āShow, Donāt Tell!ā: Using the Five Senses in Writing
This is an extended piece to my āShow, Donāt tellā post. When writing the senses, I like to imagine the scene as if I were watching a movie. Itās the simplest way for me to picture and write when it comes to descriptions. You donāt want to overload the reader, but you do want to paintĀ the picture instead ofĀ tellingĀ them. Staying aware of the five senses in your writing will dramatically improve your skill. It not only helps the reader be a part of the story but helps the writer set important scenes, without having to outright state what is happening. In this post, I will explain how I use the five senses in my writing. As always, my advice is subjective and only to show what I personally do. Whether you keep the senses in mind as you write, or you edit them in later, making sure you pay attention to keywords will help eliminate the stress of going back later to figure outĀ what (maybe!) went wrong.Ā
One of the easiest ways to go about elaborating sight is to eliminate words related toĀ visionĀ (look, saw, gazed, peek, etc). It also helps to stay aware of items, colors, sizes, etc. Do the same thing youād do with words related to sight, eliminate them. Of course, donāt eraseĀ everyĀ word or phrase, butĀ being proactive, keeping them in mind, and avoiding themĀ will help you avoid overloading your reader with too much purple prose. (Granted, I would die for purple prose, but I understand thatās not everyoneās thing).Ā
Jill saw Jack running. He carried a silver pail. He tripped and fell down the hill.Ā
Ā There are a lot ofĀ sight-wordsĀ in this example. As the writer, it is your decision to choose what you want to elaborate on, whether it is one thing, or all of them. How much of the story you want to paint is up to youā
Jackās feet blurred against the green grass as his toe caught his ankle. He rolled on his side, his silver pail flying into the air and reaching Jill first.
Jill craned her neckĀ to find Jack staggering down the hill. Water sloshed from the sides of the bucket, swinging and glistening in the sunlight.Ā He stumbled and grabbed for the handle with his second hand as the pail threatened to leave his grasp, and then he slipped, toppling down the hill.
In both of these scenarios, the reader can āseeā that Jack is running and tripped without specifically stating that Jill saw it. They also āseeā he had a silver pail and dropped it.Ā
Being more visually descriptiveĀ is also very important for facial expressions. It takes a simple mood and elevates it. Describing the expression also gives the reader the chance toĀ āfeelā that way too, almost like a mimic, which helps them visualize and empathize with the character.
Maxine made a disgusted face.
Think of what a disgusted reaction looks like; usually, it involves frowning, pinching your nose, sticking out your tongue, etc. Sometimes, it can help to look in a mirror and write what youāre seeing, too.
Maxine flared her nostrils and stuck out her tongue.
In the latter example, the reader is able to infer that Maxine is disgustedĀ by how the writer described her reaction.
Describing sound can be tricky. Itās also hard to remember when to use it. We tend to think of sound in terms of music or voicesāokay, okay,Ā sometimesĀ we sprinkle in animals howling or the wind blowing, too!ābut sound can be incredibly important in setting a scene and is oftenĀ under-utilized. Sounds let the reader know their surroundings without pulling from what is going onĀ and adds intensity!
ManuelĀ satĀ nervouslyĀ at the coffee table.
Again, as the writer, you can decide where to incorporate the use of sound. Here are a couple of suggestions,Ā based on the above example:
Manuelās fingersĀ drummedĀ against the table and drowned out the low whistle escaping from between his teeth as he exhaled. All around him, there was cheerful chatter, through which the baristaās loud voice occasionally sliced.
Manuelās thoughts whirred and hummed, a dull grinding and the clinking of glass broke through the constant thump of his knee against the underside of the table.
In both of these examples, the reader was able to gather that Manuel was nervous (tapping knee, drumming fingers, low whistle). They are also able to gather he is in a coffee shop (or a restaurant of sorts) without explicitly saying so.
The best way toĀ handleĀ touch is by imagining whateverĀ it is you are describingĀ and what itĀ feels like. If you donāt know how something feels, google it. Donāt describe a snake as slimy just because its scales are shiny and gives it a slime-like effect. That said, touch doesnāt just deal with what your character is physicallyĀ touching. It can also deal with emotions and help to express them without saying outright how your character feels.Ā
Opal touched the silk blanket. She felt sleepy and closed her eyes.
Here we can elaborate on what the blanket feels like when Opal touches it and how she feels to indicate she is tired:Ā
TheĀ suppleĀ fabricĀ slidĀ between Opalās fingers like water. HerĀ tiredĀ muscles sagged andĀ sharp,Ā tinyĀ pinpricksĀ pressed againstĀ herĀ heavyĀ eyelidsĀ as she lay back.
The reader knows the blanket was very soft and also that she is tired without specifically stating she was sleepy.Ā
Taste is a fun sense to mess with. It can show the reader so much more than how delicious the bread is (or how gross dirt is). I like to play around with taste in the weather/air, the taste of fear, the taste of cat hair in your mouth because there is always cat hair in your mouthā¦ all right, maybe thatās a personal thing.
The sun rose over the city.
What do you use for taste here? A city canāt taste, the sun doesnāt taste, but your character does!
Yellow light spilled over the streets, soaking the grit from the rainbow puddles into the air. The bitter grease lingered and settled in his mouth, strengthening every time he scraped his teeth against his tongue.Ā
Experiment with taste in your writing. Describe things you wouldnāt normally think to taste, like crude oil*. The internet is a good resource when itās something you donāt want to try yourself, like crude oil**. Chances are, someone out there has already tried it and explained what it tastes like online.
Ahhh, smell. Smell lets the reader know so much: they can figure out where a character is, what theyāre doing, where they are, etc., just from a few scent-related descriptors thrown around. Smell is also useful in triggering memories or past events.
Danny walked through the forest.
You can use so many of the five senses here! But since weāre focusing on scent, letās zero in on that:
A crisp hint of pine lingered in the air and blended with the pungent decay of the brown needles underfoot.
Without stating anything about a forest, the reader has an idea of where Danny is. You can also use smell to show emotion!Ā
How do you smell love, K? Well, youāve got me there: you canāt. But as a writer, you can think of what love means to you and of things you associate with love, and work from there. Personally, I imagine it would have a sweet smell, maybe too sweet.
A rush of flowery sweetness filled his nostrils as the handsome young man walked by.
There you have it. Of course, thereās a lot more to writing the five senses, as there is with anything, but this is to give you a basic idea of what I do when Iām writing. Being proactive and keeping the senses in mind while writing can be tough and exhausting, but the more you do it, the easier it becomes. And you donāt leave it all for editing! Remember: the most important thing is to keep practicing.Ā
* Please do not taste crude oil. I canāt believe I have to type this, but some people want to eat Tide Pods, so here I am.
** Do not taste crude oil. You will die.
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