*cries in bisexual*

When your group is full of weirdos

↑

it's the largest freshwater lake on the planet by surface area, you could lose a couple of smaller countries in there and not even notice. (vs Europe)

on top of that, it's a Northern lake, so the water never really gets warmer than 50 F (10 C) even in the heat of summer, and it's famous for sudden violent storms that destroy ships and buildings alike. this thing has a MASSIVE body count because it's also a major shipping thoroughfare.

And when Bunjy says "the largest by surface are" what that means is: Lake Superior is a whopping 31,700 square miles (82,103 square km) of water. The only reason she is not an inland sea is because she is freshwater.

She has tides. She has rip currents, like an ocean does. You don't even have to go out on a boat to get got by her, all you have to do is step into her icy waters in the wrong spot. She has ice formations that aren't "icebergs" on the technicality that they didn't calve from glaciers, even though they look and act the same.

(photo by Paul Berger)

She LOOKS like an ocean when you are at her shores. This is from a location on the Minnesota side shore.

(photo by George Ilstrup)

I was thinking about how when we meet Astarion he is all about survival – performing and hiding behind a mask to keep himself safe.

He is being flirty and friendly, often even when you disagree with him.

And I am thinking – logically, shouldn’t he also try to appear good-aligned to you?

He doesn’t know who these people in the camp are, if he can trust them, or what they’ll do if they learn he’s a vampire. One wrong move, and he could end up dead.

Meanwhile Astarion openly and proudly throws around all those cold, sometimes cruel, opinions about using, abandoning or killing others.

I suppose with evil Tav it would be fine, but if he doesn’t know how you’ll react, why risk showing that side? Wouldn’t it be safer to pretend kind?

Of course, Astarion wants to look strong, so no one would think to mess with him, and this is how he believes strong people should think like.

But in this group, he’s not the leader – he needs to win the leader over. Someone to protect him, not cast him out. So is he assuming Tav also thinks like that, since they are strong? That they’ll respect the same kind of ruthless survival he does?

And yes, there are other companions with strong opinions that they don’t hold back, like Lae’zel and Shadowheart, for example.

But in case of Lae’zel, she isn’t trying to prove anything to anyone, and she believes she’s strong enough to shut up anyone who has a problem with her. Shadowheart is also masking, but it’s not about survival, it’s about belonging – trying to be a good Sharran.

Astarion’s approach, on the other hand, can seem almost counterproductive.

Unless… When he states things like that, it almost sounds challenging. So what if he is? Challenging you.

Come on, disagree with me, try to argue. You can say all those pretty words about being kind and helping others, but we both know, that’s how this world really works, isn’t it?

And what if, deep inside, he wants to be proven wrong?

What if, by voicing the worst assumptions about the world he’s daring you to disagree? To show him a different way. Because otherwise you’ll prove what he believes – what Cazador made him believe – is true.

Okay so I was always like "why tf is he a rogue?" Bg3 normally ties the companions classes to their story or personality in some way, so what does being a sneak thief have to do with being a magistrate or a hooker or a slave or a vampire or an elf or any of it?

Why is Astarion a rogue??

Well something people in abusive homes will do is essentially sneak around their own house. They move around quietly, take soft steps, stuff like that.

So if we take that and blend it with the idea he took archery as a rich bitch child + he got a habit of stealing because Caz almost never buys them non-essentials and he still manages to feel entitled to finery despite his status.

That's a rogue.

And I get to share it with you, as a partner. An equal.

Here's another ramble about a single spawn Astarion line that hits so close home for me. 

When I first heard Astarion say it, I was puzzled. What, he didn't previously consider my Tav an equal? Why?

And then it clicked. 

He's talking about himself, right? He used to think he's worthless. A slave. A weakling. A body to please others. And now he's finally relishing the fact that he's so much more; he finally believes he can be someone's equal; and not just someone's, but the person's he values the most.

Hence the happy, almost dreamy expression on his face, hence the little pause before he actually says the word. Because it is like a dream come true, and because the word is worth savouring for a moment longer.

I think there are two reasons why my brain needed that extra second to process what Astarion said. The first is because I have a complicated relationship with hierarchies in general. I struggle with them a lot, and often get into trouble because of that. I view them as artificial social constructs that make no sense to me, unless the person telling me what to do is actually knowledgeable in their field and listens to arguments presented by others. I need rationales, not just a “do it, because I'm telling you to”. (That's one of the “perks” of being autistic, I guess. Happy April!)

The second (might be connected to the first) is that it has never, not even for a brief while, occurred to me to view Astarion as inferior. From the first meeting, when he put that darn knife against my Tav’s throat, to whatever happened afterwards – in my head, he was an equally important character, regardless if I liked what he was up to at any given moment. I knew he struggled with his sense of self-worth (and that's another thing I understand all too well), but not even once did I consider he might not be my Tav’s equal.

It warms my heart to watch him realise that and revel in the knowledge. I wish all relationships I form – personal and professional – would be that: equals who try to understand and accommodate each other. Which brings to mind another very important quote, from Harper Lee’s “To Kill a Mockingbird”: