B I A N C A

It’s easy to make your relationships more complicated than they are. Here are twelve simple reminders to help you keep them on course.

1. All successful relationships require some work. – They don’t just happen, or maintain themselves. They exist and thrive when the parties involved take the risk of sharing what it is that’s going on in their minds and hearts. Open communication and honesty is the key.

2. Most of the time you get what you put in. – If you want love, give love. If you want friends, be friendly. If you’d like to feel understood, try being more understanding. It’s a simple practice that works.

3. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot in someone’s life. – Never force someone to make a space in their life for you. If they know your worth, they will create time and space for you.

4. There is a purpose for everyone you meet. – Some will test you; some will teach you; some will threaten you; some will use you. Others will heal you, and help you see your strengths, and help you to discover your authentic self.

5. We all change, and that’s okay. – Our needs change with time. When someone says, “You’ve changed,” it’s not always a bad thing. Sometimes it just means you stopped living your life their way. Don’t apologize for it. Instead, be open and sincere, explain how you feel, and keep doing what you know in your heart is right.

6. You are in full control of your own happiness. – If your relationship with yourself isn’t working, don’t expect your other relationships to be any different. Nobody else in this world can make you happy. It’s something you have to do on your own. And you have to create your own happiness first before you can share it with someone else.

7. Forgiving others helps YOU. – Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.” It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.” Forgiveness is the answer. It doesn’t mean you’re erasing the past, or forgetting what happened. It means you’re letting go of the resentment and pain, and instead choosing to learn from the incident and move on with your life.

8. You can’t change people; they can only change themselves. – Instead of trying to change others, give them your support and lead by example. If there’s a specific behavior someone you love has that you’re hoping disappears over time, it probably won’t. If you really need them to change something, be honest and put all the cards on the table so this person knows what you need them to do.

9. Heated arguments are a waste of time. – The less time you spend arguing with the people who hurt you, the more time you’ll have to love the people who love you. And if you happen to find yourself arguing with someone you love, don’t let your anger get the best of you. Give yourself some time to calm down and then gently discuss the situation.

10. You are better off without some people. – When you have to start compromising yourself and your morals for the people around you, it’s probably time to change the people around you. If someone continuously mistreats you or pushes you in the wrong direction, have enough respect for yourself to walk away from them. It may hurt for a little while, but it’ll be ok. You’ll be ok, and far better off in the long run.

11. Small gestures of kindness go a long way. – Honor your important relationships in some way every chance you get.

12. Even the best relationships don’t last forever. – People don’t live forever. Appreciate what you have, who loves you and who cares for you. You’ll never know how much they mean to you until the day they are no longer beside you.

If you want to boost your emotional health then build the following into your life:

1. Develop a good group of friends. If possible, try to have quite a wide group of friends. That then means if someone moves away, or you change your school, your hobbies and so on, you’ll still a healthy support system in place.

2. Learn to appreciate solitude. Isolation isn’t the same as solitude. Isolation is being cut off from others for negative reasons; solitude is enjoying space and time for yourself – so you can recharge your batteries, and enjoy just being “you”.

3. Invest time in getting fit. People who are fit and healthy generally feel better about themselves. Also, exercise releases feel good hormones so we feel happier, more optimistic and relaxed.

4. Allow yourself to goof off and have a laugh as too much work will drain your energy.

5. Discover your passion and invest time in that. We all have something that brings us alive, and seems to resonate with who we are inside. So investing in your passion is extremely satisfying.

6. Plan for difficulties and problems. We all encounter problems and hard times in this life. Expecting that to happen helps us feel more in control - as we understand it’s normal, and we don’t just fall apart.

7. Work on increasing your self-awareness. As above, we all have blind spots and idiosyncrasies. If we can learn about ourselves and our natural tendencies, we can learn to master weaknesses, and work to change and grow.

8. Be willing to take risks. Though it’s hard to step out into unknown territory, yo will find it’s more rewarding to stretch yourself and grow.

9. Watch out for energy vampires. There are plenty of people who will drain your energy so learn to say “no”, and to set some boundaries.