🧸🦕

       he’s not sure if his heartbeat ever really slows, or whether he just gets used to the relentless thrum against his chest. in any case, he manages to breathe through the toil of what should be easily embraced tenderness. it doesn’t make much sense, the shots of paralysis that go straight down his spine - it’s not like he’d never been hugged before. he supposes, it’s just been a while. ‘   not boring.   ’ he murmurs back, before slowly starting to untangle himself from bishop’s grasp. he’s not sure how long he’s supposed to hold a hug for, but knows that when his dad had dropped him off, dad had held on too long, and he remembers it had made him uncomfortable. ‘   that’s nice. my sister’s did too. but it was always big, elaborate smooches that made the … that puckering noise.   ’ he winces, as though he’s smelled something rotten - he’d never been a fan of that, smearing away lipstick marks with the back of his hand. 

not boring.

as the embrace begins to detangle, bishop clears his throat, an almost playful smile on his face as he heard soren recall memories of similar kisses from his sisters. “and are you french?” he asked, teasingly, eyes lit with happy creases as his dimples were made apparent. then, he paused, coughing slightly. “how many siblings do you have?” charlie finally asked, intrigued as he turned his body slightly to see soren a little better.

      both of them have their tempers. both of them have their reasons to be upset. lennon is seemingly misunderstanding of chuck’s feelings because she thinks that she’s been understanding of TOO MUCH already and said nothing. instead of talking about the secrets that chuck, too, kept from lennon, she reacted to women in swimming pools calling chuck charlie and giving him a wink. she misplaces her feelings, the negative ones at least, to try and not be a BOTHER, decides she loves chuck and wants to keep him in her life, so why bring up a fight that could end the friendship she built at seventeen? 

      since chuck doesn’t seem to care much about PRESERVING their relationship, lennon decides that now is the time to quit putting anyone but herself first and calls chuck out for the exact. same. thing. “i’m not the only one who keeps secrets!” she yells after him. her heart is racing, eyes will eventually have tears buckle over, but for the time being her facial expression is the only thing that tells him she’s hurt, since her words aren’t being well received. “YOU didn’t tell me about your OTHER LIFE, either, did you double oh seven (007)? nor did you tell me about your medicine-cabinet, which i had the respect to never ask you about.” maybe she should quit while she’s ahead or maybe this is the day that it all comes out, everything being placed on the table on her end, from her italian engagement to her yorkshire desires and observations. “— if we were so well suited for marriage, if you REALLY wanted to be with me, you wouldn’t have let me go. but you did. you let me go back to new york and that decision was enough for me to keep this from you because it felt irrelevant. so yes, i was in love before you, but i haven’t been in love AFTER you, bishop. i understand that you’re hurt, but — we’re the same, you and i… i treated you the exact same way you treated me. so there it is. all of our secrets are out, all of our cards are on the table. what are you gonna do about it, huh? you’re just gonna walk away?”

walking away from things was apparently very easy for charlie to do; rather numb to a lot of things these days, there wasn’t much that would gauge an important feeling from the boy ( because usually his outbursts were meaningless and down to poor anger management ) ------- UNTIL he heard a certain bridge in lennon’s rant, voice bellowing across the open grounds of gallagher’s forecourt for whoever else to hear.

it wasn’t the quirky james bond reference, but that certainly made the boy’s walk slow; the gradual stop was immediately halted when she’d so carelessly mentioned his medicine cupboard, a tease to all of those outsiders looking in that there was, perhaps, something in that cupboard that was to be kept secret. feeling almost betrayed, the brit slowly turned, the anger bubbling in his veins and only brewing stronger the more lennon continued.

what are you gonna do about it, huh? you’re just gonna walk away?

by this point, bishop was already walking back towards the blonde, expression stoic and perhaps leaning towards a little angry and distasteful as he stopped in front of the girl, face leaning in close to hers. “we didn’t treat each other the same; i doted on you and i opened my family’s home for you to walk in and walk out whenever you fuckin’ pleased, so before you start shouting about that thing i told you ---- out of complete fucking trust, mind you ---- i’d just think about me, for once in your fucking life, lennon.” sounding nasty now, bishop was near glaring. “or you and i are done.” for now, the anger has stewed and settled more on what the girl was so meaninglessly shouting across the forecourt; in private, maybe, he would calm down.

𝑺𝑮 𝑳𝑬𝑾𝑰𝑺: 𝑭𝑳𝑨𝑴𝑬𝑺

          he feels the peck before he can even process it, followed by a hug that makes his body unconsciously clench a heat rushing to the surface of his skin with no hope of quelling anytime soon. the focus is put towards calming his breath, because he doesn’t want to give the impression that bishop’s doing anything wrong - he just gets a little panicked when taken by surprise. however, slowly, his arms come up, in a similar fashion to a rusty robot, he swears he can hear the creak of his joints until finally his palms lay flat against bishop’s back. he thought the kiss on the cheek was a french thing, so naturally he asks, ‘   are you french as well as english ?   ’ which, he’s now realizing he should have saved for after the hug, not in the midst of it.

it’s understandable that soren is taken by surprise; charlie, too, was surprised by how inviting he was being, but they were friends now, right? close friends at that, and bishop assumed ( by how he felt ) that this would be okay. keeping arms tight around the boy, he laughed at the question, simply because it took him by surprise, but subtly he shook his head. “just a borin’ old brit,” he promised, voice muffled by his friend’ shirt. fingers spread to span a good majority of soren’s back during the embrace, charlie took a moment to feel the fabric of his shirt as he thought back to memories he had. “parents always kissed cheeks,” he added, presuming that’s where the question sparked from.

         ‘   we should go there soon. we could like, do it up a little bit. decorate it.   ’ he’d so badly wanted a treehouse when he was younger, and this seems like the next best thing. twenty years old and it dawns on him that his interests haven’t progressed past what he liked when he was a child ; aliens and baseball and secrets hangouts. he’s about to backtrack, try to force himself to grow up in the span of seconds, but bishop swoops in, just in the nick of time it seems, with a pinky raised. he links his pinky with his, a note too solemn but only because he takes this kind of thing quite seriously. friendship, after all, was a serious business. ‘ promise.   ’ he’d just as easy say forever, but that’s a lot of pressure, even though he’d like to bishop around for a long time.  

promise.

it was funny: bishop had a very sturdy exterior, but once he’d found someone to confide in and trust, that person was very quick to break it --- and that’s exactly what soren had managed to do. pinky’s linked and an idea to refurbish the abandoned barn on the other side of that dangerously unstable fence, charlie had a soft, happy smile on his face and he nodded. “we’ll get it looking nice,” he promised, teeth showing as he began to grin at how childish, yet somewhat comforting the idea was. unlinking their pinky’s, bishop made the bold decision to lean forward, suddenly full of hope and feeling refreshed as he kissed his new friend’s cheek, before pulling him in for an embrace. nothing was said.

      there is zero part of lennon that feels GUILTY or BAD because the truth is that if chuck cared to know such things he would have asked her and he didn’t. it’s partially true and partially untrue and she knows that both sides exist and are valid, but she has to choose to side with the part of herself that is protecting the heightened emotions she’s feeling. she hadn’t even gotten to tell him the part where the guy is HERE! and well, that was kind of her point, so imagine not making it the same way she didn’t allow bishop to finish his. sigh. lennon harlow occasionally slips out of her caretaker role because, well, taking care of lennon harlow is a full time job and she is currently the only one appointed with the task. clearly. since bishop can’t be bothered to care about the heartbreak she’s telling him about nor does he comment on the whole thought-we-were-endgame thing. but okay. lennon’s BORED with chuck’s antics, not knowing how deep his hardships truly run, but knowing that it’s all she gets from him these days. “are you done playing the victim card, chuck, or are you just going to keep doing it for the rest of your life? seriously. GROW UP. instead of lashing out maybe try something like: ‘len, this information makes me feel hurt because x, y, z. i wish you told me when you’d arrived in yorkshire so anything that happened between us could have been an informed decision on my part,’ but no it’s always just giant reactions from you isn’t it? ——— oh, mandatory gallagher therapy REALLY opened my eyes,” she explains in the end, the reasoning for her attempt at a MATURE way of handling the situation at hand, though it comes off more as a pretentious, hypocritical, quieter tantrum. self-righteous and pompous, maybe, but lennon MEANS well, she really and does with her whole heart, but she falls short sometimes, like right now, when she gets the OPPOSITE of what she wants from chuck.

there’s wasn’t much reaction from bishop as lennon began to speak; brows furrowed as though he’s listening hard to her tantrum and lips somewhat pursed as though he’s in thought, there’s a moment where he was almost positive she’d said exactly the problem: i wish you’d told me when you’d arrived in yorkshire...-----’ but interestingly enough, as the girl said the exact reason why bishop was upset, she didn’t clock on herself. so, the brit remained still, stoic and seemingly unimpressed, leaving a moment of silence as her last sentence stuck and lingered with him.

mandatory gallagher therapy really opened my eyes.

and then, finally: “you said it perfectly, lennon,” charlie spoke, hoarsely, as his eyes squinted behind his aviators. briefly, he looked away, trying hard to process the right words before he spoke them. “you should’ve told me before yorkshire, but you didn’t, you’re telling me now --- after we’ve slept together countless times, after you try to tell me you have feelings and after my family thought we were well suited for marriage,” pause. “so if you think i’m being unreasonable for thinking the way i think, you’re fucking stupid.” and with that, the brit began to stand up, leaving the small bits of food and drink to sit in the sunshine beside lennon as he walked off. if there was one thing charles didn’t appreciate, it was a bad attitude --- and being spoken to like he was the problem, when for once, he wasn’t.

𝑫𝑼𝑲𝑬 𝑫𝑼𝑴𝑶𝑵𝑻: 𝑵𝑰𝑮𝑯𝑻𝑪𝑹𝑨𝑾𝑳𝑬𝑹 (𝑭𝑬𝑨𝑻. 𝑺𝑨𝒀 𝑳𝑶𝑼 𝑳𝑶𝑼)

𝑻𝑯𝑬 1975: 𝑰𝑭 𝒀𝑶𝑼'𝑹𝑬 𝑻𝑶𝑶 𝑺𝑯𝒀 (𝑳𝑬𝑻 𝑴𝑬 𝑲𝑵𝑶𝑾)

𝑲?𝑫: 𝑳𝑶𝑺𝑬 𝑴𝒀𝑺𝑬𝑳𝑭

         the past is distorted like a funny looking comic strip that he’d read one sunday morning while his dad made eggs, fried them, burnt them, made the whole kitchen wreak and his mother would eat them anyways out of gratitude and one day she even stars to like them. similarly, all of the complicated stuff that ails camp’s mind and fills him with insecurity is something he has grown complicated with, knows how to move past, and now he’s using it like ammo to show the person that he loves that he loves them.

      it’s EUPHORIC, all of it and when their lips begin to connect and reconnect all over each other’s bodies, camp is giving bishop all of him and more. he’s chewing the bottom of his lip as he allows himself to be a bottom all at the same time feeling the pleasure rising like a thermometer’s temperature. there’s so much left to come, physically and literally, but he’s yet to say it, yet to tell bishop that he wants MORE and even if bishop were RELUCTANT to give it to him, he thinks that he could still be honest about what he wants everyday moving forward like there is a secret potion for him to take and bishop is finally giving it to him.

when there was passion as fiery as that, it was very hard for bishop to stop and, similarly, campbell reciprocated every little touch, kiss and moan, giving the older male the consent to step just that little bit further ---- and further and further, until the pair had been sharing the small, confined space of bishops’ bunk, sheets thin, clinging and twisting around their bodies, which rolled and fumbled around during moments of pure ecstasy. hands spanned widths of campbell’s skin as they touched him, caressed areas of his body that charlie hadn’t had the pleasure of touching until now, yet even as they reached their peak of pleasure, even as bishop was inside the other, he knew to be especially careful --- and that he was. 

chest heaving with deep, laboured breaths as bishop finally climaxed, lips swollen from kisses, sucks and nibbles, he pulled out and collapsed beside the more petite boy; both bodies shimmering with sweat as the brit stared up at the underneath of the bunk above them. it was, indeed, euphoric and the sound of campbell’s moans and whispers of his name would forever be etched in his memory --- just where he wanted it. this feeling? felt something similar to love, but bishop daren’t say a word regarding it. instead, he tried to catch his breath, turning his head to admire camp’s askew curls and bruised collarbones. “i’ve wanted to have you like that for so long,” he whispered, laughing breathlessly --- out of disbelief, probably.

      eyebrows furrow and she straightens up and says, “DID NOT!” like a schoolgirl with a bone to pick. “i’ve been attracted to you since i was seventeen, chuck bishop. everything i felt for you then was real. everything that i felt when you came back here was real. how DARE you even suggest anything different?”

unfortunately for bishop, he didn’t have a conscience easy to listen to and unfortunately for lennon, it had taken her this long to tell him, so naturally, he wasn’t too keen to trust her protest. “how dare i?” he asked, seemingly confused as he leaned away from lennon and onto a hand behind him, eyes looking her up and down. “you fuckin’ used me... every time you’d come round to see me, you just got out of a relationship and----what, you didn’t think to tell me?” pause. he looked at the grass, then back to her. “sounds like you were fuckin’ using me, lennon.”

      “sorry, it just—” she throws some blonde hair behind her shoulder and studies the inside of her eyelids for a moment. “it feels like a LIFETIME ago,” she says, referring to their lives, entangled together messily years back. “i — WE gave each other a shot at a VERY weird time in my life, but i’ve never known how to tell you.” she’s plumping her lips out in a pursing motion as she thinks about her words carefully even though they come out in the exact opposite way of careful, messy like she and bishop tended to do. “i’d just gotten out of a four year relationship,” lennon is finally telling him like it’s no big deal, a storybook tale she’s heard only moments earlier. “FIANCE, actually,” and she puts up her left hand to her face and says, “don’t you think diamonds suit me?” though there’s obviously no diamond there. she gets closer and leans her head on chuck’s shoulder and laces an arm through his. “i maybe, sorta always thought YOURS would be next. it wouldn’t have to weigh down my finger or anything, but your parents had me convinced that we were meant to be the loves of each other’s lives.”

for a very absurd start to her story, lennon was being very nonchalant about the whole thing and, quite frankly, it only confused bishop more. but he listened and the more he listened, the more he blinked, the more he began to think ( times that by five, at least ) and he began to come to his own assumptions. in fact, while pondering those assumptions, the very action of lennon threading her arm through his and making jokes was sickening, causing the boy to look almost uncomfortable as he unlaced their arms. ignoring everything she’d said and focusing simply on the FIANCE, bishop paused, before he muttered a very careful, very calm-before-the-storm-esque, “so... you----used me.”