Bella Rempoon Ahgony

Co-written with @IfOnly4MyNallas.

Bella: *As I exited from the door from under the stairs and make my way up the foyer stairs … I start to feel the ache in my muscles. The Scribe Virgin created us to be in good physique as long we didn’t glutton ourselves but we still felt the normal aches and pains, but mostly at a higher threshold than humans. Finally making it back to our bedroom, I started a bath and added some Epson salts that magically appeared, probably Fritz (he always knew what one needed before we even know we needed it). I poured in the salts and carefully pulled off my workout clothes drenched in sweat and threw them into the hamper. Then I slowly lowered myself into my bath with a sigh of relief. The heat of the water steadily relaxed my muscles releasing the tightness from the stress of the session with Payne. 

I made a lot of mistakes for the first time, getting hit many times. I could see the bruises starting to appear on my skin. I hope it wouldn’t bother Z, but I knew it probably would. I sighed. I hope he would understand why I wanted to train. I wanted to be able to defend myself if the situation ever arises. Especially if Nalla and I were somewhere outside the manse. It was rare, by ourselves, but just in case. I was also internally hoping that it would rid me of the damn nightmares. @IfOnly4MyNallas

Zsadist: Finishing up a shift with the trainees, I was fed up. Not one out of the group was where they should be. Some of the other Brothers gave them a wider berth when it came to learning this shit. Not me. I expected them to be at their tip-top. This was no fucking game. This was life or death. I needed to know I could trust every one of them to have my six out in the field, and out of the group I had worked with tonight, I couldn’t say that about any of them. They all fucking sucked, couldn’t stay on their feet, not fast enough on the draw, not sharp enough to know exactly what was happening in every inch of their environment, the list went on. Don’t get me wrong, we had some decent trainees in the program. I just hadn’t gotten lucky enough to work with even one of them tonight.

On top of all that, I had to stop in Wrath’s office on my way back to my suite for an evening meeting. As it turns out, the groupie that Phury and I had run into a few nights ago had been at the Audience House last night. Phury, in all his infinite wisdom, decided that she deserved to be heard and gave her one of our AH cards. The guy will never learn. The number of quote, unquote long lost relatives we see in a month kills me. Since we opened the Audience House doors, they’ve come in droves. Most of them females, looking to find some way to entwine their lives with the Brotherhood’s. It makes me sick just to think about it. It’s like they think we are some kind of rock stars, and if they can just get a taste of one of us, their life will suddenly have meaning. Pathetic, fucking, females.

The thought wound through my body as I slammed the door to Bella and my suite just a little harder than I planned. With a heavy sigh, I made my way across the room to the walk-in and began to strip off my gear.

Bella: *I startled as I heard the door to our suite slam close. Z was back from training … and probably in a foul mood. He often was when he came back from teaching. The trainees often brought him back in a bad frame of mind. Not only did they disappoint him but I sometimes feel deep down … he was scared for them. Being a soldier in this world is not what these millennials think they know. They hear the stories, but most live in sheltered or protected lives never to have to come across a lesser … if they’re lucky. And now? More evil … Shadows have appeared and the Brotherhood is dealing with them too.

Thinking about training and all … I wondered if the females of #SafePlace should also be trained for self-defense. It definitely won’t hurt and if anything it may give them more confidence. The more I thought about it, the better the idea sounded. Perhaps we could get Payne, Xhex or the female soldiers Parry and Nova to help. If they have time in their rotation. Hmmm … I make a reminder to myself to talk to Beth and Mary about it. 

I wash carefully around over the bruising, hoping Z may just go visit with Nalla while I finish my bath to avoid him seeing the majority of my wounds. I can hind most of them under my clothing and robe. I’m hoping it doesn’t add this his mood. He is already worried about the trainees and the Brotherhood, the last thing he needs to worry about is me.

Zsadist: Taking a long, deep breath, I looked in the direction of Nalla’s room. My sweet young. One of the two things that kept me alive on the daily. Just the thought of her settled my nerves until I let the thought seep back in of how these simpleminded trainees would one day be all that stood between her and the evils of our world. That thought made my blood boil. Not if I could help it. These trainees were either going to step up and get shit straight, or I was going to see to it they were left behind. I was done with the wannabes. Wannabe trainees that were never going to be good enough to be considered as a Brother, wannabe females that were just waiting for a Brother to make their lives have meaning… wannabes everywhere I turned my head.

Considering my current headspace, I thought better of going into Nalla’s room. I didn’t want her to feel this energy washing off of me. Bella was better equipped to deal with it. She always knew just how to calm my nerves. However, it wasn’t really fair. It seemed that Bella was doing an awful lot of that lately. I needed to get my own shit in order. Far too often, I came home from patrol or working with the trainees in the crappiest of moods, and Bella would have to soothe my mind. One of these days, I was going to have to come home and surprise her with flowers or some shit. I’d have to ask Mary or Fritz for help with that.

Stepping towards the bathroom, I could hear the soft sounds of water trickling back into a tub. I could envision it before I even stepped through the door. Bella, sitting in the garden tub, scented bubbles lining the top of the water, leg stretched out as she slowly ran a loofa down… over a massive bruise?! “What the fuck, Bella?!” Instantly, every muscle in my body tightened as the reality of Bella’s newest interest slapped me across the face. Payne would get a monumental earful from me the next time I saw her.

Bella: Z, hey. *Quickly lowering my leg back into the bubbly water, knowing he saw the bruise.* Babe, you know bruises were going to happen. I don’t normally work out and do physical activity, it was bound to happen. It just hurts a small bit. It’s expected. You know that. I kept the rest of my body underneath the water … hoping he might just leave it be. But I knew better.*

Z, it really isn’t that bad. I know Payne wasn’t even using her full force. She was just teaching me a few self-defensive moves. Nothing too crazy. I’m fine … really. *I really hoped he could see that I needed this and not freak out about the bruises I was bound to receive as I learned. Scribe forbid, I get a black eye or stitches. 

I knew this would be hard for him. When Nalla received a small scrape outside on the courtyard from chasing a butterfly. I swear it took me hours to convince him not to build a rubber mat all over the “cursed” cement. Toddlers were bound to get little scrapes and cuts. Though you could not convince Z otherwise. Granted his childhood was not conventional. But I remember, my big brother putting bandaids on my skinned knees when I was little. Kissing them to make them feel better. It was a part of growing up.*

Zsadist: Bella’s leg disappeared way too quickly under that bubble-filled bathtub, and it left me wondering how many other bruises she was hiding. If this was the way this so-called training was going to be, I was going to be putting an end to it really fucking fast. I get that she THINKS she wants to be able to protect herself, but she doesn’t need to. She will never be in a situation where she will need to. There will always be someone with her that will do that for her. If not me, then one of the other Brothers.

How did I let her talk me into this in the first place? What led me to believe that this would ever be a good idea? She says she’s fine. Really? Fine? That bruise was purple! A mere slap on the leg didn’t make those types of bruises. She was hit hard. I’d be willing to bet she hit the floor on that one. Teeth gritted, a loud growl bellowed from deep in my gut, just envisioning it.

I realized I had been pacing the bathroom floor and stopped. Turning to look at my shellan, I said as calmly as I could, “Stand up.” I could see the hesitation written all over her face. There were more. “Bella,” I closed my eyes as I tried to get the image out of my head. “Just stand up.”

Bella: *Crap. I knew my male and he was going to lose his shit.* 

Zsadist, you have to remember why I need to do this. I’m not trained like you and Payne and so I will have bruises just like any other trainee the Brotherhood would train. You know as well as I do that it’s going to happen more often than not. I need to do this. Please remember that.

*I gingerly stood up, the water dripping off my body … I was hoping that maybe that would distract my male, but as I looked into his now obsidian eyes … I knew he was more focused on the different colors on my skin rather than the skin itself. I knew this would happen but I hoped he would understand my need to do this for myself.*

Z?

Zsadist: “You don’t need to train to become a …” I couldn’t finish my comment as she stood up in the tub. All I could see was yellow, green, and purple blotches all over her skin. One-quarter of her body had marks on it. As I ran my hand over my scalp to the back of my neck, I barely realized how tense my jaw clenched. I was afraid if I opened up my trap, I was going to say a bunch of shit I might regret later.

A few years back, refraining from speaking my mind was the last thing I cared about, but seeing how that affected Bella when we first got together, I had begun to learn how to handle myself a little differently when it came to barking out every thought that crossed my mind. I needed to stop and catch myself. I could go straight for the jugular without even thinking, and I really didn’t want to be that guy with Bella.

After taking a few minutes to wear a hole in the bathroom floor, I finally stopped and looked my Bella up and down again. Keeping my teeth gritted, I quietly said, “This,” motioning to her body, “is not what I agreed to, Bella. I agreed to self-defense, maybe some krav maga, but going down to the training room and getting a fucking beat down every day was definitely NOT what I agreed to.” I realized that my voice was quickly getting louder, but I couldn’t stop myself. This was not happening. I was also pacing again, and Bella was being unusually quiet, probably giving me some room to process, but it wouldn’t last long. Bella was not one to stay quiet for too long.

I couldn’t even look at her anymore. Those bruises looked way too painful. “One or two bruises, once in a while, is one thing, but this … this is just fucking brutal.” Every single muscle in my body was tense as I visualized retaliating against Payne for this. I was not above beating a female, especially one who thought that stopping just short of putting my female in the hospital was just another day of training. What fucking numbnut thought that starting training with the beat down, without showing someone how to defend themselves first, was the right way to do it? I thought Payne was more intelligent than that. I guess it was just one more person disappointing me.

Looking back at Bella, I opened my mouth and said the one thing that would probably start WWIII between us, but I couldn’t stop them from coming out. Seeing her like this was tipping the scales, making me lose my fucking mind, “This …” motioning once more, “is going to stop.”

Bella: *I went to go pick up a towel and began to wrap it around myself.*

Z, it isn’t up to you. I need this. But if you don’t want to see the bruises … I suggest you find somewhere else to sleep for a while. Or Nalla and I can go stay at #SafePlace and I can train there with the instructor they have come to teach the other females. I only figured you would trust Payne’s training over someone else’s.

*I dried myself off as I could see Z in my peripheral with his mouth hanging open at my statement. I did need this after talking with Mary and understanding my nightmares, I just needed to feel secure in my ability to be able to fight back even if my success was low at winning … I needed to try. I put my robe on and went out of the bathroom and into our closet to get clothes and wondered what will happen now.*

Zsadist: I didn’t move from where I stood. I was not giving in. In an all too hushed voice, dripping in fury, I spoke without turning to my Nalla, “Bella, I can and will stop anyone that tries to train you. So, you can either work with me, or this is fucking over. Your decision.”

There was no way in fuck this was continuing. This was only day one. I didn’t want to imagine what day two would look like. By day three, she wasn’t going to be able to move. She would have bruises upon bruises on top of each other. This literally was like walking into a beating every day. Turning, I entered the bedroom, and my voice got louder. “Where is the defense of this ‘Self-defense’ training?” I asked. “All I see is a solid beat down, which I refuse to have you submit to every single day, even if it is Payne doing it. Whatever happened to walking before you ran? We discussed this. You knew what I would and wouldn’t tolerate. This …” pointing to her body, she was quickly trying to cover with her robe, “... this shit I will not tolerate.”

She could call it whatever she wanted; this was someone beating the fuck out of her and waiting for her to call out, “Uncle.” She could force me to sleep elsewhere, or she could sleep at Safe Place. That didn’t matter right now. I could still stop this no matter what, and I would if she weren’t willing to listen to me and do this the right way. Not sleeping in the same place for a bit was way better than knowing that this was happening to her every fucking day.

Bella: *My irritation was growing as I put on some yoga pants and a t-shirt quickly so I could hash this out with my hellren.* 

First of all, that was not a beat down, you realize that I have never trained in my entire existence, bruises are to be expected. I /was/ defending myself. Or learning to. Even blocking hits will cause me bruises. Clearly you still don’t fucking get it … why I need this. So be it. 

I’ll take Nalla with me to #SafePlace and I will train there. I’m not asking for permission, this is just a statement. And as to the issue of stopping … I’d like to see you explain to Wrath why you step foot into #SafePlace that does not allow males to enter and intimidate and scare all the females and children within. I’d love to be a fly on the wall when you meet with him, Beth, Marissa and Mary about /THAT/!

Zsadist: Fuck all! I was trying not to lose my shit, but it was Bella that didn’t get it. I wasn’t against her training. I was against her getting the snot beaten out of her. This was not the person I wanted to be around her. I had come so far from being this male, but seeing all those bruises on her just brought out all my primal instincts to protect her, even if it were from herself.

Following her from one room to the next, I tried to clarify my position. “Bella, I am not against your training as much as you don’t believe me. I am just not going to sit back and watch someone put you through this every fucking day.” I used a technique Mary had taught me to use when I got this way. I started to slow down my breathing, and for a split-second, it worked … but just for a split-second. “Fuck, Bella! How do you expect me to live watching you come home every day looking like someone took a bat to you?” There was no way I was going to be able to do this. “There are other ways to start your training. Like, I don’t know … using gear that will protect you until you get a feel for protecting yourself! Evil Kenevil didn’t just jump a bike over 50 cars right off the bat. He started off with protective gear and jumping more minor things. Then, when he was more ready, mind and body, he started to jump bigger things, and then he started to take off his gear. Baby steps, Bella! You don’t learn how to ride a horse starting off bareback!”

How did she not understand my point in all this? What was so wrong with using protective gear until she got the hang of the moves? “Go ahead and take Nalla to Safe Place if you want, but know this: I don’t have to step foot on that property to make sure that no one there trains you. I just have to make a few calls.”

Bella: *I was fuming. He just doesn’t understand. My whole life I was coddled and taken care of first by my mahmen, then my brother and now my hellren. I needed to do this on my own. The bruises were expected of training. Did he not remember all the trainees these past years? Or was he so blinded that it was me and not some random trainee he wasn’t related to? I knew this would be hard for him and it was only Day #1. This argument was already exhausting and draining after my training session. I just felt all the adrenaline and energy zap out of me in that moment. 

Could I really take Nalla from the only home she knew and the people that loved and protected her? Sure, Marissa, Mary and the other Chosen who often play with her would be at #SafePlace, but all her uncles? I sighed quietly and continued to get ready for bed and grabbed Nalla from her nursery and started to get her ready for bath and bed, ignoring Z along the way. There really wasn’t much to say anymore. I said my piece and I figured he just needed to let this off his chest and get it over with.

I took off her Red Sox onesie and placed her stuffed dragon next to the tub as I placed her in and let her play with the duckies and toys as the water continued to fill slowly with warm water. Wondering how got here. The nightmares were plaguing my every dream for months. Mary and I talked about self-defense training and it seemed like the best solution to help alleviate my apparent unconscious fears.

I could hear Zsadist pacing behind us.*

Zsadist: She wasn’t even going to consider my side in this? She was just going to walk by me and ignore me like my feelings meant absolutely nothing. That’s fine. I pulled my cell out of my pocket and dialed, hearing an annoyed, “What?!” on the other end of the phone. I spoke loud enough so that Bella could hear me in the other room with the water running. “Payne is not to train Bella any more.” Wrath knew I was serious. He also wasn’t about to get in the middle of a fight between a hellren and his shellan, except for the fact that he needed me on my game when out in the field, so if this one request was going to make sure I was solid and had everyone’s six’s, he would approve of it. Anything for the fight. I hung up and left the quarters, going back down to the gym to destroy a few bags.

Bella: *My back stiffened at Z’s call clearly to Wrath about Payne training me. I cannot believe he just did that. Then LEFT! This seemed like how he was at the beginning of our relationship. With the anger and disappearing act. UGH. This male was going to be the death of me.

I knew he wouldn’t understand. I guess it was time to pack our bags then. I couldn’t live with these nightmares anymore and I needed to see this through until the end, with our without my hellren’s support. So be it.

I finished Nalla’s bath and put on her pajamas with tiny angels and grabbed her stuffed dragon and began packing a few things of hers that she would need for an overnight stay. I could get #Fritz to pack the rest of her stuff. I grabbed her things and went back into my closet and grabbed my overnight bag and packed some clothes and my things and wondered if what I was doing was right. But then I thought back to the fact that Z wasn’t even there at the training session to see that Payne wasn’t even really putting all her strength behind her hits and was just showing me the ropes of how to defend grabs and hits that males, men or even lessers would most likely do. He didn’t even talk to her to see what exactly happened to cause all my bruises.

I wasn’t even in any really pain, though I probably will feel differently tomorrow after a day’s rest. Tears fell on my hands as I belatedly noticed I was crying. Nalla sitting on our mated bed leaned into me and gave me a hug and gave me her stuffed dragon. Kissing my sweet baby on her forehead, quickly finished packing and made my way quietly down the stairs and out into the vestibule into the night. I wasn’t sure if Nalla and an overnight bag may be too much for a dematerialization especially with how I’m feeling.

Co-Written with @LilWarriorGal

Payne: The sound of a fist hitting a heavy bag could be heard outside the gym.  Payne like to workout when the others were sleeping.  It was peaceful to be the only one in the gym and no one there to try to make small talk with.  Small talk wasn’t Payne’s thing and she couldn’t figure out why so many wanted to make it.  She preferred discussing things in depth unless it had to do with her love life and it was her twin asking her.  

She hit the bag again, as she tried to figure out how she would one day tell Vishous that she was attracted to Rehvenge.  It would surely fall like a lead balloon and her twin would list off why she should stay away from him.  A smirk came to her lips as she realized that he would be against anyone, even if it was his best friend.  Maybe she should get Butch to help her pull a prank on Vishous and let him think she liked Butch.  The look on her twin’s face would be priceless.   Then she heard the doors shut and she stopped hitting the bag.  As she turned around, she saw Bella had entered the gym.  That was unusual, the shellans rarely came down to the training center.  Payne smiled and she could tell Bella had something on her mind, so she picked up the towel she had on the bench and wiped her face off.  “You look as if you wish to ask me something.”  She moved closer to Bella. “Please ask.”  She motioned to the bench for Bella to take a seat and then Payne sat on the floor.  Her attention was completely on the female sitting in front of her. @BellaRAhgony 

Bella: *I went to search for Payne or Xhex on my way towards the underground gym. Surely I would run into one or the other. They could be found regularly working out or sparring with that trainees.

Opening the door to the gym, I can across Payne first working out with a punching bag. Taking her suggestion, I sat on the bench contemplating how to ask her for help. I just decided to just come out with it.*

I wanted to see if you had some time to train me in self defense? I’ve been having these nightmares this last year and Mary thought perhaps if I could defend myself against lessers that I would have more control over my dreams.

*I blurted out my problem and hoped Payne would understand and would even consider training me. I wasn’t sure what her schedule was like and what her time commitments were. I knew she was still getting used to being on this side away from the Sanctuary.*

Payne: Quietly she listened to Bella, she understood her issue.  Payne feared little, but she had two fears - losing her twin and her mahmen locking her away again.  The Other Side was not somewhere she was comfortable with and at times she had nightmares, but that was her secret for now.  

"I will make time. We are a family here and you are mine sister by choice. I can start showing you some things you can do today if you'd like."  

Payne stood up, tossed the towel on the floor by her bottle of water.  "Are you only wanting to learn hand to hand or weapons too?"  Weapons would take some time, but if she wanted to learn those Payne would ask V to make Bella a dagger weighed for her and her alone. 

Bella: *Payne agreed quite easily to my surprise and I was quite relieved that I ran into Payne first since she was readily eager to teach me.*

Thank you for agreeing, I really appreciate it. Perhaps we can revisit the decision of weapons. I’ve only ever fired a gun and used a dagger once. [I shivered a bit as I remembered when that happened.]

Um … I’m also not dressed, but I’m sure Fritz can find me something and we can meet back in a few?

*As I got dressed into some yoga pants and a tank top that Fritz magically reappeared with when I asked for them. He really was a magician. My heart was beating my chest in nervousness for no reason that I could think of … I laughed to myself. It was Payne … not a lesser. I shook my head at the ridiculousness. I walked back to the gym to meet Payne.

Payne: Payne felt that Bella was nervous, so she decided to take a more gentle approach then she would with a trainee until Bella was comfortable.  “Let’s start off with just some stretches and then hit the bag so I can see how you punch.  From there we can move to the mats and see how would come against me.”  As they stretched Payne watched her, she understood Bella’s fear.  She hadn’t been through what Bella had, but she knew what it was like to fear someone or something. Payne dealt every day with the fear of her mahmen locking her up again.  With the knowledge that her mahmen thought she shouldn’t be around others.  That she was too dangerous.   When they were done, Payne moved to the bag and held it.  “Bella hit it as hard as you want.  You won’t hurt me.”  She smiled. “Give it all you got.  Don’t hold back.  Think of as the face of whomever you fear.” 

Bella: *We started stretching in ways I hadn’t done in quite a while since being pregnant with Nalla and since she’s still a toddler, there is never enough time. Mary was watching Nalla right now so it was one of the few times that I had to myself.

My body felt loose and relaxed after stretching and I felt less nervous now. I hit the bag and probably not in the correct format. It felt strange to hit it. I have never hit anything or anyone before. I lived a pretty sheltered life because of my brother. I was always protected and looked after and never wanted for anything before my transition.

I tried to concentrate as I hit the bag a few more times.*

Payne:  Bella 's form wasn't great, but neither was Payne's when she started. However, Bella could pack a punch. This part was more for building up muscle in her arms, so she could hit harder.  

"You're doing fine. You hit harder than I thought you would." Bella hit it again. "In self-defense, are just trying to buy yourself time to getaway. That is what we are going to focus on. If you want to learn more, that will after you can stun me enough to get loose and away."

When they started some hand to hand in a bit, she didn't want Bella to hold back.  "Let's move to the mats and see how you would fight me if I grab you from behind."

Bella: *My heart is pumping as I finish punching the bag and we move towards the floor mats. I wondered how this would work. I never had to go up against anyone before. 

I took my stance on the floor mats and tried to concentrate on Payne’s movements. We dance around in a circle for a bit. When she was able to come up from behind me. The feel of an arm around my neck and shoulders quickly push me back in time to when David had caught me inside my house. Then the memories started to bombard me of the underground pipe, the cold, the pain when he struck me.

Before I even realized it, Payne was shaking me at my shoulders in front of me.*

Hey Bella. Bella. Bella!!! You froze, what’s going on?

Payne: When the female froze and gave her no resistance, Payne had released her hold and moved in front of Bella. Bella snapped out of it, but her eyes still showed the panic that had taken over. Payne smiled softly.  

"Let's sit. I can tell that something surfaced in your mind. Tell me about it. The more you face that what caused you to panic the more you can use it to fuel your ability to protect yourself." 

Payne let her anger and fear drive her in her fighting. She channeled all her rage against her mahmen to heighten her skills. Not to mention sometimes when she hit the bag she imagined getting even with her mahmen.

Bella: *I shake my head of my memories and realized that I would need to tell her what happened to me. Though it has been a few years … lately, it seems like it was yesterday.

We sat down on the mats and I took a few deep breaths and took courage from thinking of my Zsadist and told her my story from the night David had abducted me and the nights that followed. I avoided too many details about the odd showers but I did explain his weird affection for me … or for his late wife which I figured he must have killed in his rage and when he apologizes when he tends the wounds he inflicted on me.

It felt so weird to replay the whole story … I almost felt detached in a way but I could still feel his hands on me especially after a nightmare.

I told her that it was Mary’s idea that perhaps self-defense would feed into my self-preservation and help my dreams.* 

Payne: Quietly Payne listened to Bella. She could tell it was taking a lot of courage and strength to speak of this. It amazed her how cruel others could be and claim it was because they cared.  From the story, Payne realized that this David had been cruel before he was turned into a lesser. 

Gently she touched Bella's arm before speaking. "Mary is correct. Learning to defend yourself is good.  It will build your confidence in this world and your dreams." She stood up. "When you hit the bag this time, think of it as David's head or body. Hit him with all the rage you have toward him. Hit him for taking away your peace, for causing you to fear things and for just for being the vile man he was." 

Later, Payne would explain that self-defense was for herself to fight back and then buying her time to get away. The last thing Payne was trying to do was turn Bella into a warrior.  What she wanted to do was ease the female's mind and return her some balance into her life. 

Bella: *As we continued to practice, I thought about David and the fact he kidnapped me because I reminded him of his deceased female then he took #Wellsie’s life, took her away from @TohrSASRP and #JohnMatthew. My anger continued to fuel my energy as I pounded the sandbag, sweat dripping down my face and neck as the frustration, pain, and fear kept my adrenaline going. 

I didn’t realize until much later the sores I created in my hands and feet. As vampires, we are always in our prime so unlike the Brothers we don’t typically work out. But I didn’t feel anything now as I kept the pace and pounded my frustration on the sandbag.* 

Payne: When Bella was hitting the bag, Payne released and walked over to her. "You may not realize it yet, you've changed in the few hours we have been in here. That defeated look you had on your face when you came in is gone."  

Payne walked to the bench and grabbed two towels and tossed one to Bella. ' Anytime you want to learn more, just let me know."  She touched Bella's shoulder. "Will always have some fear, but that is a good thing. It keeps you alert and vigilant. What you won't have is a paralyzing fear.  Bella, from now on you are the one in control, not the ghosts that have tried to haunt you."  

Written with @IfOnly4MyNallas.

Bella: *I woke up from my nap with Nalla with a start. Nalla was snoring lightly beside me hugging her baby dragon Rhage had given her concentrating on her face as if she was trying really hard to grow.

I wiped the sweat from my brow and realized that these nightmares were getting out of control. Zsadist was worried about me. I he needed all his concentration out on the field. I’d never forgive myself if I ever became a distraction for him causing him to be hurt.

I picked up my phone and texted Mary to see if she wanted to have some coffee or hot chocolate with me in the library. It was time to talk to someone about these dreams. 

Zsadist: Wrath had allowed me to cut back on my hours, but that didn’t mean that I didn’t have things to do. Tonight, I was on rotation, but I had nothing scheduled for after that, no training of, or driving the trainees home, no one-on-one sessions, and no sparring with any of the other males of the manse. Tonight I would actually be able to come home after fighting, put my young to bed, and see my shellan before she fell asleep. This was going to be a first in a very long time.

I took care in strapping on my gear. It was something I did almost every night, but I was methodical about it. Mary has said that my OCD tendencies spark from all the past trauma in my life. Now, my brain wants to control anything it can, right down to where and how all my weapons are strapped onto my body. A slight smile crossed my features as I thought about all that Mary had helped me with, over the years. She made me realize why I did a lot of the things I did, and it made me come to grips with who I was and who I wanted to be. She made me face things I didn’t want to, and head on. It took a while, but I was in such a better place now, then I had been for over two centuries. Well, recently I had been having some issues, but I was still better off than I had been a decade ago. I could only hope that once Bella spoke to Mary, Mary could do the same for her. I knew it was going to be an uphill battle, and it wouldn’t happen overnight, but if anyone could help Bella with what she was going through, it would be Mary.

Bella: *It was almost time for Last Meal by the time Mary and I were done talking. We spent hours in the library talking about those weeks I had been kidnapped those many years ago. Mary went down the hall and stairs and straight into the kitchen. She apparently wanted to see if could get away with baking cookies for Rhage before Fritz catches her.

I shook my head and the image of my head of Fritz keeping track of Mary will preparing the rest of Last Meal. For such an older doggen, he could still multitask like a young vampire. I head towards the playroom where Beth was watching the kids and see if Nalla needed to change clothing before Last Meal.

Walking into the playroom, I witness Nalla just as she flicked some blue paint at LW with Beth laughing at their antics. My head fell back in laughter as I pulled my phone out to take a picture. Nalla was covered in all sorts of colors. “Mama!!” she yells with a big grin. “How beautiful, baby.” I commented as she proudly showed me her artwork. Beth hands me a towel I could wrap around her so I wouldn't get paint on myself and we said our quick see you laters as we retreated to our suites to get the kids cleaned up for dinner.

As I gave Nalla a bath, I thought about Mary’s suggestion to perhaps start training with the trainees. At least in self defense. She thought that if I could defend myself that I would feel more powerful and more confident. Then perhaps in my dreams a different outcome would manifest. Nalla was singing and playing with the bubbles as my mind wondered about how Z would react.*

Zsadist: It had been one of the craziest nights I had experienced in a while. I had been paired with Phury and it was as if we had walked into a hive of lessers. We barely had time to call for backup before the action got rough. There were about twelve of them, and the two of us. Thankfully, Phury and I knew how to work as a team. We may not have been raised together, and may have lived a lifetime apart, but we were twins to our marrow. He zigged and I zagged. We were Yin and Yang when it came down to fighting. I was lean and fast. He had strength and power. Together we were virtually unstoppable. But, twelve were just a couple too many for the two of us to handle. We were warriors, we weren’t stupid. We knew when to call for backup and tonight was that night.

JM and Q were the two that showed up in an instant. As much of a hothead as Q was, I respected him. He was almost as scrappy as I used to be. And, JM was the one that saw the fight as a whole and plotted it out before he jumped in. Between the four of us, we had the situation under control in about 15 minutes.

It’s amazing how fast things can happen. A battle that seems almost insurmountable can be won in the blink of an eye. Yet, when it comes to battles of another nature, like the mind, they can take years, sometimes decades to barely gain a footing.

At the end of the fight, Phury called for Butch to run cleanup. As soon as Butch’s feet touched the ground, I was gone, dematted back to the manse. I could do my debrief tomorrow. Tonight, I was going to see my shellan and my young to bed.

*****

It took me all of ten minutes to scrub the lesser blood off my body down in the training center. I never took this shit to my quarters. I kept anything to do with the lessers as far away from my family as possible. It was kinda like church and state. There was work and there was life. It wasn’t so long ago that my life was encapsulated by fighting. Now, I had my life with Bella and Nalla. If it weren’t for them…

I quickly tossed my soiled clothes into the laundry room, on the way by, and raced up two sets of stairs to my bed chambers. As I slowly opened the door and walked in, I called out, “Bella?”

Bella: *I was still lost in my thoughts as Nalla said “Papa” and I realized that Zsadist had returned home. Relief washed through me as I could her his baritone voice echoed into the bathroom.* In here! *I responded as I finished rinsing Nalla’s hair from the shampoo as she continued to play with some bath toys. Z walked in and his beautiful citron eyes focused on me and he kissed my neck on both sides before giving me a kiss. Then he pulled a towel from the rack and opened it up for Nalla to snuggle in and dry off. I smiled as Nalla giggled as she shook her hair making all the water goes everywhere. Z teasingly scold her for the mess but smiles. I picked up another towel to dry off her hair as we both starting drying her off together and getting her ready for bed.

We had a routine, after a bath and brushing her teeth, Z and her laid in our mating bed to read a book until she fell asleep and he carried her to her nursery. I watched for a bit as I got myself for bed. I could hear their voices together, him reading and her babbling in baby talk with a few words here and there. Zsadist had come a long way since she was born and I’m forever grateful to the Virgin Scribe that our family was whole and healthy.

I wondered how to broach the subject that Mary had suggested. I wasn’t sure if Zsadist would take it as thought he could not protect me. Of course he could. Mary’s thought was that perhaps it would build my courage and confidence in myself. It was about me and my nightmares and what I needed to get rid of them.*

Zsadist: I can’t even tell you how good it felt to be able to do all this again. On nights that I actually made it home from work early enough to see my young to bed, this had been our routine. However, those nights had been few and far between for quite some time, so to be able to lie back, in my mated bed, and read to Nalla as she fought to stay awake, was like what I expect walking into The Fade must be like, pure fucking heaven. She cooed and babbled on, as if to respond to what I was reading, and every time I thought she was asleep, her eyes would pop back open and she would start all over. She didn’t realize that this wasn’t one of those rare nights that she would see her sire before bed. She had no way of knowing that tomorrow would be the same, and the night after that, and the night after that. She would take some time to get into this new routine.

Finally, after two books, both read twice, she finally knocked out hard. So, I quietly put the books down on the bedside table and slid my arms under her tiny frame. For a second, I thought she might wake up again, but she didn’t. She just rolled over in my arms, slinging one around my neck and started snoring again.

Gently, I walked her into the adjoining nursery and laid her down in her crib. I stole a few minutes to watch her sleep before heading back into Bella and my part of the suite.

“She’s out.” I let Bella know before walking over and wrapping my arms around her waist and kissing her neck from behind. “So, how was your day, my Nalla?”

Bella: *I was just finishing up brushing my teeth when Zsadist came up behind me. I turned my head to kiss him sweetly as we greeted each other.* It was … productive.

Mary spent some time talking today. *I waited to see if he would respond. He stayed quiet as waited for me to continue. I turned around in his arms so I could look up at him and fully gage his reactions.*

She feels that perhaps the nightmares stem from my insecurities. Everyone has been so busy lately so it’s just been Nalla and me mostly. So we’re by ourselves most nights while you’re out in the field. *I shrugged, I didn’t want to make him feel guilty about doing his job. The Brothers were out there protecting the race … savings lives. They saved mine not too long ago. So I fully understood the importance of what he did each not personally.

I had no idea how Zsadist would take what she suggested next. I never wanted him to feel that he wasn’t enough to protect me or Nalla. I took a deep breath and quickly told him what we discussed.*

She thought perhaps I need to train in self defense. Learn how to protect myself. 

Zsadist: Once she turned, I leaned in and began to kiss down Bella’s neck as she spoke. I loved the way her head would ever-so-slightly lean toward me when I did that. I don’t know if she was even aware of it, but it was just one of those endearing things. However, when she mentioned being home alone all the time, I pulled back. This was something I was working on. I had already gone to Wrath about it, I had cut back on my hours, I was here now, and I planned on being here most every night from here on out. Was this a guilt trip? I know I haven’t been around, I’ve made a point to correct that. Is she upset that it took her nightmares to make me realize. Well, maybe so, but she also could’ve mentioned them to me. She could have spoken up long before. She didn’t have to suffer through all the nights she did and not told me there was a problem.

I knew that my thoughts were flying off the handle, but I already felt guilty enough. It was bearing down on everything and wearing my patience thin. I took a deep breath as I waited for the other shoe to drop. I had no idea what it would be, but I was expecting some long, drawn out night of this to escalate into, “You just haven’t taken my feelings into consideration, lately.” or maybe, “What about your young? Doesn’t she matter to you, at all.” I certainly wasn’t expecting what did come out of her mouth.

Instinctively, images of another Brother’s arms wrapped around Bella, as she tried to get herself free of him, flashed across my mind and I began to see red, pacing the tiled, bathroom floor like a caged tiger. There was no way in fuck this was going to happen! Absolutely, fucking, not!

Then memories of my conversations with Mary creeped in. Talk about trusting in oneself. I had the utmost respect for that woman, and if this was what she was recommending… Shit! I stopped and scrubbed my face with my hands. If this was what Bella needed, I needed to stand behind her...but, the training she would be doing would be with Payne, or Xhex, or even with the other female trainees. She would not be training with any of the males. I loved most of my brothers, but they were not laying a finger on my shellan! “Nalla, if that is going to be what makes you feel comfortable, better, and stops these nightmares from happening, then I’m good with it. But, I will have conditions.”

Bella: *I looked up at him and watch his expression stay tight and all emotion gone unless you paid attention. His citron eyes giving him away. Imperceptible. Barely. If his eyes had been midnight black … you could only see darkness at the surface. You had to look deeply.

I could see curiosity, anger, guilt? He seemed relieved. Which was odd. Not an expression that I was expecting. Anger. Disappointment in me maybe. As I looked into his citron eyes all I could see was concern now.* Conditions? Wait, you’re not angry? Or offended?

*I was pleased that he knew that I never doubted his ability with protecting me. I knew he would lay his life for me. Mary and I spoke about my fears about his doubts. Zsadist and I have come a long way since we came into each other's lives. I thought back at those weeks I spent in this very manse after being rescued. I had felt so guilty that I could stop from being near him when I knew he didn’t want anything intimate with me. My need to feed … I could still feel my surprise with finding him scrubbing his wrists raw … cleansing himself of unseen contamination.

My memories were jarred from the past and back into the present, as Z’s voice penetrated through my woolgathering.*

Zsadist: Angry? Offended? More like anger and guilt… at the fact that as much as I wanted to be, I couldn’t be by hers or Nalla’s side 24/7. There would be times in their lives when it was going to be up someone else to put their lives in front of my Nallas. That thought gutted me to the core. It was my responsibility to keep them safe from any kind of harm, however, it was also my duty to keep the race safe. I couldn’t do both, 100% of the time. So, as much as it did anger me, and yeah, maybe it offended me in some small part, I understood why this subject had come up.

The other thing was, after all my years of treatment with Mary, I had to remind myself that none of this was about me. This was all about Bella and her sense of security, and as much as I would like to be the knight in shining armor in her dreams, she has to be that for herself. I wanted her to be that for herself. I wanted her to feel that no matter what, she had the ability to stand on her own two feet.

Reaching back out and pulling her close again, I looked into her eyes. “Nalla, as much as I want you to trust that I will always be there to put myself in harms way to keep you safe, I know that in all actuality, I can’t be there, with you 24/7.” I pulled back just a tad, “That kills me, by the way!” Offering up a soft smile, I continued, “Also, after all my time with Mary, I understand that this isn’t about me. It has nothing to do with me. This is all about you, you and your ability to trust in yourself. I know that in here...” I put one palm on her chest, right above her heart, “is a warrior’s heart, and if you doing a little bit of training is what you need to believe that truth, then I’m all for it.”

Bella: *I knew this would be hard for Z. I can also understand it may get harder for him. Especially after my first bruise … I remembered what it was like for the boys at the beginning with they were pre-trans and after. It made me happy though to see them now. I guess I needed to talk to Xhex and Payne about seeing if they could make some time for me in their schedule. Cause sure as Dhund … none of the Brothers would ever consider it.*

Are you sure? Are you ready to possible see bruises on me? *Dame watching those eyes go from citron to obsidian in a blink of an eye was something else.* Baby, you know it will happen when I start sparring. I have to engage to learn. *I said slowly as I watched the blackness slowly disappear into the yellow I love after a few moments of contemplation.* Just know that it just means that I’m growing stronger … hopefully. Unless you want to teach me? *I asked knowing that he would no doubt refuse. He would never be able to strike me. I could however see him instructing me with the punching bag or something.*

Zsadist: At the mention of bruises, every single muscle in my body went rigid and fire sparked in my soul. The very thought that my Nalla was going to be marred in any way, shape, or form made me think twice about my compliance in the whole idea. How was I going to lie next to my shellan every single night, seeing these wounds all over her body, and just be okay with it? How was I going to handle her flinching at my touch? A low rumble radiated from my gut at the thought. Then I saw the look in her eyes. She needed this so fucking much. How could I say, “No?”

Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes to process everything that was running through my mind. I was going to have to make peace with this. Then she dropped the next bomb.

Me teach her?! Was she fucking mad?! I took a step back, held up my arms, and shook my head once. “Absolutely not! And don’t think of asking any of my Brothers. Training will be with Xhex, or better yet, Payne. You probably shouldn’t work with any of the female trainees. Most of them don’t know how to fight their way out of a wet paper bag yet, and you’d only get hurt.” I took a step back in and put my finger to Bella’s chin, “Can we agree on Xhex or Payne?”

Bella: *Smiles as I predicted his reaction correctly.* I was thinking of you teaching me techniques like a punching bag or something, Z. *Shakes my head knowing he would never be able to hit me in any form.*

But yes, I can agree with Xhex or Payne. I’m sure they both wouldn’t mind. *After a few moments of further contemplation his eyes finally returned to the beautiful citron. I knew it would be difficult for him to see me hurt in any way. I remembered once when he wouldn’t even let me dematerialize when I was pregnant before I was unable to. A bonded male always protects their mate regardless sometimes of the ridiculousness. I smile and give him a kiss.*

Try not to worry baby, ok? And let’s avoid watching any of my training sessions, shall we? *I suppressed an internal cringe at the thought of him watching me spar with Xhex or Payne. I highly doubt that he would ever strike a female but one was a symphath with her own set of hidden assets and the other was half deity also with her own special gifts.*

Zsadist: Leaning in, I returned her gentle kiss. I wasn’t sure how I was going to handle all this. Saying I was okay with it and being okay with it was going to be two entirely different things. Right now, I could spit out the words. Living through it all was going to be next to impossible, though.

Throwing my head back, I let out a hefty groan. “Me, watch? Seriously? There was no way in Dhund I was going to step foot in that gym while anyone was putting their hands on my shellan. Someone might end up hurt. The only female I ever dreamed of doing harm to was my mistress. However, I couldn’t promise that my instincts wouldn’t take over were I to witness any harm coming to Bella. I think I might just see red and lose all sense. “Bella, no need to worry about that. I won’t even be stepping foot downstairs on nights you are training.”

Written with @IfOnly4MyNalls.

Zsadist: It had been a long morning and taken Bella quite some time to fall back asleep. The whole thing frustrated the hell out of me. Had I not been working so damn many hours lately, she would have me to curl up with. She would feel my body beside her, enveloping her, protecting her, even in her sleep. But, with the busy rotation schedule we’ve had lately, the new Audience House times, and the training schedule, I have barely had time to see Bella during the night, let alone be there to lay down to sleep with her. Too many nights she was going to bed alone. I was going to need to talk to someone about these hours. I didn’t know how because we were all being spread so thin these days, but somehow I needed to find a way to be there for Bella.

Bella had finally fallen back asleep around 2pm, so when I awoke this evening, I let her sleep in a little more. I snuck quietly over to Nalla’s room and poked my head through the crack in the door. Nalla was also still slumbering. Good. I needed a quick run through the shower before all hell broke loose for the day. 

Bella: *Laying against the cold examining table standing slightly upright so that I was at eye level with David inside this makeshift detainment center which look like a large homemade garden shed. I was able to turn my head and see the three large tubes where I was being held during the day. They looked like the large pipes that were buried underneath the ground … to protect us from the sun. When we were all alone, I could hear the others breathing and we spoke and gathered information. I knew there was another male and he told me there was another but … I swallowed my reflex to gag I imagine what may have happened to him. I was sure he was in the Fade. The stench of blood and death was prominent in certain areas of the large room.

David had yet subjected me to seeing anyone else with my own eyes. But I heard a few other lessers, none though apparently knew that I was there. It seems that David was keeping me a secret. What I was able to glean from our one-sided conversations was that he thought I was his wife, Jessica. I name he called me often or “wife” when wanted to particularly emphasize his control over me. All of which I learned to challenge when I could though it was a balancing act. Sometimes it seems to make him aroused as if he was still human. Sometime I could hurt him by ignoring him altogether.

My mind came back to the moment as I noticed that David had captured a male. A male apparently for me to feed off of. I could feel my fangs descend. He’s held me for weeks now. Months even. I wasn’t sure. As he made crude comments about my fangs, feeding and being obedient about not openly wanting to feed … we were interrupted by another lesser. His comment was accusatory and defiant and all be it juvenile but David’s face morphed into horror and understanding as he immediately ran after the lesser leaving my hands untied. I quickly freed the male and convince him to leave me as I was still partially shackled. To my relief he finally dematerialized I knew there would be hell to pay.*

Zsadist: As the hot water pounded against my body in the shower, I couldn’t help but wish that each individual spray was a dagger against my skin. I was feeling the need to be punished again, the way that Phury used to do. I was hoping this nightmare thing was a one-time thing, but something in my gut told me it wasn’t, if only because of the way Bella had been trying to brush it off… and if it wasn’t a one-time thing, it was definitely my fault. Like last night, we had meetings at the Audience House and after, I had a class at the training center. Usually, it was one or the other but, we were all taking on extra duties. After class, I had to deal with a few of the regular unruly crew. They were late finishing up and missed the bus back to their homes. So, instead of just forcing them to set up camp for the night in the training center, I piled them into one of the manse’s Escalades and took them all home. My concern was with the three of them being as disorderly as they always were, they would cause too much trouble being down there all day, and I wasn’t getting stuck being a babysitter. That was how I ended up getting home so late. Not that yesterday was much different than any other day. It seemed that no matter what I did lately, I never made it home to kiss my Nalla goodnight.

I shrugged off the thoughts as I stepped out of the shower, and tugging a towel off the wall, I wrapped it around my waist. I needed to stop thinking about all the ways I was failing Bella and Nalla, as a hellren, and a father. It was this kind of thinking that could land me in a very dark place. I’ve been there before. Nalla witnessed it and pulled me out. She didn’t need to see me back there again, and neither did my little girl.

Finishing up in the bathroom, I strode quietly back into our bedroom. Bella was still asleep. Moving into the walk-in closet, I began to pick out my clothes for the day. 

Bella: *I waited in anticipation of what David would do as soon as he figured out I let that male prison go so he could dematerialize away from here. He entered back into the shed looking wild, breathing heavily and I knew that the other lesser was dead. His eyes widen and his voice thundered, “What the fuck happened? You dumb bitch!! Where is he, WIFE!” He quickly searched the area and realized that I must have set him free. And at that realization, all of a sudden I hear it, boom, like thunder, right inside my skull, and then, in the same instant, both my ears are ringing --almost as loudly as the impact. In a fraction of a second, I feel my whole head blooming with a giant throb of pain as if it has become inflated or pressurized, and I've lost all sense of balance. The table I was stabbed on the only thing holding me grounded.

Then another causing me to detach from the environment surrounding me, like suddenly finding myself ten feet under water for a few seconds. Then I felt blood vessels burst and my diaphragm collapse under the force the fist packed behind it. The fist continued to thrust upward until my liver and stomach stopped his knuckles from crashing into my spine. My breath instantly left me for dead as tried to I doubled over. My knees buckled from the force of the blow, fire ran through every fiber of my abdomen, and I tasted bile, adrenaline and a hint of blood. I gasped for air, but oxygen eluded my grasp. My head was swimming as my organs felt like re-inflating back to normal just as I tried to brace myself for another hit, my shoulders were being shaken roughly … and a voice telling me to wake up ...* 

Zsadist: Leathers slipped into place, I reached for my boots before hearing a whimpering sound in the other room. I stopped dead in my tracks, holding my breath and listening intently … nothing. Satisfied I was hearing things, I planted my ass on the chair in the walk-in and began pulling on my boots. Abruptly, I heard it again, louder this time, and more urgent. I jumped up, one boot on, one off, and rushed into the bedroom, only to find Bella seemingly struggling with her dreams, once again. Fuck! I flew to her side of the bed and gently reached a hand out to her shoulder. “Nalla ... “ No response and no change in her behavior. It was as if she couldn’t even hear or feel me. “Nalla?” This time I wiggled her shoulder slightly, hoping the slight motion might break her free from her dream. Unfortunately, it only seemed to stir them up as she began to cry loudly in her sleep. Well, not exactly what I wanted to do, first thing in the evening but … I grabbed both of Bella’s shoulders and gave them a sturdy shake, “Bella, wake up … ” 

Bella: *Feeling David’s hands on my shoulders shaking me, I cry out in pain.*

“You fucking bitch, wake up!” *David’s voice yells but then starts to morph into a deeper resonance deep in the chest and sounds like my Zsadist.* “Wake up …”

“Nalla …” *Zsadist urgently convinces me.* “Wake up!!” *Immediately my eyes fly open and slightly unfocused look around at my surroundings trying to get my bearings. My breathing is chaotic as if I ran miles and finally I see the familiar obsidian black of my beloved eyes and start to calm and Z’s hands are on my face and I realize belatedly that I was crying. I knew I had to talk to him about it. There was no way I could hide it now since he caught me in the nightmare again. I hugged him tight to me so I could absorb his warmth and love into my shivering body.*

I’m sorry Z. I don’t know what happened. I’ve been having nightmares lately about … my time … with … Da … with /him/. I’m not sure why. I’m sorry. *I cried into his shoulder as I tried to calm myself down from hysterics and tried to breathe normally.* It's only been going on for a few weeks, or maybe months, I don’t know how long really. *I was confused and still feeling the adrenaline coursing through my body as my body and mind decided it was in the real world instead of dream state.* 

Zsadist: Months?! Fuck! There were so many days I had wished for David to still be alive, if only for the chance of killing that motherfucker, myself. This was one of those moments. I had always felt cheated by Bella of the opportunity to give that shithead exactly what he deserved, but I was comforted by the fact that it was her and not someone else that had done the deed. If anyone else had taken that away from either one of us, I would have been batshit pissed. But, at least it had been Bella. She deserved that kill every bit as much as I had, if not more. I wished, however, that it could have ended that chapter in her life for her. Unfortunately, that’s not how things work. I should have seen this coming. How long did I carry around that rotted out skull? Decades? Centuries? When someone takes something like that away from you, when they take away your freedom, it takes a part of your soul.

I wrapped my arms around her and tried to comfort her, “I’ve got you, Nalla.” Bella had hidden this well from me. I hadn’t realized how much it had bothered her until now. I should have. If I had been paying attention, I probably would have. Add it to the long list of things that I’ve fucked up in my life. Bella was not something I wanted to fuck up, though. Bella didn’t deserve this.

Pulling back, I questioned, “Why didn’t you say something?” My brows knit in tight looking for a reason in her eyes. “I thought we agreed, no bullshit, we face things together?” 

Bella: *I looked into his black eyes in chagrin knowing he was not happy with me. The guilt weighed heavily on my heart. He was right … we had talked about it. No bullshit. I didn’t know what I could possibly say. I thought it was just a passing nightmare and he was preoccupied with the Brotherhood. He protected the race … my dreams paled in significance. He deserved the trust. He deserved so much more.*

I … I … didn’t think it would occur so often. You’re so busy with rotation to protect the Race, the #AudienceHall to protect Wrath, training the newbies to teach them to protect themselves and working out that helps keep you safe from all that. *I can’t look at him anymore and look at my hands in my lap between us.* My life in comparison? I take care of Nalla, assist Beth with household and volunteer at #SafePlace. Was is that compared to your schedule? *I shrugged and lowered my head. *Guilt was so heavy on my shoulders as I could feel myself cave in on myself. These issues are just so infinitesimal. His world was so dangerous that he needed to be focused on that life and not worry about me.* 

Zsadist: … And there it was. The whole dirty truth. This was all my fault. My fault for spending so much goddamn time at work. If I hadn’t been putting in so much energy into making sure I kept up at work, I would’ve been here for Bella when she needed me and this wouldn’t have gotten so out of hand. But, no! I had to be fierce at my job, doing all the overtime I could fit in. I didn’t want people to say that I was the one slacking. Yet, what was it I was doing here? Slacking! Slacking at my job as hellren to Bella. I was supposed to protect her from these things, above all else, both her and Nalla. They were supposed to be my number one priority. Yes, I was a Brother, and I took that very seriously. Apparently, I had been taking it too seriously, as of late.

A low growl began to grow in my gut as Bella tried to describe her life as less important than mine. She was so far from ‘less than!’ “Are you kidding me?” I placed my hands on Bella’s shoulders and made sure she was looking me in the eye. “What could possibly be more important than caring for the young in this world? Without them, we have nothing.”

The irony of these words coming from my mouth was not lost on me. A few years ago, I wouldn’t have thought twice about the importance of a young’s life. They would have meant jack shit to me. Now, however, was a different day. A different me. My life had done a complete 180* in the past few years, and it was all due to Bella. “Do you even know where my life would be right now without you? Shit! I’d probably be in The Fade by now, either at the hands of the lessers or by some other careless act of my own. You saved my life, Bella. You! You are not less than anything. If anything, I am the one that is less than. Not worthy. Call it what you will. I never deserved someone like you. Somehow, by the grace of the Scribe, you saw fit to love me anyway …”

My head dipped, “and look at how I repay you. By taking on every last job that is asked of me and more, leaving you to figure out everything for yourself, forcing you to feel the need to hide that which should be most important.” With renewed hope, I raise my gaze to meet Bella’s once again. “I’ll talk to Wrath. I’m gonna fix this. I’m gonna work it out so I’m home more. From now on, you won’t need to go to bed without my arms wrapped around you.” 

Bella: *I reached up to Zsadist’s face and gave him a chaste kiss.* I have never worried about what you thought of me, Z. Never. I just meant … ugh .. I don’t know how to explain myself. But Zsadist, you cannot control everything. The world does not rest only on your shoulders. I know what I mean to you because you mean as much to me. This is something I just have to deal with as part of my past. You were the same with yours. If Wrath can spare you, then of course I would love to spend more time with you. I will also see if Mary can talk to me. She helped you so much that perhaps it's time that I face my own demons.

*I twined my arms around Zsadist’s neck and gave him a tight hug and absorbed his strength. I hadn’t meant for him to feel guilty about the situation. It was so difficult to explain what was going on exactly when I wasn’t so sure myself. Which is why I kept it a secret for so long. Was my loneliness manifesting these nightmares as Z seem to think or was it more than that? I needed to get with Mary and see if talking it out would help alleviate the dreams. I hate that Zsadist was worried that it was all his fault.*

We can work on it together, but seriously don’t worry so much about me. They’re just dreams, they cannot hurt me. Whereas the demons you have outside the Manse, can and you have always protected me there. Never forget that, baby. 

Zsadist: Digging my face into the side of Bella’s neck, I took a quiet sniff in. Dearest Scribe, I loved the way she smelled. Between her scent and Nalla’s, it was home to me. I would never feel more at home then I did with the two of them. For many years, I never knew what home meant. To me, it had just been a word. You know how if you say a word over and over and over again, it completely loses its meaning? That was how the word ‘home’ always felt for me. I never had one. I roamed and would find places to sleep, and I had rooms where Phury and I stayed, but nothing was ever a home to me, until I found Bella.

Pulling back to look back at Bella, “I will speak to Wrath. He will have no problem allowing me to cut back on my duties. I am doing more than anyone else, as it is.” Brushing a strand of hair from your face. I continue, “Also, I think it’s a great idea for you to talk to Mary. I never would have thought to talk to someone like her would have helped as much as it did, but Mary worked wonders for me, and I think she may be able to help you, too.”

I swallowed thinking about her comment about the demons outside the manse. I had always been so fearless when it came to fighting. Lately, however, that had all changed, and it took me some time to adjust to it all. Back then, it never really mattered to me if I made it through the night. I just wanted to take as many of those powderpuff bastards with me as I could. There were many nights I barely made it through. After I met Bella, it mattered to me if I made it home at the end of the night, though. I needed to make it home for her, and Nalla, after she was born. I suddenly had a reason to live. For over two hundred years, I didn’t worry about dying, in fact, most of the time, I actually would have welcomed it, embraced it with everything I had. After meeting Bella, my world changed. Suddenly, I wasn’t taking all those chances I used to take without thinking. I was being careful about how I approached each fight. There were some nights I would actually stray away from a fight because it was obvious we were severely outnumbered. My methods had shifted, and I made sure I made it home every night. “I will always protect you and our family from those that want to cause us harm, and I will do it smart.” I took Bella’s face in my hands and leaned in to press my lips firmly against hers.

Bella: *I never knew love could be so encompassing. Zsadist was my world and now Nalla was too. I knew we need to communicate better. Talk about calling the kettle black. I needed to stop being a hypocrite and work on my relationship with my hellren. It goes both ways.

Knowing my Z would try … lifted the weight off my shoulders and I knew that I did need to talk to Mary or someone who felt as I did and who had experienced the same trauma. Maybe #Luchas? Though he still was recovering from his injuries and continues to do rehab daily with #Ehlena and #Qhuinn. I would have to think about that … I didn’t want to cause nightmares for #Luchas either. I needed to feel reassurance and confidence … maybe I needed to train in some self-defense. Hmm …

Written with @IfOnly4MyNalls.

Zsadist: It had been a long ass night in the training center. The tension between the trainees ran high, due to the fact that most of them didn’t really know each other yet, which also meant there was no trust between them. Plus, the ones that did know each other, seemed to be having some sort of drama going on between them. They didn’t like each other, they weren’t getting along right now... There was no place for drama in the fighting world. You either had each other’s backs, or you didn’t. If there was drama there, you didn’t. Period. You didn’t have to like each other. You didn’t have to get along. You did have to respect each other and know you are all out there for the sole objective of protecting the race.

There were also still noses out of joint about Parry being Primus.

“She’s a female, they don’t belong in the training program.”

“She’s an aristocrat, they don’t belong in the training program.”

“I’m a way better fighter than she is.”

“She can barely keep her back off that mat.”

They were harsh on each other, which was good. It created a tough challenge. It was the whining I couldn’t put up with, though. Don’t bitch to me about your own inadequacies. Work on them and show me better. Actions, kids… always speak much clearer than words.

Bella: *I was woken by the sound of metal scraping against metal from the opening above me and then the pungent smell of baby powder wafted down through the opening.*

“Hello, wife.” *Those words were like nails on a chalkboard and I ignored his greeting.*

“I said hello, /wife/.” *He sneered as he pulled me up through the pipe using the harness around my torso. As my eyes adjusted to the light, I saw that he was too excited. Not good.*

Hello, David. *I responded and watched as he savored when I called by his name and then led me over to the stainless-steel table and handcuffed me. I tried to struggle but I hadn’t fed in many months so my strength was diminished greatly. He said something about having a gift for me and I watched in horror as he left and came back with a drugged civilian vampire. Shit.

I started backing away as David placed the other male on the table and looped his wrists and ankles in chains. When the male opened and saw all the tools hanging on the wall, he began to panic and pull at his binds. His eyes met mine and I knew he was petrified and then he started to scream when David took out a knife and started cutting up the civilian’s clothes. I tried my latches again to try and get free.*

Zsadist: As I climbed the stairs to Bella and my mated room, I wished I felt more used and abused. You know that feeling. The one when you got a massive, balls-to-the-wall, workout in, and every muscle in your body feels like it’s never going to work again. Ever since we started working on getting the training program ready, I hadn’t had as much time for my own workouts. The ones I had been getting in were not worthy of the title. I was definitely overdue.

Reaching out and twisting the doorknob, I opened the door just wide enough to slink through. I didn’t want to wake Bella with the light from the hall. Nor did I want to wake her with noise of me coming in so, I quietly closed the door behind me and made my way to the bathroom. Once safely inside the bathroom, door shut, I willed the lights on and began my evening ritual. It didn’t take me long to complete it. After all, I had showered down in the training center before coming up to the manse.

One more thing needed my attention before I would lie my head down on my pillow. Shutting the lights in the bathroom and leaving, I crossed the floor to the adjacent room, Nalla’s bedroom.

Bella: *I didn’t want to see him torture this civilian. Listening to the punishment he felt was bad enough inside my underground prison but seeing it in reality. I could feel my gag reflex tingle so I closed my eyes. Then I felt a slap in the face forcing me to open them and look into his sneering face.*

“Open your eyes wife, you’re being ungrateful. I brought you a gift. This creature here is for you to feed from … I know you’re hungry. Not sure how I feel about this. But you need this or you’re going to die.” *Then he took out the knife and took no effort to cut open his clothing exposing his throat and chest.

I tried to fight the bloodlust but my fangs had their own thoughts and descended. The male stopped struggling and looked up at me.*

“You better bite and drink, woman. I went through a lot a trouble getting a fresh one for you. One way or another he’s going to bleed so either by your hand or mine.” *David seethed.*

I’m sorry. *I whispered hoping to buy some time but in the next moment I felt another slap yanking my upper body and felt a hard tug on my hair as it kept me from falling.*

“Don’t apologize to that. You worry about me only got it?! Tell me you love me.” *He insisted. I felt such anger in that moment. Never.*

“Tell me you love me.” *He demanded. I knew my eyes flashed and I hated my fangs. In that moment, I knew his excitement grew as I felt his body vibrate. He began to pant like he was poised for sex. Primed ready to fight me … this is what he wanted from me. He explained that his former girlfriend wasn’t strong enough and couldn’t last long before passing out.”

I. Despise. You. *I replied dropped in disdain. I braced myself for another hit as his eyes narrowed and his arm pulled back.*

Zsadist: Slowly, I pushed open the door and scanned the room to the bed. There was a Minnie Mouse night light turned on near the bed which shed just enough light for me to see that Bella had joined Nalla tonight. I walked over to the bed and sat on the edge, looking at the two most important people in my life. I don’t know what I would ever do without them. I leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to Nalla’s forehead.

One of these days, and soon, I was going to have a little more time to spend with them both. For now, it was all about getting the training program to run smooth. I hated that it was but, it was part of the sacrifice of being a Brother. There was a big picture, a greater good, and most of the time, it had nothing to do with our own personal lives.

As I peered down on my two sleeping angels, I almost didn’t want to wake Bella up. She looked so peaceful, and happy sleeping next to our young. But, I knew she would never be comfortable for a whole night, sleeping in the twin bed with Nalla. For a few hours, while she waited for me to finish up down in the training center was one thing but, for a whole night? Not Bella. She needed our California King to stretch out her legs.

I lightly brushed the back of my hand along her cheek and she got this angry look on her features that I passed off as annoyance at my trying to wake her up. But, when I rested my hand on her shoulder and she instinctively pulled away with a slight whimper, I knew something wasn’t right. “Bella.” I whispered lightly as I tried to nudge her awake.

Bella: *Just as I almost felt David’s fist in my face I suddenly was woken by the gentle nudge from Z. I opened my eyes to see the beautiful citron yellow eyes narrowed on my face.*

Z? *I whispered. I could feel my my heart beating a mile a minute but the small, relaxing snore of Nalla in my ears began to relax the tension I still felt from my nightmare. I could feel Z’s cool hands gently wiping away the sweat from my brow as he cupped my face. Concern etched his face clearly as he began to scoop me up into his arms and lift me from Nalla’s small bed. He didn’t say a word but I could feel his heart beating underneath my palm that rested against his chest as I relaxed into his powerful hold. I instantly felt safer. Calmer.

He has always made me feel safer. His protection was absolute … I knew that. Why I’m having these nightmares was a mystery to me. I’ve been having these nightmares lately, more and more as Z had been preoccupied with training, rotations and the #AudienceHouse. I knew the separation was just temporary … that this war was most important and the work Wrath was pioneering with the civilians. I’ve been keeping myself busy with #SafePlace and helping Beth with various tasks so having time with Z has been scarce. Perhaps I needed to speak with Mary.*

Zsadist: While Bella started to come to, my eyes narrowed as I wondered where this nightmare had come from. She hadn’t had one in ages and I couldn’t imagine what had suddenly set this one off. I leaned down and gently collected her in my arms. She immediately snuggled into my body as I carried her off to our mated bed.

Placing her down onto the bed, I wasn’t sure now was the time to discuss her dream, considering it was the middle of the day but, I wasn’t sure if I would sleep well knowing Bella was so unsettled. So, as I slid in beside her, wrapping one arm around her and pulling her close, I couldn’t help but ask, “Want to talk about it?”

I didn’t want to pressure. Yet, at the same time, I knew this would nag on my thoughts. I hated to see Bella agitated in any way, especially in her sleep. She was my world, and if she was disturbed by something, it was on me to take care of it. I needed her to feel safe. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do for either of my Nallas, and I needed her to know that, conscious or not.

Bella: *Lying in our mated bed with my hellren this close to me, smelling his scent with every breath calmed me like nothing else. Feeling his strong arms around and feeling his heartbeat against my ear was a balm to my tormented mind.

This past year has been difficult with Z being occupied with all he’s responsible for that my dreams seem inconsequential in comparison. While he was out there defending the race and The King … I was at home with Nalla and helping with LW while working at #SafePlace and I didn’t want to add a concern to Zsadist’s already growing plate.*

It was just a weird dream, nothing. I’m glad you’re home. *I replied and hoped that would relieve him of any worry. I tilted my head up, found his lips and kissed him and hopefully convinced him.*

Zsadist: As much as I loved having my shellan’s lips pressed firmly against mine, the kiss did nothing to sway my belief that the dream Bella had had was much more than “just a weird dream.” I pulled back, cupping her face in my hands, “Nalla, we put all that pretense bullshit behind us, a long time ago. If you don’t want to talk about it tonight, that’s good with me. But, I know when you’re having a nightmare, and talk about it now, or talk about it later, I do want to talk about it.”

I was hoping to come across firm but, not an asshole. Most of my life I had spent being a grade-A asshole to one person or another. Bella has been the exception. Of course, it hadn’t started out that way but, once I got past my own crap, she became my rock. Fuck, who am I kidding? She had been my rock even before I came around. Point is, I still didn’t care much about who got the shit end of the stick when it came to me being an asshole… except when it came to Bella. I hated when I lashed out at her. It didn’t happen very often but, after years of being one way, things just sometimes came out a bit on the dickish side. She was usually pretty good about it. She knew just how to handle me when it happened. But, I still always tried to keep myself in check. This was one of those moments where I was hoping I hadn’t come across as a total douche.

Bella: *Damn ... my hellren knew me so well, as I looked into his citron eyes as I placed my hands over his on my face as I tried to draw strength from him.* Having you here has made me feel better already baby. It's nothing of consequence. *I could see the slight frown on his brow as he thought about my words. Over the years, Zsadist has been growing in leaps and bounds in regards to empathy and I knew he was making an effort to be more in tune with me.

In that moment, I knew I couldn’t love this male any more than I already did. It meant so much knowing the years of hard work for us to get to this moment. Lots of pain and tears but it was all worth it for this moment where a male was truly concerned for me that I almost told him about my dreams. But I also knew how much pressure he was dealing with and the dangerous world he went into each and every night and that the more issues that could distract him could be deadly.*

We can talk about it later, Z. I appreciate your concern, truly. *I replied and finally saw some of the tension leave Z’s body as held me close in a hug. I laid my head on her chest and focused on his heartbeat and breathing in his bonding scent.

Zsadist: Nothing of consequence, my ass. I was sure Bella could read the disbelief in my eyes but, I had told her that if she didn’t want to talk about it tonight, that was all good, and it was. However, I didn’t want her to think that I was going to forget about it. If it caused this much distress to my female, that wasn’t going to happen. I was definitely going to be bringing it up at a later time.

*My hand unsteadily reached for the soap on the wall of the makeshift shower. I was cold even though the water was scalding hot … there was no shower curtain.*

“Wife, stop hiding yourself.” *I flinched at the command. The lesser David had demanded I shower to clean myself of the dirt from our previous struggle at my cottage and being passed out in the underground pipe. Really it was ridiculous … all the stories I grew up listening to … just hypothesized that civilians were being tortured for information about the Brotherhood. Not that anyone had survived to confirm. Then to have to undress with no doors, no shower curtain was intolerable but to wash myself and touch where he directed was … terrorizing. There was nothing I could do as he held a huge blade, a 9mm tucked down the back of his jeans as he stood there watching me.

I was facing away from the opening, trying to shield my modesty as best I could, trying not to drop the soap due to my trembling hands. I smelled the lavender from the soap he provided but it did nothing to cover the disgustingly sweet scent of baby powder. After years of hearing the warnings about the smell, it was more distinct than I had expected. Sickly. And suddenly getting stronger …

I turned and yelp as David was suddenly closer by stepping into the shower with me … my back hit the shower wall, cracking the tile from the force. The same broken tile cut into my back as I pushed myself against, it trying to avoid his body.*

Fuck! *I cried out as he suddenly grabbed my chin in order to look at him and as I pulled my face, resisting it, I felt the impact of his slap, tasting blood on my lip. I savagely fought against him as his grip tightened on me but I was slipping due to the wetness of the shower, my feet could not find purchase, falling on the floor … then I felt the rain from the shower tapping against my face. Tap, tap … tap, tap … tap, tap …*

*Opening my eyes, I instantly feel cold and damp. It’s so dark I could barely see in front of me. My head was pounding in pain and my knees were stinging like little ants from no circulation … I try to stretch out and massage my legs but my elbow and arms hit bumpy walls. What the hell? I felt around the small space and as the panic set into the recesses of my soul, a voice rang out.* “Wake up, wife.”

*David? What the fuck? How did this happen? How was he alive and how was I captured once again? This is impossible. I shook my head back and forth only making the pain worse as I tried to remember the last thing I could. I remember having a quick bite to eat in a small late night diner alone after leaving #SafePlace and nothing else. How long have I been out? Dearest Scribe…

I finally recognized the harness around my chest as I suddenly felt a pull move me. Damn … he built another persuasion center with underground pipes? Vishous had torched the previous location. But as I was pulled forward and up … I knew it was the same. Fuck, fuck, fuck … this could not be happening. My arms and legs bumped roughly against the walls, my body banging against the metal as I was lifted up and out.

The light was bright as my eyes adjusted and I try to open them fully to take in my surroundings as my body was pulled roughly from the harness contraption. Dearest Scribe, this cannot be happening. I stabbed him myself back to the Omega but as my eyes finally adjusted and I saw the slayer, white as chalk but with streaky brown dyed hair and the smell of baby powder … David. I could feel the bile run up my throat and unfortunately I could not hold my reflexes as I leaned over and expelled my stomach contents. As soon as I finished, I felt the hard slap against my face, flinging my head back and the blood trickled from my lip as he wiped it from my chin.

“Tsk, tsk, wife. You make it seem you are not happy to see me? I put in a lot of … ‘work’ … to get back into the Omega’s good graces so he could reincarnate me. I spent the last few years searching for you while doing his bidding. You have no idea how many vampires it took to get information about your whereabouts and that asshole that stole you from me in the first place. Now you are all dirty.” He grinned evilly as he began releasing me from the constraints. “It’s time for a shower.”

Dear Virgin in the Fade! Not again. No not again. I felt groggy and disoriented and finally realized he’d drugged me again; I could barely stand on my feet. I felt petrified as I did all those years ago. As all those weeks of my capture, of feeling hopeless resurfaced, the psychosis that took hold of my soul. All the time he hit and slapped me, made me bathe in front of him and talk to him all the while his eyes roamed over me revoltingly. It was all coming back after burying itself in the back of my mind.

“Take your clothes off, wife. Now.”

*I shook my head violently, I can’t do this again, not again. I felt another hit to my face as he struck me, which caused me to fall back into the shower wall, breaking the tiles. I held my hand up, covering my face as he punched me in the stomach.*

“I /said/ take off your clothes wife. I have absolutely no issue with punishing you as I did before. Actually, I think I’d like to see my name again.”

*I felt him drag me by the upper arm across the floor as I struggled to get free, but my body was not obeying me, barely responding. My fear causing my voice to be nonexistent as I try hard to tap down my hysteria so I could stay calm, so I could find a way out. But the trepidation was sky rocketing as I felt my back hit the metal table as he strapped me down and started cutting my clothes. I struggled helplessly while feeling the metal cutting into my skin, now slick with my blood.

“This time … I have since learned about salt …” He turned with a huge knife and my terror took over and I screamed.

Bella: *After a night of laughter and fun, we all headed to bed once the sun rose and the shutters came down for the morning. I skyped with Z and worried less when he was well and I could see no signs of injury. Though the Brothers did make an art of hiding said injuries from their shellans. The all black they insist on always wearing, helps camouflage the blood as well. I try not to worry but after a few close calls over the years, my fears still manifest themselves to the detriment of my peace of mind.

I have always known that I was mated to a warrior and he promised he would always be careful. I shuddered as I remembered the last narrow escape from danger where @Qhuinn_BDBFM miraculously landed an old airplane in the front of the manse. I swear it took a few years from me as I waited in front of @CorruptSoulless, practically removing him myself so I could see my hellren. I shook my head as I also remembered those few moments when I realized why I had to wait. #Fritz and the doggen spent almost 6 months rebuilding the front lawn and the surrounding areas. He had been on Cloud 9. I chuckled to myself.

I was looking forward to coming home to him and seeing for myself his good health. The sun would be coming down in an hour or so. I was ready to go. I started packing my belongings into my case wondering if the others were awake and getting ready for first meal.* @MaryLuce_BDB

Mary: *I stretched out on the bed and patted the place next to me in habit, finding the place cold and empty, missing my always warm and huge mate. I smiled as I wondered how he has been sleeping these last two nights. We haven't been apart for this amount of time since we were mated. I remembered his facial expression when I told him what Beth had in mind for us. It was priceless and hysterical all the same. Like a kicked puppy. I even remember seeing a flash of white as the dragon put in his two cents.

I knew the sun would soon be setting and would not be at all surprised if the Brothers just dematerialized at the door instead of waiting for us to arrive back at the manse. It made me smile though at his eagerness to be with me, after all these years. As I learned more and more about vampires, it amazed me still … that the males mated for life. It was rare for a male to stray once they found their bonded mate.

I quickly got dressed and packed my duffle and went to go look for the other girls.* @QueenBeth_BDBFM

Beth:   *The luxurious cabin was quiet as I sat on the couch in the lounge, waiting for the sun to set.  My bags were packed and I was all set to get home, back to Wrath and L.W.  I knew I would miss them, but I had no idea I’d miss them this much.  Even with the phone calls and video calls in between, I still felt a little hollow inside.  Like an important part of me was missing.  And it was.  

The week with the girls had been so much fun, and I got the giggles every time the memory of Pru opening that case came to mind.  That was gonna be a fun story to tell Wrath, and the others.  I made a mental note to send Pru a gift to thank her for the lovely evening, and maybe set up some pay back of my own for V.  

Beth:   *I stretched and yawned as the shutters lifted, welcoming the moonlight in.  I’d slept most part of the day away after enjoying the sunrise with Mary.  I pushed the duvet off my body and swung my legs over the edge of the bed, still stretching.  My phone vibrated on the bedside table, demanding my attention.  Taking a quick glance at it and seeing the arrival confirmation from Pru, I smiled and jumped to my feet.  She came highly recommended after I spent a few days hounding everyone for the contact of a good massage therapist.  I wasn’t expecting V to know much about massage therapists, but he assured me she was the best.  I made quick work of showering and getting dressed, pulling my hair into a half pony before rushing out the room.  Bella and Mary were still finishing up when I heard the knock on the door.  Making my way to the front door, I passed an impressive spread of meats, potatoes, veggies and other dishes.  The doggen had been hard at work while we slept and the food looked delicious.  I grabbed a piece of roast lamb and was still chewing the last bit as I opened the door.  My breath caught and, thanks to the piece of my meat in my mouth, I half choked.  The woman was a red haired beauty.  Truly stunning.  My eyes drifted from head to toe, taking in her outfit which seemed very “risky” if that was the right word.  She exhumed confidence and sex appeal.  She was very comfortable in her own skin, but there was something else about her I couldn’t quite place.  Shaking my head and clearing my throat, I swallowed down the piece of meat and smiled.*  Hello, I’m Beth and you must be Pru? It’s a pleasure to meet you.  Please, come inside. @_ComeOutToPlay_

Pru:  ~ I had been hired out to a few parties over the months since my store had been opened. Small gathers of females of the race, interested in what my store stocked or the services or lessons I provided, but not wanting to be seen in my place of business. I couldn't blame them really, sexual exploration was completely taboo among the majority of the race, and female independence had been stifled for generations. Little by little I was hoping that I at least helped change that. When I received a message from Vishous basically hiring out to a weekend with the Queen and other mates of the warriors, I was nothing short of shocked. I may only be a lowly civilian, but when the royal family calls, you answer.

That's how I found myself away from Caldwell out in the middle of nowhere. Parking out front of the expansive cabin, I willed my nervously speeding pulse to calm as I pulled a couple of bags and another large suitcase from my car. I had no idea what these females expected of me so I'd planned for several different scenarios. Pulling my facade of confidence around me, I trekked to the door, straighten my spine before rapping my knuckles on the door. Smiling as an elegantly gorgeous brunette answered, I bowed my head.~ It's an honor to be of service to you this evening, your majesty. ~Nodding, I stepped inside, lugging my baggage with me through the entryway.~ Where would you like me to set up? @BellaRAhgony

Bella: *I felt great after a good morning’s sleep. I smirked as I remembered how it began. Skype is quite a technological advancement that has been introduced over the last decade. Of course it was convenient when you had @VishousBDB_ and Phury investing in technology and all sorts of other advancements in medicine, precious metals, oil, gas, etc.

I could already hear Beth’s automatic response when people try the royalty title on her, “Please just call me Beth” as I stepped onto the the first floor from upstairs. As I enter into the study, I find that a female of the race is standing with Beth with a few suitcases and folding table and I wonder what was going on.

She was a beautiful redhead who seemed who seemed a tad bit nervous once Beth left to the room to check on something. I walked up to the female to introduce myself.* Hi, I'm Bella. It's nice to meet you. Are you hungry? There's always tons of food. *I shook her hand and made a plate of food and poured some wine from the awaiting chilled bottle the doggen had prepared.* @MaryLuce_BDB

Mary: *I stretched out on the bed after hanging up with #Rhage and smiles as I remembered his good evening greeting. I loved hearing the low rumble of his purr. I never thought about having this life, much less with a male like #Rhage and family like Beth, Bella and the others. I was alone for so long, not knowing what I was missing.

I changed out of #Rhages many t-shirts that he insisted I wear to bed this weekend so I will always smell of him. I didn't mind. I loved the masculine dark spices, his bonding scent, when I took a deep breath. I put on a polo and some jeans and headed downstairs for First Meal and to see what the other girls were up to.

I reached the parlor and found Beth, Bella and a another female. I stopped by the food table and picked up a croissant and some meats and cheeses.* Hey ladies, I'm Mary. *I stuck out my hand to the new comer.* @QueenBeth_BDBFM

Beth:   *The evening started off well.  Pru settled in with us in the lounge, drinking wine and eating the the dessert treats the doggen laid out after the food was served.  The sound of classical music played softly in the background and the doggen retired, leaving us girls with enough food and beverages to last a month, even though they’d be back in a few hours.

I smiled and opened another wine bottle, holding up for Pru*  Would you like another refill before we get the “show on the road”?  *I was already relaxed but a massage would be a welcome treat right now and I was sure Bella and Mary would want to have their massages, too.  For a second I wondered where Pru would be doing the massages, since I didn’t see a massage table, but she could have a fold up table in her suitcases.* @_ComeOutToPlay_

Pru:  ~After introductions were made, and the females invited me to join them for first meal and wine, I was more at ease with giving my presentation. Shaking my head to decline another glass of wine, I smiled pushing to my platform stilettoed heels.~ Alright, ladies. You may be curious as to what exactly I have in store for you tonight, but I can assure you, you won't be disappointed. ~Moving to the cases where I'd set them up on a long table, I flipped the clasps on each, opening them to display the toys, tools and products set in red velvet for presentation.~ Now don't be afraid, I'll walk you through everything and answer any questions you have. By the time you return home, I guarantee you'll be able to make your already spicy bedroom lives even spicier. ~Grinning with a flash of fangs, I tossed an exaggerated wink to the females before me.~ Your bonded males won't know what hit em. Now. Who's the first volunteer? ~Smirking, I lifted a sculpted brow in anticipation.~ @BellaRAhgony

Bella: *I sit back on a chaise lounge and enjoy First Meal of delicious croissants and cheese and meat platter, a UK continental breakfast but there was also other options of fruits, muffins and other pastries. Nalla loves to eat all these sweet pastries and always ‘puppy eyes’ her papa into feeding her more sweets than absolutely necessary. But I can’t help but smile about how much she has Z wrapped around her little finger.

I was sipping on a white wine sangria cocktail when Pru revealed a case full of sex toys … that I spit out my drink in shock and I looked back and forth between Beth and Mary to see their expressions. Granted, I am not a prude … not after all I’ve done in my mated chambers … but to encounter this experience with the Queen was /definitely/ not what I was expecting on a relaxing girls trip. The absurdity of it all was just too much that I could not stifle my amusement and without warning … I just bust out laughing.* @MaryLuce_BDB

Mary: *I was just wondering what #Rhage was eating for First Meal. I sometimes cooked him meals, much to the #Fritz’s vexation. I chuckle at all the times he catches me and has to let me cook. I love cooking for my man and he always enjoys my meals with gusto with his impeccable table manners. I reminisce about that first date at T.G.I.Friday’s like it was yesterday. When #Rhage first walked into the restaurant, it was just ‘Holy … Wow’. He had introduced himself as Hal, part of Hal E. Wood, in reality the Brotherhood’s nickname for him, Hollywood. Like the movie star he is. I shake my head at that slight subterfuge.

But those memories swiftly go out of my mine as I watch Pru open one of her any suitcases that she had the doggen bring into the cabin. Adult sex toys?! Oh my … I could actually feel my eyes bug out of my head and the warmth of my cheeks turning red with mortification. I could not believe at what I was looking at. I partly covered my eyes but still peeking through my fingers as I bent my arms to my sides but as soon as Bella goes into fits of laughter. I could not help but join in and doubled over in giggles. Then as I watch Bella cautiously approach one of the suitcases and picks up an object that looks sorta like a bullet with wires to some kind of electronic device. It only made me laugh harder imagining #Rhage’s reaction if I tried to bring that home.* @QueenBeth_BDBFM

Beth:   *I was sipping on another chilled glass of white wine when Pru opened her case to reveal a variety of sex toys.  OMG … I choked on the wine.  This is not what I ordered.  It took me a few seconds of mind scrambling to try and figure out what the hell was going on.  Damnit … @VishousBDB_ … He must be laughing his ass off back at the mansion.  Shaking my head as Mary and Bella start laughing, I hold up a hand to stop Bella as she takes a closer look.* Wait ...

*Looking at Pru, I offer my warmest apologetic smile, not wanting her to feel like she’s done anything wrong.*  I’m sorry, I think there’s been a misunderstanding.  I was under the impression that you did adult pamper parties, such as massages etc.  *As I said the words, I felt the blood rush to my cheeks, and shook my head again.*  I mean, like aroma therapy massages, not the other types of massages.  *I watched Bella’s mouth make a silent “O” as she stepped back and sat down, then saw how Pru’s face turned paler by the second.  

Oh shit ... No, I didn't want her to feel like she’s disappointed me in any way.  She seemed like a really nice person.  Letting out a soft chuckle, I stood up and walked over to the sex toys.*  But since you’re here and this is what you’ve brought with, we will be delighted to learn more about … ermm … *I held up something that looked like it could be used to keep tablecloths clamped down if it was slightly heavier.*  Whatever this is.  *The atmosphere relaxed again and I laughed as Bella let out a breath I’m sure she didn’t know she was holding.  Mary had been more relaxed but that had more to do with being human oppose to Bella who grew up with strict Glymera traditions and knew what the penalty was for insulting or displeasing the first family. *  But first … I think we need more wine. @_ComeOutToPlay_

Pru:   ~Freezing in place when the realization hits that these females were not at all expecting what I had to offer, the six chambered organ in my chest sped. Dragging a petite fang over my bottom lip as I took in their reactions, the words of the queen over the raucous laughter of the other two doing little to placate my embarrassment. I was going to beat @VishousBDB_ next time he stepped shit kicker into my shop.

Doing my best to regain my composure, I blew out a breath before flashing a sheepish grin.~ Well then … I don't think awkward quite cuts it, does it? ~Laughing nervous I tucked an errant crimson wave behind my ear, my other hand gesturing toward one of the cases.~ We'll start out slowly. If massage, giving or receiving is of interest, I offer several di types of oils and lotions designed to relax or stimulate depending on your tastes. ~Lips twitching, I grabbed one of my favorite oils, flipping open the lid before passing it around.~ This one smells and tastes like chocolate. It's a best seller. It also comes in berry and mint if you're looking for a little extra tingle. ~With that, I was off and running, falling into my usual spiel as I took the time to talk about several items in turn.~ @BellaRAhgony

Bella: *After my fit of laughter, I wipe my tears as I try to recompose myself. We all listen as Pru introduce us to a new world of toys, lubricants, oils, lotions, enhancements … all kinds of different paraphernalia I have never heard of or have seen. I couldn’t tell you how many times I could feel my face turn red with sheepishness. I was raised by my over conservative Fallen Chosen whose name held prestige among the Glymera and an overprotective brother who struck fear with not just his name, but what I learned recently, but also his mind. I was well protected and sheltered. This was a learning experience I never thought I would have. It was an eye opener.

I had perhaps way too many salacious thoughts about how Z would react if I bought certain things to our mated bed. I could only smile as I picked out a few trinkets I thought he’d enjoy. Just imagining his physical responses … these moments would have to be when Nalla was staying over at #Phury and #Cormia’s. I doubt we’d leave our suite for hours. Not that I'd ever complain. Ever.

I also, picked out some very titillating lingerie pieces that might get my hellren home faster if I text him a few sexy selfies with me modeling some corsets, garters and my favorite #Louboutins. I knew I had to remember to grab a business card from Pru before she left today. I grabbed some more fruit and munched as Beth and Mary made purchases and asked various questions. @MaryLuce_BDB

Mary: *When I laugh /hard/ I start to giggle snort and that's what exactly happened the moment Beth picked up a dildo. I was in a fit of laughter until my sides split. I /never/ imagined a queen picking up such an object. But then again, Beth was human once and she really is like everyone else … she just has a cool title. Still …

I never imagined that I would have loved long enough to experience a party such as this one and I thanked the Scribe Virgin everyday. I still wondered what exactly Vishous mentioned the last time he spoke of his mahmen and him and Payne’s feelings regarding her. But I will still be forever eternally grateful for my basically my second chance at life. Actually third, if you consider beating cancer that first time.

Remember that second time of being diagnosed has bittersweet memories. Yet now when I think back … I think of #Rhage and his unfaltering stance on being there for me. The females told me once what happened to him when he thought the Scribe Virgin kept their bargain to let me live.

Which can is why I live to make him happy aways … so I picked a few toys that I bought he’d love and a few that were just for him to laugh. Cause really, we didn’t need any of them, but he would laugh hysterically at some of the risqué underwear I picked out that exaggerate the male sexual organ with basically sock puppets!* @QueenBeth_BDBFM

Beth:   *Everyone was relaxed and seemed to be enjoying the little “show”, which was what I was hoping for.  Most of the toys Pru showed us was a no no for me, purely because Wrath was all the male I’d ever need and he didn’t need any help in that department.  The lingerie drew my attention and I inspected them with curious desire. Hmmm … I held up a black lace number. This could work …. Smiling at Pru, I picked up a few other lingerie items and gave Pru my size for the order.

Looking good for Wrath, even though he wouldn’t mind either way, was always a plus on my list.  I filled the glasses and discarded the empty bottle before grabbing another bottle from the fridge.  The last hour, after all the orders were given, was spent giggling like school girls.  Everytime I pictured Wrath with some of the toys, I burst out laughing.  Once Pru had packed up all her toys, we said our farewells and settled back on the comfy couches.  It was evident that the evening had taken it’s toll on us as we all started yawning one by one.  I was sure we were all tired from all the laughter and excitement.*  It’s time for me to turn in for the day … It’s been a busy evening. *I laughed as said the last part and got up, hugging both Bella and Mary before heading to my room for some much needed rest.* @_ComeOutToPlay_

Beth: *Butterflies were doing crazy tumbles in my stomach as I finished up the last bit of packing.  I grabbed my bag and rushed off to Wrath’s study to see both males in my life. L.W. spent most of his time with his father these days, learning and soaking up everything Wrath was teaching him.  Maybe it wasn’t good that I was this excited about going away for a week, but everything had been so stressed around the mansion, I needed this.  Wrath needed a break too, but that was another argument I’d given up on, for now.   I tried to reign in my excitement as I entered the study and made quick work of saying my farewells.  

I was going to miss him but I was hoping that the break would do us both good.  I almost ran over one of the doggen as I bolted down the hallway and down the stairs.  Bella and Mary were already waiting and from the looks of it, they were equally excited about this trip.  The foyer was filled with excited giggles as we walked out to meet Fritz by the car.  It had been an uphill battle to get all the males to agree to this, but we won the argument in the end and even though I started having doubts about our safety concerns, this felt like the right thing to do.  Glancing over my shoulder at the Brothers in the Hummer, I waved and dropped into the back seat, shifting up to make room for Bella and Mary.  Z, Rhage and Qhuinn were following us to the cabin and they would be checking in on us each night to ensure we were alright.  

I had a feeling Z and Rhage would be checking in more often than once, since they had been really on edge about this trip.  Luckily for me, Wrath has been pre-occupied with royal duties and a ton of other issues. I smiled at Mary and Bella as the car started pulling away.*  This is gonna be fun! @BellaRAhgony

Bella: *I could feel the anxiety in waves coming from @ScarredNLethal, but the security plan the Brothers had in place was ironclad. Plus we were using one of my brother’s cabins at the Great Camp. @SinsSecondComin’s security was as tight as V’s, especially since some of the Chosen had moved to Otherside away from the Sanctuary. This idea was great for all the shellans. We all needed a break from the chaos that was the mansion. But we understood the over protectiveness. Since Layla’s kidnapping … everyone had been on high alert.

It also seemed that the incident may have triggered something in Z. He had a nightmare the other night. His squeezing the life out of me awakened me to his sudden panic. I remember waking up to a freezing cold room, which I knew had nothing to do with the thermostat, and just held him tight to me as he breathed in my scent. He had stripped off all the sheets so we were skin to skin and just took slow steady breaths … as if re-memorizing my scent would free him of his night terrors. I hoped that this would be a one off … perhaps I should speak with Mary to seed they have had any sessions recently.

The only reason we were about to drive away from the manse now was only due to the compromise we were able to negotiate was to use Rehv’s Great Camp. Otherwise, I think the Beth would have wanted to go with her first plan … Hawaii or some other tropical paradise she had tried to scheme.* Yes!! I'm so excited to do this. I've never really been on vacation before … not really. @MaryLuce_BDB

Mary: *I watched as #Rhage checked for the hundredth time that we packed all our cords for our cell phones to make sure he could call or FaceTime me whenever he wanted. He had been calling and visiting Vishous regularly to check on the new security and protocols they had installed and strategized concerning Rehv’s cabin.

He was nervous. I hadn't seen him like this since the night long ago when we were suppose have dinner at Excel. The night my whole life changed. He was suppose to have erased my memories of the entire Brotherhood, everything concerning #JohnMatthew. Instead, we were ambushed by creatures in which I learned later were Lessers after #Rhage returned my memories of that night.

I remembered feeling so violated at the ease of which he could erase and give back my memories. But that pales in comparison once I learned he was a vampire and all the other history that came from the folklore of his vampire race. Since that time, I have learned so many things and met so many people. Symphaths, Angels and Shadows. Everything mythical that I learned to be skeptical about were in the end … true to life.

I kissed my hellren and slide in next to Bella and Beth as #Fritz drove the Mercedes out the main gates.* It's been forever since I've been on a vacation. It was back when my mom was alive. So I definitely could use some R & R. @QueenBeth_BDBFM

Beth:  *The drive to the mountains didn’t take too long, mainly due to all the small talk between us females.  When we arrived, we had to wait for the Brothers to clear the area.  We didn’t mind, since the champagne wasn’t finished, and it would be a shame to leave the bottle half empty.  Fritz had a snack spread and bubbly basket made up for us to enjoy on our road trip and I had no doubt the doggen would have made sure there was enough food and refreshments in the cabin to feed an army.  I smiled and thanked Fritz for everything and stepped out of the car.  This would be the first time I’m here without Wrath.  This cabin held many amazing memories for us both, but lately we couldn’t find the time for our regular break aways.  Hopefully things will settle down soon, but the chances of that was slim.  Very slim.  

I waited for Fritz to finish taking our luggage to our rooms, and for the couples to say their goodbyes, suddenly missing Wrath.  Stepping into the cozy lounge, my eyes scanned the room and took in all the effort that was put in to make this a great week.  The fireplace was lit, the refreshments were chilled and ready to be served.  More food platters were laid out on the coffee table and the fruit design looked absolutely devilishly irresistible.  Grabbing a plate, I dished up some strawberries and peaches among other pieces of fruit and dipped some in the chocolate sauce.*  Hmmm *The only thing better than this would be Wrath feeding it to me.

I watched as Bella and Mary walked in and laughed softly at the look on their faces.* Yep, we won’t be going hungry, that’s for sure.  *I took a seat on the couch closest to the fire and tucked my feet under me.  My mind travelled back in time for a few seconds.  As a child I was moved from foster home to foster home and eventually ended up in an orphanage, never expecting to ever have anything to call family.  I couldn’t in my wildest dreams have imagined I would have a massive family to call my own one day.  The amazing people I shared my home and life with were a god send.  I was truly the luckiest woman on this earth and I made a point of never forgetting to count my blessings.  Taking things for granted wasn’t in my nature, but sometimes it was easy to get caught up in all the issues and forget what it all meant.  That’s why these breaks were so important to me.  It gave me time to reflect and see the world from a different angle.  The sound of soft laughter shook me from my reverie, and I caught myself staring into the soft dancing flames.*  Sorry, I drifted away for a bit there. *Laughter filled the room and a feeling of complete ease washed over me.*  

“I was gonna suggest we have a mini make over night tonight, but all this food and champagne has made me lazy.  I’m opting for pajamas and a night of relaxing on the couch with, wine, good food and good conversation.  What say you?” @BellaRAhgony

Bella: *After reassuring Z that I would call if anything was wrong, even the slightest thing … I watched as his eyes went from the beautiful canary yellow to black as he said goodbye and dematted back to the manse. Though I'm pretty sure he and Rhage probably hung around a little bit before going out on rotation for the night.

I kinda felt bad about the lessers who were out and about this night … or this weekend. Though over the years, he has definitely become more easy going. I had a gut feeling Z was reverting back to his scary legendary persona he was known for as part of the Brotherhood. His ruthlessness and his skills were unprecedented. He sometimes gets into these dark moods and it's usually when we are fighting or he’s worried about something. So when he was not happy, get the hell out of his way. Thank the Scribe, this mood has lessened over the years as we have been mated and Nalla’s birth.

I knew he would be fine. He probably would call me when he needed to hear my voice. I may have to call him just as often as well. I sighed and realized Beth spoke to us.*

Yes! Definitely. Let's just relax and chill. I'm good with that. *I collapsed on a chaise lounge and stretched out.* @MaryLuce_BDB

Mary: *I finally was able to breath once Rhage stopped squeezing me in his huge bear hugs … which always make me smile, than I promised him to call before turning towards the cabin. But as I walked up to the door, suddenly I was grabbed behind by Rhage as lifts me up easily to turn me and pulls me into one more kiss. I groan as he really deepens the kiss and I can hear him start to purr. I push him back just slightly and laugh breathlessly.* Rhage, don’t start now … we can’t finish and the girls are waiting for me. *I smirk as he pouts and kisses my forehead and walks me to the door.

I enter the cabin and I’m amazed at the interior. My thoughts of a cabin were what you see in movies, a wooden framework with minimal luxuries like water and electricity, with hopes of heat provided by at least a fire. But this … was NOT a normal cabin … at least not by typical standards. Apparently, it was only called a cabin because it was a structure in the middle of the woods. Otherwise, this was opulence. It had all the amenities similar to the manse. I should have known better, I laugh to myself … Rehv dressed in bespoke suits and a designer wardrobe so of course any property he owned would be just as amazing.

I immediately took off my shoes and my feet fall deeply into the plush carpet and go to the bar area where iced tea and some appetizers have been provided. Listening to Beth and Bella, I pour some glasses of iced tea.* Yes, let’s just relax and veg out. @QueenBeth_BDBFM

Beth:   *The evening proved to be exactly what I’d hoped it to be.  Bella, Mary and myself laughed and talked until the early hours of the morning.  We had so much to talk about, so much to catch up on.  We lived in the same house, but we didn’t see much of each other apart from main meal sittings, and then everyone was chatting over everyone at the same time.  This was relaxed and for the first time in a long time I felt that I was there for the ladies of the house.  Listening as they spoke, and reading between the lines.  

We all missed our males already, but at the same time we were enjoying this down time too much to change anything.  The doggen arrived and cleaned up an hour before dawn broke and us girls went to our rooms and unpacked our bags.  I stayed in the main bedroom Wrath and I always stayed in. The view was amazing and as I finished unpacking, the shutters went down.  Damn … I wanted to watch the dawn break.  I fiddled with the mechanism, trying to get it to open, but to no avail.  Throwing my hands up in defeat, I turned and made my way to the lounge.  With Wrath not here it was the perfect opportunity to enjoy the sunrise without giving him a heart attack.  I opened the door and shouted over my shoulder*  Bella, Mary! I’m outside if anyone is looking for me!  *Bella wouldn’t be able to join me, but Mary might feel the need to enjoy the sunrise as well.  

Taking a deep breath, I place my hands in my back pockets and walked to the edge of the stairs, lifting my face to the sky to catch the first beams of sunrays as they peaked over the hills in the distance.* @BellaRAhgony

Bella: *The night ended up being an amazing time for the three of us to catch up. We spent the whole night in stitches, laughing at all the antics the others may have missed in the huge manse that we live in. Beth was normally busy assisting Wrath with royal business. Mary was always at #SafePlace helping #Marissa with counseling for the females and any children. I helped out when I can while still taking care of #Nalla and helping out with the household and doggen.

It was a very relaxing day and not have to play a role of mahmen for a weekend. I loved just to be myself for a little while and enjoy the freedom of having a vacation. I said goodbye to the females and headed to the room I’d chosen and Skyped with @ScarredNLethal and #Nalla. When their faces showed up on the screen, I immediately felt a pang of longing and reached out and touched the screen. #Nalla was already asleep in her crib so I spent the early morning speaking with my Z. It was nice to see that he missed me as well when I hear the low, masculine growls I could hear from his side of the screen along with hearing his low sexual commands as we experimented for the first time with Skype …* [Parental Advisory: The following has been edited due to Explicit Sexual Content.] @MaryLuce_BDB

Mary: *After a few hours of good food and alcohol, I was feeling good. I needed this vacation so badly that I didn’t even know it until these last few hours and feeling the pressure lift from my shoulders. The many nights at #SafePlace was taking a toll on my soul. I /loved/ my job … don’t get me wrong but the pressure was brutal. #Marissa and I have been working so hard to get #SafePlace to be a functional system that it is today. All the females are coming into their own with the classes we were offering and the children were much happier and becoming less shy. I was so proud of what all we have accomplished and never knew how much of myself I was putting out there until this moment.

After a some time unpacking in our individual rooms, I hear Beth in the hallway expressing her need to see the sunset. I knew @FatherofWrath would have had a kitten at knowing she was out in the sunlight. But I knew it would be fine. The queen was a halfling, half human and half vampire so she was able to stand sunlight, so in reality it was not necessarily a dangerous thing …  but she was our queen afterall. So, unbeknownst to Beth, I sent a quick text to #Xhex who could dematerialized during the daylight hours and could also kill anything threatening within moments and could stay hidden.

Zsadist: *The male had been brought in and already trouble had started. Wasn’t my biz. Until the kid went through his transition that same night. Talk about a clusterfuck of proportions. He was lucky Wrath didn’t kill him after he was caught chewing on the Chosen’s neck and trying to get inside her or that mine twin didn’t render him a eunuch on the spot for the transgression. Biology is one thing, having your cake and eating it too is another.

Butch was in charge of handing out trainee assignments. The newb got the luck of the draw. Me. I waited until the kid was settled in his room and had #Fritz get him a set of workout clothes and escort him to the gym. XXXL scrubs weren’t going to cut it for more than sleeping in. And if the kid was anything like the rest of us, he wouldn’t be using them to sleep in. Changing into a set of workout shorts and a black muscle shirt I started with the heavy bag, working a rhythm of punches, ducks and dodges and roundhouse bootlicks until the kid showed.* @FearToPhear

Devlin: *As I sat alone in my room, my room that was simply made mine by allocation alone. There was nothing of me in here. simply a bed, stark white walls and an empty wardrobe, the knock on the door had stolen me from my melancholy of self loathing and despair for what I had done, nearly done and become. My dark eyes had lifted to the closed door slowly and I considered ignoring it and to remain in my festering dark mood but it didn’t take a genius to work out I was in enough shit already and I couldn’t very well hide from them.

I dropped two heavy boots from the bed to the floor with a thump and carefully eased my new frame up to stand. I felt clumsy and awkward and if my thirst didn’t drive me crazy first it’d be my raging all new sexual frustration.

I glowered at the wood of the door as a second knock came and I flexed my fingers, I really wasn’t in the mood for any more revelations right now.

I swung it open with far more force than necessary and winced as it nearly fell off it’s hinges in my hand. The old guy Fritz was stood there appearing eager and helpful as he looked over my new form. He simply handed over what looked like grey sweat pants a black t shirt and sneakers and said he would wait for me to change and then escort me to the gym. Without a word I closed the door with him still hovering there and stripped out of the scrubs which the way I felt right then may as well have been an orange jump suit and got ready. the last thing I felt like doing right now was running nowhere on a treadmill and I already had guns and abs I’d spent at least the last ten years dreaming of. Where had they been when I’d spent most of my high school with my head being flushed down a toilet?

I opened the door again to find Fritz stood in the exact same spot, with the exact same patient expression on his face and I dutifully followed him, keeping my eyes low and thankful that we didn’t see anyone else until we walked into a large room with a guy pulverizing a punch bag with a vengeance and I wondered dully if I was about to be next. @ScarredNLethal

Zsadist: *I’d heard the door open mid kick to the bag and unsheathed the knife hidden at the small of my back, turned with fangs bared and lunged forward, driving the dagger deep. The slice down the center of the bag split it wide open as I spun around flung the dagger at the wall, burying the black blade to the hilt. The newly transitioned male looked like he’d been through the ringer and then some, uncomfortable in his own skin draped over a body that wasn’t anything like it had been 48 hours ago. Qhuin, Blaylock and John Mathew all had the same appearance after each of theirs.* Thanks #Fritz. *Nodding to the old doggen, who eyed the placement of my dagger in the wall with a hunger to be of use for something else to fix before he bowed and “Yes sire’d” me, I turned my eyes to the male.* How you feelin’ kid? *Being all touchy-feely was not up my alley, but since Bella.. I’d been trying not to be too hard-assed on everyone that breathed. Fucking Mistress.* @FearToPhear

Devlin:*struggling to pull my eyes off the buried dagger I drag my eyes to meet his as he spoke to me* Absolutely terrible. *my new voice croaked and I considered confessing I was longing for death but something about this guy told me he’d be more than capable of facilitating my request* @ScarredNLethal

Zsadist: Yeah? Well guess what kid. *Hell, the way he was standing there -almost- had me changing my mind about this. Almost.* It gets better. *Walking over and pulling the blade free, I slid it home into the sheath at my back and turned back to the male, arms crossing over my chest.* Tonight is going to be about learning to use that body of yours. I’m betting you feel like road kill that’s been put back together in a different skin. And your hormones are raging so bad you feel like you need to fuck anything with a hole. Am I close? *It was a tough time for a male, but he’d made it through the hardest part. Now he just needed to gain control of himself. Under Wrath’s order, the kid was go out and have his plumbing worked on by an expert. I was elected to babysit.* @FearToPhear

Devlin: *Fists a hand in my hair, pushing it out of my face, embarrassed by how accurate your assessment was of my sexual appetite right, yet a little comforted to know I wasn’t entirely the freak I thought I was. I stared at you and then the punch bag.* Bingo, but … learn to use it to do what exactly? @ScarredNLethal

Zsadist: *Without words and a quick smooth move I pulled the dagger from its place at my back and spun it to my palm, the same one I’d buried in the wall moments ago was suddenly flung with deadly accuracy into a stationary sparring dummy, pinning it between where the eyes would have been had it been alive.* Kill lessers. Among other things. *The kid had no clue about our world having been raised by humans. Finds out he’s not what he thought. That he’s got a set of choppers sharper than the best Guinsus, has to drink the blood of females. And then to be told that he was going to be killing our enemy. Oh, but first we need to get his balls to turn a different color other than blue so he can actually think straight. Yup. Right up my motherfucking daycare alley. This was going to be a fun rite of passage.* Right now you have more strength than you can safely handle and if you don’t learn to control it now you will inadvertently hurt someone. On top of being raised by humans, you have little knowledge of this new world you’ve been tossed into let alone the dangers you could have faced alone before your transition. If you’d have not found us when you did, you would have died.

*Walking over and yanking the black blade free and once more sliding it home, I gave the kid the look a teacher would give a student with shit tons of potential backed by serious doubt and mistrust in himself. And others.*

The program is designed to test you mentally as well as physically and psychologically. Tomorrow will be soon enough to start the physical training. There will also be classroom work, and we’ll hit the shooting range. The Brothers and I will rotate around so you’ll get a chance to work with everyone. *Stalking closer, I set a hand on the kid’s shoulder and locked my citrine eyes on Devlin’s so he knew what I was saying was truth.* Any time you have a question or problem you come to me. Anything at all, you come to me. It’s a hell of a lot to take in all at once, a lot to learn and it’ll go fast. I got your back son, we take care of our own. @FearToPhear

Devlin: *I watch as you walk around me, mesmerised by your striking eyes as I try not to stare at your scar. My mind reeling at how that could have happened. I glance at the tattoo running round your throat before my wide eyes flick back to yours.* But, what am I learning to do? @ScarredNLethal

Zsadist: *I’d seen those looks before, the curious ones that always focus on my scars, my tattoos. The scary things that brought me to be the male I’d become. Or was. I was a work in progress and always would be. Centuries of being tortured and used could not be undone so quickly. To get the rest of the surprises out of the way, I reached over my head and pulled the muscle shirt off over my head and walked to the mini fridge for a bottle of water, letting Devlin catch sight of those scars too.* Our race has enemies. Lots of them. *Taking the top off the bottle and downing half, I looked at the kid.* Lessers. Humans that were inducted by the Omega to try and kill us off. Our job is to keep our kind safe. To send each one of those dead fucks back to Dhund. Or as humans call it, hell. @FearToPhear

Devlin: *swallowing hard as I see the new scars unveiled to me, I listen to all you have to tell me with disbelief* ‘Our’ job? *I shake my head* I have a job I have an internship at NRC in Manhattan, I have a degree in sociology. I can’t… fight. I’ve never even punched anyone. *creases my troubled brow as I think of all the times I’d been punched* @ScarredNLethal

Zsadist: *Yeah, those scars always were more of a shock. I set the bottle down and put my shirt back on.* Yes. Our job. And your human one has ended. Wrath and Beth will make sure that your human existence is erased seamlessly. @FearToPhear

Devlin: *I just stare and blink, taken back by how matter of fact you had just ended the last part of my life as I knew it. No discussion, no compromise. Just cold hard fact. I look around me, needing to sit despite my new strength. coming up blank on the chair front I slide my back down the wall until my ass hits the floor hard.* Well… Shit. @ScarredNLethal

Zsadist: *Yep. Hell of a wake up call. I don’t know what the fuck possesses a male to impregnate a female and leave the young to be raised by humans. First our Queen Beth, then John Matthew. Cop was jump started so he doesn’t count. And now this kid.* Our world runs by sink or swim. *Dropping to a squat to keep just above eye level with the kid, I had a feeling he was going to be a hell of a fighter. If he could manage to accept things as they are.* And you’ve been dropped into the deep end without any warning and you survived it. Many males don’t survive their transitions. @FearToPhear

Devlin: *the whispered mutter wasn’t meant for your ears as I stared at my over sized hands as I toyed with my new fingers* Beginning to wish I hadn’t… *I flipped my eyes back up to his, already seeing past the scars and knowing I’d soon be blind to them. This guy was someone I instinctively knew I could trust. I forced my new voice a little louder* It sure felt like death. And to make it worse I hurt the girl that helped me to live. @ScarredNLethal

Zsadist: *The temperature in the room dropped at the kid’s words. Biological reaction to the thought that a female of worth had been injured. Fangs lengthening, I backed away from Devlin before I went ape-shit on the kid. It wasn’t his fault; feeding, especially immediate post trans was always a dangerous time. #Phury had taken care of the Chosen and she hadn’t seen any real harm, but the kid was going to be a serious handful. Drawing deep breaths, I could smell the male’s fear of seeing me get upset and that would do little to help him accept things. Running a hand over my shorn head, I turned back around when I knew I’d be cool.* Not your fault kid. It happens, and if Wrath hadn’t been there, it would have been more serious. *More than likely, another Chosen should have been there to help since Devlin had been raised by humans and had no idea what he was in for.* And she’s fine. Phury saw to it she was well cared for and has healed without scarring. You’ll need to get your feeding and sexual urges under control. Once you manage that, everything will fall into place and be easier. @FearToPhear

Devlin: *I watch you and somehow know you’re angry from more than just sight, I sit quietly as you appear to pull yourself together as my self loathing grows greater still as you tried to reassure me. On your final words I fist my hands in my hair tightly and cradled my bowed head, as that was where my ultimate conflict lay. I had no mental or emotional desire to want to try either of those things ever again yet my body craved it like a crackhead longed for his next hit.* And… *I cleared my throat as my voice broke within my throat* And how do you suggest I do that without…hurting anyone else? @ScarredNLethal

Zsadist: *This kid was definitely going to be a challenge. Far more than #JM had been.* You’ll just need to relax. For the feeding, you just let the Chosen do her job. Thank her when you’re done feeding. *this kid was going to fight everything that was thrown at him. Reading him was like an open book. Skepticism had his grid locked tight. He wasn’t sure of himself, didn’t believe what was right in front of him. Part of me felt for the male. I’d gone through similar lifetimes ago on a not so different scale.* As for the fucking? You have to learn self control. You have to put trust in yourself. Feel your instincts and work with them, not against them. *Giving a slight jerk of my head, I took up my bottle of water and finished it, tossing the empty into the recycle.* Come on. We’re gonna take a walk, and I’ll tell you some things you’ll need to know. *Those late night-before the dawn walks with John Mathew did us both good back then, even though they were born of silence. This kid needed to know what he was in for and the walk sure wasn’t going to hurt this newly transitioned male; in fact, it would help him with his coordination.* @FearToPhear

Devlin: *Pushing myself up off the floor, still having to look up slightly to meet your eyes* You mean, I’m allowed out? *follows you as you stride out of the door into the maze of hallway, eager to know everything.* @ScarrredNLethal

Zsadist:  *The night air was enough to make a male appreciate all he had been given. I have  Brothers who watch my back, and I theirs. A beautiful shellan who, that for the life the Scribe Virgin gave me knows why, is beyond anyone I could have ever asked for before I even knew she was what I needed. We’d both been through similar trauma, just the thought of what that motherfucking lesser had done to her made my fangs punch low, hands crank to fists tight enough to break my own bones before I was able to take a deep breath and will it away. It was over; I made sure of it when I’d gone Hannibal Lecter all over his nasty baby powder granny-smelling ass. I’d brought @BellaRAhgony home that night; she literally walked in and stole my heart. Took it with her when she left, and brought back with her so much more when she returned. #Nalla. Mine blooded daughter. My chest swelled with pride and protectiveness over my females. The light from the manse had the ground glowing giving an appearance of a castle floating on a cloud. Not that anyone from the human world would see it. V’s mhis was verily impenetrable by sight alone and anyone coming close didn’t like the perception they received and never came close enough to cause problems. For me to have a night off of rotation was a rarity, but necessary. Stopping at the first door I looked up into the camera, the lock clicking open as I pushed into the first series of security doors. Each one beyond opening just as quickly. Inside, the sounds of the doggen starting the night’s work for Last Meal were muted and I paid them no mind, heading for the grand staircase. Taking the steps by twos, I bee-lined for mine and Bella’s room.* @BellaRAhgony

Bella: *I just finished putting #Nalla to bed, after giving her a bath and reading her a story. She loved having particular books read by certain people over and over again. I think it gave her comfort when someone she loved read her “their” book. I smiled as I remembered the first time I saw Z read to Nalla “Oh, The Places You’ll Go!” by Dr. Seuss. I smiled at the memory and another of our turning points in our lives together.

Walking back to the bedroom, thinking about how Z was much more involved with his brothers. No longer found in a dark corner eyeing everyone will eyes black as onyx. Now, he roughed housed and made more cracks at his brother’s expenses with smirks and often citron eyes. The changes I’ve seen have been remarkable. I was just removing my jeans and top to take a long needed shower, when the door of our bedroom was opened. I turned to see you walk in, eyeing me in my lingerie, wondering why you’re home so early.* Hey. @ScarredNLethal

Zsadist: *Opening the door to our mated room, the sight of my shellan in nothing but lace, her shiny mahogany hair left long and loose made my cock stand at attention and beg to be buried deep between her legs. Fangs punching down low and long, I couldn’t deny my hunger for my female on so many levels. Bella’s scent bloomed off her body in waves, hitting my own bonding scent to mix and fill the room. Stalking forward and growling, I pull her tightly against me, my body responding as my fangs throb.* Are you fond of this outfit? @BellaRAhgony

Bella: *My eye widen as I watch you prowl towards me. I feel your strong arms pull me close and I can feel your hardness on my stomach through your leathers. Your masculine scent combined with your bonding scent sends my senses into overdrive. Shaking my head slowly.* Not in the least. *I whisper.* @ScarredNLethal

Zsadist: Good.*Drawing strength from your boldness I take a step back, eyes roaming over your body, fangs punching dangerously lower as I strain for a hold on myself.* I don’t know if I can be as gentle as I need to be… *Willing the door closed and locked, I slid my fingers under the edge of your lacy bra and giving a sharp tug, snapping the flimsy threads to bare your firm, rounded breasts. Growling deeply, I ease the ripped bits off your shoulders and lean in to lap my tongue around a nipple as my fingers walk down your sides to catch the slip of string that made up your panty, ripping them as if they were paper mache.   @BellaRAhgony

Bella: *I start panting as I feel my clothes being ripped off of me. Shit … that’s really hot. I know I’m growing more damp on my inner thighs as you eye me naked … your citroen stare spreading a warmth throughout me making it flush pink.* @ScarredNLethal

Zsadist: *My mouth falls open because … fuck me … your scent as my cock thickens, twitching with need. I can /taste/ your arousal in the air mingling with my own spicy cent, the tiny frilly threads covering your body only accent what I need my mouth all over. Dropping to my knees, I lean in and catch the front of your bra with a fang and pull sharply, tearing the thing down the middle. Fuck the clasps.* @BellaRAhgony

Bella: *My eyes darken as I see you fall to your knees and cut through my bra. Hot. I try to stand still as you move your way down my body. Goosebumps forming at your presence. Skin warm and flush. Panties dampening.* Dearest Scribe … @ScarredNLethal

Zsadist: *Large hands palm your hips to steady you as my lips latch onto a perfectly pink tipped breast first one then the other, nuzzling and sucking while trying to keep from tossing you on the bed and mounting you like an animal. Straying a hand lower, dipping between your thighs and growls loudly as my fingers pass through your wet folds.* You’re so fucking wet. So perfect … @BellaRAhgony

Bella: *I feel your hands on me, giving me strength, as I feel my heart beating faster. Fuck, this is such a turn on. I gasp as I feel your lips on my nipple, the sucking is a direct line to my now throbbing clit. As you other hand finds my center, I moan loudly as you discover my wetness.* Zsadist … @ScarredNLethal

Zsadist: *Fuuuuckkkkk. That sweet, sweet noise from your lips almost had me cumming right there. On the verge. I could feel the tip of my cock dripping with need as I released your nipple with a soft sucking sound and lapped a trail lower with my tongue, pausing to glance up at you through hooded eyes, my voice thick and deep.* Better hold on baby. @BellaRAhgony

Bella: Oh my … *I whispered as I watch his mischievous smile as he lowered himself down my trembling body. I felt like I was about to combust. All I could do was watch and bite my lip to keep from demanding him to take me to bed …* @ScarredNLethal

Zsadist: *My lips dipped close, barely brushing over your flat belly, tongue darting out to lap lazy circles lower and lower not even stopping when I reach the top of your slit. Hands grip your hips firmly and pull you to my mouth as I french kiss your folds. Licking up and down, back up and down, your scent filling my brain with a delicious fuzzy demand.* You taste so fucking good mine nalla … I want to taste all of you. *Trapping your clit between my tongue and fangs, I suckled gently, intent on coaxing your orgasm into my mouth.* @BellaRAhgony

Bella: Ahhhhhh!! *I groaned as you kiss me lower and lower. Fuck!! I’m close to cumming. Your talented tongue is intoxicating to my senses … as you get closer and closer, I draw my hands down through your head trying to ground myself before I begin to fly … Then as you change from licking to kissing to … sucking … I have no choice but to obey your command and cum.* Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck! *I scream.* @ScarredNLethal

Zsadist: *Music to mine ears, fingers dig into your shaking hips as I keep up the assault, tongue back to licking and lapping for a few moments longer, drawing out your pleasure until I can stand it no more. Growling and lifting my mouth, I prowl back up your body with my mouth and fangs dragging up your porcelain skin, my cock thick and demanding between us. Arms circle around your small body and lift you against me, nuzzling that spot on the side of your neck where your pulse is strongest, my fangs throbbing with hunger. But no, I will wait, draw it out until I’m buried deep inside you and coated with another of your releases.* I need to be inside you nalla … *Carrying you to the bed and falling forward, caging your body under me, I plant my hips between yours, grinding teasingly, my cock sliding effortlessly through the soaked folds of your pussy as my mouth seeks out yours.* @BellaRAhgony

Bella: *My whole body is trembling from my glorious release. I can’t speak, I can only take breaths to try and gain back my equilibrium. But it proves unnecessary as you carry me to bed. My skin touching the cold sheets, a balm to my heated body. We kiss and I taste myself on your lips. So dirty, so fucking sexy. My tongue twirling with yours as my hips rub against yours seeking touch.* I need you baby … @ScarredNLethal

Zsadist: *Exploring your mouth will have to wait, your scent driving me overboard with your need, my need to see you through another until you’re fully sated. Sliding a hand down your hip and lifting your leg over mine and rocking my hips back just a little, the blunt swollen head of my cock pressing against your entrance as I lift my mouth from yours and look into your eyes as you beg.* Your wish is my command Bella … *Curling my arms under your shoulders and shifting back a little, I sink deep with a single hard thrust, pulling you onto my cock as I slip into your slick wet sheath, a feral growl roaring from my chest, my scent filling the room as a warning to others to keep away from MY female.* FUCK! @BellaRAhgony

Bella: *I moan as I feel you enter me. Your hard cock feels amazing as I adjust to your size. You’re so big … I feel your tip touch my womb … it’s so fucking deep. You feel amazing on top of me. As you slowly move in and out of my cunt. I can’t help my moan my appreciation of your body. Dragging my nails down your back to your ass. Urging you forward and back. Squeezing the muscles in your tight rear. I hear you growl and you expletive and it makes me more wet. I can feel how slick I am around your hard length. I love to hear a male lose himself. To tell me how he feels, how I make him feel … it’s such a turn on, dirty talk.* Z … I beg … fuck me … harder baby. Please … @ScarredNLethal

Zsadist: *Swiveling my hips in a rapid pace, sawing in and out, the bite of your nails down my back and ass only fuel me. Fuck me I’d wear those marks proudly. The thumping beat of your heart makes me salivate with another hunger, driving me with animalistic need, your pussy clamping down nearly busts my resolve as my balls tighten, threatening to unload my seed deep inside. The thrumming of your pulse calls me, begging as much as your command to make you cum again. Fangs dropping to lethal lengths, I drag sharp tips up the column of your throat to that sweet spot and nuzzle just long enough to tease.* @BellaRAhgony

Bella: *Your skillful moves reek havoc on my senses. I feel another build up to a blissful release. I move with you as you pound your cock into me over and over again. I turn my head to the side to let you feed. I need to feel your fangs inside me too as you fuck me, knowing it will prolong my release and maximize the pleasure you’re giving me.* @ScarredNLethal

Zsadist: *With a hard slam of my hips, my fangs pierce deep in your delicate flesh, your blood the sweetest nectar as it slides down my throat in ragged gulps. My hips pistoning, arching and bucking into yours, aching to get more of your nails and marks into my flesh bringing me close to the end. Not yet.. not until you’ve been sated. Sliding fingers between us and pulling my mouth away with a lapping nuzzle to seal the bite, I drop my forehead to yours and fall into your eyes, wanting your fangs as deep in my throat as my cock was buried in your sweet cunt.* Cum for me nalla … *Flicking my fore and middle fingers over your swollen nub, my rhythm didn’t falter as I worked to bring you to another release.* @BellaRAhgony

Bella: *I moan as I feel your fangs in my neck and the first pull is a direct line to my clit as if you were sucking it at the same time. It’s too much. Too much sensation. I’m so lost. And then your fingers touch me and your voice taunts me that I have no choice but to cum. I cum so hard I see stars and my nails dig into your tight ass. I scream. My orgasm is prolonged by your constant and rhythmic fucking then I roll surprisingly into another orgasm. Bliss is all I feel as I land back down into my body.* Damn … @ScarredNLethal

Zsadist: *Roaring out a growl at the way your muscles clamp around me as your come apart was my undoing. Your beautiful scream music to my ears as my rhythm fumbled, running from smooth and calculated to erratic and forceful as my cock pulses, spasming inside you, filling you with my seed, marking you inside and out with my scent. Slowing, but not withdrawing, only when I was certain you were replete, my lips find and nibble lightly at yours.* Mine … *Tucks you into my arms and falls to the side, blowing warm breaths contentedly at the base of your neck.* @BellaRAhgony

Bella: *I smiled as my body relaxed further from the number of releases his talented body coaxed from mine, I nodded slowly.* Yes baby, always and only yours. *I lean forward and press a kiss to his scar and then to his lips and snuggle closer to him and close my eyes.* @ScarredNLethal

Bella: *Awaits for my hellren @ScarredNLethal to return from rotation … to see his Valentine’s Day present.*

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Zsadist: *Long night. Fucking grateful that it was over and none were seriously injured this night. Except the lessers we sent back to the Omega. Going through the quiet manse, the frilly scents of sweets cloud the air as well as the bonding scents of males and their shellans, bringing on my own for @BellaRAhgony. Human holidays. I didn’t need a human holiday to show my feelings for my female. But the thought of my beautiful shellan naked under me … Tromping the grand staircase taking the steps by threes, I dematted on the second round of steps and reformed in front of our room and paused as a scent hit my nose.* Bella … *Breathing out her name, my body already primed, throwing off waves of bonding scent screaming for my female. MINE! Twisting the knob carefully lest I render the door useless, I stepped inside only to be assaulted with a stronger dose of @BellaRAhgony’s scent. Immediately zeroing in on my naked shellan, my fangs punched low, nearly ripping into my lips as I began ripping off the long coat filled with daggers, guns, throwing stars, pulling my shirt free and tossing it to who the fuck cares, ripping through the laces of my shitkickers and unbuckling my filthy leathers to drop them and kicked off– * My nalla… *Growling deeply, glowing yellow eyes followed every flow of lean muscle in @BellaRAhgony’s body as she lay there; her long perfectly formed legs, the twin swell of each rounded cheek of her ass, the sensual curve of her hip, the dip at her waist and the half hidden side view of her breast, the sleek and slender flesh of @BellaRAhgony’s neck to her plump lips begging for mine– All encumbrances freed, my cock flagging at attention hard and demanding, I needed to be inside my female NOW, marking, claiming, feeding. In a blink I’m beside the bed, my hand snaking lightly up @BellaRAhgony’s thigh, the look in her eyes as hungry as mine own. Willing the door closed to all eyes so none may witness our private time, I was wickedly satisfied I couldn’t plug their ears.*