abundance >>

I thought I had shaken you off me already.

Then I opened the box with the white silk scarf you bought for me years ago. The one with the delicate flowers and butterflies on it. The scarf that took me by surprise because it was much bigger and much more expensive than the scarf I asked for (that you kindly bought for me too.) It came with a card that read "Happy Birthday, [my love]."

I guess I re-realized that I will never get a birthday gift from you again.

I re-realized, too, that you probably are the love of my life in some ways (even when you were a nightmare in others.)

And I re-realized, finally, that I do miss you sometimes, even when my heart and mind have completely moved on.

I think back and get so angry because I tried so hard to save what we had. I guess I was desperately trying to hold onto the version of you that bought me the scarves and spoke to me lovingly. That person no longer exists and this was truly the only way I could stop being in pain by you.