1|chapter two

You haven’t left your apartment since Friday evening. 

After your call with your sister and the endless voicemails you’ve left your therapist, you shut all your curtains and checked the locks on your door almost every hour on the hour. You barely slept a wink of sleep, you could barely hold any food down without your stomach knotting in discomfort at the thought that he was out somewhere out there and you just knew he was looking for you. 

Lewis had called a few times but you couldn’t bring yourself to pick up any of his calls. How do you explain the reason you took off without seeming like you were losing your mind? Apart of you felt like he wouldn’t understand, maybe he’ll think you just took off because the date was going horrible which was far from the truth, so you left your phone to ring and after a notification would signal the voicemail left behind but you couldn’t bring yourself to listen too it, you were sure that you had ruined any chance of ever dating him now.

You hated this, hated that he had so much power over you even after all this time; thinking about all the steps you had taken to hide your identity and anything about your life back home. Your sister Mya being the only person you’ve told about your move to LA, wanting to be discreet for your own safety but that seems to have gone out the window.

On Monday, you had called into work, using some sick time you were able to get and knowing that you wouldn’t be able to focus on work, let alone be around other people, so you’ve taken the time to get dressed and go to your appointment with doctor Moorse.

“Good morning, Y/n!” Moorse, or Tammy as she told you too call her, offers you kind smile, holding her office door open for you as you take a step in. You take a few minutes, looking towards the windows with a few of the neighboring businesses and people walking along the sidewalk. 

“Would you like some tea?” She asked, walking over towards the mini coffee bar she had set up in the corner of the room. You shook your head before taking a seat slowly on the light brown leather sofa, rubbing your palms on your jeans as you try to calm your nerves. 

Tammy soon comes around and takes a seat across from you before taking off her glasses, a disappointed sigh comes from your lips. “Y/n, I just wanted to start off by apologizing for not answering the phone when you called.” You go to assure her that there wasn’t a problem but she shakes her head. “I think we’ve established a pretty good relationship here Y/n and I promised that I would always be a call away but I did not follow through on my end and therefore, I sincerely apologize.”

After accepting her apology, you dived into what happened Friday, you told her how you were nervous but still had a great time with Lewis but then you seen Matthew there and you ran, leaving Lewis there without an explanation and how you spent the remainder of your weekend in your apartment, afraid to even leave your apartment.

Tammy patiently listen as you spoke, her pen and pad sat in her lap her hands twisting the pen in her fingertips but she still waits a moment before speaking. “So, how does that make you feel now? ”

You haven’t thought about it, you didn’t know what you were suppose to do. “I-” a frown forms on your lips as you think more and more. 

“I’ve kept having this dream...after what happened that night I-I keep having the same dream that he was-was...that I was sleeping in bed but my eyes were open and I could see him standing over him. Not touching me or saying anything too me just-watching me and I couldn’t move and he’s just smiling and smiling and smiling at me and-” You quickly wipe the tears that had fallen from your eyes as you recall the same dream that’s been haunting you since that night, “and I can hear their voice-”

“From your parents?” Tammy asked to clarify what you meant, she’s heard this story a hundred of times by now but she still asked you questions. 

You nod your head, your mind replaying that unfaithful night over and over again in your head, the sound of the family dogs barking, the sounds of glass breaking, a gun firing, the sounds of your mother screaming, the smell of gasoline..you wanted to vomit, to erase your mind of that night completely.

 Tammy studies you, seeing you shutting down and caving into yourself again wasn’t what she wanted but she knew you needed to go at your own pace. “Lets go back to earlier in the evening Friday, you were on a date with a man from your work?” She asked, steering the conversation away from your thoughts from home.

“Uh, he’s a customer actually.” You sniffle, wiping away any stray tears. “I haven’t spoken too him since I left. I just...I wouldn’t even know how to explain it.”

“Do you see yourself being in a relationship with this new man in your life?” You had shrugged your shoulder a little, thinking about the possibilities. 

“I have only know him for about year I guess, not all that well but it was nice getting to know him..”

“You still can.” She state, in a matter or facts kind of way but you shook your head. “He probably hates me.” You state, sighing as you think about it.

“I hesitated when he first asked me and during dinner it felt like he was doing all the talking and I was just...there and then I just left like that.” Shaking your head, you glance down at your jeans, picking at the material. “He has tried calling and he’s left a few messages to see if I was okay and; he’s being so patient but how patient could a man be before he says ‘screw it this is too much work’ and just leave?” 

Tammy stops writing on her notepad, waiting for you to finish your thought but she finds you staring at her, actually looking for an answer. “Well, I always believe that actions speak louder than words and if someone shows you who they really are and where their intentions lie. In your case, even though you don’t know him from a fly on the wall, it seems like he’s always made his intentions known with you.” 

You sit back, listening to her words as she continues. “The best thing you can do Y/n, is to trust in your own gut. What is your gut telling you about this man?”

Your mind goes back to that evening, sitting across from him, feeling happiest for the first time in years and that brought a smile too your face. You liked how you felt whenever you talked too him, even if the conversation was no more than five minutes, you just liked him.

Tammy can’t help but feel happy seeing the small smile forming on your face as you process your thoughts, you have been her patient for little over four years now but has known you since you were a baby with both her and your mother being sorority sisters, so to watch your growth always brought a smile to her face.

“So, tell me more about your week.”

After your session with Tammy, you felt a better sense of clarity and a small grasp back on your sanity. You shoot your sister a text, keeping her up to date on the progress so far in your sessions as well as to catch up with her to make sure she was doing okay. 

You were wandering around Ocean Avenue, enjoying the weather as the cool breeze from the ocean cooling you from the California heat; you felt good after your talk with Tammy and knew that going back home would end with you locking yourself in your apartment again so you enjoyed your walk out. Stopping at a street vendor for some fruit and water you continue on your walk, window shopping a few outfits as you past, Tammy did mention that it was time for you to start making your apartment feel less like a prison and more like a home. You haven’t brought anything outside the standard furniture but there wasn’t anything there that scream you and you wanted to change that.

Stopping in front of antique store, a royal velvet blue love seat sat on display just in your price budget, you pull your phone from your back pocket, snapping a photo of it before someone clearing their throat, gaining your attention.

Lewis stood off too your right, offering you a small smile. “Hey, Y/n”

You were shocked for a moment, not expecting to see him but apart of you was actually happy to see him, “hi Lewis.” you smile back before you both fall into silence, you wanted to say so much but you didn’t know where to start.

Lewis finally lets out a sigh, scratching the back of his before he focuses on you. “I’m sorry about the other night Y/n.”

You quickly shake your head. “N-No, I should be the one to apologize.” You rush out quickly. “I shouldn’t of left like that..” you shift a little on your feet, feeling small under his gaze, you can’t help but think that he has to be upset at you or something so you brings your eyes back to his, “I’m sorry Lewis.” You say softly, holding each others gaze as unspoken words pass between you two before Lewis takes a step closer towards and you feel the warmth on his hands holding on to your shoulder gently.

“Y/n-”

A voice from behind calls out to Lewis, another male and woman falling behind break whatever bubble you were both in and you watch as something flashes in his eyes but its gone the moment he looks away, an easy going smile plastered on his face now as he turns towards the two.

“How’s it going guys?”

The woman following behind soon hurries over, throwing herself at Lewis before clinging on to his arm. “Where have you been? I feel like I don’t see you anymore, baby!” she whines.

Your eyes quickly shift to Lewis to see his jaw clenched tight but the easy smile on his face remains. The man that had called for him reaches for you hand, introducing himself as Marcus before placing a kiss on the back of your hand which you soon pull away quickly.

“Where you headed beautiful? You should come join us for lunch?” Marcus had ask, either being completely oblivion to Lewis death glares or simply ignoring him altogether, Marcus offers you a playful smile.

The woman finally speaks up, her hard glare on you, “I’m sure she has other plans Marcus, just like us.” she fits in, making it known you weren’t welcome to join the three of them for lunch.

You offer them polite smile, already feeling your eyes threatening to water with tears. “Actually, I’ve already had a few plans so-but thanks for the offer.” you spare Lewis another glance, his eyes almost looks like he’s pleading with you. 

For what? You didn’t bother to stick around and find out.

Lewis was in a bad mood.

If he had known he would of ran into you today then he would of had his schedule cleared and would of spent the whole day with just you. Instead, he was stuck sitting in a booth with Kim to his left and Marcus over on his far right ordering drinks for the table as they await their guest for the evening.

Waitress comes over, dropping off the drinks but lingering a bit for Lewis or Marcus attention before stomping away with a huff from being ignored. Kim takes a moment to glance over at Lewis who’s been tense sense they have left the strip, checking his phone every five minutes and she was getting annoyed.

“What’s your deal?”

Sparing her a glance, Lewis scoffs a little before taking a sip from his glass. “Why’d you have to do that earlier?”

Now it was her turn to scoff. “Do what?” she ask, faux innocent and all.

Lewis glares at Kim before shaking his head, “Never mind.” He says before pulling out his phone, scrolling through it and again she finds herself annoyed. 

“Are you upset because I scared off your little girlfriend?” A smirk plays on her face as she watches his jaw tense more, the veins in hands becoming more profound the tighter his grip goes around his glass and phone. 

Kim always knew just the right buttons to push to tick him off. They’ve been friends since they were kids, she knew Lewis better than she knew herself so she knew exactly what she was doing seeing him and whomever that other girl was, the looks Lewis was giving her; Kim hated it. So she did what she normally does, play the fake-girlfriend till the other women back off. 

Lewis may not be able too see it but she was doing them both a favor. Less randoms coming into this line of business and she gets to keep Lewis to herself.

Win-win.

Finishing his drink, Lewis slams his glass down hard enough on the table that she was surprised that it didn’t shatter on impact. Kim looks back at him, seeing that same unreadable yet easy going smile that sent a chill down her back.

“Kim, do you know how long DeMarco is going to take until he gets here?” He ask calmly, a little too calm for her liking but at last, she reaches back towards her phone, checking for any updates before sighing.

“Five minutes away.”

Lewis leans back in his seat, replaying earlier events in his head, he wanted to say so much too you and he knew that you felt the same, he just knew but there was something holding you back and he wanted to know what it was but now he was wondering if he had officially ruined any chances with you.

“Good evening, I hope I didn’t keep you all waiting.”

Glancing up, the older gentleman appears before them, DeMarco Esposito stood before them, making Lewis sit up a little straighter as DeMarco drapes his coat over the back of the chair before taking a seat, only then does Lewis notice the other male standing a few feet away, most liking keeping guard.

DeMarco glance back and forth between the three of them before a low chuckle leaves his lips, relaxing Lewis a bit. “Lewis, my boy, how have things been?” 

Lewis sighs a little, knowing he’s really not asking because he cares, DeMarco just wants to be sure that all his numbers and product are still good. 

“Thing’s have been good. We’ve been getting shipments in on schedule and as far as talking goes, no one is uttering a peep about what we’ve got going on.” Lewis knew that DeMarco was all about business so might as well get right too.

A moment of silence stretches out as DeMarco takes in all the information, nodding his head slowly before he speaks. “I’m going to need you too cut ties with Gomez and his people.”

“What!?”

DeMarco quickly cuts Marcus a hard glance, silencing him before he could continue. Lewis watches for a moment before he speaks, “Are you sure about that?”

DeMarco soon turns his attention back to Lewis, “Why wouldn’t I be sure that?” though he seemed calm, Lewis knew better and knew that questioning DeMarco may have some consequences but as of late, DeMarco has becoming more and more reckless with his decisions and that could cost them a more than DeMarco thinks.

“We’ve been doing business with the Gomez’s for decades now, it would be foolish to just cut them off especially with the heat finally off our backs.”

DeMarco chuckles lowly before shaking his head slowly, “Foolish? Young man, you wouldn’t even begin to understand how foolish things really are. Gomez and his little gang are selling to kids, over taxing their neighbors, blowing each others brains out and killing for sport; no care in the world but you think that I am being the foolish one? Son, you have no idea how foolish I can be.”

Lewis remains silent, his jaw clenched but he keeps his focus down on the hard wood table. Satisfied with the lack of responses, DeMarco is soon out of his seat and pulling his coat back on before tossing a stack of cash in an envelope on the table, 

“Take care of Gomez, quickly before I start losing my patience.” 

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A small sighs leave your lips as you settle back into bed with your laptop on your lap.

After leaving Santa Monica, you spend most of your day online shopping for your apartment, Travis and Nikki both reaching out to make sure you were okay since they believe you were out of work from being sick and you appreciated them checking in.

Now, after showering, you lay back in bed and start up where you left off at on Scandal. Only fifteen minutes in does your phone starts to ring, pausing your show, you reach over for your phone on your end table seeing Mya’s name and you soon pick up. 

“Hey Mya, what’s up?”

“Just calling to talk-uh-are you busy?”

You soon sit up, tossing your laptop on to your bed before cupping your phone closer to your ear. “Is everything okay? Are you alright?”

It’s quiet on the other end for a moment before you hear her sighing. “I’m fine, Y/n but I just want you too be fine.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“After you called, I did some digging with Ryan and we called Maywest Rehabilitation Center about Matt..Y/n, he’s been dead since last year.”

You grow quiet, hearing your name being called but it sounds so far away as you let the news sink in before speaking. “H-How?” 

“Suicide, they didn’t go into further details after that but they did say his mom came to pick up his things.” Mya says on her head, knowing that this is a lot for you to take in but it is what needed to be done.

“Mya I-I’m going to call you back.” After saying goodbye to your little sister, you sat on your bed, stuck on what you’ve just been told. After his trial, you had packed up and moved from multiple cities, the last being Seattle before you settled here in LA all because you were afraid that he would find you. 

Tammy had said that you would feel a sense of paranoia from time to time the first year Matthew was put away. The first week you were seeing him everywhere so maybe it wasn’t any difference but that night, he looked so real, you swore that it was him but given the news now, a sense of relief some have came over you but in the back of your mind you had a feeling that he was still watching.

He was always watching.

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