im fuckin lonely.

cute date idea: take your girlfriend to the botanic gardens near you. watch her point out her favourite flowers and secretly take pictures of them to make a collage for her later. count all the bees you see. have a picnic in the shade of some trees and throw the crumbs from your sandwiches to the birds

Or, you know, take her to a restaurant then have sex later?

Or, better yet, let people do shit that’s cute and fun and different if they want instead of judging them for not wanting to do the one same exact thing over and over ad nauseam and then complain about having to constantly spend money even though there are plenty of great free alternatives but doing something besides going to dinner and then fucking every single date night would be outside of Standard Heterosexual Procedure and we wouldnt want THAT now would we

Boys w curly hair and brown eyes…….R u kidding

Me as a thief: Steals the US Constitution. Replaces it with a perfect forgery, except the Second Amendment has been edited from “the right to bear arms” to “the right to bare arms.” Breaking News the next day: Nation has been misreading the Constitution for over 200 years. Historians mortified. Politicians scramble to save face. Gun control laws go into effect nationwide. School principals trying to punish high school girls for wearing tank tops get slapped with a lawsuit for violating their Second Amendment right to bare arms. I fall asleep on a mountain of money in my mansion in the Bahamas. Suck it Nicolas Cage.

Area 51. We got aliens. The best aliens. More aliens than Russia and China. And Mexico is gonna pay for it.