Some progress...I'd probably have better progress if I could stick to eating correctly

So it’s currently 1:30 a.m. in the morning and I’m about 7 ½ hours into this 12 hour shift. I’ve read google, yahoo, and msn news so many times that I could probably tell you everything that has happened over the past week. I did turn on the TV for some background noise and to help keep me awake (really not sure if it’s working…) I’ll tell you one thing though, if you work this shift all the time then my hat is off to you. Time would go by so much faster if there were another person here. At least then I would have some sort of interaction with a human being. Every now and then I’ll get up and walk down the hall to stretch my legs. To do so I have to walk through another room to get to the hallway. Both of these rooms, the one I am in and the one I have to walk through are motioned censored. Not sure how I do it, but occasionally I can ghost through both rooms down and back without the lights coming on. I suppose it’s just another one of my mad skills.

Lord I pray that You are preparing me to meet my future wife. I pray that You are preparing her to meet me. Lord, if there is anything in my heart that is not pure, I ask that you will cleanse me and make me white as snow. I want to me the man my future wife deserves. A God fearing man that will put You first, his family second, and this friends third. A man that will stand by his wife through good times and bad, because I know that with You by our side we will not fall. In the meantime, continue to bless protect my future wife. I speak wholeness and wellness over her. I speak blessings and favor over her. May she be the woman You’ve called her to be.

So my brother bought me a new laptop the other day. My current one is a Sony Vaio that is going on 7 years old. It’s been through it all and shows. It’s what I like to call a “Frankenwire” computer. A few years ago the AC power onboard unit had broken. A wire had ended up being broken somehow. Spliced wires, some solder, liquid tape and hot glue later it was fixed…with about three inches of excess wire hanging from the side of it. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a great laptop. It got me though my College years after all, but it’s really time to lay it to rest. Maybe I’ll use it for a print server or something…. Hashtag “blessed” This past weekend has been super long. I’ve basically had zero time to myself or to remotely do anything productive. Luckily for me I finish up my schedule Monday morning (insert happy face.) I’ve always heard that how you dress is an expression of how you feel about yourself. Not sure if that is true or not. I love dressing up. Putting on a pair of slacks, a nice button up shirt and tie…but it is really limited where I am from. Pretty sure if I were to do that around where I live I would get some weird looks. Of course, on special occasions it’s perfectly acceptable. I am more of a dress to be comfortable kind of person. I enjoy a comfortable pair of pants and a tee shirt. I suppose the dressing up part goes along with the idea of being a modern day gentlemen. I remember back when I was dating this girl and we had an evening planned where we’d both dress up and do something out of the norm. Something like going to a play or show and dine at a more than casual restaurant. That of course never happened because we broke up soon after, however the plan and idea was still there… Seeing men, husbands, boyfriends mistreat their wife or girlfriend strikes a nerve with me. No one should mistreat their wife or girlfriend. She’s a queen and you’re supposed to protect her and see that no harm should come to her. That’s where this day in age comes in. I feel as if some males today have lost touch with the gentlemen of the past. Lord I pray right now that you will continue to correct me and guide me in the right direction to stay and be a true gentlemen. Thinking back to when I was a kid, being a man meant being strong and not showing weakness. Being vulnerable meant being weak. Even to this day I still feel the effects of thinking that way. After a rough breakup I didn’t want to show weakness or physically show that I was vulnerable even though it was killing me inside. It was easily one of the worst times of my life. So much emotion inside, unanswered questions, confusion…it was hard, but with the grace of God, I got through it.

Last night was night my first time working/having the schedule 6pm to 6am. That continues through Monday morning. In a way it is kind of nice because you get a long break throughout the week, but yet they are super long days/nights. I’m believe in Psalms 104:23 “a man goes to work in the morning and comes home in the evening.” I’m praying for steady day shift work. Some perks to working 3 twelve hour weekend shifts at night: · It’s very quiet! Seriously. You ever heard the phrase “you could hear a pin drop?” · You could technically go to school if you wanted too and finish a degree. · Studying for certifications is a good way to pass the time. · It’s much, much slower than during weekdays. · updating your blog while on break. Working in my field in addition to working through the weekend makes it hard to meet people. Not sure if it’s statically backed, but I would have to say that my field is predominantly male. Sure, I see females throughout the building, however they work in a different section. I see a lot more people during the day… All negativity aside, I am thankful for a job and I am able to work. Like I said, I’m standing on Psalms 104:23 and you all be in agreement with me J I see so many happy couples…TV, Facebook, out in public and I think to myself “Why can’t I have that?” Am I really that unattractive that I am unapproachable? The enemy likes to play head games with me and I’ve let him beat me up for the longest time. “You’re not good enough”, “you’re not attractive enough,” “you’re not tall enough,” and I’ve believed it. Nothing but lies from the pits of hell and I’ve let those thoughts take root, so pray for me in that area, ‘cause I sure need it. Lord I pray for my future wife and her thoughts. I pray that those negative thoughts –those lies, which the enemy tries to tell her do not take root. Give her a good weekend…and if she’s a weekend warrior like myself, then bless her. She’s a special lady, Lord. Continue to be with her every step of the way. Renew her mind. Heal any afflictions she may have. I pray good health over her. Pray blessings and prosperity over her. Be with her family too. Protect them all in Jesus name. Amen

Tried the 3d hologram effect thing

A woman can date any man she wants but not every woman will have the privilege and honor to claim a godly man, no settling for less queen. God, I pray for my future wife that she will continue to seek You in all that she does! Speak to her heart and let her know that she loved and worth more than anything. Protect her every day of her life. Bless and pour out Your favor in her life. Continue to mold her into a mighty woman of God. Amen

Amen!

Tried movies on the driveway this evening. Mom, dad, bro, aunt, uncle, and cousin. Seemed to work well. Just need to find some speaker stands.

We payed live in church this morning for worship. It's always a privilege to be able to play for the Lord. I pray that we'll get better and better each time we play. It's tough sometimes though. It's only my brother, myself, and another guy playing the bass. Drums and keys would be a great addition, but unfortunately we have a small congregation at the present. There's so much that I would love to play in a way that would lead people into an atmosphere of worship. Soon...we'll get there soon. Have you ever asked God "What is my purpose in life?" or better yet, "What is Your will for my life?" I know I have. More times than I can count. Ever seem as if you never hear back? Again, I know I have felt that way from time to time. If we only knew the true purpose that God has for us...Sometimes I think the purpose would be so grand that we couldn't comprehend or fathom its nature. I want to be in the center of the plan that God has for my life. I want to know without a shadow of a doubt that I am where God wants me. Am I there yet? No, I don't believe so, but I will get there soon, I know it. More so now, I beat myself up over things I shouldn't. I tell myself: I'm not good enough. I'm not smart enough. I'm ugly. There's no way they would like me. There's nothing special about me. I'm too short -women don't like short guys. (this is a BIG one for me) Each one of those is very justifiable as to why I tell myself those things. Take the first one for example. It always seems as if I am always skipped over in everything I try to do. Does it mean that I'm not good enough? Of course not, but as many times as it has happened to me I've began to think that. Second one. Same thing. There always seems to be someone better that is chosen over me. Third one. Let's see, I haven't dated in almost 4 years. Every relationship I've tried to get in ends in betrayal or just being played. I seem to be "that" nice guy but I'm never relationship material. I just really feel like I am never really noticed by women. You get the point...just some things that I need to work on. So yeah, this post was a little different...more about me, but I haven't forgotten about you. Lord, I pray right now if my future wife is struggling with any insecurities that you begin to speak to her and let her know just how special she is. Revel to her that she doesn't need those insecurities in her life. She is a queen. An heir to the throne. A daughter of the most high God. Begin to work any insecurities that she may have out of her life as You are mine. I also pray that You will show her the will You have for her life so that she may walk in her God called destiny. Bless her, Lord. Continue to pour out Your favor in her life. Also, protect her where ever she is and where ever she goes. Protect her family and her loved ones. Just be with her always. Let her know that You are with her and watching over her. Amen

Amen

Lord, I don't know who my future wife will be but you do. You know all things. So right now I make statement of faith and I willingly decide to trust you with my life so that you will guide our paths together. Lord, give my future wife a great and blessed work week. Let it be stress free and without incident. Help her to keep her eyes on you in all things, even when things get tough. I pray that you will guide her in making the right choices and decisions this week. Speak to her and let her know that that You love her. She is Your child first, God. Lead and direct her path. Thank you, Father. May she bring glory to Your name always. Amen.