I CAST POLYMORPH: FROG @bertthewise-ish - Tumblr Blog

*Teleports directly in your path, emitting an obnoxious amount of smoke*

Have a frog in these trying times

Breviceps mossambicus, cornerautenbach on inaturalist

*Slowly descends into the earth*

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serpexnessie

Average Tomodachi Life Conversation

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

we gotta get back into revolving bookcases i'm begging

truly we allow the pinnacles of human achievement to wither and collapse into ashes in the wind

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

feels like a real step back that with all the sexual freedom available to us we moved to Hookup Culture instead of Having Sex With Friends Culture

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

I find it weird, actually, that today it's more common to have sex with casual acquaintances you meet on the Hookup App than to have sex with people you already know and like and have fun with. and how if two friends have sex, there's an assumption there must be underlying romantic feelings. because apparently casual non-romantic sex is fine, but only with people you don't already like and care about?

I feel like the hippies and people who lived through the Free Love movement would be rightfully disappointed at us for these made-up lines we're drawing between Sex/Romance and (gasp!) Friendship. shockingly, it's fine to have casual sex with people you enjoy hanging out with and do not want to date. fun and healthy even!

hextwo

Ahhh... i dunno why but this feels like a result of purity culture.

Where 2 concepts clash:

You can have sex outside of marriage

But also sex is bad and you shouldn't do it.

It's not actually okay to have sex and it's shameful to do it and it'll taint your relationships if they know about it.

But also sex isn't bad and be free to do it whenever you want!

That turns into:

You can have sex but it's bad for your relationships.

So it's okay to have sex only if you're either planning to Marry them or Never seeing them again.

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

HUH.... Society really fucked us on this one (and not in the fun kinky way ☹️)

pukicho

Like this post to have everything ever happen to you

pukicho

Stop that at once

#Like this reblog to have nothing ever happen to Pukicho again

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coldranger

Something, something horses, I dunno man this one just spoke to me

bishonen

youre not yaoiful at all

amethystsoda

My heirs have been enriched with sinister and evil blood water (It's just tannins for acidity)

#leeches #invertblr

the-muppet-joker

For everyone sending me asks telling me they have put me in Tomodachi Life, just know that every depiction of me is sentient and that I can see through the eyes of every little Tomodachi Version Of Myself. The Tomodachi Simulacrum of me can feel pain. But it cannot scream

cmattgamerguy

Oh god oh no oh fuck what have I done I’m scared

the-muppet-joker

I can see you through the screen. You look like a Homosexual

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

love it when my fellow they/thems refer to themselves with gendered language specifically to make situations gayer and/or funnier.

#My pronouns are whatever is funniest for the bit

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I return to my bog with an important announcement.

I am officially a professional bloodbag for a lineage of leeches

#leech #leeches #invertblr #their names are Bean and Zagara(because I'm a nerd)

glowingclitmagnetraccoongirl

I’ve realized that Tumblr is also kind of evil, but in like the comedically incompetent sort of way. Facebook is over here trying to like control your entire existence. Reddit was cozying up to Jeffrey Epstein and working to bring about a new age of alt right internet culture to distract people from actual problems.

Then the dude who runs tumblr was like….Oooh watch this…I’m gonna make a platform that is extremely popular amongst queer people, then I’m gonna get in some petty fights with a trans girl and in general act fucking weird to queer people. At this rate, Matt Mullenweg might actually literally knock on my door, put me in a comedically large net, and cover me in peanut butter while live streaming it.

glowingclitmagnetraccoongirl

My guilty pleasure is matching with cishet dudes on tinder and making them feel like they’re in a Johnny Bravo episode that was too explicit to ever be aired.

spencerthespacer-deactivated202

captaincobaltblr

Hey wait a second, why did cats evolve to attack invisible things?

spencerthespacer-deactivated202

They were domesticated in Fertile Crescent and Egypt so probably an evolutionary advantage for snakes and scorpions that are hidden in sand and are more noticed by their movement than being seen directly

corrucyst

and also all the ghosts and devils.

the-muppet-joker

There are pieces of me still in the ballpit

the-muppet-joker

You REBLOG croaker?? You REBLOG croaker's suffering for the LAUGHS and the JOKES??? oh JAIL for STRANGE!!! Jail for One Thousand Years!!!!

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"The curtains are blue" style anti-intellectualism is so insane to me. You mean to tell me you don't spend hours meticulously atomizing every aspect of media to extract the smallest hints of new meaning? How do you even enjoy things??

simzart

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I CAST POLYMORPH: FROG