If mosquitoes just ASKED for my blood I’d gladly give it to them why do they have to be so difficult and make me itch 😒

The springs on my bed fitting exactly to the shape of my ribs when I lay on my stomach IS a form of intimacy

There is comfort in space documentaries. Yea tell me a whole bunch of things I don’t fully understand while I daydream with the pretty colors

Perhaps I shall dedicate my life to finding a way for lobsters to molt forever since lobsters become cooler as they grow older and then I can have a lobster be my family heirloom and it’ll be the coolest lobster in the world 😎

If the F I and E in the five guys sign failed it would still say five guys because of Roman numerals

I’m going to hell not because I’ve sinned or because I haven’t followed the ways of the church but because all my friends are gay and I don’t wanna be left out. Like who do I even know that’s in heaven???

All you bitches warned me about math but y’all never mentioned science??!??

Why are people so afraid to admit that the whole Moana soundtrack is a bop?

Once I get a decent sleep schedule it’s OVeR for you bitches

The nice and accurate prophecies of Agnes Nutter? Did you mean the Simpsons

I cry a lot and keep my eyes half closed. People think I’m high ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

God gave me wings and a glock and threw me at the world

Sometimes I want to quote people on Tumblr but I can't say "As chunkybread42069 once said" and keep the little dignity I have left...

The amazing world of gumball is too woke for anyone. Except maybe god