Bye
A while ago, I was digging through old emails and found a document someone had sent me years ago—someone I met on here and used to Skype with. It kind of triggered a chain reaction, and I started reaching out to old friends I made online.
A few of them knew why I disappeared 10 years ago and told me they were hurt that I vanished from their life. After hashing things out they were surprised to find out I'm no longer with the girl I met here nearly 11 years ago. She's the reason I disappeared in the first place—we spent a year traveling back and forth to see each other before I moved states away to be with in 2017.
They ask if I'm okay after what happened because it's such a shitty thing for someone to do. The truth is, I actually am okay.
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For the last few years of the relationship, I wanted something to change because it felt like we were stuck in the same death spiral. In the final year or so, I started checking out emotionally because she would not help us stay alive, and by the end, I think part of me had already let go. I think she felt it too. Our home had gotten to the point where it felt cold, like we were just going through the motions.
I hate giving up and I hate letting things go to waste, which is why ending it on my part became almost impossible. We met on here, built a long distance relationship, spent countless hours traveling to see each other, and eventually have a life together. When you've invested that much of yourself into something, walking away isn't easy.
Eventually, she did what she did, and it became the catalyst that finally forced everything to end...
There are times when I wish I could have those years back, but I can honestly say they weren't wasted. There were good experiences, good memories, and lessons I'll carry with me despite how it ended.
They asked if I'd ever speak to her again. I don't think I would. That chapter of my life is closed, and I think it's best to leave it that way.
