Bringin' Back Asexy

If you've committed a crime and a detective gathers everyone involved in the room, especially if he's not actually a detective and is instead a novelist, puzzle-setter, psychic, fake psychic, dog, chess grandmaster, etc. ...

YOU SHOULD NOT CONFESS.

Every year, hundreds of people are put away by non-traditional "detectives" who have either inserted themselves into the case or are working with the police in a dubiously legal capacity as advisor. In 99% of these cases, the murderer gives a full confession even though the evidence against them is circumstantial at best and often requires a long just-so story which can only guess at motive.

If this happens to you, stay quiet, do not attempt to defend yourself or talk your way out of it, only say "I want a lawyer".

Now if you find yourself being investigated by a boy genius, magician's assistant, anthropologist, classics scholar, or philosopher, it's likely that refusing to talk to the police (or investigator with no legal authority) is merely the end of the second act, and by the end of the third act they will have you dead to rights.

YOU SHOULD STILL NOT CONFESS.

Make them take it to court. Force the eccentric detective and his straight-laced police partner to take the stand and explain their methods to a jury of your peers. Have your lawyer look at the chain of custody on the evidence, especially if you believe it to have been handled by someone who has only bumbled into detective work through their natural charm and/or unique set of skills and outsider perspective that come in handy more often than they should.

Mace, pouring through documents that need review: "Master Qui-Gon and his padawan have submitted their final report on that recent assignment."

Yoda, looking up with delight from a pile of flimsi: "Oooh! For the last we will save the best, mmm."

Arisia, holding a python: Guys I impulsively bought a snake, what do I name him Iolande: You did WHAT– Kyle: William Snakespeare

Guy: Here’s a fun Zarnakus* idea. We hang mistletoe, but instead of kissing, you have to FIGHT whoever else is under it. Salakk: Guy no. Hannu: Mistlefoe. Salakk: Please stop encouraging him.

*Isamot and Vath sitting in jail together* Isamot: So who should we call? Vath: I’d call Kilowog, but I feel safer in jail

John: Can I be frank with you guys? Stel: Sure, but I don’t see how changing your name is gonna help. G'nort: Can I still be G'nort? Hal: Shh, let Frank speak.

Jessica: Simon and I were crossing the street, and this Karen drove by and told us to go back to our own countries. B'dg: *Sighing* What did Simon do? Jessica: He chased her to the next red light, then reached into her window and... Simon: Who wants a steering wheel?

Jo: I slept for almost 12 hours but I might still be tired so lets go for 12 more just incase. Mogo: Lantern Mullein, that is a coma. Jo: Sounds festive.