this is a corncrake chick, also commonly misidentified as a rail’s chick! crow babies are MUCH uglier…

Holy shit 

Reality:

She put her arm around Osaka to comfort her, and implored the pro-Serena crowd, which was still ticked because chair umpire Carlos Ramos gave her a severe game penalty in the second set of her 6-2, 6-4 loss to Osaka, to stop with the Bronx cheer.

“She just won,” Williams said after the presentation. “I felt like, wow, this isn’t how I felt when I won my first Grand Slam. I definitely don’t want her to feel like that.”

- Time.com

“Even the proposal which he thought was the save all of our relationship was never the way I would have like to be proposed to. I never liked video games, but I sat through them because I loved him. Our relationship turned into a mother and son relationship where I had to remind him about things, I had to deal with his financial mistakes, his violent outbursts etc. We never did things normal couples would do like go out, dance, parties, sit under the stars.

I told him in July that he had a month to change my mind and it didn’t happen, so I broke up with him. I have big prospects in life and I am a highly motivated individual, but it was extremely challenging to have to be someone else’s motivation to simply get out of bed or get off of his video games. As far as his half-brother goes, Tyler had asked him to check in on me and ask me how I was doing after I broke up with him, so of course we got close. And our relationship just built from there. I did not leave Tyler for his half-brother and I have never been unfaithful to Tyler.””

i’d just come from the feed store for lizard food (ie: bugs), and it was like 95F out so they were slowly being smothered to death in my backpack. so when the clerk, who i’d overheard was only on her second day working there, gave me my fancy sundress in a bag way too big for it, i pulled out two dozen crickets in a plastic bag and a tub full of mealworms from my pack and set them gently on the bag so they could breathe better till i got home.

this girl’s eyes go wide and she looks imploringly back at the equally startled-looking manager helping her through the transaction, and i realize that this might look a little weird to folks who aren’t reptile keepers. so, instead of doing the logical thing and explaining that i’m feeding leopard geckos, i sorta chuckled and shrugged apologetically, and just said “dinner, y’know?”

for the briefest of moments, there was an awkward silence so sweaty and suffocating you could drown in it, and then, in true daytime comedy fashion,

the fucking crickets started chirping.

When we went away on holiday our neighbours would collect the locusts for us and feed our lizard.

So we’re away for Christmas and at the time we were ordering locusts from a shop on ebay. We get a phone call from said neighbour who tells us that instead of 500 locusts we have received 5000 crickets. Said crickets have eaten their way out of the plastic sack and have escaped into our kitchen.

Through some kind of monumental effort our neighbour and her son manage to seal the bag and recapture the crickets. They call us and we decide the best thing to do is return to sender. Our lizard got picky and would no longer eat crickets at this stage of her life so they were useless to us.

Next day or so we get another phone call. Apparently these crickets had once again eaten their way out of their confines. This time they escaped from the post van to descend like some kind of biblical plague on our local airport. They had to close while an exterminator was contacted.

There are statues all over the sidewalks downtown, but they’re not cool statues. They’re not commemorating important historical figures, they’re not creative artistic pieces, they’re not interactive. They’re just unsettling, obtrusive, and garishly-painted statues of random civilians who look like residents of Pleasantville, like “old woman with grocery bag”:

or “white cop poised to jokingly slap your ass for a photo”:

and “corporate shill taking up bench space to keep homeless people from sleeping on it”:

They’re always in the way, they never move when you say “excuse me”, you’re constantly mistaking them for real people, and they’re UGLY. They’re so UGLY!