shitty: (picks up phone) Jacques LāSexymann. howās it goingĀ jack: (voice cracking) i havenāt seen bitty since the album came out jack: please do you know where he is shitty: ah shitty: fuck⦠shitty:⦠shitty: ā¦ā¦ā¦.LARDS

ē„ę„ / Permanent Vacation
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
noise dept.
almost home
Three Goblin Art
trying on a metaphor
todays bird
dirt enthusiast
šŖ¼
cherry valley forever
Claire Keane
ojovivo
Peter Solarz
Keni

Kiana Khansmith

izzy's playlists!

blake kathryn
Jules of Nature
tumblr dot com
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States

seen from Netherlands
seen from Sweden

seen from Malaysia
seen from Oman
seen from Hungary

seen from Canada

seen from United States

seen from Türkiye

seen from United States
seen from Germany
seen from Canada
seen from Germany

seen from United States

seen from Malaysia
seen from Czechia
seen from United States

seen from Oman
seen from United States
@bestbakingbitty
shitty: (picks up phone) Jacques LāSexymann. howās it goingĀ jack: (voice cracking) i havenāt seen bitty since the album came out jack: please do you know where he is shitty: ah shitty: fuck⦠shitty:⦠shitty: ā¦ā¦ā¦.LARDS

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
okay okay hear me outā¦.
jack and bitty playingĀ āmy boyfriend sucks at celebrity triviaā like jenna marbles does on her channelā¦ā¦
oh my fucking god this is the best headcanon ive ever had
bitty: now yāall gotta be nice in the comments, jack spent his formative years pretty much exclusively in a hockey rink.
jack: this is the worst idea.
bitty: itāll be fine!
TEN MINUTES LATER
bitty, slumped halfway down in his chair, playing the Titanic theme and staring at jack in abject horror: jack. jack oh my god. jack, staring right back at him blankly: i haveā¦no idea what this is.
bitty: okay, fine, letās try this one. *plays two seconds of the next theme song* jack, instantly: Breaking Bad.
bitty: oh for godās SAKE
tango: wow, you guys are so close! you must have been best friends for like ten years? did you meet in middle school?
wicks: uhh, no. we met on our first day here in freshman year
bitty: i- really?
ollie: you literally introduced us to each other!
Honestly the thing that is most unbelievable to me about the Check Please universe is that weāre supposed to just accept that self-proclaimed TV connoisseur Adam āHolsterā Birkholtz saw the iconic moment in season 7 of Parks & Rec (early 2015, btw) when Ben Wyatt gets drunk and describes wife Leslie Knope as his āsexy roommate and we love each otherā and that did not cause a lightbulb in his head to go off like, āhey!! I have one of those, too, but weāre notā oh.ā Like, come on. Grow up.
derek āalways burns his toastā nurse and william āwhip up a quick three course mealā poindexter
nursey, at 3am: iām hungry. whereās the cereal
dex, getting out pots and pans: hang on
nursey, laying upside down on chowderās bed eating an irish breakfast dex made for him and no one else: do u think dex likes me
chowder: I DONāT KNOW NURSEY ITāS HARD TO TELL

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
nursey: its cheaper to share the rent poindexter nursey: dex its cheaper if we keep the heat off and just snuggle for warmth nursey: william, why are you buying shirts? it would be cheaper if u borrow one of mine nursey: why would we buy two beds its cheaper to just buy one. will. i have a bed right here
nursey: william itād be cheaper if i just bought you dinner and if we just share food. like, itād be cheaper. nursey: itās cheaper to just keep living together after college. rentās expensive, will. nursey: will. will. william. will. do you know how much youād save on taxes if we got married. will. listen to me william.
dex: this is nursey, myā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ nursey: we sleep together to save money dex: ā¦..business partner
So, I know weāre all in mourning but do you imagine how WILD it must be for the new group of Frogs to have JUST missed all that. Like some kid from the Midwest shows up and finds out that last yearās captain made national history, is engaged to the lead scorer and assistant captain of the Falcs THE Jack Zimmermann, and apparently has a book deal that sometimes may involve him showing up with half the Falcs staff to make JAM.Ā
Chowder: Tater is stopping by later to pick up that jacket he left.Ā
Some 18 year old kid from Ohio: Tater? Thatās a weird name. Is he alumni or something?Ā
Chowder getting ready to explain that being a part of SMH means sometimes professional hockey players show up and you just have to deal with it: So-
we dont talk about the year 2 zimbits era enough⦠the flirting without realizing itās flirting (āāāāchirpingāāāā)ā¦. the piningā¦. becoming best friendsā¦.. hair tousling & roughhousingā¦.. coffee at annieās⦠checking practice⦠takingĀ a wgss/history food class togetherā¦. bitty knowing heās falling in love, thinking jack is straight, falling anywayā¦.. jack not investigating his feelings enough to know he has feelings for bitty but still being a huge dork in loveā¦. jumping over a snowbank to ask him for coffee⦠showing bitty all his photographyā¦ā¦ buying him a fucking ovenā¦ā¦ them going out on the reading room to talk when they canāt sleepā¦.. bro iām fucking misting up
after samwell, jack barely sees shitty because theyāre both so busy. he misses him so much that he gets a turtle and names him shitty
Does a turtle really encapsulate Shittyās energy?
Yes, because Shitty the Turtle is really a giant tortoise Bitty purchased from a fly-by-night pet store that wasnāt there the following week and in a few years heās as big as a dog and able to move furniture. Obviously Shitty the Lawyer is thrilled and makes more of an effort to visit his large reptilian son.
10 years into his NHL career, PR finally convinces Jack to make a Twitter and absolutely no one was prepared for how good heād be at it (Bitty takes all the credit)
__
Based off of these tweets by Tony Hawk which gave me BIG Jack Zimmermann vibesā¦so this was born-

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
I like to think that Jack is so 110% that he can somewhat tell how Bitty is feeling based on the way his food tastes.
-Jack eating his sandwich with Marty, Thirdy or Tater (really anyone that is aware of Jack and Bitty)
Jack takes one bite, makes a contemplative face, puts down the sandwhich, takes out his phone and steps into the hallway. He returns 15 mintues later and continues eating as if nothing of significance occured.
āWhat was that about?ā
ā Something was bothering Bittle so I just wanted to make sure he was ok.ā
They ponder a moment for it seems whatever the issue, it has been resovled and prying isnāt a good way to talk to Jack. So they drop it and continued with their lunch.
This happens every so often and they start to wonder how suddenly in the middle of the day, Jack claims that something is ābotheringā Bitty? One day someone decides to finally ask.
āIf somthing is bothering Bitty why do you wait til you eat half your food before you call him?ā
āIām not always completely sure if heās upset unless i talk to him directly or at least eat his food.ā
āHis food? Like what, it tastes bad?ā
āNo its still delicious, but different somehow. So i just call to check up. Usually its stress from school, so we talk through it and discuss how its going.ā
āBut how can you taste something like that?ā
And Jack Laurent Zimmermann, as if someone casually asked 1+1? His response accompanied with the slightest shrug:
āHeās my boyfriend.ā
Like what a silly question to ask?
Multiple sighs are released and heads hang low. Food is put down as eyes stare blankly at the ceiling. Some even have to leave, overwhelmed by Jackās insane sincerity.
After practice Jack notices quite a few guys on their phones. Not meaning to, Jack passes and overhears variations of āWondering how your day has beenā And āJust thinking about you so I wanted to call and say hi.ā
He doesnāt think much of it, (since it oblviously has nothing to do with him), and heads home.
This post is such a classic and I love it, it makes me smile every time. Especially:Ā overwhelmed by Jackās insane sincerity.
Because thatās soā¦Jack. Intense, focused, insanely sincere. Not that he canāt ever lie or joke, but heās so extremely straightforward and un-ironic in what he wants and how he thinks.
This is Jack who, when asked what he wanted to buy with his first NHL paycheck saidĀ āa truckā. Who thinks that his neon yellow running shoes areĀ āneatā. Jack, who told Bitty he loved him after a crazy short amount of time. Jack who is sincerely polite to parents. Jack who says things in mid-game interviews likeĀ āwell, the boys are all trying really hard out thereā and genuinely means it.Ā
Jack ā110% Zimmermann.Ā
JackĀ āoh boy there ya goā Zimmermann.
Art request- Alicia and Bob!
theyāre such a power couple
AU where Jack comes out when a reporter asks him mid-playoffs if heās dating some actress and he scratches his playoff scruff and says āI try to have only one beard at a time.ā
hi I was inspired :) itās a drabble, but I really loved this this made me laughĀ
____________________
His agent calls the second the reporter signs off.
āWhat did you do?ā
He sort of canāt believe it himself. āHi Elaine,ā Jack says.
Elaine takes a deep breath, saying, āJack, are you sure this is how you wanted this to go? We were talking about a press release or even just a tweetāā
āI just thought itād be funny,ā Jack says, shrugging even though she canāt see him. āThought it was a good joke.ā
āIād be lying if I said it wasnāt,ā she says. āFigures youād pick now to have a sense of humor, eh?ā
He smiles. āIt comes out sometimes.ā
āGod. Fuck you, Jack Zimmermann,ā she says. It sounds like a smile too.Ā
Thereās a pause, and then Elaine says, āAny reason you picked now?ā
Jack thinks about sunrise making ice shimmer, how much sweeter it is to see when youāve been up since 4 AM, how much sweeter it is to skate in when youāre with someone, how much sweeter it is when youāre in love.
He says, āYeah. About that.ā
____________
Onscreen, Jack rubs his beard and, for the hundredth time, says, āI try to have only one beard at a time.ā Bitty replays it like he hasnāt memorized everything about it, the way Jack smiles a little before saying it, the way the reporterās eyes widen before talking about the upcoming game against the Schooners, how relieved Jack seems when the reporter takes it in stride. The tasteful way heās left the top two buttons of his shirt open. How Bitty knows exactly what he looks like under that shirt.
āSo he definitely just came out, right?ā Holster asks. He chokes on the popcorn heās eating until Ransom pounds him on the back. āLike. That wasnāt in my head?ā
āThis is the gayest shit Iāve ever heard,ā Bitty says, heart pounding, āand Iāve lived with myself for twenty years.ā
Ransom says, āLooks like you might have a shot then, Bitty-boo,ā and Bitty goes bright red.
āIām sure I donāt know what you mean, Mr. Oluransi,ā he says.Ā
āSure you donāt.ā Holster rolls his eyes and wipes his fingers on the couch. Bitty glares at him, but he doesnāt notice.
āAre we back to pretending you donāt have his Falconers Faceoff videos saved in a YouTube playlist called āfor cheering upā?ā Ransom asks. āDidnāt get the memo on that.ā
Bitty pulls out his phone and types out a quick message. āShut up, losers.ā
His phone dings immediately. Yes. Iāll be there in an hour. He exhales.Ā
āI meant, I donāt need a shot,ā Bitty says, smiling at the I love you popping up on his screen. āI donāt need one, because weāre already dating.ā
JACK: [watching that frog keel over in practice AGAIN] I donāt deserve this
JACK: [storming over to the shower to stop Bittle singing AGAIN at SEVEN AM] I donāt deserve this
JACK: [trying not to look at Bittleās Spring C short-shorts] I donāt deserve this
JACK: [meeting Bittyās eyes over breakfast in Madison, trying not to blush when he smiles back] I donāt deserve this
JACK: [surrounded by people who love and support him, wrapping an arm around his boyfriendās shoulders as he explains the difference between jams and preserves] I deserve this.
a compilation of some good things

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
As far as unexpected character reveals go, Iām still SUPER into āoverbearing hockey dad with impossibly high expectations, Bad Bob Zimmermannā turning out to be largely an invention of Jackās anxiety, when actual Bobās main dad moments turned out to be: -nice goal, short kid! Iām also silently enjoying your motherās massive middle school crush on me!!!! -Hey, Jack, bud, have you noticed youāre in love with that boy? Maybe you should go kiss him on the face, eh? We can wait!
Not to mention, when you translate the French, āHey Jack, I know the thought of me watching your game makes you really anxious. Would it be easier on you if I didnāt come tonight? I love you and donāt want to make things difficult for you.ā
stupid ass check please conspiracy thread
bittyās number is 15 because jack is supposed to be like a fake sidney crosby and crosbyās number is 87. 8+7=15
ollie and wicks have been dead the whole time and will be taking hold of the attic with mandy and jenny after graduation
the reason dex is so fucking stressed all the time is because heās hiding his secret identity as a wizard (weasley cousin) and if he fixes things TOO well people will find out
seƱor bun is a guardian spirit and, if bitty is ever in serious danger, will expand to his true twelve foot tall form and rain hellfire upon those who dare attempt to harm his caretaker
farmer is secretly 320009 bees in a trench coat and the reason chowder says heās dating her is because heās an epa agent on a mission to save the bees
the lax bros donāt actually exist and are a collective hallucination caused by shitty hotboxing the entire haus for four years straight
Tango is an undercover FBI agent investigating illegal jam distribution on college campuses thatās why he asks so many questions