Happy Bitchday

Okay, so a little background first. I went on a hike through Macedonia and at the bottom of the trail, I met this man who spoke good English and offered to show me around. He didn't seem weird or scary, so I thought "sure! Why not? Some human interaction would be nice!" We talked for a bit, he told me about his job and his 16 year old daughter and I told him about my travels. Everything was normal. When we parted ways, he asked me to send him an email so that we can stay in contact throughout my journey. I thought "sure, why not?" This is how the conversation went.

Kira : Thanks again for showing me around Matka. I had a lot of fun talking with you! Let your daughter know that I would be more than happy to get together with you both for lunch or coffee or something before I leave Macedonia! She might not realize it now, but she is lucky to have such a great father. See you!

Toni: Kira you are an amazingly wonderful person.Your parents should be the proudest and happiest people on earth.I am fascinated from the mail you have sent to me....such amazingly profound,enthusiastic,inspiring words. They are like liquid gold. Could i please adopt you Kira?!Thank you so much .Ivana(my daughter)is hanging out with friends, ... aproximately your age,so you could have fun together. We will stay in touch,...and i hope you will survive without sore muscles tonight considering the fact that you are on your feet all day long deep into the night.Wish you fast recovering and good luck ,....see you Kira🤗

Kira: (no response)

Toni: Hey Kira! How are you ?If you don't have something in plan for tomorrow or any other day ,and if you want to hike somewhere,.....you can count on me,....it's a pleasure to mingle with naturefriendly people from all around the world no matter their age ,nationality or whatever,...i had also a lot of fun talking with you 🙂 ,...hiking alone is not something unfamiliar to me.... ,but having company would be less boring and more funnier,.....let me know what do you think about that Kira,....(i showed my daughter the mail ,...she likes you very much and wants to meet you but Ivana feels uncomfortable because she can not speak ENGLISH except some basic things like (my name is,...and so on),..so she is to shy and can not break the ice.She said to me that if she COULD speak ,....she would definitely come .NOW I DON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE ,....sorry about that Kira.However i would like to go hiking ,talking , sightseeing ,swimmingpool,...go to OHRID LAKE ,..or wherever you want 🤔,...you can count on me Kira you are an intelligent , interesting and very positive person and good company,... and definitely not boring.Let me know Kira,...🤗 see you,...

Kira: Hey Toni! Sorry for not responding sooner. I just checked my email. I'm thinking of going back to Matka today to rent a kayak and do some writing. Perhaps I will see you there! And about your daughter, no worries! I understand if English makes her uncomfortable. See you!

Toni: Hello Kira,.. What a coincidence concidering the fact that i was heading on my way to catch the the bus nr."60" who goes from downtown at 12:10 i guess ,.... i knew it,i knew it from the beginning that you possess great talent using words in a profound way,...please i would definitely want to know something more about KIRA AS A WRITER ,..PLEASE.I WOULD LIKE TO READ SOMETHING FROM YOU.Is it OK for you if i try to contact you when i reach at Matka per mail or somehow else.I REALY want to know something more about writing ,but only if you want to tell me something more.I am looking forward to see you Kira.

Kira: Sorry for the late notice. I went out today to buy some food and walk around and didn't realize how late it already was. I think I will wake up earlier tomorrow and catch a morning bus to Matka instead so that I have more time to spend there. Have a great day today and enjoy the beautiful weather!

Toni: Don't think about coming to Matka .......do it Kira

Kira: (no response)

(In the meantime, Toni searched my name on the Internet and apparently discovered some blog posts that I wrote when I was 16)

Toni:KIRA,..KIRA ,......this evening ,....O.K....LET ME TRY AGAIN,..........I WANT TO ASK YOU

.......WAS "WHO NEEDS LUXURY,ANYWAYS",.... WRITTEN BY MY DREAMDAUGHTER KIRA MCNEIL???,.....I AM SPEECHLESS ,...I WANT TO BUY ALL YOUR BOOKS PLEASE KIRA,...SORRY BECAUSE OF MY CHILDISH BEHAVIOR ,....SO YOUNG AND SO WISE ,...WOW,..............I FINISHED NOW WITH EVERYTHING WRITTEN THAT I FOUND FROM KIRA MCNEIL ON INTERNET.IF IT IS YOU I WANT TO SEE YOU AND ASK YOU FOR SOME ADVISE 🤔.USING YOUR PROFOUND THOUGHTS I AM SURE YOU CAN HELP ME TO FIND SOME SOLUTION .I KNOW YOU CAN .I DON'T WANT TO OFFEND YOU WITH MY BAD ENGLISH ANYMORE ESPECIALLY BECAUSE YOU ARE A WRITER,....AND I WILL GO BACK TO READ EVERYTHING AGAIN🙂,..SEE YOU SOON... ,PLEASE I NEED YOUR ADVICE🙏 ,.. P.S. ( faster would be communication per facebook ,...what do you think Kira,..i want to send you a request?)

Kira: (no response)

Toni (Via FACEBOOK the next day): after kayak and writing to meet up with you sounds perfect ,.. i'm looking foreward,...but please put a vest on you,.and .there is water in these kayaks usually watch out,....(.sorry that i speak already as your father,..it won't happen again ,..i promise you 😊because always my pants get wet from the water in these kayaks they are not so good protected ,...just mentioning ,..sorry again and see you ,...i hope after writing,..✋

Kira: I'll find you in a while 🙂

Toni: I believe in you 100%----you can do anything,,,,,you are a supergirl

(Once at Matka, I kind of avoided him the whole time I was there but he found me and sat next to me on the bus the whole way back to my hostel and he was talking about his whole life story basically and I wanted to shoot myself. And he kept asking me "do you trust me?" And assuring me he doesn't have bad intentions and stuff. I felt so uncomfortable, I never wanted to hear from him again after that)

Toni (via facebook):😃☺ I DON'T WANT TO WASTE YOUR TIME KIRA ,...BUT I SENT YOU ON GMAIL,...HOPING TO FIX SOMETHING UNCOSCIOUSLY DAMAGED BY MY SELFISHNESS I GUESS🙏

Toni (via email): Kira could you please make me a favor and borrow me ,immediately a time machine if you have, so i could erase the yesterday half hour trip back,...fulfilled with Toni's boring ,"me,me ..,my,my,..I,I,.."

Stepping inside the bus I was satisfied seeing you HAPPY.After that started Toni's monologue ,...or speech that triggered probably some kind of empathy in you.

Empathy and intuition possess only persons with a pure heart and soul and you are definitely one of them ,...more like an angel.After that stepping outside the bus there was a sadness on your face.Yesterday i wanted to know and hear so much about you,...please i want to hear so much about you ,your "ERLEBNISSE",TO SEE YOUR HAPPINESS ,JOY, ,....I WANT TO SEE YOUR SMILE AGAIN ,PLEASE ,PLEASE KIRA,...I WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN FULL OF LIVE AND POSITIVENESS,...(instead of my stupid speeches,,...)

WILL I SEE MY DREAMDAUGHTER AGAIN OR NOT,...(and please have always on your mind that when you are happy in your life,during writing,travelling,the relationship with your boyfriend ,...knowing you are happy makes me feel 100 times more happier).....MEETING YOU THE FIRST TIME ON THE BRIDGE ,WAS LIKE SEEING AN ANGEL FOR THE FIRST TIME).SOMETIMES I WONDER ARE YOU REAL OR NOT?☺🤗

p.s. ......."MATKA THE HIDDEN PARADISE ,...WHERE THE SILENCE SOUNDS SO LOUD AS NOWHERE ELSE "🤔🙂😇 SEE YOU KIRA (i hope🙏)

Kira: (no response)

Toni (via Facebook): i have a surprise for you😇(it will be a little bit dangerous,exciting but knowing you you will like it ,'cause you are not a coward but a brave girl Kira,...😌😊🙂,..see you✋

Kira: (no response)

Toni: Kira if you have some problem ,or you need something during your stay in Macedonia,..take the liberty and tell me,..you can count 100% on me😊,...it' would be pleasure of mine to help you whatever it is,...by the way how are you 🙂?

Kira: (no response)

Toni: ??

Kira: (no response)

Toni (two days later): I HAVE TO APOLOGIZE FOR AT LEAST FIVE , SIX OR PROBABLY MORE INADEQUATE AND INAPPROPRIATE THINGS I HAVE SAID,.. MY WEAKNESSES ARE SPEAKING TO MUCH ,...BUT NOT LISTENING ENOUGH 😷 ,COMPLICATING TO MUCH,..SCARING NEW MET FRIENDS WITH OPENING UP ,TAKING LIBERTY TO MUCH FROM THE BEGINNING TO SPEAK ABOUT EVERYTHING WHAT IS ON MY MIND,...BLA,BLA BLA,...😮,I HAVE A VERY,VERY BAD INTUITION😵 ,...AM I RIGHT OR NOT 😔.I SCARED YOU WITH MY BEHAVIOR,..WHY AN OLDER MAN WANTS A FRIENDSHIP?WHO IS HE?...YOU KNOW WHAT KIRA.?...I DON'T KNOW HOW TO CONVINCE YOU,.. I WANT A FRIENDSHIP BECAUSE MY INTUITION SAYS : THIS YOUNG PERSON POSSESSES SUCH A HUMANITY,HONESTY,PURE SOUL,...THAT EVEN MY REAL DAUGHTER CAN NOT REACH YOU,...AND NOW COMES THE POINT ;I SUFFER AND I AM DESPERATE BECAUSE COUPLE MONTHS WE ARE IN A VERY BAD RELATION WITH MY DAUGHTER, UNFORTUNATELY,..I SHOULDN'T SPEAK ABOUT THIS😔,...BUT SUDDENLY I MET YOU ,MY DREAMDAUGHTER, WITH YOUR CLEAN HEART,...I KNOW A LOT OF PEOPLE BUT NOT WITH A PERSONALITY LIKE YOURS,...IF YOU NOW WANT TO BREAK UP OUR FRIENDSHIP IT'S OK ,YOU ARE SO NICE ,AND OUT OF POLITENESS YOU DIDN'T BREAK UP OUR FRIENDSHIP EARLIER,...I WISH YOU GOOD LUCK WHEREEVER YOU GO AND WHATEVER YOU DO,...BECAUSE YOU DESERVE IT THE MOST KIRA🙂(it's a pity i planned a surprise for you😀)

Kira: (no response)

Toni: Good morning KIRA🙂,...WHAT are your favorite colours and when is your birthday,😊...i will explain you after that,..and i'm very happy that i met you,...it means very,very,very much to me if you forgive me for my confusion ,...it will not happen again ,i promise😐...and the most important question:" FRIENDSHIP FOREVER... ????"🙂🙂,,,,,YES OR NO,👍...??? P.S.(,...CHOOSE YES,CHOOSE YES, KIRA😉😃😂)

Kira: I'm sorry Toni but I think this friendship (age gap and everything) is just a bit too much for me. It was great to meet you and talk with you and I hope your relationship improves with your daughter, but I just feel overwhelmed. I hope this isn't too mean or hurtful. Best of luck with everything!

I would like to give you some advice though. If you want to get along better with your daughter, stop comparing her to other girls. Maybe she doesn't love the outdoors, but I'm sure she has other interests that she would love for you to ask/care about more. I know that if my father were to call another girl my age his "dream daughter" I would feel awful. So stop wishing she was one way, and start loving her for exactly how she is even if she isn't totally like you. Good luck

Toni: I can understand you that you are overwhelmed ,..it was my fault,..i also wish you everything best,...i will respect your decision,...i accept your first message completely,...before i finish with good luck,...your second message even if i know it was by your good will destroyed me completely because on one side you are 100% right with your advice, ,...but on the other hand you don't know nothing what and why i react in that way,.. ,.....because of my( ex wife who lied to my daughter that i cheated her during our marriage,...I SWEAR TO GOD that i never ever did this during our marriage,..it was her cheating me ,..it hurted me a lot ,...i asked for divorce because of the big pain she caused me,...after so many years now she calls me every day to tell me that she loves me even now,AND THERE WILL NEVER BE SOMEONE ELSE WHO IS BETTER THAN ME,... and that she made a mistake ,..i am not mean,i forgave her ,..but how can i forgive when she lied to my daughter that it was me who cheated AND THAT IS MY FAULT ,THIS IS AN ABSOLUT LIE,..FROM THAT MOMENT MY DAUGHTER Ivana insults me every day for the DIVORCE but i didn't do IT I SWEAR TO GOD ,..it was her mother ,why she doesn't believe me and why my ex wife lied and damaged our perfect father-daughter relation ,...KIRA I LOVED MY EX WIFE ,I WAS CHEATED ,HURT,AND DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE ANY OTHER WOMEN TILL THEN AND EVEN NOW..., I TOOK CARE ALL THIS YEARS FOR IVANA ,BECAUSE HER MOTHER DIDN'T WANT TO TAKE CARE FOR HER,.SHE JUST WANTED TO HAVE A PROMISCUITY LIFE ,...AND WHY ALL THIS LIE AND PAIN AND INJUSTICE,..I T I S N O T F A I R I AM NOT A BAD PERSON,NOT AN ASSHOLE, AND DEFINITELY NOT A LIAR ,...IVANA LOVED ME SOOOOOOO MUCH ALL THIS YEARS ,I SPENT ALL THE TIME WITH HER 24/7 ,I DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE MY PRIVATE LIVE SO I COULD SPENT MORE TIME WITH MY DAUGHTER CARRYING ABOUT HER,...SHE KNEW ALL THAT AND LOVED ME ,AND WHY SHE OFFENDS ME AND INSULTS ME NOW AFTER EVERYTHING I HAVE DONE,LOVED HER,AND WAS HERE FOR HER ALL THAT TIME YOU CAN NOT IMAGINE WHAT i'm going true almost 1 year,...please believe me before this year we had the best father -daughter relation possible,..as you said in the first message "she might not realize it yet ,that she has a great father,.....kira you had such a good impression about me,...me too about you,...and i still have ,and will always have,...no matter what you will say do ,how you will react or someone will convince me about you that you are mean cruel heartless😞 I WILL STILL HAVE THE BEST INPRESSION ABOUT YOU AS A COMPLETE AND GOOD PERSON ,...if you knew ,if you only knew ,...why and how everything changed (because everyone who knows me says always that i am the best possible father..) trust me ,...i am totally damaged ,ruined ,destroyed ,desperate,...i understand you about the age gap and and feeling overwhelmed,..please don't think about me as a bad person ,..i will respect your decision,..but i wanted to give you a present ,..it means a lot for me to say goodbye to you and that you don't get me in a wrong way,...(but i have some unpleasant feeling that you got me completely wrong ,...and that you don't want to see me9,MAYBE YOU FEEL DISGUSTED0,.to hear about me ,contact me,...believe me i am not an asshole and will be really destroyed, and sad,😔 if i don't see you or contact you one more time ☺.(sorry about the age gap and overwhelming ,though.kira one saying goes ;,...TRY WALKING IN MY SHOES,...GOOD LUCK KIRA)

Kira: I'm sorry Toni but I don't feel right accepting any gifts from you. I hope that things work out with Ivana and your ex. Everything happens for a reason

Toni: Today is definitely not my day,...i don't get you completely,Kira ,..please explain me,...i can only assume ,..but i wouldn't risk to get you wrong,please i need you too speak more,you are so wise ,...i can hardly believe you are only 18 Kira...Speaking with you these days i learned a lot ,despite you are so much younger ,..please explain me direct ,take the liberty tell me what you think about me or everything i want to know completely about everything we talked,...believe me long time i didn't find someone so intelligent and wise to communicate with👍

Kira: For me it made me uncomfortable when you continued to ask me over and over again "do you trust me?" And insisting that you have no bad intentions. I'm not implying that you do have bad intentions, but just in general, when a person is so insistent of their innocence it just makes them seem more guilty. You just came on too strong. Perhaps it is a cultural difference

Toni: Kira ,,...of course i understand you that i made such an impression on you,i just wanted to keep our friendship but in the same time i felt consistently a complex of inferiority is it because the language barrier,i wanted just a normal friendship but felt a complex of inferiority because you are a writer especially when i saw the first time your posts and saw how profound thoughts you possess i always felt that you wouldn't want to keep on our conversation ,..and always tried to impress you with long speeches smart thoughts that i deserve to have you as my friend and nothing more ,...but unfortunately i'm not wise and intelligent like Kira ,...i 'm probably stupid ,probably not worth to have you as my friend ,...and what is worst you got me wrong ,...it has nothing to do with the cultural difference,...i can not be your friend,because ,......no more excuses ,convincing, thank you that you explained me but really NO,... the last time I SWEAR TO GOD NO i am not an asshole,...KEEP ON YOUR DECISION ,...I'M SO DISAPpOINTED AND SAD,...erase me as your friend ,what can i do (nothing,to take a gun and kill my self 'cause my dreamdaughter got me wrong)right now i fell so sad i really like you as a nice human being, obviously i didn't belong to your league AS A FRIEND,..i came on so strong,... (maybe someone told you already) for me i can feel some positive aura around you and i have a strong intuition ,...you are something special(,..but again as a person),...YOU MENTIONED SOMEWHERE THAT EVERYTHING COMES FOR SOME REASON ,...YOU THINK ON KARMA ,.. THAT EVERYONE GETS WHAT HE DESERVES,...IMPLYING THAT I'M NOT SO INNOCENCE AS I TRY TO CONVINCE YOU BY COMING SO STRONG AND NOW I SHOULD BE "SENTENCED" FOR PRETENDING AND LYING TO THE MOST WONDERFUL HUMAN BEING I HAVE EVER MET,...I WISH YOU GOOD LUCK WHAT CONCERNS YOUR EMOTIONS AND LOVE ,...MY INTUITION TELLS ME THAT YOU AND YOUR BOYFRIEND ARE A PERFECT COUPLE,HE LOOKS NICE AND GOOD , AND YOU AND YOUR BOYFRIEND

Kira: (no response)

Toni: SORRY THAT I OPENED UP TO MUCH ,..I WON'T ASK FOR THE PRESUMPTION OF INNOCENCE,PROBABLY I WAS LOST SOMEWHERE IN TRANSLATION ..BECAUSE....I FELT SOME UNPLEASANT SOUND IN YOUR MESSAGES LATELY,...I WAS JUST ASSUMING,...BUT NOW I'M SURE UNFORTUNATELY 😞,MY INTUITION SAYS:STUPID,STUPID TONI ,..WHAT HAVE YOU DONE OR SAID TO THIS WONDERFUL ANGEL,..SO SHE GOT YOU IN A WRONG WAY,.. YOU NOT ONLY LOST HER FRIENDSHIP BUT MADE HER TO HATE YOU AND FEELS DISDAIN,OR DISGUSTING,...KIRA MAYBE I LOST MYSELF IN TRANSLATION,...AND PLEASE TRY TO UNDERSTAND ME 🙏 THAT MAYBE EVERYTHING IS JUST A MISUNDERSTANDING,..PLEASE TRY,..COME ON KIRA DON'T KILL ME PLEASE 😔,KIRA,..DON'T LEAN ON TO MUCH ON PREJUDICES ABOUT ME PLEASE ,..I REALLY DIDN'T SAW YOU THAT WAY ,...BUT MORE LIKE AN ANGEL,DON'T HATE ME PLEASE KIRA🙏 AND PLEASE RESPOND ME OR I WILL DIE ,...AND TELL ME DO YOU HATE ME?I CAN NOT STAND THIS TERRIBLE MISUNDERSTANDING🙏KIRA,..

Kira: I do not hate you Toni, but you are acting childish and it is making uncomfortable to the point of not wanting to respond. I am sorry

Toni: Thank you Kira i will change 100% ,i apprciate everything said to me is comming from heart ,honesty by good will ,,,i respect you Kira👍

Kira: (no response)

Toni: Thank you for your good advices again i will think about everything you said to me

Kira: (No response)

Toni: Do you want to see a happy end like in a movie???...100 meters close to your hostel"Unity" i am with my ex wife my daughter her boyfriend in restaurant"Dion"..it's very very close to Stone Bridge and you could have the greatest"Erlebnisse"to see the greatest happy ending ever .I would like to introduce you ,and we could have fun and a good time together.After so many years everything is Ok,,,we are alltogether happy...I knew you are an ANGEL ...meeting you ,you brought to me the greatest happiness i couldn't even imagine ...i knew you are so special ,,,please come restaurant "Dion" yoy will be thrilled to see this join us wewill have great time all together ...you will be eyewitness in a romantic comedy happy ending -live ,please come as soon as posible you won't regret it ...this happens only once in a livetime

Kira: Thanks for the invite... I'm happy to hear that things are going well. Unfortunately I am working right now and can't leave the hostel

Toni: But you are missing a romantic happy ending -live this happens only once in a livetime ,its a pitty you cant join us ..but you are still my lucky angel thanl you Kira

Kira: (no response)

Toni: ...best wishes for easy night shift...knowing out of personal experience(13,5 years in a factory and almost half of the working days night shift) i got sleeping disorders after that...but you will make it,.... plus you are not lazy as i know you,.....and very soon you will get your holiday you have deserved, ...Greece is wonderful,you will love this country ,...i have great memories from this land ,Kira.👍

(After this, I was really just done with receiving his messages, so I took the liberty of blocking him on Facebook Messenger. Soon after, I received this email)

Toni (via email): Hi...how are you?Greetings to you... P.S.(this was the last message i tried to send.. ,..but i got a response that you blocked me,,,i can not believe this ,is it true or a mistake ,..if yes,...why,...was just sending greetings ...what have i done wrong Kira?)