i don't want to be here.

he did it. he really did it.

he is slipped back into his street clothes and ushered out of backrooms and secret hallways with three massive packets of soul-selling contracts under his arm to find a waiting yejun lingering at the door.

through the warm, frenetic fluttering of glee, of ecstasy in his heart, an icy pang sounds, at the thought of celebrating his hard-won victory in the face of his closest companion, who had not been so lucky. there is dread that his joy will bring misery to the young man whose company he has grown so fond of; will he mope, will he sulk, will he instill in hangyeol guilt for being so openly proud of his achievements where anyone could see him?

but the moment is as fleeting as a puff of smoke, because yejun smiles so brightly it brings that glittering warmth back into hangyeol's heart as if he's lit the embers under it himself.

"thank you."

hangyeol falls easily against yejun's chest and into his arms, as if the space had been carved for this very moment, and for the first time in weeks, he can hide his face (which is starting to ache from smiling) somewhere safe from prying eyes.

"that makes sense... probably smarter too, actually. you'll probably feel different about everything after a good night's sleep." a laugh escapes him. "when's the last time we had one of those?" but even through the sarcasm, yejun doesn't have a hint of darkness in him for once. the melancholy will come back, as it always does, but tonight he can forget about it.

it's regretfully that he starts to peel himself away from the embrace, hot summer nights still painfully humid and sticky despite the sun long since hidden beyond the horizon. "my brother's a lawyer. if he's not as disappointed with me as our parents are, maybe he'll help you read over the contract. who needs college friends?"

"there's so many people filming the dance challenge," siwoo says, as he walks towards the yogurt stall. it's true though, everywhere he turns he sees groups of friends crowded together with a phone in hand, moving to the lyrics of water water bomb bomb bomb. at this point, it's practically stuck in his head – even if it isn't typically the type of song that siwoo would listen to.

surprisingly enough, despite never having been on the same team in next gen, and yejun's short stint on the show – both him and siwoo had somehow morphed up some sort of friendship; one where they were close enough to enjoy each other's company here at waterbomb for a bit, without any awkwardness.

as he approaches the food area though, he notices the long – the really long line amassed by the yogurt stall. "fuck," he sighs. damn, siwoo really wanted some yogurt. but queuing up... in this heat...? his eyes follow the line, surprised by how long it ran.

still, siwoo's company is better than wandering alone around waterbomb. yejun lost yuwol somewhere but he's not too worried about that yet; the other man always turns back up eventually. it's just a welcome respite to have a different extrovert to hang around instead of sitting somewhere alone like the loser he really is.

"i'm... twenty-two, now. my birthday was last month, actually," he answers. it wasn't a very spectacular birthday, spent mostly doing whatever his parents wished him to do, celebrating the family's accomplishments instead of yuwol himself. like most things he had experienced lately, it's a fever dream and he doesn't feel as if he was never truly present in the moment.

right now, though, he feels... more alive, somehow. maybe it's the scorching heat of the sun, and the water on his skin, but he doesn't feel as dead as he usually does. and he's with a friend, someone who's all too familiar with having rather overbearing parents who are intent on dictating their lives. yuwol had thought it was normal, but it's only recently that he realized the environment he had lived through had been—and still is—unreasonable.

"to be honest, i thought they would have kicked me out when they found out i was in next gen." that had been his biggest worry throughout next gen, wondering what he should do if he finds himself without a home. yuwol doesn't exactly have reliable life skills. turns out, there was something worse. "but, they didn't. they just confined me more... maybe they'd actually forbid me from leaving the house if they find out where i really am this time." he intended to be lighthearted in his reply, but he's finding the possiblity so much more real now that he has said it out loud.

"let's just not tell them," yejun suggests, though it definitely goes without saying that no one will be informing yuwol's parents what's going on here. "don't even take any pictures on your phone, just in case. i can take them and send them to you later, someday." if things ever get better, he leaves unspoken. yuwol can't be happy with his arrangement, but yejun doesn't need to draw more attention to it than it already takes up.

"i'm actually staying with hangyeol," yejun admits, "you know, the guy who won everything? we've been friends for a while now... and since he's a trainee, he's gone most of the day, so i kind of have the place to myself." it's lonely sometimes, he has to admit. still heaps better than the home he had been in before, and the soft nights falling asleep beside hangyeol couldn't be traded for anything, but... it's quiet during the day. after growing up with two older brothers, the quiet sort of unnerves him.

in which another unsuspecting victim falls prey to yulhee's whims. a starter to @beyejun !

“...and then they moved us all to this big building and had us shooting ads for samsung, though of course they didn’t pay us any extra for that...”, yulhee continues as she adjusts the bag over her shoulder. you would think that by now she’d noticed her companion is doing a poor job at hiding his disinterest, but she goes on with her story as if it’s unfathomable to her that he wouldn’t be paying attention.  

still completely oblivious to the fact that yejun has fallen behind a little, she opens the front door and steps into the night air. all around them, she sees other people enjoying the discounts from shops and restaurants alike. “i had to spray dye my hair back to black for that and it was so annoying to take it all out... and... huh?” her eyes dart from the night sky to the building she just walked out of, at last realizing she’d been way too focused on the sound of her own voice until now. “yejun oppa? where are you? a~ah, did you leave me?”

of course he didn’t. of course he’s still trapped with her a while longer. 

“you got me monologuing! are you that bored of me, oppa?”, she doesn’t sound nearly as hurt as she should, and perhaps she isn’t really taking it personally after all. there’s something off about yejun, as if it’s never really clicked with him. not that such mismatch would ever stop yulhee. “after i bought you dinner and everything, is that how you treat me, oppa? so mean~~!”

she darts back to his side and looks at him directly, pouting and stomping in what she hopes is obvious pretending. “it’s so dangerous to leave a girl alone at night, oppa~~ but it’s so nice out, will you go on a walk with me? i promise it won’t be long, and i can drop you off home if you want!” as per usual, she doesn’t wait on an answer, and instead gently pulls yejun along by the arm until he is keeping up with her pace again.

maybe his mind does wander a little bit. maybe he gets caught up in window shopping, absently raking his eyes over various bits and bobs in the displays they walk by. maybe that's how yulhee pulls ahead without him noticing until he realizes that the world is a little quieter than it was a moment ago. it's only for a moment though; yulhee is back in a flash, pulling on his arm and chastising him for leaving her (even if he hadn't even truly been out of eyesight, just not glued to her side like she probably wanted).

"we're the same age," he reminds her, perhaps a little uncomfortable with being called 'oppa' when there's really no reason for her to be speaking to him that way. he supposes that some men probably find it cute. yejun just finds it awkward.

he's at the mercy of yulhee's whims when suddenly they're accosted by two men and a camera. at first, yejun braces himself for some dumb tiktok prankster or something equally miserable. but it's not that, it's some sort of interview, and while he's never heard of nemo's dream before in his life, yulhee seems familiar with it. it's not often that he feels like he can trust her, but he'll give it a shot this once.

@hangyeolbe

cute and bright, huh? yejun never really saw that sort of concept on himself. cute, maybe, he's been called that much more often than he's been called handsome, but bright? that's almost laughable; how could anyone call him bright when he walks around with a permanent rain cloud over his head, raining down on him no matter how hard he tries to pretend he's fine? he can't tell if that's better or worse these days; on one hand, he's mourning the loss of his childhood home, half of his belongings still packed in boxes and piling in the corner of someone else's apartment. on the other... well, he just likes being around hangyeol. moving in to his place was better than being left on the streets, even if guilt still haunts yejun for imposing without anything to offer in return.

perhaps it's fate laughing at him. or maybe a misguided deity who doesn't understand the way the world really works. whatever it is, yejun's own feelings remain complicated and neither wholly pleasant nor unpleasant.

he does have to admit that he's happy to finally be working with hangyeol in next gen. yejun can't believe he's survived another episode, his rank rather low but always just high enough to save him from elimination. hangyeol, on the other end, is now boasting first place for two episodes. of course yejun knows that hangyeol deserves it; he's a talented performer and charming no matter what he's doing.

yejun may not have much to his name, but he does have a small bottled vitamin supplement and a smile to offer to hangyeol when he asks him to help him with dance practice. as his friend enters the room, yejun feels his own face splitting into a soft smile as he exclaims a rather soft "congratulations!"

but with their group's concept, those rapidly beating wings are getting harder and harder to ignore.

he takes the vitamin drink with grateful hands, even inclinining his head in a small bow out of habit, before he feels himself turn a little pink, and chuckles bashfully.

"thank you, yejun. that's so kind. I only feel like I have to work...even harder now. maybe even harder than before. I'm afraid one of these days I may run out of 'hard' to work."

he realizes he's smiling without having to think about it, feels warm, calloused hands squeeze his, dares not be the first of them to let go.

all yejun can do is smile in return as hangyeol bows and thanks him, the faintest color in his cheeks betraying a hint of good-natured embarrassment. yejun's just happy to do something nice for a friend.

"i'll help you," yejun offers immediately. he has no plans to hit number one at this point; he's doing his best to break the top ten still. "you deserve this, you're amazing." do they hold hands for a moment too long? yejun finds himself reluctant to let go, but he drops his arms back to his sides anyway. he feels some of that sunlight retreat immediately the moment contact is broken.

jueun is an unfamiliar face to him. of course he's seen her around, but it's their first time working together and yejun is slow to open up to strangers. it takes him time to get to know someone, to exchange details of himself in exchange for details of their own. his initial assessment is that the women fits the concept much better than he does, but it's not like that's hard criteria to beat.

that's why this round felt even more important when it came to putting in the effort to tell a story. with her falling in ranks so much, she was genuinely scared that she might be sent home, so she was determined to prove that she could pull off this concept and put on a great show.

jueun is right though; the team needs him to be better than he is. yejun knows he can't coast by on the good fortune of others' forever. he doesn't want to put them in a position where they'll have to say good bye to someone in this room. they're all too talented, they all deserve to be here.

"it's..." yejun picks his words carefully, always aware of the cameras on them. he's seen the way the editors mince their words, picking them apart and putting them back together in the most unflattering ways. "well, do you think i'm cute?" he ends up asking, admittedly curious to see how they'll spin that. and maybe curious about yuwol's response too... he knows his friend isn't the most typical of people. "i've never met anyone who's called me bright before. maybe the judges see something we don't." he shrugs, unwilling to question their choices very much.

now though, after a session of brainstorming, yuwol thinks there's no harm in enjoying the calm before the storm. he hadn't expected yejun to pose the question that he did, but yuwol does intend to answer sincerely. he blinks down at the other, as if studying the intricacies of yejun's face with a hum. "i think you are," yuwol concludes after a moment; genuine. "you have the cheeks of a squirrel—ah, no... not quite. a quokka? but yes, it's cute." he doesn't mean to tease, but it might sound that way despite his honesty.

at yejun's comments about himself though, yuwol merely smiles. he doesn't really have anything to say to that—he knows both the words cute and bright aren't terms that closer friends would call yuwol. but that's where the beauty of acting comes in.

his hands fly to his face, covering the soft flesh he knows sits stubbornly there. how many times have yejun's cheeks been manhandled by a well-meaning auntie who remarks on how he's gained weight yet again and how ugly all the fat on his face is? certainly, in comparison to his more chiseled brothers, yejun can hardly compare. yuwol doesn't know about that complex and yejun certainly can't get mad at him for pointing out the obvious, but his face does flush bright red with shame and in resentment of the memories triggered.

"ah," he presses against his own flesh as if willing it to disappear entirely, "i should start working out," he laments out loud, the cameras temporarily forgotten while he still reels himself back in from the unexpected wave that knocked him off course for a moment there. "at least someone thinks it's cute. it's stubborn," he sighs; even when his depression kills his appetite, there's still what he sees as an unflattering roundness to his cheeks. "do i really look like a quokka?" he reaches for his phone to search up a picture, suddenly unsure of his own memory. yejun's face falls in dismay as he realizes he resembles another pudgy, soft creature so closely.

surprise takes him again when yuwol so openly compliments him, expresses how he wanted to be in a team with him. yejun can't imagine why; he can sing a bit, but it's not like his rank has ever been anything to write home about. he's just getting by in this competition, he's no one special. a smile crosses his face anyway, warmed by yuwol's words even if he can't help but doubt them. "thanks. you're good too... and we knew we'd work well together," he nudges his bandmate slightly, a friendly gesture. at least they have that.

"how are you feeling about this whole cute concept?'

oddly enough, jueun realized that once the teams were called, she hasn't interacted with yejun much before this round. she had made it a personal goal of hers to initiate conversations with most people as she could, but that became harder once they were put into groups and since her and yejun weren't grouped together the last round, this felt like the first time she was holding an actual conversation with him.

nevertheless, she's kept an eye on most of the contestants through the rounds, and she didn't think she'd find yejun in a cute and bubbly concept like nonstop. surely, the judges had an image in mind when they formed this group, but she was just surprised.

jueun is an unfamiliar face to him. of course he's seen her around, but it's their first time working together and yejun is slow to open up to strangers. it takes him time to get to know someone, to exchange details of himself in exchange for details of their own. his initial assessment is that the women fits the concept much better than he does, but it's not like that's hard criteria to beat.

the other reason is... well, he's worried about his friend, especially after events in the previous episode. they did win in the end, but that doesn't mean all of yejun's burdens suddenly turn light on his shoulders. yuwol doesn't mean to hover over yejun's being at all times; yejun is an independent and capable person. but, still.

"it's..." yejun picks his words carefully, always aware of the cameras on them. he's seen the way the editors mince their words, picking them apart and putting them back together in the most unflattering ways. "well, do you think i'm cute?" he ends up asking, admittedly curious to see how they'll spin that. and maybe curious about yuwol's response too... he knows his friend isn't the most typical of people. "i've never met anyone who's called me bright before. maybe the judges see something we don't." he shrugs, unwilling to question their choices very much.