bhinzeimy

“I hope we last. I hope we do. But if we don’t, this is how I want you to remember me: I want you to remember me curled up, listening to the sound of your heartbeat and tracing maps across your skin. Remember me laughing at your jokes, even the stupid ones. Remember me in hysterics for absolutely no reason and in tears because one time you made me so sad neither of us thought I’d recover. Remember me brave, that time you held my hand and I thought I was going to die; remember me scared and gentle and delicate and breakable - only for you though, only for you. Remember me happy, and all the ridiculous ways I tried to get your attention. Remember the way I was too stubborn to talk to you and how absolutely insane it drove the both of us. Remember all the firsts and how they were so delightful we went back for seconds and thirds and fourths. Remember the songs you couldn’t stop listening to and the childish dreams you allowed yourself about the future. If it’s any consolation I allowed myself to have them too. If it comes to it I don’t want you to remember the ending. Remember the beginning. Remember the first time you knew.

I just want somebody who will never stop choosing me.

I hope by the time you realize that you need me in your life I’m not yet done waiting for you. Because if I did, well I’m sorry, you came back a little late. There’s nothing left for you from me.

You’re not a robot. It’s okay to feel things. It’s okay to be happy and not feel guilty about it. It’s okay to show that you’re not fine but you’re hurt and sad. It’s okay to let your emotions spill out. It’s okay to speak up when you know something is not right. It’s okay to break the rules sometimes. It’s okay to do what you want and not to do what others thought you need to do. It’s okay to be vulnerable and weak at times. It’s okay to break down and cry. It’s okay to think of yourself once in a while. It’s okay to let go of the things that weighs you down. And it’s okay to be you.

You don’t miss me. And I’m trying to be okay with that.

How could you give up on me without a fight?

I wanted you. All of you But you chose to only want parts of me. You picked at all the pieces you thought were worth your time, then trough me away when you were done. Leaving me with only pieces of who I was before your love. I wanted you to want me. All of me.