Starting Over With Nothing But A Plan👌🏼

You’re 16 and you kiss a girl for the first time. It was meaningless, a dare between friends. They all joke and call you a lesbian, never has a word sounded so dirty. You date the first guy who asks just to put the jokes to rest. You have a boyfriend you aren’t like that.

You’re 17 and sometimes you think you have a crush on your best friend. But that’s what every girl thinks about their friends, right? It’s no biggie that you think of kissing her sometimes or that you feel jealous over every boyfriend she has. It’s just a friend thing. You aren’t like that, you can’t be.

You’re 18 and you go on your first date with a girl. It only lasts one date but suddenly things make sense. Oh so loves supposed to not feel forced. You tell your mom about her and she tells you it’s just a phase, you’ll get over it, you aren’t like that.

You’re 19 and you fall in love with a girl. It’s beautiful and happy and everything feels right for the first time in your entire life. You are sure of who you are and fuck anyone who tells you that liking girls is a bad thing.

We were already over. So so over. I can’t remember now why we ever thought it would be a good idea for you to come and get your stuff from my house. To come and get every piece of you that you had left behind until there was no proof that you’d ever been here at all. But we did and you did and you walked back through my door. Within minutes it was like noting had changed. I laughed at all your dumb jokes, while we watched the tv show we had been watching back before you left and my god was it what I had been wanting. What I had been craving in the weeks since I had last seen you. But as I sat there next to you I realized this would be the last time I ever saw you. The last time you’d smile at me. The last time you’d make fun of me. I wish I could say that this made it easier. It didn’t. Especially when you kissed me. When we went upstairs. And after. When I layed in your arms. When I listened to your heart beat. Laying in the man you loves arms and knowing that he doesnt want you anymore is a kind of pain I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

If there’s one thing I can confindently say, it’s that take those moments, the ones where you had no idea it was the end and charish that. Charish the good, loving moments that became the last ones. Take comfort in those moments because at least in them you were happy, you had no idea what was coming. Because knowing, we think will make the goodbyes less painful. It doesn’t.

We fall in love with three people in our lifetime. Each one for a specific reason.

First love

This love often happens at a young age. You eventually grow apart or call it quits over silly things. When you get older you may look back and think it wasn’t love. But the truth is, it was. It sad love for what you knew love to be. There are different depths of love.

Second love

The hard one. You get hurt in this one. This love teaches us lessons and makes us stronger. This love includes great pain, lies, betrayal, abuse, drama and damage.

But this is the one where we grow. We realised what we love about love and what we don’t love about love.

Now we know the difference between good and bad humans. Now we become closed, careful, cautious and considerate.

We know exactly what we want and don’t want.

Third love

This one comes blindly. No warning. It creeps on you silently.

You don’t go looking for this love. It comes to you.