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The feelings of abandonment overtook your body and any little sound of the house creaking gave you PTSD. Memories flooded back from college and you would hyperventilate from an anxiety attack. Your heart is pounding against your rib cage as you feel your internal demons take over. The human mind can be so cruel. Especially since you have experienced immense amounts of trauma within a short time span.
You tossed and turned, missing the feeling of being held in your captors arms. You would never admit it aloud, but you enjoyed the warmth of Katsuki’s body at night. The way he held you so close to his muscular form, his light snores in your ear were little lullabies you have gotten used to, and his natural fast heartbeat that pounded into your spine seemed to scare away the night terrors. He is your personal monster and bodyguard all in one. You missed it. You missed him.
You should not miss this man, though. What is there to miss? The physical and mental abuse? Treating you like a dog? Doing disgusting things against your will? You had to swallow his semen that is now digesting in your stomach. There is nothing to crave about this terrible monster yet here you are, sobbing over him. You feel beyond pathetic. How can you ever love him? Is this love your even feeling or is it deprivation from humanity? Katsuki drove everyone away. You have been deprived of normal human interaction for months upon months. You are that crazy woman. You were deemed as sick by the people of Japan. No one wanted to have anything to do with you. Why would they? You are crazy and it’s all because of Katsuki Bakugo.
Your hatred for Katsuki grew. You would hope it would scare away your internal incubuses, but it only made them grow larger in size. You are missing Katsuki. You know you are, but you keep denying this realization. You only miss what he has stolen from you. When you think of him, you only see red. You see anger and evil. Sadly, though, you also see a speck of light. A light that you crave to obtain. Is it even possible to hold? Is it all a figurative of your imagination?
You are going insane.
No, you are insane.
You grabbed to the ends of your hair, pulling on them as you wanted something to distract you from your lingering thoughts. You feel so sad, confused, and alone. Your head pounds as you deteriorate from within.
The night seems to drag on. The shadows on the wall seemed larger than life. Was it actually a shadow from the wilderness or was it actual creatures here to harm you? You put your head under the covers, hoping this room, this life, this hell would just vanish once you opened your eyes. Sadly, that wish never came true.
You finally cried yourself into a coma like slumber. You have no recollection of falling asleep, but you awoke to the sun illuminating your room. The house is still vacant. This sends anxiety running through your veins. Your heartbeat picked up as sweat droplets formed on your forehead.
“Katsuki?” You called out with a hoarse voice. The house remained still and no sound was heard.
“Katsuki,” you swallowed, tears falling forming in your tired eyes, “are you home?”
Silence overwhelmed your ears. You began to shake. He has to be home. He just has to be. You missed it. Yeah, that’s it. He is just resting in the master bedroom. Being a hero is hard. He must be exhausted and left you to rest. He would never leave you unsupervised this long, right? That would be quite foolish on Katsuki’s part and Katsuki is not a foolish guy. Nothing bad could have happened to him. He is home right where he needs to be.
Right?
You calmed your nerves as you awaited for your captor to arrive. Hours passed, your stomach grumbled and you really have to use the bathroom. Where is Katsuki? Has he forgotten all about you? Is he okay? No, you don’t care if he is alright. He is an abuser. Why do you care if he is alright? You should be worried about escaping.
Placing your bare feet onto the floor, you gain the courage to stand on wobbly legs. All your crying throughout the night has left you feeling weak and vulnerable. All you wanted now was Katsuki to take care of you.
Your bruised ankle was still not stable enough to support your weight so when the shackle tightened on your opposite ankle, you fell.
“Fuck,” you seethed in frustration. You did not even have the energy to attempt to get up. The bed felt too cold and empty. The mattress was way smaller than the one you slept in with Katsuki yet it felt humongous. You rather lay here and sulk in your own misery.
“Katsuki, come home..” You whimper into the darkness.
Meanwhile, Tokyo is still in hysterics. Pesky nomu’s have taken over the city and Katsuki could not be more annoyed right now. The fact these creatures are still manufactured by villains irritated Katsuki even further. He should be lying next to you, keeping you close, but instead he is here, dealing with bullshit. He has not had a break since last night and his body along with his judgement is getting hazy.
Just a little longer, Katsuki. You’re doing great.
Cursing under his breath, Katsuki waits for the perfect moment to attack. He already has his sidekicks taking the civilians to safety and working on bringing all the Nomu’s together. Katsuki is still a narcissist at heart. Just the thought of his interns or any other pro-hero getting the recognition he feels he deserves is making his adrenaline run. He is the hero. They are just some sidekicks or pros who can never dream of surpassing him. That’s why they will do his dirty work while he blasts the villains to ash.
Katsuki walks out from the dark alleyway to sneak attack the villain. Once he is in close range and sure it’s safe, he uses all the sweat he built up running to Tokyo for a huge explosion.
“It’s time to put an end to this!” Katsuki shouts as he faces his open palm towards the pavement and uses his quirk. Screams could be heard as flames and smoke filled the city. The Nomu was engulfed in flames. Katsuki is sent flying through the air, the massive blast sending him backwards. Though he has control of his quirk by now, explosions like that still are not so easy to maneuver.
Katsuki was so much in his head that he did not realize the direction his body was thrown. Ego has always been Katsuki’s weakness. Though he has grown a lot since his teen years, Katsuki needs to still work on his priorities as a hero. Numbers should not matter. Competition should be the last thing on his mind. It should be saving people.
Katsuki thought his plan was more thought out than this, but hitting a tall building with a hard thud put things more into perspective.
Katsuki’s exhausted body lay in a bed of rubble and ash. It drew more attention to him than he would prefer in this state, but nothing he can do about it as news channels and paparazzi filmed his body. Blood stained his natural blonde hair from the hard blow to the head and trickled down his nose. He slowly opened his red orbs. They adjusted to his surroundings. A shadow approached him through the smoke. The Pro-Hero, who goes by his legal name, Shoto Todoroki, rushed to his colleague’s aide.
“Are you alright?” The hero asks. Katsuki’s annoyance grew as the pain from his head subsided.
Ever since high school, Katsuki never liked Shoto. Especially since the annual Sports Festival when Shoto embarrassed him. Granted, Katsuki did win, but Shoto did not put all of his effort into beating Katsuki and that damaged Katsuki’s pride. If Katsuki is going to beat someone they better bring their all. Otherwise it’s just a waste of Katsuki’s time and true talents.
Shoto reached out his hand to help Katsuki up, but Katsuki just huffed profanities and swatted Shoto’s helping hand away.
“I don’t need your stupid help, Icy-Hot bastard!” Katsuki bellowed as he attempted to stand up. Grunts of pain escaped his lips as he stumbled, his right hand touched the back of his head. Katsuki’s eyes widen to see blood.
“You’re bleeding.” Shoto obviously stated. Katsuki glared at him.
“What the hell are you doing here anyways? I can handle this shit myself.” Katsuki grumbles as he is still finding strength to stand without landing on his knees. Katsuki’s body is not as young as it used to be. His recovery time is not near as quick as he would like it to be.
“I received a call that Nomu’s have taken over Tokyo. I arrived as fast as I could with my sidekicks to assist.” Shoto explains, closely watching Katsuki. Shoto is aware of Katsuki’s dislike for him. They were classmates all throughout high school and even though they make a good team, Katsuki has always been one to deny help of any kind. All the pro-heroes know this about him.
Shoto is not one to care about petty drama, though. His main priority is being a good hero. He has not worked much with Katsuki over the years, but when he does, Katsuki is sure to remind Shoto on why they will never be equal in his eyes.
“Well you are wasting your time. Get the hell out of here.” Katsuki persists, coughing into his arm. Shoto shook his head as Katsuki stumbled, falling over, but Shoto caught him before he hit the ground. Blood covered Shoto’s arm as he held Katsuki.
“You need medical attention.” Shoto sighed as Katsuki began to fade out of consciousness.
“Damn you, Icy-Hot,” Katsuki coughs as his eyes close and his body goes limp. There goes Katsuki’s moment.
“Dynamight is unconscious! Someone get him to a medical professional!” Shoto calls out to some sidekicks and policemen nearby. Rushing to Katsuki’s aide, Shoto handed the man over to the sidekicks. An ambulance rushed over to the hero as well as news reporters and paparazzi who were nearby.
“Move!” The paramedics demanded as they rushed through the crowd of reporters to help the hero. They check his pulse to see if he is still breathing.
“He is still alive, but his breathing is faint. We need to get him to the nearest hospital ASAP!” The male paramedic stated. The sidekicks helped him put Katsuki onto the stretcher and rolled him to the ambulance. The reporters are going crazy as they now have a breaking story to share with the public.
“We just got word that the pro-hero known as Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight is unconscious and being rushed to the nearest hospital.”
“Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight is deemed unconscious and heading to the nearest hospital.”
“Villains known as Nomu’s are still taking over the streets of downtown Tokyo. Police have called for more back up as the Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight is now unconscious. Could this be the end of his hero career?”
A news station, known as News 4, helicopter that has been watching over the destruction of Tokyo. It changes focus and closely follows the ambulance that is hauling Katsuki’s body. “Reporting live from the sky, we are following the ambulance that is carrying the Pro-Hero Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight to the hospital. He was knocked unconscious after he attacked a Nomu and hit a brick building. He is still breathing, but unresponsive. Back to you, Asako.”
“Thank you, Numa. Tokyo is still in shambles as more Nomu’s are attacking the city. Dynamight’s attack has drawn more to Tokyo and caused more destruction. Other Pro-Hero’s have been called to the scene. The number one hero, Deku, has arrived and will take care of what Dynamight could not finish. We will keep you updated as soon as we receive more information.”
The paramedics did their best to stop Katsuki’s bleeding. His wound was dirty from the debris and needed a thorough cleaning. One paramedic cleansed Katsuki’s wound while the other kept him alive.
“C’mon, Dynamight. Stay with me.”
Katsuki’s pulse is rapidly dropping and there is worry he will not wake up. Katsuki would prefer not waking up after reading what the headlines say about him and his performance out there.
Stupid actions have stupid consequences, Katsuki.
“His oxygen levels are dropping!” The male paramedic exclaimed in distress. “We can’t have him go into cardiac arrest. Get the oxygen mask.” The male demanded. The female paramedic followed his orders since she was closest.
“He has lost a lot of blood. He hurt more than his head in the accident.” She sighed as she handed the mask to the male. He placed it on Katsuki’s face, hoping it would help him breathe.
“I know. He will more than likely need a blood transfusion. We have to keep him stable until we get him to the hospital.”
The paramedics watched as Katsuki’s levels rose and dropped. Their hearts raced as they had a very important person’s life in their hands. Of course, every life matters and is treated with the same amount of respect, but this man saves lives. He is a hero just like them. There are kids at home who idolize him. He has a family who loves him. Maybe even a special lady. The paramedics have a lot of pressure to keep Katsuki alive and that’s what they are going to do.
All Rights Reserved — I don’t give anyone permission to repost, distribute, copy or re-use my works in any way. Especially not on other websites such as Tik Tok, Ao3, Wattpad, etc.
So, I know what yall are thinking: “Lilith, wtf? Where’s the next chapter?”
And to that I say, ya girl is still working on it. Between working multiple 12+ hr shifts a week, I’m trying to find balance. And to be honest, I’m not a huge fan of how this next chapter is written. Bakugo is a bit too degrading for my liking which on one hand, duh, it makes sense. It’s Yandere, it’s dark, it’s fucked up. Katsuki is a prick in this. But I just want to tweak it without it being so .. harsh? Idk. I’m just rambling.
Needless to say, I’m working on it very slowly. But I haven’t forgotten about y’all. Just between working so much and editing the series, I wanted to keep everyone posted.
Thank you for your love and patience. You’ll see more chapters soon :)
girl whose type is strictly caretakers but refuses to let herself be taken care of on the principles of being independent and trust issues so she runs away from it for a while before the caretakers coax her into it bit by bit until she's sooo soft and pliant and spoiled from it...
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I’m hoping next week. I started a new job that is 12hr shifts overnight so I’ve been hella busy. But I’m doing my best to edit chapters in between. I’m sorry to leave y’all hanging. It’s not on purpose 😭🤍
The rest of the week played on loop. A tension lingered in the air you cannot seem to ignore no matter how hard you try. Katsuki, on the other hand, is not addressing anything when it comes to your lack of sexual affairs. Your attempts to get closer were denied as always. Not necessarily because Katsuki didn’t want them. No, if anything, he craved it. Just like you. Katsuki is just good at hiding his selfish desires. Especially since the whole shower incident.
Why can’t your lips seem to connect? They felt like constant magnets, inching closer and closer yet as they brushed one another, Katsuki pulled away. Every single time. What is worse is the moment keeps playing on loop. You have another shot every time he removes your collar to shower, his hungry eyes scanning your exposed body as he loosens the shock device. The lust and desire that filled you both — as much as you hate to admit it — with watching ticking second all for Katsuki to discard the moment. You are always left alone while Katsuki mentally panics inside your shared room, but for those moments, Katsuki is vulnerable. He isn’t angry or annoyed. He is seeing you.
Why do you long for his calloused touch while he is away? Is that where your hatred is deep rooted? You are supposed to hate him for the terrible things he has done yet you find yourself willingly running to his beckon call. You do not have much of an option, but nothing can silence the skip of your heart when he speaks your name. The way you smile as he acknowledges your presence.
Damn, you really are broken.
Katsuki is gone to work once again. You find yourself alone, frustrated and filled with non-amusement. “He is always away,” you grumble aloud in the vacant house. “Leaving me all alone with nothing to do.”
Katsuki will argue you have plenty to do. In fact, you had that argument a couple nights ago.
“Katsuki?” You began as you dabbed your face with a napkin. You just finished eating delicious Oyakodon that Katsuki made. He always makes extraordinary cuisine.
Katsuki raised an eyebrow, swallowing his food as he gazed at you. You usually don’t speak at supper since Katsuki just tells you ‘shut up and finish your food.’
“Can I have a cellphone? Or a Nintendo switch?” You asked, tugging at the hem of your t-shirt. Katsuki chuckled in his typical condescending way.
“Why the hell do you want a cellphone?” Katsuki rhetorically asked, placing a piece of Oyakodon in his salivating mouth, chewing the food and swallowing. He directs one of the chopsticks in your direction, “you have plenty of entertainment here.”
“But I’m bored. I’ve watched all the shows you have approved of multiple times.” You protested, crossing your arms and huffing. This boldness comes every once in a blue moon and it loves to test Katsuki on the worst of occasions.
“Lose the ‘tude; Y/N. This isn’t going to help you get a phone or that switch shit.”
“You weren’t going to give it to me anyways.” You grumble, rolling your eyes. A hard slap across your face brought you back down to size. Your chin is now in Katsuki’s tight grip as you start to whimper. He loves the view.
“I said lose the fucking ‘tude, brat. Do you think this moping shit is going to get your spoiled ass those things?” Katsuki interrogated. You shake your head no. He continues his lecture. “I should fucking punish you for asking me such stupid questions and being an ungrateful bitch, but I’m being fuckin’ nice. Don’t push your God damn luck.” Katsuki spats, his grip getting tighter with each word produced. His eyes send venom into your irises.
“I-I’m sorry, K-Katsuki.” You cry, used to saying this phrase everyday.
“Better be. Don’t test me for the rest of the damn night.”
You did not ask for those items again. Your cheek still stinged two days later as you sat on the couch. His handprint left a mark that would not go away it felt. Even when Katsuki isn’t intentionally being rough, he still is. Tonight, you decided to try again.
You both are laying in bed, cuddling. The sound of Katsuki’s natural gruff heartbeat began to soothe itself as he slowly slipped into slumber. You decided to ask the question you have been wanting to know for awhile.
“Can I go back to school?” You mumbled, almost begging that Katsuki did not hear you, but his piercing rubies peeled open to glare down at you.
“What did I say about asking me stupid fucking questions? No, you can’t go back to school.” Katsuki huffed, an annoyed scowl smeared on his beautiful features.
“But I’m bor—“
“Let me guess, you’re fucking bored, right?” Katsuki scornfully chuckled, rubbing his temples as he cut you off. His patience and trust has been more thin than normal since the press conference. You are not aware since Katsuki does not let you view news outlets nor does he discuss his emotions.
“I-I have a p-promising f-future, y’know?” You began, snuggling your face into his bulk chest as tears spilled. “I-I want to h-help change t-the world.”
Katsuki is doing his best to control his anger. His heavy heart picks up rhythm against your eardrum. Your body wants to panic. He wants to hit you, badly, until you are black and blue for even considering leaving him. You looked so beautiful that way. Seeing you so broken physically and emotionally for him is a gorgeous sight. Lucky for you, he is too tired and he will not get to enjoy his sick desires this way. Does not mean you are safe from verbal abuse, though.
“The world doesn’t need you, Y/N.” Katsuki stated, feeling your warm rivers on his bare skin. Your heart broke at the sound of his harsh words. “The world needs heroes like me. Quirkless wannabes — like you — are nothing but a nuisance in our damn way.”
The little girl in you sobbed hysterically, but the emotions would not reciprocate on the outside. You begin to shake as Katsuki softly pats your head. Those dreams of changing the world have been shattered for a long period of time now yet Katsuki’s words stung more than expected.
You gaze up at him with glossy eyes. If your vision was not blurred, you could have sworn you witnessed a satisfied smirk on his soft lips.
“D-Do y-you really mean that?” You dared question, your voice fragile and small.
“I do.” Katsuki shrugged, feeling giddy as he watched more tears fall. All because of him.
The sobs are more than just faded dreams. No, they are much more. Those promises you made to yourself dissolved into thin air. “I am going to escape Katsuki,” you told yourself everyday in the mirror while he worked, but each time, your breath hitched. The hatred you wanted so bad to hold for him slowly became empty words. You don’t know who you are anymore. You do not even have control of your own thoughts.
You are his.
“There, there.” Katsuki comforted as you snuggled into his chest, begging for some sort of relief from this anguish. The warmth of his body brought upon temporary peace like a baby needing to be swaddled. “You’re nothing in your old life. That’s why I have to keep you safe.” Katsuki explained, nonchalantly.
“Am I somebody to you?” You finally choked out once Katsuki’s heart rate went back to normal.
Katsuki didn’t know how to answer this question. Obviously, he is putting his whole pro-hero career on the line for you, he shelters you from this cruel world, and when you fall asleep on his chest every night, he grumbles an ‘I love you’ or two that you will never hear while conscious. He can’t say it. He doesn’t know how.
“Just go to sleep, dumbass.”
Doing as you are directed, you cradle yourself into Katsuki’s rough yet tender touch. You are so small, so shattered, and aching to get even more near Katsuki. You cannot be any closer no matter how you try. You are just grateful for his presence since you are nothing more than a bother. You are nothing and now you must prove you are somebody. This is now your mission. Forget escaping Katsuki. He is the only one to accept you and your quirkless qualities.
All Rights Reserved — I don’t give anyone permission to repost, distribute, copy or re-use my works in any way. Especially not on other websites such as Tik Tok, Ao3, Wattpad, etc.
bakugou finds a list you made before you dated him
“one. big cock and knows how to use it. two and it’s in all caps. EATER.”
you rest on your forearms on your sofa, looking across the living room to your boyfriend who has appeared from your bedroom. he’s reading a crumpled sheet of paper from god knows where with a massive grin on his face.
“did you get the fan from my room? katsuki, it’s hot!” you whine petulantly. you've got your thin shorts and bralette on, trying to fight the heatwave that has taken over your city.
the heat has beat you down, left you stranded in your living room with three ice lolly packets in your path and skin sticky. you can feel the sweat trickle down your spine, you can see it gathered on katsuki’s exposed forehead, yet he still stands there reading.
“hold on, i’m lovin’ this,” he says, gold tooth shining as his mouth stretches wider, “three. rich and generous with it. is that right? you with me for my cock and money?”
you blink at him a few times, trying not to get distracted by his shirtless bare chest or the black headband he’s got on to push his unruly blonde locks back. he’s handsome, deliciously so. still, you think back to why everything he’s saying is so familiar.
“four. handsome. deliciously so. body and face. rare,” bakugou laughs, boyish and booming, “thanks, babe.”
you feel uncomfortable, perspiration dribbling between your breasts, limbs heavy with exhaustion.
“what is that? what are you reading?”
still bakugou ignores you and continues reading from the paper, “five. successful and ambitious. six. good friend even though he pretends he’s not. protective!! seven. so gentlemanly, holding open doors, paying for dates, very clear on why he likes me.” ruby pupils flicker over to you, “that last one is bare minimum.”
then it clicks, about seven points too late. your head snaps over to him robotically, eyes about to fall out of your head. “where the hell did you find that! stop reading it! stop katsuki!”
you hop up from your seat on your sofa, speed like no other taking over you as you run across the room to grab at the paper in bakugou’s hands. his laugh only booms louder, holding the flimsy sheet in the air over your head as you jump like a child.
“seriously, don’t read anymore!” you shout, trying to hoist yourself up his larger body, using his arms and shoulder as a climbing frame.
nothing about bakugou budges, he just continues reading with the paper in the air.
“it’s getting good, baby!” he laughs, ignoring your jumps and furrowed brows, “eight. listens to me. really listens. makes me feel heard and remembers what i say.”
he looks down at you, whose fingertips are slapping the bottom of the paper. you recognise it all too clearly now. the pink ruled lines, the edges ripped out from one of your old notebooks. your handwriting. “that’s cute. i still listen to you, don’t i?”
“you’re not now! give it back!”
“i’m almost done, two more,” bakugou says, hooking his arm behind your back to keep you locked close to him. you’re both sweaty and sticky. you’ve got no choice but to listen, “nine. cooks. such a good cook! you added five exclamation marks there. ten. fulfils some of my love languages. some?”
“now stop.” you urge. he can’t turn the paper around. he can’t.
bakugou pecks your forehead, his cheeks blushed with all the compliments. he continues skimming the list, rereading it.
“so this is why you chose to date me, huh?” he looks down at you, pours his lips, “c'mon gimme a kiss.”
if you just grab it out his hands, he won’t see the other side. with pros always comes—
he stops pouting at you.
“give me the paper. i wrote this all a few years ago!”
“if these are the pros, where’s the cons? you must have done a cons list.”
you shake your head, side to side. he holds the paper away from you. the opposite side, the list of all your cons, written back at you. you loop out of his arm, trying to reach for it.
he notices you staring, eyes fixated and that’s when he flips the paper around. CONS in big red capital lettering.
“this is private! you weren’t meant to see this, you shouldn’t be snooping in my room!” you squeak but bakugou’s already half down the page, pupils running across every line like he’s in a race.
“one. WILL choose his job over me—,”
“well obviously, your job is to save the world!”
“two. odd relationship with his mother? but apparently it’s better than before.”
“it’s so much better now!”
bakugou’s eyebrows drop now, voice getting lower as he continues, “three. argumentative. argues with EVERYONE. his agency workers, the media and his friends.”
“i understand why you argue with them all now! it makes sense!”
“three. his job is terrifying.”
bakugou looks over to you, solemn narrowed eyes and you don’t have a positive word to say about that.
“it is, sometimes i don’t know if you’ll come home.”
“four. he doesn’t do much else besides work. all his friends are from work.” bakugou pinches his nose bridge, “really? you think that?”
“now i don’t! and i know they’re childhood friends and… and we do things together all the time. i know you love to read, game, you’ve got your lego. i didn’t know all of that then.”
“five. don’t know if my friends and family will understand.” bakugou steps away from you, “the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
you huff on the spot, “this was from when i met you! all they’ve seen of you is shouting and yelling on the television. they didn’t know how lovable you are. how well you treat me.”
bakugou looks at you, then back at the paper. scratches his head. “six. inexperienced with sex but it’s really cute. has never had a girlfriend?”
“but number one pro is that you know how to use it. obviously we’re experienced now, we know everything about each other,” you flick your finger between you and your boyfriend.
“and the girlfriend comment? i can’t help the fact you’re my first.”
“no, i mean yes i know that. it was just a question as to why. it doesn’t mean anything to me now.”
“but it was a factor in whether you wanted to be my girlfriend,” he states.
“well, yeah,” you drawl, “i thought maybe there was a reason as to why. that’s all.”
bakugou raises his eyebrows, looks back at the sheet, “seven. doesn’t always have time for me. travels a lot for work.”
“that hasn’t changed.” bakugou grunts. it’s something he knows you struggle with while dating him. it’s even been a conversation you’ve had a few times throughout your relationship. quality time. you want to spend more time with him but he simply can’t.
you sigh, grabbing his chin between your fingers so he looks directly at you. his eyes are half lidded, cheeks red and exhausted from the negativity and heat. “we’ve been through this. i’m still gonna stick by you, everything i love about you means more than all the things i find difficult.”
he takes your palm away from your face and squeezes it. but you can tell he’s feeling off. “the last one. eight, he’s surrounded by beautiful women all the time.”
“you’re with celebrities, pro heroes, socialites a lot,” you shrug, “that was jealousy on my part, nothing to do with you.”
“i don’t give a fuck about any of that.”
you nod sharply, “i know! i wrote this a while ago, two years even? a lot has changed.”
bakugou sighs from the pit of his stomach, then flings his head back in a huff. “fuck, baby.” he groans.
then he looks down at you, looking up at him.
“just wanna put it out there, that was private, you weren’t meant to see that, my opinions have now changed and i’m sure you had a mental pro con list for me. i just wrote mine down.”
bakugou folds the paper, “yeah, yeah, i get it. you hate my job that much, huh? it covered half of the fuckin’ cons.
“i also said i liked you were successful and ambitious.” you sit on the back of the sofa, crossing your arms.
bakugou mirrors you standing, crossing his arms too. “but nothing about my job has changed since we’ve got together.”
you groan, leaning your head on your shoulder, “katsuki, i think you’re making problems out of nothing here.”
“you made a list of the problems with datin’ me.” he frowns, holding the folded paper between two fingers.
“and a list of the reasons why i wanted to date you. obviously the good reasons won if i’m with you now.” you glare at him with a sharp tone.
he begins to pace around the room, paper still in hand. a terrible sign. you watch as sweat trickles down his skin, body flush with heat.
“but, babe. the problems you’ve had with me from before we were dating are still problems now. i still don’t have time for you, you still are terrified every time i’m minutes late from a mission, you don’t think i’d choose you over my job and you don’t think i do anything but work.”
you moan aloud, “and i still want you despite that all. i get the world needs you, heck, i need you if i come across a villain. i don’t hate you for being a hero.”
he stops behind you, on the other side of the sofa, “i don’t want you to resent me when you realise you could have been with someone who does have more time for you, isn’t obsessed with their job, can put you first and doesn’t scare you.”
you hop off the sofa. leaning your forehead on his collarbone. “katsuki. i wouldn’t be here if i didn't want to be. i love you. i choose you everyday. i don’t want to argue with you.”
bakugou doesn’t touch you. there’s a shake to his voice, “i’m sorry i’m not better. i’m gonna try to be. just wait for me, fuck, maybe when i’m slower and the younger lot take over, they’ll need me less. it’s just now—,”
“it’s okay. you have time for me right now but you wanna argue with me," you pout up at him.
“you did put that i’m argumentative,” he looks away from you as your hands link around his neck.
“look at me.”
shiny lava red pupils find you. you ground him, takes him out of the what ifs and the failures of his past and places him in the present with you.
“i have dated bakugou katsuki for two years and i love him so much. i love how kind and generous he is, always putting his loved ones first. how he dedicates his life and body to saving the world. how even if he’s tired from a long week of working, he still comes over to cook me a three course meal because he wants to see me eat his food. who was so open and willing to change for me. to change his routines and learn my body. who is argumentative because he wants to make things right. who wanted so hard for my family and friends to love him and manages to see his mother once a week just to check up on her.”
you search in both his eyes and he’s listening, he always is.
“i can write an updated list for you, if you want.”
he shakes his head, stuffs his forehead into your neck and slowly pushes you down into the sofa. you laugh, his hands plastered into your waist as his body crushes you in the plush cushions ever so slightly.
“‘m sorry. i shouldn’t have read it. even though i enjoyed the pros.” he muffles, lips tickling your skin.
you tap his shoulder. “you shouldn’t have but it’s okay. i still need you to get my fan. it’s hot.”
“promise you’ll tell me if you want somethin’ to change between us. i’m not wakin’ up one day to you leavin’ me for a reason right under my nose.” he urges and you can see him pleading. the desperation for you to agree.
“promise. now you promise me.”
“course i promise. i couldn’t even fill out ten reasons as to why i hate you.”
“i didn't say i hate you. and sure you can. you hate my cold feet. you hate how i moan about my job. you hate how i hate your job. you hate how i always want a massage. you hate how i wait until the last minute when you’re tucked up in bed for you to get me a glass of water. you hate how i’m indecisive for what i want for my birthdays and—,”
bakugou sits up, “i don't hate any of that shit. love listenin’ to you and half that shit is cute as hell.”
you pout, “you hate when i wear low cut tops out—,”
he frowns, “that’s foreplay, baby. you let me suck your tits after to make me happy. couldn’t give a shit what you wear.”
“how about how protective my friends are? and the fact i tell them everything?”
bakugou shrugs, “you deserve friends that love you that much and that you can tell everythin’.”
“i get snappy when i’m running late or too much is going on or i’m hot.”
with that bakugou gets up. your fan. though not without hovering over you to give you a peck. then another. you press your soft lips against his though you don’t open up because then you will get even hotter and snappy.
he pulls off you and rises from the sofa, “that makes sense, baby. you’re stressed and uncomfortable.”
you roll your eyes, “stop being so understanding!”
he walks towards your bedroom, but not without turning around to look at you. his fingers grip the door frame, “i love you.”
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“don’t be mean. you don’t even know what i was gonna say.”
“by your tone, i figured it’s nothing good.” bakugou rolls his eyes but stands till where you stopped him. he shrugs his duffel bag back up his shoulders and the air around him is urging you to spill it out. suddenly you don’t feel as bold under his attention, but you’ve come to far to back down now.
“can i… touch your arm?” you start, fumble then curl your arm up meekly. “do this. i want to know what it feels like… flexed…”
you cringe at your words as bakugo narrows his eyes at you. for a moment, you think his gonna chastise you, to stop messing around or just turn around and leave. instead, bakugou just grunts and do as he’s you asked.
your arm looks like a limp noodle compared to his. unfairly so. the muscle of his bicep bulges when he clenches his fist shut and the sleeve of his compress shirt nearly goes taut around it. you wordlessly poke a finger, then go for a very hesitant and sheepish squeezed at the top. it feels like a giant brick covered by a layer of battle scarred skin.
“wow.” you is all you can muster. “that’s crazy.”
when you pull back, bakugou’s usual glower is smoothed into unbridled smugness. his eyelids are low and his smile is pulled wide and mean. “feels good, don’t it?”
“ugh. you sound like an asshole when you talk like that.” you deflect quickly. something about his words lit a fire in your gut that you don’t want to address. specially now, with bakugou ego already so high-he’s purposely showing off now, muscle bouncing as he flexes again.
“i get to talk like that cuz i earned it.” bakugou puffs up proudly. “ if you ask nice enough, i’ll considerate sharing some workout tips.”
you wave him off as you walk to the exit. “nah. meathead brute isn’t really my style. besides, whatever regime you got going on would kill me in two days.”
Trigger Warnings: NSFW 18+ Content. Dark Content. Yandere, manipulation, withholding of affection, cursing, Stockholm syndrome, nudity, rejection, etc.
The media was left with many unanswered questions that day. Katsuki stormed off the podium and into the building with his team right behind him. He can practically hear Leiko seething with each heavy footstep she takes beside him. Her heels seemed to echo the loudest amongst the shouting.
Once Katsuki and Leiko were in the elevator alone, Leiko decided to let him have it. Well, until Katsuki decided to go first.
“I can fucking hear you grinding your teeth.” Katsuki commented, keeping his focus locked on the pure golden doors.
“What the hell was that, Katsuki?” She spat, her arms in the air. “That was not on script at all! You went out there and really showed your ass. You have done more damage than good! You have absolutely no evidence if this girl is alive or not and you went and told the press she’s dead?”
Katsuki glared at her. “We had an issue. I fixed it. The press is going to spin this anyway they want to regardless of what I say and what I don’t. If anything, you,” he pokes her collarbone with his index finger, “should be thanking me for even doing the damn thing anyways.”
“Thanking you?” Leiko scoffed. The elevator doors open and Katsuki was the first to head straight to his office. Leiko waited to finish her lecture once his office doors shut behind them. If she dared raise her voice in front of her peers, she would be fired on the spot. She has seen it happen to others more than once.
Katsuki made himself comfortable in his office chair, overlooking reports that laid neatly on his desk. Leiko strolled over to him, not pleased with his lack of interest for their conversation.
“If anything, you made it worse, Katsuki.” Leiko sighed.
“Ha, worse? The girl is a lost cause. She probably ran away to start a new life or some shit. I have more important things to do than chase after a runaway,” he finally meets her eyes, still only giving some of his attention, “furthermore, I don’t get why the media is so upset about this. People go missing all the time.”
Leiko grabbed the bridge of her nose, shaking her head.
“No. You don’t understand. She specifically asked for our help and we didn’t give it to her. This isn’t the first time this has happened. Your injury in Tokyo didn’t help either. Lives were lost that day. This is hurting your career and guess what? If your career goes down, so does everyone else. Do you ever think of anyone but your damn self?”
“Are you calling me fucking selfish?” Katsuki snapped, clicking his tongue. His ego is getting the best of him once again. “Because if you want me to be selfish, I can show your ungrateful ass selfish.”
“No, I want you to find the missing girl and save your career, Katsuki.” Leiko corrected, placing her palms on his desk, “our career.”
Katsuki analyzed her tenseness. He knew she had a point, but will he ever admit that? Of course not. He is the CEO of this company. Leiko is employed by him. She doesn’t understand the full situation and she never will. He is keeping everyone safe this way.
“You are dismissed.” Katsuki states while flicking his hand. Leiko let out a deep exhale, following the boss’ orders.
Katsuki’s eyes traveled to the monitor screen that he usually observed you on. Pulling up the security footage, he let out a satisfied sigh to see you still sitting on the couch, bored and watching television.
“Such a good little girl.” He chuckled yet his rubies turned dark at the news article that popped up on the other monitor screen.
“Pro-Hero King Explosion Murder God Dynamite has confirmed the death of missing college student, Y/N Y/L/N.”
Katsuki proceeded to read the article, not pleased with the way they portrayed him and his hero abilities. He is more angry at the mentions of your name and picture. No one should be able to see you but him. He had to look away. He is getting angrier by the second.
“I don’t give a fuck what Leiko or anyone says. I do this for you, Y/N. No one in this cruel world can have you. No one.”
Katsuki came home late that night. Not that you cared, — at least that is what you tell yourself — but you were curious of his whereabouts. It was not like him to be off of routine. Katsuki usually lets you know in advance if there is a possibility of him being home late. Maybe to keep you in line? Or for you to get back in line before he arrived home.
Thoughts from past trauma lingered. Your stomach did flips. Your hatred for Katsuki has subsided temporarily so you can put on the act accordingly. If you are ever going to break free from the metaphorical chains Katsuki keeps around you, this is what you have to do.
The door unlocking sent shivers dancing down your spine. Do you want to run and hide? Yes. How could you not? Yet, your pupils are attracted to the door. As soon as he enters the home, his eyes travel straight to you then back to elsewhere. You could feel a pinch in your heart. Why isn’t he looking at you? Does he not want to see you? You want him to look at you. God, just look at you.
Wait, Y/N. You hate him, remember? This is all an act.
Right?
Honestly, Katsuki was a bit flustered by your words from earlier. He has already released his emotions from today’s press conference on some pesky villains. Now he has to deal with the other issues at hand.
Of course, he loves you. He may be insane in more ways than one, but he does hold some self awareness. He is putting his career on the line to keep you safe yet when he finally hears the three little words he dreamed of, his mind goes blank. He does not know how to handle someone feeling this emotion towards him. He was ready to forgive you and move forward in his own way. Now, he doesn’t want to even make eye contact with you.
Katsuki jogs up the stairs, placing his work equipment in their rightful place. He undressed himself into a pair of gray sweatpants and a black v-neck t-shirt. He contemplated going back downstairs or not. He needs to make you dinner and he does want to see you. He feels like he hasn’t seen you in decades. Though, he thought about ripping you to shreds for giving him a swarm of butterflies. He swore they migrated for the winter that settled between you two, but the words. Three simple words made them come back.
Why can’t he say it back? He can repeat it over and over again when you are knocked out cold. He loved it when you are silent, unconscious to hear his dark twisted thoughts. You are not there to push him away, play with his emotions, and make him feel like shit for being attracted to you. He can be his real self around you. Not the cold hearted bastard you make him be.
Katsuki walked down the stairs and straight into the kitchen. He was a bit wired from the anxiety that settled within him as usual. He wondered why he did not hear the light taps of your feet make their way towards him. Where were the numerous questions about his day? Where was the running towards him for attention? You wanted it for days and now you don’t? Why are you rejecting him? Katsuki should show you a thing or two about what happens when he is rejected.
Sighing, Katsuki finished cooking the meal for you two to enjoy. Placing the Oyakodon in two bowls, he placed them on the kitchen table. Katsuki whistled, signaling for you to arrive at his beckon call. Just like he trained you, you obeyed and strolled over to your usual spot. Ruby eyes never left your form from the time you sat down to the time you both were done.
Isn’t this what you want, Y/N? To be seen.
No words were spoken amongst you two during supper. Katsuki’s pupils and presence did all the speaking. He studied you. Every movement spoke to him. The way your body showed tenseness under his gaze showed the progress was lost. The needy girl who finally talked after so long. You were silenced for months all thanks to Katsuki. You should hate him for it and you do.
You hate him, remember, Y/N? You are planning to escape, right?
Katsuki collected the dishes once you both finished eating. “Thank you, Katsuki.” You mumbled out, like Katsuki trained you. Katsuki did not reply as he placed the dirty bowls into the sink to soak. His gaze did not leave you once.
Katsuki drew you a hot shower. Your clothes were already discarded to the floor. Katsuki has seen you naked more times than you would like to think. This did not make you feel uncomfortable. If anything, you hope he would see you. You hope he would keep his eyes glued to every curve of your bare body.
And they did.
Katsuki had to restrain himself as he began taking off your collar. The exhale of his warm breath entered your parted in your lips. You inhaled him in. You wanted to feel his air inside your lungs. Your skin craved the contact of his. His calloused fingertips felt so rough yet so soft amongst your neck. You hated how it felt so right.
His heavy lips ghosted over yours. They stayed there for what felt like centuries. You didn’t mind, though. If they were a centimeter closer, they would connect, but like magnets that attract, they also can reject.
“Kiss me.” You lowly whisper, not daring to lean in closer without his permission.
Kiss her, Katsuki. You feel the fireworks. Do not let pride and ego stop you. You want her, she wants you. Let her have this.
To your dismay, Katsuki scoffs and pulls away. “I don’t have time for your stupid little games. Don’t take too damn long in the shower. It’s past your bedtime.”
You watched as Katsuki left you alone in the washroom. Katsuki had a lot on his mind. Why couldn’t he kiss you? He has no problem kissing women during sex or for press, but with you, he is timid. He feels like a teenager all over again. All because you said you loved him.
Katsuki contemplated punishing you, but you didn’t really do anything wrong. Punishment is supposed to correct unwanted behaviors. This was once wanted and deep down, still is, just why? Why now? You will not let him touch you. You hated him for trying. You always reject his advances so what gives? Katsuki is not one for physical contact except in the bedroom. If you have not figured this out by now, you really need to.
He wants you to hate him. It’s so much simpler to love you when you hate him. Sure, this is what Katsuki wanted all along, but this is all too much too fast. He does not feel as under pressure when you curse his existence. Loving you on his terms is so much simpler. Now that you reciprocate the emotion, he doesn’t want it.
Katsuki doesn’t know what he wants and because of this, you pay the consequences.
The warm water felt refreshing. The shower was not big, but it felt humungus without Katsuki’s presence. You hated this. You despised the love-hate relationship you developed for Katsuki. When you are alone, you can settle in the hatred you truly feel, but when he’s home, that longing comes back. That wanting of affection and love. The harsh yet love filled stares, the demands, the difference in whistles you learned over time. All so soon. Were you really that deprived of affection? Did you really become accustomed to this new lifestyle? You want to hate him. You need to so badly, but yet you are here fantasizing about his lips on yours. They were so close.
You proceed with your bathing routine before drying off and heading to the bedroom. Katsuki was already downstairs, finishing the dishes that needed to be clean. He laid out comfortable pajamas for you to dress into. Once you are dressed, you comb your hair and crawl into bed. Katsuki joined shortly after and for the first time in a week, he held you close. He may not ever say the words aloud, but this is him saying “I love you, too.”
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Ew no pleasee don’t baby me 👀👀👀👀👀 please don’t grab my face and make me look at you when i’m flustered that’s soooo weirddd👀👀👀👀 id HATE to babied and teased when im upset 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀 who would actually like condescending praise and mock sympathy that’s so weirddddd 👀👀👀👀 and definitely don’t call me cute pet names like princess or angel or sweetheart that’s SOOOOOOOO SUPER weirddd👀👀👀 ok yea ill leave 😔
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You are alone; a feeling that brings back unwanted emotions and memories. Much to Katsuki’s dismay yet expectation, it brought resentment. Every creak or subtle movement created anxiety, panic, and hope? Hope that the one person who causes you this much distress is entering through that door? Or do you hope that someone is coming through to take you away from this hell?
Though you did not want to face the truth, you missed Katsuki. Correction; you missed human interaction. He is the only human willing to give you that. Katsuki is sure of that.
You attempt to remember a life that was without Katsuki. The thought itself felt freeing yet terrifying. How can one man have so much power over your mind, body, and soul? Maybe he is right — you really are weak.
A lump forms in your throat. There is a world outside that needs to be seen by your own pupils. You see the characters in anime get to explore Japan and then some. That should be you. It needs to be you. You do not even recall the last time you felt grass between your bare toes or the beautiful melodies of an outdoor windchime. That’s enough for resentment to cycle its way through again.
The collar lays tight around your neck, making uncomfortable dents into your vocal chords. You are used to your own specialized collar that Katsuki personalized just for you. This one felt foreign and too bulky. Oh, and the fact you could get shocked at any moment didn’t help. You didn’t even want to touch the television remote in fear of being zapped. At least you have today’s events to keep your brain busy.
The feeling of Katsuki’s calloused fingertips touching your skin felt so comforting. Dammit, it disgust you. You missed being touched and acknowledged. Katsuki removed the only thing he could provide for you. The way you could feel his natural warm breath on you and the way you could not meet his eyes, you could feel that they were on you. They were seeing you.
Only you.
Someone is seeing your form after days of being neglected. Katsuki has a way of looking through people when he is in a mood. For once, since the incident, you were seen. It may not be the look you desperately wanted, but it was something.
Katsuki finally spoke to you. The sound of the television fell on numb ears. You wanted actual communication. An actual human being listening and speaking to you. Katsuki is not much of a conversationalist, but he knew how to listen. When you were needing his constant attention, you told him stories about your upbringing over dinner. His infamous scowl laid on his features, but his ears were intrigued. They listened. All you wanted is to be heard by somebody.
These memories rattled your brain, but not as much as the simple phrase that came out of your mouth today. A phrase you are certain you did not even feel.
“I love you.” You repeated, but the words did not come out. They rested within your esophagus. You couldn’t make them come out if you wanted to. You hate that the phrase even fell off your tongue as Katsuki walked out the front door. Did you even mean it?
No.
You have not been in love much in your youth, but you know what the emotion contains. For a fact, you know that is something Katsuki does not give you. At least, not anymore. A brief period of time you believed you held this feeling. That is what abuse does to a person, but Katsuki’s mistake is thinking that silence would only make you need him more or go back to your old ways. If anything, it gave you time to reflect. That is the last thing Katsuki needed you to do. Even if you had a mere chance of being in love, this isn’t healthy love. You both are smart enough to know this. You miss your family. You miss your friends, but most of all, you miss you.
The thought sprouted tears in your eyes. You know better than to love Katsuki. Katsuki’s abuse tried to convince you otherwise, you know better than to fall for the lies. This is not the life you are made to live. You have too many great attributes to provide the world. Being stuck in Katsuki’s grasp is not one of them. You have to fight. You have made this way too easy. You refused to fight in order to live. You wanted to be free from the hell Katsuki formed for you within the months.
Clenched fist wiped your eyes once more as the fire burned within them. If Katsuki wants you to play the game so bad, you will play it. You will play it so well that Katsuki will be the one that’s a fool. Not you.
You will fight.
Looking into the camera in the corner of the room, you hiss through gritted teeth, “mark my words Katsuki, I will escape you and avenge what you have taken from me.”
Lucky for you, Katsuki did not see your declaration. He had other important matters to attend to.
Katsuki’s stomach churn at the blinding flashes. He can hear the chatter amongst the press in front of his corporation and it only sent his anxiety through the roof. His stylist made sure not a thread was out of place on his expensive tailored suit. His natural messy blonde hair was perfected in a way they both could agree on. Rare that they agreed on much, but they did at times.
“Ready?” Leiko asked, arching a brow with a deep breath. She could read Katsuki well. He always had a way of speaking without verbally saying what his dark mind carries.
If only she knew his darkest of secrets.
Katsuki gave her a nod, walking out the glass doors that are held open by his assistants. Walking up to the wooden podium, the paparazzi bombarded the pro-hero with questions and microphones.
“Pro-Hero Great Explosion Murder God Dynamite, how are you recovering?”
“Dynamite, sir, do you have any idea where the missing girl is?”
“Pro-Hero Great Explosion God Dynamite, is it true that the missing woman, Y/N Y/L/N, sent in letters asking for your agency’s assistance?”
Katsuki is visibly growing annoyed with the media’s list of questions. Though the spotlight has trained him well, Katsuki is still a short tempered man. He does not even want to be here and his body language spoke that.
Before Katsuki could say anything he would regret, Leiko took his place at the podium and calmed the crowd.
“Everyone, please, relax. Pro-Hero Great Explosion Murder God Dynamite will answer your questions here shortly. We do not have much time so please be considerate. Thank you.”
The crowd followed Leiko’s instructions, calming down to a low mutter amongst each other. Katsuki exhaled the breath he held within his organs. He reversed his lines with Leiko, though, his mind could not register the words being spoken. He needs to protect you. He needs to keep you safe. The only way he is going to do that is by keeping the media quiet.
Katsuki switched spots with Leiko, adjusting the black skinny microphone to meet his height. The amount of cameras rolling and flashing was causing his nerves to have anxiety. Though, he remained calm. Clearing his throat, he begins.
“Hello, I am Pro-Hero Great Explosion Murder God Dynamite. I came here to discuss the concerns of the public. First and foremost, I am recovering well and will be back to saving lives like I always do. So, you can stop talking shit on your shitty little blogs.”
“Dynamite—“ Leiko interrupted through gritted teeth, but the raise of Katsuki’s hand told her to shut it. A deep sigh fell from Leiko’s nostrils. She has to let her boss handle things his way.
“Furthermore, the villain attack in Tokyo was nothing. I kick villains' asses everyday. I am more than capable of doing my damn job so I would highly appreciate it if you learned to shut the hell up about it. Any questions?”
Chatter amongst the crowd before the hero picked up. His self-assured, cocky attitude always made him media entertainment whether people admit it or not. A few hurt feelings sure did sell. The press could not help themselves. One woman decided to speak up.
“Great Explosion Murder God Dynamite,” the female bowed before Katsuki in respect, “I am happy you are getting back to your hero duties, but I must know; is there any leads on where the missing woman, Y/L/N Y/N, can be?”
Katsuki’s grip on the podium became noticeably firmer as he stiffened. He wanted to blow the woman to ash. No one should have your name on their tongue. You should not even be a thought to anyone else but him.
Only him.
Katsuki did not mention your name on purpose. He was hoping his selfish ways will get the press more riled up about him that they forget all about you. Katsuki may not like the game, but he sure does play it well. When his ego speaks, the paparazzi take it and run.
This time, the game did not work. Doing the only logical thing he can think of, already way off script from before, he looks the reporter straight in the eye.
All Rights Reserved — I don’t give anyone permission to repost, distribute, copy or re-use my works in any way. Especially not on other websites such as Tik Tok, Ao3, Wattpad, etc.