Bella the Bohemian

i sat down about 30 minutes ago in the lobby of a very nice hotel, intending to do some writing. i have my laptop and my cellphone. as i settled, i checked some stuff on my phone, then turned to my laptop. because there aren’t many plugs, i’m sitting in a cluster of couches and instead of being by myself there’s an he’s an older gentleman across from me, polo shirt, salt and pepper hair. was very polite when i asked if he minded if i tucked myself in the corner of the couch

but apparently

apparently

he thinks computers are full of satan or something

because no sooner have i opened up goddamn word when he goes, “you kids and your electronics.”

ah, excellent, unsolicited conversation with a perfect stranger that comes with a critique of modern communication. fight me, bro, you got no idea who you’re tangling with. so naturally i push up my metaphorical sleeves (metaphorical because i’m in a goddamn resort and pavement is melting; i’m wearing a very nice goddamn dress and i’d look like a fucking soccer mom named helen if i had blonde hair) and very politely, i smash his face into the floor with “i’m sorry?” in an utterly flabbergasted tone because dude wtf and no one delivers slick put downs when they’re caught off guard

“i’m here reading my newspaper and after this my wife and i are going on a hike” (lol good luck with that dude the pavement is melting and you want to hike in the mountains) “and we’re going to interact with each other.” he gives my computer a v pointed look

naturally, i have the perfect response to this. it is pithy and eloquent and will surely put him in his place: “i… like to write, and it’s easier on a laptop?”

“it seems to me” (HERE WE GO) “that your generation” (OH GOOD) “is losing the ability to interact with other people.” (O OK) “my grandchildren never take their eyes off their cellphones anymore!” 

and here he pauses and looks at me. as if he expects me to agree. 

so i say “you were born in the 50s, right?” he says he was born in 59. “well, it seems to me that your generation is really fond of adultery, embezzlement, and corporate fraud, among other things, and i’m really enjoying paying for your retirement.”

i admit: i had this line canned after a little snarl i had with my mom the other night.

he stares at me. i stare back. 

“you also realize,” i say, quickly typing socrates kids these days quote into google, “that people have been saying kids these days since socrates said, and i quote, children now love luxury. they have bad manners. contempt for authority. they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise.” i look up at him. he’s staring at me still.

i’m shaking because man fuck confrontation but also how hilarious is this because i literally had a fight with my mom about this twelve hours ago. i literally have a cranky tweet about it. “so it seems to me that making sweeping generalizations about people based on pretty arbitrary age groupings is kind of ridiculous since i’m pretty sure you’re not cheating on your wife or stealing from your company.”

he goes beat red because now i’m embarrassed him, and i feel really fucking bad because i didn’t mean to embarrass him, but also hey dude fuck you

SO OF COURSE he says “did your parents teach you any manners?”

and there goes the last of my embarrassment because hey fuck you dude the only person who can insult my parents is fucking me. and i say, without even thinking because this is when you have the snappiest rejoinders, “well they did teach me not to open unsolicited conversation with a stranger by insulting them so.”

at this point the dude’s wife shows up and they leave, and the waiter asks me if i want anything to drink and i’m like “yes please give me all your vodka” but instead i say “ice water” because the pavement is melting and if i puke from nerves after that, i don’t want to snort alcohol out my nose

queer policemen and fbi agents walking hand in hand with their partners and spouses. 

a cute girl running out of the parade to give @stormsdameron her number

cops openly embracing people in the street

a man who had been attending LA pride since 1976. he shook my hand and said “when I first came to pride back then there were 25 people here. look at us now.”

elderly queer people blowing kisses from a float. holding hands. 

a woman approaching us and saying “you are so beautiful, all of you, take care of each other”

elementary school trans-children in gender ambiguous clothes. smiling and laughing. blowing bubbles. 

when an anti-lgbt church began protesting and walking along side the parade with a loudspeaker, the entire brigade of Dykes on Bikes revved their motor cycles to drown out the hate speech. no one could hear them

a man who gave us all a handful of condoms and said “take care of each other. be strong. your voices are so important”

women holding hands with other women. men holding hands with other men. 

trans-women and trans-men laughing and dancing. 

danny devito in a rainbow shirt pointing and waving at us

mac from It’s Always Sunny wearing a shirt that says “You Can Pee Next to Me”

dozens of last minute signs and tributes to orlando. outcries of “we love you orlando” 

confetti. dancing in the streets. 

people supporting each other in every aspect. high fives. hugs. kisses on cheeks. affirmations. 

so many affirmations. 

words of kindness.

you are beautiful.

you are loved.

you are important.

stay strong. 

i love your shirt. 

i love your lipstick. 

stay strong. 

take care of each other. 

stay strong

stay strong