never was a hero

I feel broken and regretful of the years I spent afraid to live life. I know I have the chance and have been living life now.

But it lacks the spirit and energy of my youth.

I fear that im wearing a mask to hide what I've become. All that time being afraid of becoming a monster has made me... I dunno. A lamp.

TV show is great though. The characters' nostalgia is really relatable, especially when they can see the mistakes of past seasons. Its compounding with the nostalgia im feeling for when I watched those previous seasons. What and how I felt back then... how I feel like I may have squandered my life.

Fuck.

Im scared that "the adventure" i always compare my life to is gone.

Im not the main character anymore.

like. im tired... but a piece of sleepiness is just not there and i find myself just existing.