I'd Like The Check, Please!

jack and bitty playing “my boyfriend sucks at celebrity trivia” like jenna marbles does on her channel……

oh my fucking god this is the best headcanon ive ever had

bitty: now y’all gotta be nice in the comments, jack spent his formative years pretty much exclusively in a hockey rink.

jack: this is the worst idea.

bitty: it’ll be fine!

TEN MINUTES LATER

bitty, slumped halfway down in his chair, playing the Titanic theme and staring at jack in abject horror: jack. jack oh my god. jack, staring right back at him blankly: i have…no idea what this is.

bitty: okay, fine, let’s try this one. *plays two seconds of the next theme song* jack, instantly: Breaking Bad.

wicks: uhh, no. we met on our first day here in freshman year

bitty: i- really?

Some 18 year old kid from Ohio: Tater? That’s a weird name. Is he alumni or something? 

10 years into his NHL career, PR finally convinces Jack to make a Twitter and absolutely no one was prepared for how good he’d be at it (Bitty takes all the credit)

__

I like to think that Jack is so 110% that he can somewhat tell how Bitty is feeling based on the way his food tastes.

-Jack eating his sandwich with Marty, Thirdy or Tater (really anyone that is aware of Jack and Bitty)

Jack takes one bite, makes a contemplative face, puts down the sandwhich, takes out his phone and steps into the hallway. He returns 15 mintues later and continues eating as if nothing of significance occured.

“What was that about?”

“ Something was bothering Bittle so I just wanted to make sure he was ok.”

They ponder a moment for it seems whatever the issue, it has been resovled and prying isn’t a good way to talk to Jack. So they drop it and continued with their lunch.

This happens every so often and they start to wonder how suddenly in the middle of the day, Jack claims that something is “bothering” Bitty? One day someone decides to finally ask.

“If somthing is bothering Bitty why do you wait til you eat half your food before you call him?”

“I’m not always completely sure if he’s upset unless i talk to him directly or at least eat his food.”

“His food? Like what, it tastes bad?”

“No its still delicious, but different somehow. So i just call to check up. Usually its stress from school, so we talk through it and discuss how its going.”

“But how can you taste something like that?”

And Jack Laurent Zimmermann, as if someone casually asked 1+1? His response accompanied with the slightest shrug:

“He’s my boyfriend.”

Like what a silly question to ask?

Multiple sighs are released and heads hang low. Food is put down as eyes stare blankly at the ceiling. Some even have to leave, overwhelmed by Jack’s insane sincerity.

After practice Jack notices quite a few guys on their phones. Not meaning to, Jack passes and overhears variations of “Wondering how your day has been” And “Just thinking about you so I wanted to call and say hi.”

Because that’s so…Jack. Intense, focused, insanely sincere. Not that he can’t ever lie or joke, but he’s so extremely straightforward and un-ironic in what he wants and how he thinks.

This is Jack who, when asked what he wanted to buy with his first NHL paycheck said “a truck”. Who thinks that his neon yellow running shoes are ‘neat’. Jack, who told Bitty he loved him after a crazy short amount of time. Jack who is sincerely polite to parents. Jack who says things in mid-game interviews like “well, the boys are all trying really hard out there” and genuinely means it. 

Jack “110% Zimmermann. 

____________________

His agent calls the second the reporter signs off.

“What did you do?”

He sort of can’t believe it himself. “Hi Elaine,” Jack says.

Elaine takes a deep breath, saying, “Jack, are you sure this is how you wanted this to go? We were talking about a press release or even just a tweet—”

“I just thought it’d be funny,” Jack says, shrugging even though she can’t see him. “Thought it was a good joke.”

“I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t,” she says. “Figures you’d pick now to have a sense of humor, eh?”

He smiles. “It comes out sometimes.”

“God. Fuck you, Jack Zimmermann,” she says. It sounds like a smile too. 

There’s a pause, and then Elaine says, “Any reason you picked now?”

Jack thinks about sunrise making ice shimmer, how much sweeter it is to see when you’ve been up since 4 AM, how much sweeter it is to skate in when you’re with someone, how much sweeter it is when you’re in love.

He says, “Yeah. About that.”

____________

Onscreen, Jack rubs his beard and, for the hundredth time, says, “I try to have only one beard at a time.” Bitty replays it like he hasn’t memorized everything about it, the way Jack smiles a little before saying it, the way the reporter’s eyes widen before talking about the upcoming game against the Schooners, how relieved Jack seems when the reporter takes it in stride. The tasteful way he’s left the top two buttons of his shirt open. How Bitty knows exactly what he looks like under that shirt.

“So he definitely just came out, right?” Holster asks. He chokes on the popcorn he’s eating until Ransom pounds him on the back. “Like. That wasn’t in my head?”

“This is the gayest shit I’ve ever heard,” Bitty says, heart pounding, “and I’ve lived with myself for twenty years.”

Ransom says, “Looks like you might have a shot then, Bitty-boo,” and Bitty goes bright red.

“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean, Mr. Oluransi,” he says. 

“Sure you don’t.” Holster rolls his eyes and wipes his fingers on the couch. Bitty glares at him, but he doesn’t notice.

“Are we back to pretending you don’t have his Falconers Faceoff videos saved in a YouTube playlist called ‘for cheering up’?” Ransom asks. “Didn’t get the memo on that.”

Bitty pulls out his phone and types out a quick message. “Shut up, losers.”

His phone dings immediately. Yes. I’ll be there in an hour. He exhales. 

JACK: [storming over to the shower to stop Bittle singing AGAIN at SEVEN AM] I don’t deserve this

JACK: [trying not to look at Bittle’s Spring C short-shorts] I don’t deserve this

JACK: [meeting Bitty’s eyes over breakfast in Madison, trying not to blush when he smiles back] I don’t deserve this