bisous, desiree.

It's been two months since my ex and I broke up, and I guess I'm back in the dating scene. Once again. 

I've done that "me time" thing: focusing more on myself and my own needs and learn not to give a fuck about other people's opinions so much. If only it was that easy. Getting over someone you were so intimate with for an extended period of time is difficult enough, let alone changing the outlook on relationships, or life in general, altogether.

Anyway, so I went on a date yesterday with this guy who I feel rather compatible with. He's really cute and I'm a sucker for side-of-the-head kisses. He definitely got a lot of boxes ticked (Figuratively speaking, since I don't actually have a list. Maybe I should make one?). Before we met up he has already mind fucked me good over text. Like an eye fuck, but less creepy and more intellectual. The good kind if you may. I'm not sure if he feels the same way after the date (We made out a lot), but he did text me today so I take that as a good sign. This brings me to my point: how long before knowing someone should you talk about, or even, initiate sex? We totally dirty texted today. He's certainly not the initiating kind (Does that mean he's not that into me? I don't really know), but I did get him to explicitly express his sexual interest towards me, as opposed to our usually witty one liners and innuendos. 

One thing that troubles me is that if I initiate sex, or establish too early that we are going to have sex, is he going to take me less seriously? Is it bad to be easy? Because as much as I'd like to tell you I'm a conservative church going girl that would only have sex after marriage, I'm not. I fucking love sex. And I actually would never like to tell you otherwise. I do notice that if I do take our potentially budding relationship seriously, I tend to try and wait a little longer, but would still definitely indicate my interest in jumping your bones. Otherwise it'd usually be our first meet/date.

But is it so wrong that I want to quickly jump into bed and get some skin-to-skin contact ASAP? Would I then not be girlfriend material because I gave it away too soon? Or that I didn't make the chase exciting enough? I really don't think I'm overcompensating if sex is something I want; but every time it gets closer to sex (or if it has already happened) I get this weird feeling that maybe I should just back off now because I am again setting myself up to get hurt.  

And with these words, I leave you with a song that sums me up quite well. And maybe everyone else. Cheers.

It never ceases to amaze me how some men get defensive when you tell them you use/own sex toys. They would probably say things like, "Oh so I guess you don't need me anymore." If you have used it with your previous partner during sex, some men may even attribute that to your partner's (especially if he is male) incompetence in satisfying you, which is completely untrue. I find myself often having to explain that sex toys may ENHANCE your sex life, rather than replacing it. Sex toys can be used during solo play for pleasure or for exploring your body and sexual needs; while products like kegel balls can be used to improve sex life. Some toys can be used during couple play, such as remote control vibrating eggs and vibrating cock rings, which can intensify orgasms for both involved.

As much as I love my toys, nothing beats the real thing. It is a different kind of experience being so intimate with someone else. That brings me to another point: sex is more than just the penetrative part; from the moment two people want to have sex together to the end, the whole experience is sex. So seriously, how can my toy replace you? Don't be silly.

Famous Chinese author Eileen Zhang once wrote in her book “Lust, Caution”, “if a man’s heart is through his stomach, then a woman’s heart is through her vagina”. I had my doubts. Surely a woman can have sex like a man and not always get emotionally attached. Then I started having sex. I don't always get attached of course, but did get my heart broken once or twice, and came to the realization that perhaps these things are somewhat biological.

I once read an article stating that both men and women’s bodies release a chemical called oxytocin, or the “cuddle hormone”, which induces feelings of love and attachment, when they reach an orgasm. However, estrogen in women’s body amplifies its effect, while the testosterone in men’s body inhibits its effects, and hence women tend to get more emotionally attached after sex.

Of course, everyone’s different. I have several female friends who are actually worried that their casual sex partner might get attached to them and want something more. I suppose what one chases in life runs away, but that’s another story for another day.

One thing I can be sure of, however, if the food/sex is good, you might get through to hearts faster than you think.