there are some things that i’d like to address pertaining to both past issues and the current situation. first, the leaks were private conversations released because of a personal issue between the members of season7 and the “whistleblowers”. they shouldn’t have seen the light of day (nor should your private messages you’ve sent to close friends), but they did and i faced the consequences with public exposure. i spoke out of pure anger and annoyance towards individuals that caused harm to both myself and my friends. i do apologize for any harm my words have caused to anyone involved or mentioned. no one told me to say anything and i did not want to “fit in” either. i simply was caught in moments of community, and i should have known better than to speak on people without thinking of the consequences if it were to be heard or not. i have done a lot of internalization on the matter, and that will not happen again.

second, i do not apologize for speaking up about the ongoing issues asian women deal with in this community, especially with the rotation of oversexualized mods and usage of asian heads/presets. that is an ongoing epidemic and it is causing active harm to asian women both within this community and throughout the world.

third, there has been conversation going around but i want to make some things clear once again: i am not some infantilized woman who can’t make her own decisions nor am i bully, abuser, etc. i have never asked anyone to or prevented anyone from talking to someone else, controlled their behavior and/or choices. i have never bullied anyone into doing anything. i have surrounded myself with adults who make/made choices, and i have expressed my feelings towards said decisions. i have never sent a single anonymous message to anyone. i can show direct proof via my notifications/mentions on tumblr for the two accounts that i have. anyone who has spoken to me can show our private messages that would reveal absolutely nothing of the sort. i also have not and will not use my blackness as an excuse for anything. if there are patterns, there are patterns, regardless of if you can see it or not.

additionally, if you think being loyal to your friends is “controlling”, then we may have differing definitions on what friendship is. my friends have expressed their deep hurt and feelings towards specific people and i chose not to engage with those individuals because of how much my friends were hurting. i’m not sure why that is such a foreign concept to people.

fourth, i had a private server where i could distribute my packs for modeling. over time, it had turned into a community. it was rather small and niche. i began to notice behaviors: people blatantly ignoring the requirements for mod previews (things with information, picture submission, etc.) after expressing it repeatedly, weird treatment towards my close friends/admins, and other things that would trigger me. i didn’t like it. so, after having enough, i decided to close the server down to a select group of friends. i didn’t list who would and wouldn’t be kept, because that would be my private business. i did, however, ask the folks i wanted to stay via dms, and they could either accept or deny it. people in the server assumed proximity to me based on the interactions we had within common spaces (again, normal to interact with the people in your own server), but despite these interactions, they were not close to me. i didn’t know them personally (or were getting to know) or i needed additional time, hence why i did not keep most individuals within the server. i kept those i wanted to get to know more and thought i could trust. i was sadly mistaken. during the time of the removal, i didn’t disclose those reasons (at the time, i didn’t think it was necessary), and it left people wondering and then projecting a weird version of my friends and myself where they were “controlling” me and therefore, “abusing” me. they were not and have not. again, i am an adult, i made a decision and i faced the consequences of that decision. i will take accountability for that, and internalize on how that could have gone better. i do apologize for not disclosing said reasons that promoted this version of events. i see that now, and understand how not being direct enough can leave room for this.

there were also screenshots spread around about conversations that took place within the server after the big removal and some comments made. again, people assumed based on their projections and prior opinions. the people involved (and who the comment was about) have spoken and since settled any conflict between them.

if anyone wants to speak further, see proof of my mentions regarding the anonymous messages or air out any other grievance after hearing this, my private messages on tumblr will be open. however, if you are blocked, you’ll have to contact me through a proxy so i can unblock you. otherwise, this will be my final statement on anything regarding fandom issues.

thank you for reading thus far, since this is a long message, and i hope you understand my reasoning and thoughts.

- elf x