C’est La Vie

honestly can't wait 'til we say "I Do"

finally ! you finally asked me to finally be your wife and of coursed I said yes !! oh to be the future Mrs. You know how I've longed for this day to come and now look it's finally here 🫶🏽 to say that I am beside myself would be an understatement. being with you day in and day out , for ever knowing that you will choose me over and over again; I don't think you understand how absolutely and utterly happy this makes me. you are me and I am you and together for the rest of our days we are one 🫂

the conversation, that turned into "21 questions" that turned into maybe we should take shots (just so we could ease the pain). you tried to justify your actions, and why you thought you went the safe route. but honestly in a world where you can be anything , be fkcngi for real. you said "I liked what we had" and you didn't want conflict, but not giving someone the common courtesy of the truth is always goin to create issues with no resolve . So ? where are we now. no longer lovers, absolutely not friends ; just somewhere in between strangers & acquaintances but even that's not putting it justly .

we did all that, just to be strangers again 🫥

another fake page, but this time you actually respond back to me. regardless if you just blowing smoke up my ass, I miss you; terrible . I wish I could get you out my mind, out my spirit, my soul , but sadly I don't think I'll ever get rid of you. your essence clings to my being and it drives me insane. just the thought of you coming back to me, kissing me, feeling your flesh rub up against mine ,, pure bliss .. ughhhhhh just leave me the fuck alone already . haven't we've done this little dance long enough .

so here you go. thinking you can just waltz back into my life? like you didn't pubilicly humiliate me, in front of everyone we know. having your boys call me asking me if I knew who the new girl was .. you think that you can just have access to me again that easily , because you can't. and I want that so much to be true , I want so much to just stand on my word and never speak to you again. i want life to continue you reaping everything you've sown, until there is no harvest left. I want you to feel the utter shame and guilt you bestow upon your self when you think back of all the times I begged you to speak to me, to let me in and let me try and help the situation . but no, you wanted to see if the grass was truly greener on the other side. well there you have it , the grass is truly only green where you water it. & you've let this flower out to dry 🥀

here you go again. constantly teasing me , making me think that I actually cross your mind. you use these subliminal handles on your fake pages and for what ? hmm. exactly for what , because you know I'm going to know that it's you. I mean you honestly can't be that stupid , that naive . but the question still remains my good sir; WHY? when will you see that it was never really me who you wanted. no , it was everything that came with having me .. that is what you truly desired

So, here we are again. Overplaying my part in a relationship I had no business playing in. I guess my problem is I'm always "the person" for everyone never really having a "person" of my own. always being the one everyone can come too but never having some one to go to for myself. I mean I can't be too surprised, it always end up the same way every time.. I do a little too much of this and a little too much of that, said party becomes comfortable & then something "better" comes along. so why am I so shocked that this has come to pass yet again. is it because I am older now and honestly should recognize all the patterns of someone "using" me for their own gain, honestly when will I learn. 🤦🏾‍♀️