What is, "La Doleour Exquise." ?
(French) - the exquisite pain of wanting someone that you know you can never have, and knowing that you will still try to be with them.
(from: urbandictionary.com)
It's weird that I have stumbled upon this phrase a few months ago as I face the tragedy of my reality. Enduring the agony of a normal human who does not exist in my universe's world. It says that this phrase has no exact meaning and that this is the most specific definition it could have.
But I'm not here to discuss how ridiculous this phrase is, I'm here to say that it's something real.
Have you ever woken up and the thought rushes you immediately. Answering the questions to why this morning you've got your eye lids heavy and your throat is sore. Then the next morning you find yourself in the same pitiful situation you can't get out of and the also the next morning and in the following weeks. That's all because of just one thought;
He could never ever be yours.
There has to be a possible explanation.
we couldn't be together because:
If we do, another planet will crash onto our planet earth which will lead to an apocalypse...?
Is that too much? Okay maybe,
We're secretly cousins from a long genealogy and that's why destiny keeps us apart.
Our parents were high school rivals...?
A top secret agency is spying on both of us if we'll ever come across each other and keeping us apart to save... humankind..?
I am aware that I sound absolutely ridiculous.
It's not the right time yet and it will happen at the most perfect timing destiny could ever create.
I know, I sound foolish. Don't get me wrong, I am aware of the fact that I have absolutely no chance with this guy. Presenting to him my existence is a rare chance, like the slightest chance of winning a hundred billion dollars on a lottery or something similar.
But just like in the definition above (La Douleur Exquise), "You will still try to be with them." Even if I am completely aware of the fact that meeting him is a ridiculous wish, I only want the slightest opportunity.
If we get a picture together, it's okay if he forgets my face. If he states my name, it's okay if he mistakes me for another name. If I get to meet him one day, it's okay if he doesn't remember the next day.
I do not ask for much, I just want him to be aware of my existence. Just to let myself feel that I am already a grain of soil in my universe's earth. It's not just something I want, it's a fulfillment. Each day I live with the thought of it, I have to (keep on living.)
Not today, but maybe the next day.
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