Safe Space

He couldn’t find peace even for a second, trying to occupy himself with whatever he could think of – a task, or, if he didn’t have any, a silly game, a sparring session, a chat with Spock or Bones.

The latter tried to cheer their captain up, each in their own manner, but it didn’t seem to help much for Jim’s eyes would only grow heavier with each passing hour.

No matter how hard he tried to prepare himself for the worst, when you and your comrades were finally brought back aboard, the sight of you, unconscious and brutalized, felt to him like a punch in the stomach.

Kirk would find any excuse to visit you at the sickbay; his visits became so frequent that even McCoy finally snapped, advising Jim to “mind his dam’ business” - bothering you every 15 minutes wouldn’t do you any favor.

But the captain would return after another 15 minutes anyway.

When you were still unconscious, he would sit there, holding your hand, maybe tell you about his day just to show you he was there, even if he couldn’t actually help.

Grim thoughts of you never waking up deprived Jim of his own sleep.

So, when you finally did open your eyes, the captain simply couldn’t contain his happiness and squeezed air out of Bones’ lungs in a bear hug, thanking him for saving your life.

Now that you have recovered, Kirk makes sure to assign you only missions he is personally attending.

He has certainly developed a sort of separation anxiety, turning clingier that he has ever been and being overly protective at times (which you eventually bring up and you two try to work though).

If you haven’t been married yet, Jim definitely suggests a wedding and, should you accepted his proposal, orders to prepare the ceremony.

He wants to ensure that, if he was to lose you, you two would experience as much as possible together before it happened.

Spock

No one could tell what he was feeling when your transmission abruptly died after a short cry of pain rang through the radio.

Externally, he remained completely unbothered; maybe a slight confused frown would do the change.

Meanwhile, on the inside, Spock was terrified.

Of course, he was doing his best not to let his emotions interfere with his job. Not even once he left his station without a need or bothered anyone with unnecessary concerns or questions. It would be illogical after all.

Yet, every time Uhura would report, his eyes instinctively darted in her direction, barely perceptive flickers of fear and hope jolting in their dark depth.

Unfortunately, minutes were turning into hours, and there was still nothing.

Jim tried to talk to him, to make his friend open up and relieve the load he knew Spock was carrying inside, only to be pushed away with a truly Vulcan stoicism. Spock considered his problems irrelevant while you and other people lost were the top priority.

At last, after tiresome searching, the troop was beamed back on board.

Spock didn’t leave his post until Kirk (gladly) permitted him to.

Only then the Science officer allowed himself a small weakness, personally escorting you to the sickbay and staying by your side a few extra minutes to ensure you were safe and stable.

His face was unreadable, but his tense figure and unnatural lack of attention to anything but you instantly told Bones how concerned he was.

Though, McCoy couldn’t possibly imagine the pain that struck Spock at the sight of your limp, bruised body. If not for his Vulcan ways, he would have collapsed right there and then, crying like a child.

Jim relieved him off duty despite Spock’s repeated protests, justifying this action with: “your partner needs you much more than the Enterprise right now, Spock”.

According to his captain’s (and very much his own) wishes, Spock would pass all the time he had with you.

When you woke up, he was by your side, lost in thoughts, his hand gently stroking your hair.

His voice was calm and soothing as he spoke to you; in fact, you could lie there and listen to him talk all day, but instead you chose to surprise Spock with a Vulcan kiss.

A wide smile of relief instantly bloomed on his face, and that alone revealed how much he missed you. As he leaned in for a Human kiss, there were no doubts left.

(Thankfully, McCoy wasn’t there to witness the moment)

Since then Spock always kisses/holds you in his arms a little bit before you have to go on another of your missions, no matter how many people are in the room. Quality time spent with you increases prominently as well.

And don’t even make me start on how protective he has become…

Leonard “Bones” Mccoy

If McCoy was considered irritable while you were around, it became a total disaster once you disappeared.

People were afraid to get near him for Leonard's temper would quickly get the best of him. Even nurse Chapel who had gotten used to her chief’s behavior refused to enter the sickbay with him inside.

He didn't stay at his station though. Instead, he occupied a corner on the bridge and sat there with a gloomy expression on his face, waiting for any news to come.

At times, he engaged in heated arguments with Spock who, clearly displeased at first, soon realized that it was simply the doctor’s way to cope. And so he would indulge McCoy just to keep him occupied.

Yet, with each passing hour Bones was more and more likely to prefer solitude. His eruptive energy faded away, leaving exhaustion and sorrowful indifference behind. Even his normal sassiness looked more like cinical pessimism.

Jim hated to see McCoy act this way, but could do nothing.

Things changed only once you were aboard of the Enterprise again.

Bones instantly went into doctor’s mode, ready to do the impossible to drag you out of death’s jaws. Never before or after that day he was seen working with such passion.

He would sleep on a spare bed at his work place just in case something went wrong, and his rest was hectic as he would constantly get up to check on you.

When your senses returned to you, Leonard was snoring by your bed, disheveled, heavy bags under his eyes. He looked dreadfully exhausted, yet only more endearing to you for all the efforts he had to make fighting for your life.

You couldn’t wait to finally greet your lover. But, as he stirred awake, you immediately wished he didn't. McCoy read you an entire lecture on how stupid your actions were and how you failed to use all survival techniques he thought you knew, his Southern accent and an impressive lexicon of heavy words showing off in all their glory. He even threatened he would convince Jim to remove you from your position and give you a quiet, ship-only related job (spoilers: of course, he didn’t, he values your opinions and freedom of choice).

However, his anger didn’t last too long. After all, he was so very happy you made it back to him. Nurse Chapel found you two in the middle of a fiery kiss, absorbed into your feelings to the point when you wouldn’t notice her until she accidentally dropped a book she was trying to sneak from McCoy’s table.

Since that incident Leonard has been exceptionally strict with you during check-ups. If you are about to get dropped on some random planet again, he will hold an extensive speech, naming all potential threats and how exactly you can avoid them (it doesn’t matter if you know all that already).

At the same time, McCoy has started treating you somewhat softer when it comes to daily life. He tolerates things in you which usually would infuriate him. His appetite for cuddles is now practically insatiable: his hands are constantly on you, or he is in very close proximity to you if anything else is inappropriate.

Reminded so harshly about human mortality, Leonard wants to savor every moment, every sensation, every feeling like it’s the last one, and shows patience for he knows: one day, he will miss even your flaws, but it will be too late.

Montgomery "Scotty" Scott

You could as well grab a knife and stab it though the man’s heart.

Kirk suffered from a moral dilemma. What could he say? Did he have to say it? Wouldn’t it be better if chief engineer knew nothing until the reason of your disappearance was revealed?..

But, eventually, he decided it would be unfair to hide the truth.

Montgomery Scott had never been someone who crumbled under the load of hardship – and he didn’t. Yet, the look Jim received from him at the moment when your name and the word “lost” dropped from his mouth was heart-wrenching.

Scotty would rather deal with the entire system's overload than the news he’d just received. If it was the ship’s fault, he could have easily fixed whatever was wrong. But at the moment… He was powerless, and that was driving him mad.

Seeking distraction, Scotty hurled himself into his work, checking every cable and cog of the vessel with cold, pedantic precision. But no matter what he was doing, his thoughts would inevitably wander back to you.

Fear, pain and boiling rage competed for dominance within his soul, vigor and rebellious by design. Secure walls of the Enterprise he grew to love and call his home unexpectedly appeared restricting and unwelcoming.

All he wanted was to see you, to feel your hand on his cheek, to hear your voice calling him “Monty” once again. Stars, if you were dead, dying beside you would be a better alternative to the uncertainty.

His temptation to break or tear something apart was immense.

Throwing tantrums would do nothing, however. Therefore, Scotty bottled it up, persistently continuing his work in gravely silence; his subordinates held a respectful distance, wary of the intimidating aura he obtained.

He didn’t ask for it, but the captain would periodically contact him and inform Scotty about all actions executed to find you, both to lighten the engineer's worry and keep him company.

Till, finally, Kirk passed him the coordinates.

Never Scotty ran as fast into the transporter room.

What he saw when the troop materialized in front of him was far from reassuring. Cautiously held by your teammates, you offered a dreadful sight to anyone who even slightly cared about you. No one stopped Scotty as he rushed forward and enveloped you in a possessive hug.

McCoy was only half way there when he met chief engineer carrying you to the sickbay.

Every free minute Scotty was able to carve out of his tight schedule was dedicated to you. His shifts inevitably ended with him hurrying to your bed, by which he would linger long after the hour when the rest of the crew went to sleep. At times he would bring a book or a journal along, but, mostly, he was just looking at you. Waiting.

Fluttering your eyes open, you were greeted with his eyes gazing down at you, longing, hopeful and loving. Your awakening broke sturdy shell he maintained, making his emotions come through all at once: next few minutes he was quietly crying on your chest, feeling happy and calm for the first time in what seemed like forever.

Since that day every mission you have to attend puts Scotty in a state of unease. Although he doesn’t want to deprive you of work you enjoy, he also can’t help the worry growing in his chest as he sees you go.

Nightmarish memories wake him up at night, and he watches you sleep, relishing in presence of you, alive and breathing, while his fear dissipates.

Ocasionaly, you catch him stare, somber eyes dweling into your soul.