NERDY LITTLE SCIENTIST.

back again

char is back

tell a friend

worried starters.

farklestares into space, like he always does these days,not blinking, not moving, just staring at a fixedspot in front of him. there’s not evenanything there – it’s just one of the room walls. there’s nothing interesting about it all. but farkle is lost in the depths of his own mind.some time ago, a strong numbness spread over his body and he hasn’t been able to shake it.nowadays, he only ever feels NUMB.

he hearsriley’s words, and almost feels a jolt of guilt. almost. but the WHISPER of the feeling – POTENTIAL FEELING - is gone within an instant,and there he is again. feeling nothing.

“i’m notworth worrying about.” farkle says simply, eyes colddespite the fact that he’s not looking at riley.he cared about them all once – he’s sure that he still does, somewhere belowall of this coldness. he doesn’t think he’s worth their time anymore.“just leave me alone, riley.” maybe the words are said too harshly,and if farkle had noticed, he would’ve apologized.but he hasn’t noticed his tone’s harsh, bitter nature. “i don’t need anyone’s help. &&nobody needs or wants to help me anyway. i’m not that important.it’s been proved so many times.”

halsey ‘badlands’ starter sentences

farkle jumps, startled, and whirlsaround to face lucas, face paling slightly as he does so.how did the older boy find him? he’s been avoiding him ever since his…complete change in attitude.farkle’s worried about growing upfor the first time ever.it’s changing him.but the only thing that hasn’t changed are hisfeelings for lucas.but he doesn’t want to blow up at him again.he doesn’t want to hurt him.he takes a step back, almost absently, worried that he might snap again. but he doesn’t.

“haven’t i already done that?”and his voice is so broken and helpless but farkle’sdone feeling sorry for himselfbecause it’s pathetic and stupid and selfish and those are things that farkle really doesn’t want to be.especially when it comes to lucas.

a few moments pass in which farkle says nothing,silence enveloping him along withan undeniable sadnessthat he tries to push away, to no avail.“lucas.” he mumbles. “i don’t know what’s going on with me.i keep getting mad for no reason.i keep saying things that hurt people. it’s…i don’twant to do it,but sometimes things just slip out and i can’t stop them.”he draws in a shaky breath.

halsey ‘badlands’ starter sentences

farkle doesn’t know what to say; he realizesthat her words have a deep meaning,but somehow he’s unsure of how to decipher said meaning.hesitation lingering in the air betweenthem, farkle takes a step forward, feeling like it’s the right thing to do. he promptly takes both of her hands in his, eyes never straying from hers as he attempts to pieceJUMBLED WORD FRAGMENTS into a proper, coherentsentence.

halsey ‘badlands’ starter sentences

and despite everything,RAGE flares up inside of him, flames coursing through his bloodstream,his entire body TREMBLING from the feeling of it all.his eyes fix on lucas, and farkle never realizedhe had this much anger in himself, but here it is, all pouring out and focusing onthe boy in front of him.

are they friends?are they more?are they less?are they WORTH IT?

all the questions have been driving him insane,desperation to know the answers and yet FEAR of those same answers eating away at his insides slowly and yet ALL AT ONCE. is this what love is supposed to feel like?

“lucas.” it comes out inalmost a GROWL, and farkle’s hands are balling into fists and THIS ISN’T HOW HE WANTS THINGS TO GO.“i told you how i feel aboutthis entire thing.” he says, bitterness coating hiswords. “i told you i’m tired of us being…this whole big SECRET. i know i’m the one who said we’d hurtpeople if we were together, but this isthe H A R D E S T thing i’ve ever had to do and maybe i’m being selfishbut i don’t wanna hide this anymore.”

and then irrational thoughts enter farkle’s head andbeforehe knows it, his lips are shaping words thathe doesn’t really mean.“or maybe you’re just ashamed. maybe me sayingi didn’t want to hurt anyone was arelief for you, because being with someone like me would justRUIN your street cred, wouldn’t it?”words are spilling,spitting from his throat like fire,and each and every oneburns his tongue, but he can’t make himself stop.can’t make himself see sense.

when did his kindness melt away into this?

he takes a long time to calm himself,almost shocked at his wordsand actions. widened eyes flicker to lucas, and his heart breaks,because he looks so HURTand farkle can’t help but feel ashamed.he takes a step back.what did he just turn into?

“i…lucas, i’m…”

but the words won’t come out and he hates himselffor being unable to utter an apology for what he just did.the rage bubbling through him seemed to be reloadingand farkle turns away.he can’t do that to lucas again.

“i’m…i have to…”

and he runs,but is he running from lucas or himself?

“riley,” he breathes, like her name is the most DIVINE thing to  ever pass his lips. his eyes study her with an oddly intense gaze, and he takes a step closer despite the racing of his heart and the lump in his throat. “she’s...” he sighs, trying to figure out the  best way to say this without sounding horrible. “riley, smackle is nice and all, but...” he trails off once again.

concerned meme

farkle keeps his gaze on the ground for a long moment. the cuts and bruises littering his body seem to sting even more nowthat lucas actually KNOWS about them. why didn’t farkle tell him that he was being bullied? beaten up?simple answer: because he couldn’t. he couldn’t risk it.he didn’t want lucas to get hurt whilst trying to protect him.but aside from that, there’s also a part of farkle that hates himselffor being unable to stand up for himself.he hates himself for being weak.and maybe he didn’t want lucas to think him weak.