veni vidi amavi

MATHIAS: i don't really know anything about yours and manuel's business.

MATHIAS: but i still think if you change your mind you should come. scandals is pretty big and everyone is just too far in themselves right now. i think you'll regret it.

MATHIAS: but yeah, i'll get her a drink for her.

MATHIAS: well, uh.

MATHIAS: i'm kind of dating someone right now and i really like him and i don't want to fuck that up at all.

MATHIAS [unsent]: and i can't deal with all your drink|

MATHIAS: but you can't stop that from letting you have fun. you evidently wanted to come out tonight you were dressed for it.

MATHIAS: i don't understand why you would let that stop you.

MATHIAS: we've been broken up for years, and i'm sure we've both been with different people since then so just come and hang out with your friends?

BELLAMY: yeah, i know. i know you are. trust me, i'm very aware of it. you are both very cute together. sickeningly, but cute.

BELLAMY: trust me, it really wasn't that messing me up. it's the fact that the owner of scandals just berated me through text message about how i don't care about my own children so i think i'm just going to stay in my own place.

BELLAMY: yeah i know we have. idk i just randomly keep trying to hit on you. like i'm pretty sure i'm kinda digging someone else anyhow, but i just wanted to apologize for it.

BELLAMY: i don't.. want things to be uncomfortable.

BELLAMY: i'll get evi a gift eventually. i just genuinely don't think i can do anything tonight. which sucks.

MATHIAS: ..alright, if you're sure. i just know a lot of people were looking forward to hanging out with you.

MATHIAS: sounds like a plan, then. i'm always down to hang out with you. we are friends. i hang out with friends.

BELLAMY: my house is open. and if it isn't there's a key for my home literally in my mail box.

BELLAMY: ... i'm not into you, you know that right?

BELLAMY: i mean, like I am. I keep hitting on you and I know I am.

BELLAMY: but i'm not interested in dating you anymore.

BELLAMY: i think it's... just the thrill of going after something you can't have.

BELLAMY: idk how to explain it but i just wanted you to know i'm not trying to date you.

BELLAMY: fuck you, maybe. but i know that also won't happen.

MATHIAS: i still think you should come and hang out with everyone. everyone is currently dancing and drinking and having fun.

MATHIAS: if you're going to drink at least do so surrounded by people, you know?

BELLAMY: honestly? it's fine. i'm gonna skip out on this for once.

BELLAMY: plus i already opened up a bottle and i hate to waste perfectly good merlot by just putting it in the fridge immediately after opening.

MATHIAS: hey

MATHIAS: you can absolutely still come and have fun, bellamy.

MATHIAS: nothing is stopping you from that?

MATHIAS: everyone is here having fun.

BELLAMY: manuel was straight up an asshole to me, so i don't agree with that.

BELLAMY: plus i... idk. i've had a lot on my mind and like then stuff was said and i guess i really did rock my own vibe.

BELLAMY: hi.

BELLAMY: listen i..

BELLAMY: i don't even know what to say to you.

BELLAMY: Just that like..

BELLAMY: All I wanted to do was at least have fun and dance with you tonight.

BELLAMY: and then like..

BELLAMY: idk

Motherfucker... why me? First of all, calm down Jigsaw.

🎨

[PM] Hey, I’ll take the try even if there is a no promise attached to it. Maybe when you do decide to enjoy your drinks, keeping your phone tucked away is the best option. Unless you’re in need of a designated driver, then please give me a call. 

It’s always best to go into things with an open heart and an open mind. If you don’t have those things, then what is left? Nothing. You’re lacking in so much of a bigger picture without really embracing people for who they are. And maybe it’s because when I paint others I get to see them at their most vulnerable, but you know. Also hearing raw words come from their lips is simply important.

It took me a while to get here. You’ve seen me at weird times in my life, as well so I wasn’t always perfect. Surrounding myself with the goodness in people really changed a lot for me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still anxious - all the time. All the time. But it’s managed significantly better.

.

PM: Yeah of course. I’ve got your digits memorized at this rate. But usually I’m somewhat responsible with drinking when I do. I’m usually home. But hey if you want to come over to be the designated get Bells to bed, I wouldn’t say no.

You’re such a beautiful soul. Everything you say is just genuinely so artistic and flows so well. I remember when I used to be that articulate. Now I’m just tired all the time and am too awkward to talk to people. 

🎨

You’ll have to talk to Jesse about that since he’ll be the big man in charge, but who knows. He may be interested in taking on another person.

[PM] That would make sense since she’s your sister. But definitely at least try to keep a Switzerland view in the back of your mind. It’s really all about the empathy and just feeling people, I guess. When you’re in a super dark place all you really can do is try to relate to people. Not to be depressing or anything, but that’s just how life is sometimes. I wouldn’t say it makes me a good person. But I’m certainly working to be a better version of myself every day.

Will do, bossman.

PM: I’ll try. No promises. I’ll at least try to set up some way to block people’s numbers so I don’t do something stupid like yell at them or leave a really god awful voicemail to someone random. There’s gotta be a setting like that right? 

I get it, not entirely, but I get it. Even having an open mind to a discussion would be helpful to better understand.

hey man, did you know marley’s ask box is here actually? happens all the time, we’re both very hot, but i know you slipped up and sent this to the wrong rosey.

nathan bellamy rose ---- moodboard / aesthetic. 

Thackery Binks. I think I remember just seeing his human actor and going ‘I hope I’m that nice looking when I’m older’.

.... I hate everything about this.