So when did your anxiety start?
Me calculating how many kids are ahead of me so I can rehearse my paragraph 47 times before itâs my turn.
Me panicking because the teacher said âpair upâ and my only friend is already paired up with someone else.
Me fake-laughing at a joke so nobody realises I didnât hear a single word.
Me coughing three times in a row and then worrying the class thinks Iâm doing it for attention.
Me rehearing âHereâ in my head 12 times before attendance reaches my name.
Me stressing because I dropped my eraser and now I need to crawl under the desk but what if someone sees.
Me walking back to my seat after throwing something in the trash and feeling 30 pairs of eyes burning holes into my soul.
Me hiding my test so the kid next to me doesnât see my score and instantly decide Iâm stupid.
Me finishing my work early but pretending to still be working because turning it in first feels illegal.
Me terrified to take too long to pack up when the bell rings because I donât want to be the last kid standing there like an NPC.
So when did your OCD started?
Me when Iâm 7 counting every step on the sidewalk because if I step on a crack my entire family will die instantly.
Me triple-checking that my homework is in my bag even though I just checked. And checked again. And checked again.
Me when I line up my stuffed animals perfectly because if one falls, the Others Will Know and chaos will ensue.
Me rewriting one word 18 times because the vibes were off the first 17.
Me mentally rehearsing what Iâm about to say 50 times so I donât ruin the entire timeline.
Me needing to finish a ritual or the world will absolutely combust and everyone will blame me.
Me doing 100 sit-ups every hour at 10 years old, because if i donât, i will gain weight.
Me when I have to reread the same sentence 20 times because if I donât understand it âperfectly,â i will fail.
Me checking the lock five times before school because if anything goes wrong at home while Iâm gone, itâs because I didnât check it a sixth.
Me runing home from school, to check if i switched of the lights.
Me chrunching my nose every few minutes, because if i wonât, something bad will happen.
So when did your ED started?
Me when the school nurse weighed me âout loudâ and suddenly my entire worth became a number.
Me when I started wearing baggy clothes not for fashion but for disappearing.
Me when being called âmature for my ageâ actually meant âyou learned to ignore your needs early.â
Me at the age of 7, looking at girls buttâs on tv, and wishing mine was more flatter, like theirs.
Me at 8 sucking in my stomach in class for absolutely no reason except â¨societyâ¨
Me at 7 comparing my thighs to cartoon characters.
Me at 10 googling âhow to get skinnier fastâ on the family computer and praying the search history wouldnât expose me.
Me at 8 pretending I wasnât hungry at lunch because the âcool girlsâ barely ate.
Me at 7 believing being tiny = being lovable.
Me when i refused to drink fruit juice since 10, because i felt like it would make me dirty.
Me when I was 9 and believed chewing slower would make me gain less weight.
Me when I avoided birthday cake at school because it felt âunsafeâ even though it was literally cake.
Me when I pretended I âdidnât like breakfastâ but actually breakfast made me anxious.
Me when I silently judged myself for wanting seconds in front of people but devoured the fridge alone at night.
Me when I was 11 and thought eating in front of friends made me âlook greedy.â
Me when I was at my lowest, buying secret scales
Me at hospital writing down the calories of every food from Tescoâs website.
Me doing secret workouts at the Hospital bathroom.
Me walking 50 000 steps everyday, so i wonât gain weight.
STRUGGLING CAN BE INVISIBLE! HELP YOUR LOVED ONES, NOTICE THE SIGNS!!!
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