tallbitch

writing prompt: the minions have pledged their allegiance to you as the most despicable villain on earth and you have no idea why

beating my early hrt wife call it aa battery

hi. i’m a balding millennial, and i’m here to write a 20 minute video essay about modern SpongeBob.

do you think birds wake up in the morning and are like fuck i have to go to worms today

do you think the silver play button speaks to YouTubers like the green goblin mask whenever they see a teenager

You won’t last TEN SECONDS playing this game! (bull riding)

I’m gonna go to Israel and Gaza and be like “guys, this isn’t you… you’re all people.” and they’re gonna throw down their weapons and be like “maybe we aren’t so different after all…”

hey guys sorry i was aiming for my ex

Glad to see some diversity in our mass shootings. Hopefully the next one is a disabled black lesbian

sucking peanut butter off a dick. call it a PB&BJ

i tried to make a joke to a patient about smuggling them of the hospital but i accidentally said “i’m gonna snuggle you” instead and it got really awkward

my body is my canvas and i will paint it with cum

bitches got me using the 🥺 emoji

hey pretty lady *pukes blood* i’m sorry i’m so sorry *pukes blood*