you when I was ready… sure, we both knew about it, I knew you knew, I wasn’t exactly hiding but still… Sorry I couldn’t wait until you were ready…”

Tim smiled and leaned in to kiss Bernard.

“No, no… thank you, Bee… Thank you for being so brave…” – He kissed him again, his arms embracing Bernard tightly. – “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner… I was going to, I swear… I didn’t want to hide it from you but, but I didn’t want you to worry…”

Bernard shook his head.

“But, that doesn’t make any sense… if you were gonna tell me, why wait so I don’t worry? Wait until what?”

“I’m… I’m not sure I’m gonna keep doing this, Bee…”

“Oh…”

“I need to take out the Talon… Can’t have him smearing Bruce’s legacy like that but… I don’t know… it’s hard… wearing the suit, it’s hard…” – Tim’s breathing turned shaky.

“Okay… okay, I get it… listen… that’s… I’ll be here, whatever you choose… Batman and Officer Dowd… or Tim and Bee…” – Bernard said with a sweet smile.

“What about Batman and Detective Dowd?” – Tim joked.

“I swear, don’t jinx it!” – Bernard complained shoving Tim lightly. – “When are you going to do it?”

“I won’t tell you…”

“You piece of shit, I need to know, dammit!” – Bernard complained laughing.

“No, I can’t… I need you to focus, Bee… I need your help to clear my name, and I need you to be safe…”

“Come on, I’m a good shot…” – Bernard teased with bedroom eyes.

“It’s gonna take more than some freeze bullets this time…”

“Fuck… I get it now…”

“What?”

“The dating a superhero is hard drama, I wanna lock you up and make sure you don’t leave the house to go deal with the bad guys but I am also so insanely turned on by the fact that you will go out there and deal with the bad guys…” – Bernard said biting his lip and rubbing Tim’s thighs.

Tim moaned and looked at a clock on the wall, then turning back to Bernard and slowly dragging a hand over his cheek, two fingers pushing inside Bernard’s mouth that sucked with slow blinks.

“Well… I have some time before I have to go deal with the bad guys… Batman comes out at night after all…”

-

I’ve stalked these halls before. I remember wondering around waiting for my mom. I was always more of a science nerd and my mom… she got it. She’d tell me about tools and the development of technology through the eras, she’d show me how the simplest of objects, the ones that few people paid attention to ended up being the most crucial of all. Sometimes, it’s the small cog that makes a big difference… sometimes it’s the early career hopeful fool that makes a difference… the kid of the bunch, the Robin.

The Gotham City Museum had closed for renovations the previous week. Summer was gone and with the lowering temperatures the museum was rushing to renovate. The great central hall of the museum was a mess of tarps and crates as well as scaffolding, an ideal spot for an ambush.

Tim watched as Ibrahim Elliot left his office and slowly trapsed the halls on his way out of the museum. He hummed a melody, reminding Tim of how many times he’d received lectures from him personally in this building. He emerged from the shadows just as Ibrahim was crossing the great hall.

“Hey teach…” – Batman said announcing his presence.

Ibrahim jumped and looked around himself until he spotted Batman, scowling at the figure perched above him on one of the gargoyles that decorated the museum’s interiors.

“Batman… heh… to what do I owe the pleasure?” – He asked resting on his cane. – “Have you come to discuss my proposition to you?”

“Not really… I’m afraid I have to call bullshit on your every word in our last meeting.”

“My boy, your arrogance not enough, you are also filthy mouthed.”

“Yeah I know, I take after my mom.” – He said smirking.

Ibrahim shook his head, their voices echoing in the great hall.

“And now what? Will you punch me like a common street thug? Drag me out of my museum in handcuffs?”

“No, no no… no use… you’ll get yours, be rest assured of that… See, your plan was pretty good in some ways… smart trying to get rid of two birds with one stone like that… You weren’t just trying to kill me, you were trying to kill the Wayne name… you planted these documents, you manipulated the board and then you killed them one by one making it seem like I’d been the one to do it… you wanted me to kill your rogue Talon and you devised a plan to kill both Tim Drake and Batman… you ruin the Wayne Legacy first and then you kill me… so is it enough now? Have you smeared my reputation enough?”

“Is that why you came here then? To confirm you have unravelled the conspiracy? The little Robin seeking confirmation now that he does not have his Batman to praise him?”

Tim squinted.

“No, I came here because there can only be one Batman.”

Ibrahim laughed. – “Quite amusing, child… you will then fulfill my wish!”

“Not exactly… though I guess it doesn’t matter to you why I’m doing what I’m doing as long as the outcome is the same to you… it’s annoying but I can live with it.”

“Very well…” – Ibrahim spoke with a chuckle. He turned around and began making his way out of the building. –  “It was nice knowing you, mister Drake… send your mother my regards…”

Tim heard his footsteps and cane echoing through the building as the room darkened. A storm was about to break when Tim saw the first bodies emerging from dark corners. The reveal was slow as Talons quietly emerged from the shadows and Batman dived back into them.