Big Simp

Oh… wait up… the darkness is receding—nope, false alarm, it’s not… but there’s a new light… someone’s here. I’m not alone.

I blink... hold the fuck up, did I just blink? I look down, oh, ohhh my body, no wait—it was a corporeal form… but looked exactly like my body when I died… WTF, am I a ghost?

“I thought you would be more comfortable in your most recent form,” a voice spoke. It wasn't male, it wasn't female either; it felt as if it were as much a soft whisper yet as heavy as the tolling bells of the old temples.

I whirl around, “Who?” There was no one, yet I could feel it. That presence: vast, endless, far, far too large to be contained within one form.

“That question is the most difficult to answer... who am I indeed…”

I blink, bewildered, a part of me starting to recognize exactly who or rather what I was talking to... “That makes no sense, everyone knows who they are.”

“Hmm… do they? Tell me, who are you then?” the voice asked back. My answer was instant, before I could even process my own words, “I am Shreyasi—"... I stopped as a thought struck me: was I still Shreyasi? Wasn't I a little too… ahem… dead to be the old me? Then… who was I now?

“See? You're stuck too. Your flesh had its identity, but without that cover, even you do not know who you are,” the voice—... I needed to stop calling him-her-it, the voice in my head—wait... did I even have a head... ugh.

“Look, just for the purpose of this conversation, give me a name and let me see you…” I stated flatly. I'd never really been one to mince words, death or not, that wasn't gonna change.

The voice laughed; literally, not even kidding. Not the amused kinda laugh, rather as if I had stated something so wild it was damn near impossible. I felt the space around me shimmer, as if every molecule or atom or whatever was vibrating… “Hey, that’s not fair,” I grumbled. I wasn't sure if he-she-it—dammit, was laughing at me or just because it felt the need to do so.

“You're not supposed to be here, you know? You wandered too far, little soul.”

I blinked at that, “Oh, do souls not come here? I didn't know that. It’s not like I did it on purpose, y'know; not my fault.” The voice felt as if it were smiling, “Yes, most do not; perhaps your soul inherently knew it seeked something more than the usual. So it drifted… still, you're too far…” The voice paused for a second before it spoke again, “Alright then, since you asked for a form, I shall take one you're rather familiar with…”

And then, colors exploded. Everywhere. Up until now, I seemed to exist in a dark, deep space, and now suddenly I saw stars, galaxies, universes and shit I didn't even know what they were, and then… Him.

Not physical, I mean, not flesh and blood. He was… vast, for a lack of a better word. The same corporeal form that I had, somewhat transparent, but too damn vast, literally. It felt as if this entire space was his bed and he was lying on it. I couldn't distinguish his facial features because he was more or less a silhouette. But I could see he was lying down, I could see his hair, long, flowing, the ends merging with the very black space I was floating in. His eyes, the only part of him that was glowing, were like black holes. Literally. Those NASA pictures of black holes , exactly like that... I'm pretty sure the eyeballs, or what should be eyeballs in human anatomy, were rotating , moving , shifting. They weren't static. Yet it was Him, I knew it, my soul knew it; it was him, just… goddamn.

But he didn't look the same as the calendar images , no weapons , no glittering gold and flowers , no sheshnag ... Nothing . He was a bare shadow ... His sheer presence felt like gravity to me .

My voice was a mix of awe and gut-wrenching terror, “I-... you thought—” I tried again, “you thought I would be familiar with this?”

“Are you not? They call me—ah, what was that name again? … Ah, yes, Mahavishnu—”

I did not let him complete his sentence before my voice found its way out by itself, “MAHAVISHNU?” Not Vishnu, not Krishna, directly MAHA-????? I look at him incredulously, “You-... if you knew I was familiar with Mahavishnu, why not take the easier version, you know? Like Krishna, easy on the eyes… I think… compared to... this. You.”

"Remember when I told you that you had wandered too far? This is what I meant. This… Mahavishnu… is the least overwhelming form I can take. Krishna, that form, is far too close to the human realm; I'm far, far beyond that realm. Far beyond.”

I go quiet for a moment, before I murmur, “Then how did I wander so far… you’re like- the highest point, in the universe.” He chuckled, that sort of sound when one is entirely certain of what they were about to say, no matter how outrageous the statement might be, “Not the highest, that would be incorrect, little soul. I am the only point that exists. There’s nothing beyond me.”

I blink, legit, just blink, before I go “Nothing beyond you? Well I mean, true the scriptures said the same, but… what about other y’know, beings, like you?”

“All me. I'm all that there is, little soul,” he replied. His voice was calm, like someone stating the earth is a planet.

I point to myself, “Then what about me? I’m you?”

He paused for a moment, not in surprise, no, rather it felt as if he was trying to find words that wouldn't be too big for me, before settling for the simplest of all answers, “Yes, little soul. You are me.”

I go quiet again, damn, that hit hard, ooof… but- I perk up “But, we are separate, I mean we are standing separately, you’re there” I point to where his silhouette was, “and I’m here” I point back to myself.

He smiles, I couldn't see it for sure but I could feel it, “Who says I’m not right next to you?”

I frown in confusion, “Huh but you’re—”… I couldn't complete my retort, for that is when I noticed … His hair, or rather a silhouette of his hair, that was the black space around me, the galaxies and universes and what not, were on his hair, like little hairclips. I didn't know how to explain the exact visual I was seeing. He was right. He was right next to me—no, he was all around me. I looked down at my own corporeal form; it was semi-transparent, yes, but I could see that wavy texture of hair—not physical, not actual hair, but the essence—within me… I was made of… Him. I didn't know how to put that into words. I was literally made of him, like a doll is made of plastic, where the plastic is its essence… I was made up of him… I just stand still, a shiver running through my spine, a phantom thing I guess, since I didn't have a spine? I quickly looked around, as far as my corporeal form could see. Everything had the same texture, his hair, everything was made of him, those galaxies, those stars, and other things I didn't know the name of, all spun like tangled tresses… He was not just here or there, he was everywhere… hell he was all that there was… “Holy fuck—” my voice was a strangled whisper. I was terrified of what I was seeing, purely terrified. I mean, come on, no one can look at this… this, and not be scared shitless. So this was the truth. All Him.

I huffed a soft laugh, the terror was still there, but it wasn't the fear of someone in trouble, rather the terror that comes with too much knowledge, “Huh, so it's all you, is it? Then why these..forms? Me, other humans, and other beings I don't know of… what's the point if it's all you?”

He smiled, I could feel it, “Well, my existence got monotonous after a few eternities, so I decided to create instead.”

I hum, I could relate to that atleast, boredom, “Hmm, makes sense, you got tired of being the only one to exist, and since you are all that there is, was or will be, you just decided to create from within you.”

Silence.

Then I felt him lean closer, it was a strange feeling, he wasn't leaning physically closer, but the space between us seemed to fold, his eyes, those black hole type moving things, stilled for a split second. Both the glowing orbs focusing on me, at once, I froze, fear, primal, blood curdling fear, ran through me. I wasn't scared of him like that, it was just a natural instinct. The way a mortal nervous system would react to direct proximity with overwhelming existence itself.

“Youre a sharp one, little soul. You accept things with an ease most would certainly struggle with.” his voice was curious, interested, as if he was only right now starting to actually pay attention to me.

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SOOOOOOO i am still writing this lol , but i just wanted to share what ive gotten so far .