I truly do love you so much, but this back and forth is not healthy for either of us. Love shouldn't be this hard, should it? Yeah, everybody has their problems. Every relationship has their speed bumps, but this? This just feels like a never-ending cycle of repetitious habits. I do something wrong to offend you, and you go back into your cave, say that you're gonna take a step back, to reflect, and in the end, just become so guarded, not touch me like you used to, hesitate when you kiss me. Then when I do something wrong, I shut down, blame myself for everything, I sulk, I self-sabotage, I search for more causes of this familiar loathing because it's easier to become emotionally dead than face the pain of losing you. I made a mistake, perhaps, but at the same time, I stand by with what I said. I do, and I have always thought you're a coward for many reasons-- keeping me a secret at first, not telling your parents about me, not admitting you're gay, not speaking your mind... Despite some of these being checked off, ultimately, it's you never taking that risk with me, never taking that leap of faith, not being so vulnerable despite all the fights we have, to wear your heart on your damn sleeve like how I do all the time. That's what I feel like love is-- not just taking a leap of faith, but to take that leap of faith together, hand-in-hand... And all I've been feeling lately is that I've been taking that leap alone. And that's not fair. I don't deserve that. I am allowed to be sad. I am allowed to be upset. Despite all I've done too, because I know I can be a shitty one too--I will work on that, but right now, this is about how I feel, how you made me feel, how you made me feel betrayed and heartbroken--intentional or not. You'll get your turn. You can be upset later. Just let me win for once? Just once? Will you surrender to me?
2087
ellievsbear
annaxmalina
origamiaround
