bunni 🫧

and there are rarely ever simple answers to such delicious and complex questions.

The truth is…I’ve been a fatty my entire life, and the highest I’ve ever weighed in my life was 290lb while in college- years before I discovered the realm of being into feedism.

a few months ago I was taking a shower and I ended up just spending the entire time entirely too turned on by my own body- the folds blending into my belly, the soft feel of my curves and it was a mix, a swirl of stimuli that overtook any actual cleaning. The combination of sweet smells and just in all honesty, shamelessly fondling and rubbing myself down in vanilla cake scented soap, was an intoxicating mix.

both the tease of a delicious treat and just the simple act of touching my fat had me spending way too much time between my legs.

A few weeks of that went by, always horny when I showered and hungry even if I just ate.

Until one day I looked a myself in the mirror, still soaking wet from the shower and dripping in my own cum from having to get off, and I saw just how huge id gotten.. how much I weighed and it… really, really turned me on.

yeah, id been avoiding the scale for well over 10-12 months and when I saw just how much weight I gained it…. made sense why I had to basically start a whole new wardrobe to fit my belly. And honestly I think I was a little bit in denial.

But when weighed myself then, it was like a flip switched, and I felt so so good. I felt - happy.

I actually got introduced to this all a few years ago. I met someone in a different online space who opened up about having a thing for fat people and happened to be really, really into my belly. They loved seeing me eat food, the act getting me food and I honestly didn’t even know that’s what was going on at first. I loved it too.

but I took a step back and focused on myself for a few years—

well that turns out focusing on myself is still gaining and gaining even without trying … I haven’t been actively gaining or into it for myself for long at all- really within the two month or so I’ve been letting myself explore this for myself, not another.

I actually accidentally gained 45 lb during the last year and a half due to working at home and developing a bit of a doordash problem. which is a bit ironic.

i suppose technically I’ve been into it since late 2021, but only really have just began to explore this for myself.

If I look back, where my relationship with food and body shifted was after struggling with brief health issues. I lost a bunch of weight without any effort. I was at the lowest weight I’ve been in adulthood at 190 lb. At first I thought I liked it, but when health issues resolved I found my relationship with food, fat and my body were different.

I missed holding my belly at night, rubbing it in comfort. I missed being able to EAT.

Since my health issues resolved three/four years ago I feel like I am desperately trying to reach my past highest weight and beyond. I love how big I am now and food has become nearly erotic.

the idea I was that big before even being a feedee makes my mind boggle.

I had found myself so relieved when told about feedism in its full scope. A lot of my life I was treated with objectified shame- like some dirty thing kept hidden by the people that never felt feel comfortable expressing they liked me growing up. it was something i was scared of for a lot of my life but i think my brain did the thing where if youre scared of something you actually kinda make yourself into it

i felt i could cry from relief and happiness that someone could possibly like the very parts of me i was insecure about my entire life.

seeing people speaking about rolls and stretch marks and bellies in such like beautiful ways outside the more horny parts took my breath away, reading erotic vulgar words of desire about my fat bodies ignited a spark in my brain i felt had long been snuffed out.

i just find all of this so incredibly therapeutic in a way.

it feels healing and erotic, i cant fully describe it.

it probably didnt help that when i first was introduced to feedism in 2021 i lived with some college friends who were all incredibly focused on their diet- nearly unhealthily obsessed. they would go on runs around campus and always tried to get me to go with them.

they would even pull the “but we’ll walk with you and take break when you need.” and i said no every time just to order food, paw at my belly and fuck myself silly. and i had never felt better.

they were all so fucking miserable limiting themselves in every single way- it made every act of feedism feel even hotter, dirtier. liberating.

and free, i felt like i had unlocked this other world of pleasure and confidence. i was prouder of my body and i had the body type they all were working so hard not to have- in order to please a society that doesnt actually fucking want it.

so many people were telling me how obsessed they were with my fat and it just like was a taboo mind mix that was very hot.

it all culminated in a journey of discovery i cannot define as linear, but more like falling.

of feeling sleek, taut muscle turn to soft fat against my own. i want to make them so much larger than me that people consider me (a very much obese person) small, i want the shock to not be on me, but on my beautiful fatty.

the idea of giving a once focused, fitness driven athlete or the bleak, miserable diet obsessed the bliss driven rest of gluttony i have spent my entire life enjoying as a fat person-is a gift i want to share.

i need to make them soft and as happy as i am, happier and complacent and beautiful and fat.

i want to dress them in my cute clothes and watch as they go from near swimming in the fabric to flush to spilling out in near vulgar fashion. darker thoughts of gifting clothes a size too big, ripping the tag off, just to whisper softly “oh my sweet thing, youre losing weight we need to fatten you up again.”

and we both know its manipulation of the purest intent, of corrupting them further toward delicious fat pleasure.

I have been going through my closet to sell some clothing I have way, way outgrown and need to admit that I am both embarrassed and incredibly turned on by the sheer magnitude that doesn’t fit me. The amount of skirts that wont slip past my thigh; shorts that now even the suggestion of buttoning is a silly joke.

Looking at some of my clothes, I cant comprehend I was once so small. I couldn’t fathom that I had gained weight at first and that has resulted in me forgetting where I started.

I cannot deny that I let myself go with so little regard, I didn’t even realize it was happening. Denial had wrapped itself around me. I made excuses for everything- even breaking not one but two office chairs. The delicious habits I had grown working from home had absolutely caught up with me, but I didn’t care. I couldn’t stop myself even if I had wanted to.

At first I was stuck in a loop of a lie that I could stop the habit, that it was only a habit and had not become a full blown food addiction. I’d try to convince myself after every meal that I could stop myself from gorging on the amount of food I was eating if I really, really wanted to..that I’d be full eventually. I just never hit that point, I never wanted to stop. I always wanted more- even then.

When I stopped being able to fit comfortably in my bath tub and outgrown even my baggiest clothing- I had no choice but be confronted by the sheer 50 pounds of weight gain. It maybe should have worried me, and honestly it would have horrified most peeople.

But I wasn’t scared, I was excited. In truth, it turned me on so much I am not sure I can describe it fully.

I realized my relationship with food had turned from ‘problem’ into something more desperate and visceral.

I cannot help but want more, more fat evidence of just how much I have given into gluttony and reminding me that no matter how hard I may have thought I wanted to keep my slipping grip on control, I was always meant to fall away completely into hedonism.

ive become obsessed, its all i can think about. its distracting, its effecting my productivity at work, i feel like i cant focus on anything else. (genuinely.)

i want you to make me fatter. i need to be fatter than i ever have been in my life.

truthfully i have a hard time asking for things, but ive become painfully pathetic and find myself feeling desperate. and that, that i dont know what to do with.

ive spent my entire life firmly grasping onto control, feeling delighted by responsibility and hard work because it was a distraction from the ache in my stomach and between my thighs.

i had wasted so much time wishing to be thinner, and when it happened i hated it. i felt out of place in my skin. i didnt like how small and weak i felt, it was as if a part of my actual personhood was gone.

i tried to pretend i was ‘normal’ for a little bit, and i sort of convinced myself i was. and funnily, because the universe loves to giggle- i had gained 40 lb. at first i was feeling insecure, i borderline hated myself. very old internalized and very rude feelings found their way between my ribs and i felt like i couldn’t breathe. i dont think that the rise of ed culture helped. but thats another conversation..

now when i look back at pictures of me at my highest weight- i feel envy. i am near foaming with exuberant perversion at how fat i used to be.

and ill be honest, i have always left my seat still hungry, and needed more in places others desired less. in so many aspects of my life that its flooded into my sense of self. i cannot help it.

i love being fat.

i love being big. it feels such an important part of me i will never let go.

i embrace my body with such unrelenting exuberance and utter delight, I wish you all could love your fat bodies (and the very parts you used to feel such shame and insecurity in) the way I do.

Tight Clothing Just To See Me Struggle

Dresses, Lace, Stockings, Collars, Costumes

Stuff Me Full Of Delicious, Much Too Greasy Food Between Each And Every Article of Clothing, Just To Watch Me Pant And Squirm

Step In When It Gets Too Much,

Guide my Face Toward Another Bite As You Attempt To Button My Shirt …And Fail

Call Me Your Beautiful Fat Toy

Whatever You Want, I Need

Ill Become Your Deepest Fantasy And Biggest Dream

it would make me eat so much more, it would push me over the edge.

fattening your feedee with extra smores on a camping trip at a private little piece of land, a whole cooler of fattening foods they have to eat in one night because we don’t want to attract animals do we??

tease and feed the insatiable until they are squirming and begging for more only to set them loose- huffing and puffing, without nearly enough time to just barely make it past the edge of the wood.

your poor feedee- belly still heavy, legs a slow stalling mess, knowing any second you’ll find and use them completely without any energy for anything beyond the ache between their thighs and weight of their belly.

its allowed me to reflect in multiple ways on feedism and hedonism and why so many that crave this kink still feel such shame.

as someone who grew up fat and fearful of being treated as a fetish, i always try to be open to others experiences because i know opening up about any kink, but especially feedism is a super vulnerable thing at times. and even if you go at it with the best intentions when trying to open up about this, due to internalized fatphobia a lot of people are going to view it in a negative lens like i did, because they are used to being treated as a hidden desire and holding on to their own fatphobia.

when really if you open your mind… feedism is one of the most deliciously liberating and freeing kinks ive ever come across, which is a milestone for a deviant like myself.

and i can say with utter honesty, as someone who’s into so many things outside of this kink… the double standard applied to feedism in comparison to other even other taboo kinks is actually really infuriating — especially as a live and breathe born fat girl.

when i see the same people that are into extreme kinks like cnc and mask/stalking kinks (another space im in, no judgement) or even much more commonly- breath play which is actually dangerous if not done in a specific way- just spread information about a kink they know nothing about ..

its another result of fatphobia and WHY feedism is so ostracized when its become common kink to want someone to leave evidence of pleasure through impact play, such as bruising and wanting someone to sexually beat the shit out of them.. even the simplest evidence of hickies and collars.

but the act of eating in a sexual setting or intertwining the very present areas of pleasure in life toward hedonism is seen as immoral and disgusting. we talk about food porn, we moan when we enjoy a good meal, we crave good and hearty food after sex. all the signs are there yet wanting a specific body type due to it being a result of even more pleasure is seen as wrong because we still hold onto such puritanical views on sex and the body.

and slowly but surely we are breaking out of that but there are leaps and bounds to be made toward fat love and kink acceptance.

i see people on tiktok filter out the word fat like its a slur and it makes me want to cry for them and their internal experience. fat, even if you don’t find it sexy, is a descriptive. its not a curse word. and maybe im so far gone, but i find it yummy.

i mean, people are even starting to recognize how many have feet fetishes when that was seen as a level one perversion in the 1960s. so many people are now open about that, i have multiple friends irl who just talk about that but will turn their nose at something involving a fat fetish.

its just how society views our relationship with sex and pleasure. the more society tells us its wrong to be fat, that fat is bad- the more it WILL create hidden fetishes out of shame, and not open kinks to talk about and explore.