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Just read the bible and I preferred one piece

Tbh I think that Jesus was a bit of a Mary Sue

hi tumblr want to hear a story :)

absolutely not

lol sucks to be u then, ok so: 2 weeks ago I found an eggplant recipe for Miso Glazed Grilled Japanese Eggplant and it looked amazing, and I wanted to make it authentically so I had to go several towns over to buy the eggplants from a specialty international grocery story (I needed a more slender variety of eggplant not available at my local store) and also I had to buy sake and mirin etc but finally I had sourced all the ingredients needed for the Eggplant Recipe so last night I prepared the Miso Eggplant Glaze and heated up the grill and I grilled those goddamn eggplants and the eggplants were DELICIOUS, soft and succulent and flavorful, I grilled a damn good eggplant if i say so myself, and I wish that was the end of the story but there is an an epilogue i.e. it turns out I am allergic to eggplant so I have spent the last 18 hours sleeping & vomiting

What was the recipe gaud it sounds good( not the vomiting but the eating)

Daft punk may be gone, but they’ll never be forgarder better faster stronger

SMH another tumblr user asimilalted by the gosts of daft punker better faster stronger

Hate green shit, don’t get it near me, grass, green apples, moss, mold, keep it outside, my room is orange and that’s IT

Idiot clearly never tried a kale and lime mango smoothie

incorrect

Oh fuck, my bad

Eat food no matter what surface

That’s six words

Eat no matter what surface

This is false as you couldn’t eat of the surface of the sun because the food would get too hot.

i’m not ALLERGIC to citrus i just appreciate the tang

update: I am mildly allergic to citrus

God damn it. This is gunna start a whole new wave of spicy pineapple posts!

pineapple isn’t spicy it’s TINGLY

And peanuts are not ‘mild’ they taste like fire! SMH

do u think the oracle at delphi ever forsaw airplanes & iphones & space travel and was like “holy shit that’s cool” then looked farther into the future and was like “never mind put it back”

#this was the real reason everyone ignored her prophecies btw  #bc she was always ranting about the perils of late-stage capitalism and some evil Emperor Bozo no one had ever heard of

but it was also considered really important to remember and look into the deeper meaning of whatever the oracle was saying so think of the weary traveller arriving, sitting down, and listening to her rant on marx and trying to memorize the entire fucking thing. they would have no idea that what she was saying wouldn’t affect them in their lifetime, they would have lived in perpetual fear until the day they died of things that would only happen in the distant future

ok but this would GENUINELY explain why we have so many stories of people being shit at interpreting prophecies. like not only was the wording purposely misleading, it was buried under a shit ton of irrelevant info. the prophetic equivalent of lawyers document dumping

Its me God Puki back for more fucking about

Zeus

When u eat popcorn it doesn’t even POP, what the fuck??

This fucking idiot can’t even use his mouth heat to pop the kernels why do you think it is called POPcorn because you pop the kernels in your mouth you cardboard box

woof

No!!!

Reading this was like having my bones removed then running a marathon

You fool that was a big tiddy goth

Doing battle with the Dali lama I assume