tallbitch

beating my early hrt wife call it aa battery

hi. i’m a balding millennial, and i’m here to write a 20 minute video essay about modern SpongeBob.

*slides up to you at the bar* hey girl you’re the subway surfers to my family guy

do you think birds wake up in the morning and are like fuck i have to go to worms today

do you think the silver play button speaks to YouTubers like the green goblin mask whenever they see a teenager

You won’t last TEN SECONDS playing this game! (bull riding)

I’m gonna go to Israel and Gaza and be like “guys, this isn’t you… you’re all people.” and they’re gonna throw down their weapons and be like “maybe we aren’t so different after all…”

hey guys sorry i was aiming for my ex

Glad to see some diversity in our mass shootings. Hopefully the next one is a disabled black lesbian

sucking peanut butter off a dick. call it a PB&BJ

i tried to make a joke to a patient about smuggling them of the hospital but i accidentally said “i’m gonna snuggle you” instead and it got really awkward

my body is my canvas and i will paint it with cum

*slides over to you at the bar* “hey girl. my dick might be completely busted, but you know what i’ll never break? your trust.”

bitches got me using the 🥺 emoji