Being His

Wash her hair for her

Pet her often

Brush her hair with detangler

Pick out cute clothes for her

PIck out her panties

Pull her into your lap

Let her suck on your fingers

Get her binky for her

Cuddle her

Wash her body gently

Fill her sippy

Make her giggle

Hold her hand

Hide her eyes when scary things are on

Choose her dinner

Drive her places

Go to the doctors with her (its scary sometimes)

Help her pick things out

Let her fall asleep on you

Let her help you with things

Tell her when she is good

Tell her if she makes you happy or proud

Help her when she is sick

Remind her to take medicine

Help her remember her nap time

^^ Especially if she is grumpy

Read to her

Tell her your favorite things

Tell her secrets

Teach her new things

Remember stuffy names

Remember her stuffy’s birthday

Remember her favorite of everything

Go to bed with her

Color with her

Check for monsters

Let her talk

Listen

Let her pick the movie

Let her teach you something

Pretend with her

Kiss her booboos

Give her a pretty bandaid

Let her share her candy (its an honor!)

Get her a surprise sometimes

Play outside together (especially on swings!)

Compliment her often

Do lots of arts and crafts

Footie pajamas

Onsies

Being allowed to cum

A pretty hula hoop

Pretty tights

Sparkle gel pens to write with

A new stuffy picked just for her

Pretty new panties

Bows!

Cute dresses

Getting a bedtime story

Getting an extra bedtime story

Bubble baths! (especially together)

Nighties to wear to bed (that Daddy later tears off)

Juice Boxes

Fun (and healthy) snacks

Pretty shoes

Cooking together

Going to see animals at the zoo!

Picnics in the sunshine

Take long walks with her

Extra warm snuggles (sometimes nakey!)

Getting her toes done

Painting her toes yourself

Compliments :3

Super pretty bedtime blankies to cuddle under (comforter)

Buying her naughty toys

Buy her a new kind of tea

A day out with real life little friends

Pillow pettttttttttttt or Squishable!

A tea party!

Plan a princess movie night together

Plan a game night

Make her cookies!

Make her hot cocoa with marshmallows

Getting to tease her Daddy

Trading massages

Spending a rainy day together

Chocolate milk

TAKE HER TO BUILD A BEAR

Make her cute Bento box lunches

Take her out to pet kittens

Playing in the snow together

Going on a road trip together

Discovering new places together

Take her geocaching

Showing her new places she has never seen before

Let her make sure you eat right and take your medicine

Build a blanket fort with her

Lots and lots of kisses followed by a “Good girl”

believe her if she says you are the best Daddy in the whole world.. She knows!

—

🍼•Pick out her favorite Disney movie to watch so she can stay in little space. 🍼•Call her by her little names. (Ex: princess, babygirl, kitten, etc.) 🍼•Give her a chore or a list of chores to do while you’re gone so she feels like she’s being a good little and useful. 🍼•Refer to yourself as daddy whenever texting or talking on the phone. 🍼•Send her pictures of yourself. We always love seeing our Daddies. 🍼•Buy her something while you’re out. Doesn’t have to be expensive, maybe a $1 toy. 🍼•Make sure she’s taking care of herself. Ask her if she’s brushed her teeth or taken a bath. 🍼•Reassure her that you still love her and that daddy is always here. Remind her that you’re busy. 🍼•Let her wear one your shirts or hoodies while you’re gone. We love wearing our Daddies clothes.

PUNISHMENT 101 - a gentlemans guide.

It’s a common misconception when people hear about or think about bdsm to chalk it up to abuse with whips and chains and degration where the submissive in the relationship is just some kind of doormat… and while those things certainly have their place in the Master/Slave dynamic, they are far from what the reality of the relationship is all about. 

 Most often, these views come as a result of what’s seen in the media and how it’s grossly misinterpreted when we see silly overblown pornography where the Dom is just mercilessly beating or flogging or unrealistically punishing his sub in some dank dark dungeon… If you think that’s what it’s about, then please stop reading, and leave tumblr now. 

 For those of you who actually have common sense… I present the side of the relationship that perhaps gets most blown out of proportion: punishment

 It’s an unfortunate thing for a daddy to have to punish their little, but if administered properly and with the right mindset… punishment can be a very fulfilling and intimate experience for everyone involved which can lead to a closer relationship and a better understanding of each other. 

 With these things in mind I will run you through the ins, outs and reasons how and why we punish. 

 UNDERSTANDING PUNISHMENT REQUIRES UNDERSTANDING THE OFFENSE 

Before you can even begin to think about administering a punishment, you need to consider the offense and why exactly it happened. Sometimes things are unavoidable… accidents… etc. and those things like anything else require a great amount of discretion. 

There’s a simple saying that I accompany with that thought: “A daddy’s hands are tools of discipline, and also instruments of mercy” 

 Simply put: a punishment isn’t always the best thing to do. 

Ask yourself a simple question: “why did this happen?” And then do some deep introspection about the issue. 

Did she stay up past bedtime? Well why? Was it because she was being defiant? That probably needs a punishment.

 Did her mother keep her too long on the phone? That probably needs some mercy.

 Was she being purposely bratty? That’s a whole different section which I will get to below. 

 Sometimes she can’t control or help what happens with a rule break. Sometimes she might have to work a double, or it’s finals, or the dog is sick, or the power went out, etc etc… use discretion, express mercy.

 DECIDING WHAT PUNISHMENT TO USE 

As with everything when it comes to your relationship, “proper preparation prevents poor performance”… and preparing things even before they have the chance to get to the point of punishment is a good practice to have. 

 When your relationship begins there are a few things that I recommend that you set in stone. The least of which should be some form of agreements/rules and such that you can follow throughout the relationship. Your little craves and requires structure from you which is why she chose you in the first place and decided that she wanted to give the beautiful gift of her submission to you. It’s the only way that she can hand over the control of power to you in order to give you that dominance that you feel you deserve to have over her.

 So give her that structure by putting rules down in writing on a physical piece of paper somewhere and not just floating out in the cosmos keeping her in a state of confusion all the time. Along with rules come consequences if those rules should be broken and that’s where punishments come in. 

But at the same time you should also have a list of limits and some kind of agreement as to how things will operate if this or that happens in the relationship. 

A good starter kit for a ddlg relationship at the least should have the following:  - rules list - Limits list - Punishments list 

 The limits list is simply something that she puts down in writing what she will and won’t do, what she does and doesn’t agree to, the things that are absolutely no go (hard limits) and some that may be a go in the future (soft limits). And it’s really the same with punishments. When it comes to punishments… especially those which require impact of some sort, some things can be quite traumatic and tricky… So the onus is on the both of you to be responsible enough to put punishments down that are both good and not good for the both of you to do. that way you can ensure that you don’t trigger something and do more traumatic, emotional, and mental damage. 

 So when you decide on the punishments that you’re going to employ at a later time, you should make sure that they are agreed-upon by both parties involved.

Also keep in mind that hard limits are non negotiable. period.

 THE PUNISHMENT SHOULD FIT THE OFFENSE 

 A lot of people believe that this lifestyle is all about abuse, impact, and spanking because of what they see in silly pornography and the media. But that’s not really anywhere close to being indicative of what it’s all about. In fact, as a general rule… I typically recommend that daddy’s and doms use spanking more of a last resort than a go to. 

I feel like it’s a rather lazy kind of punishment to do… And a lot of times it’s not a punishment at all because your submissive actually enjoys it and may end up acting out or breaking a rule just to get it. There are much more effective ways to send a message and teach your submissive a lesson at the same time, while also showing her that you care enough to put some actual thought and effort into what you’re doing. Which really in the long run probably will go a much longer way in showing her how much that you love her and actually think about her needs.

 - Do you have a no cursing rule? Then I suggest you keep a bar of soap handy for that punishment. (And save your asks and comments about the chemical dangers of using soap. You probably put worst things in your mouth… Like a McDonald’s cheeseburger.)

 - Have a little that likes to play without permission? A good half hour of edging followed with no orgasm is a pretty good thing to send a clear message. 

 - Have a little who doesn’t respect or obey her hygiene rules? Make her wear a dress in public with no panties on for a full day. 

 By now you should get the point… That the punishment should be related in someway to the offense. It causes your submissive to think about it more, and also allows you to show your creative side when administering a proper level of discipline to her. 

 IVE NEVER GIVEN A PUNISHMENT, ARE THERE GOOD STARTER ONES?

 The plight of every new daddy is not knowing what to do in the first place when it comes to such a touchy and sensitive subject. His first inclination may be to give a simple spanking or something in the form of what he’s used to seeing as a societal norm… But beyond those walls rests a plethora of enjoyable punishments that can be dealt out.

 Some good starter punishments include: 

 Lines - remember that opening scene in the Simpsons where Bart Simpson is writing the same sentence on a chalkboard over and over because he was put into detention? That’s what lines are. The number of lines that you make her write is really up to you and according to the severity of her offense. When she’s done writing them, make her not only present them but also fold them up and keep them with her then remind her often to check them and look at them as a reminder of not only her offense, but also what happens when she commits that offense. 

 Time out - Time out or corner time is also an effective way to punish, though only for in person relationships. You should never ever ever ever use timeout as a form of punishment in a long-distance relationship because that’s just as good as ignoring her. And ignoring her in a long distance relationship is exactly like abandoning her. 

 You wouldn’t lock a four-year-old in a cage and put them in the closet for a weekend would you? Then why would you do that to your little? 

Because telling her that you’re not going to message her or talk to her for a few days to give her time to think is exactly the same thing. And it’s incredibly terrible abuse. Don’t get me wrong though… Taking away Skype or FaceTime is certainly a viable punishment to use as a time out, but cutting all communications is certainly not. You are her biggest stuffie and she needs you because she has no one else. 

 Eating something she hates - I commonly use this punishment as a form of discipline for submissive‘s who have sassy mouth‘s, who like to curse, or who otherwise talk in ways that are unbecoming and so on. I also once had a submissive who enjoyed coffee drinks and energy drinks… And as a form of punishment she was only allowed to drink water for an entire week. 

 Does your submissive have a hot temper that gets her into trouble? Make her get naked and cover her an ice cold wet blanket and make her wear it for a few minutes. Cold showers with a time limit are also great, though with both keep medical consequence in mind.

  Other things could include early bedtime, denial of orgasms/playtime, denial of recreational activities, making her write a book report style report on the topic of whatever the offense was, posting about what she did publicly on her Tumblr, kneeling on dry rice, and really many more things that are creative if you simply put some thought into them. 

 ABSOLUTE NO ZONES FOR PUNISHMENT 

 What you should never ever ever do for punishment, as stated previously… Is ignore her when you are in a long-distance relationship. Or really any time.

Also a punishment should never put her in a situation of danger, embarrassment with her family or friends, or something that would jeopardize her schooling or career. 

 The Safe Word is never outlawed when it comes to punishment, but should also not be used to get out of the punishment. If you were in the middle of flogging her or otherwise doing something that could be perceived as traumatic and she uses her Safe Word you need to stop what you’re doing immediately and administer aftercare. Use common sense and discretion when you are punishing and don’t cross the line. 

 THE PURPOSEFUL RULE BREAKER 

 Another danger that you have to watch out for as a daddy is the overtly bratty little who purposely breaks your rules in order to get the punishments. If you perceive that this is happening stop and ask yourself: am I failing her in this relationship?

Because I’ll let you in on a little secret here… Sometimes your submissive/Little is going to purposely break the rule in order to get your attention. 

 Because even negative attention is still attention. Simply put… If you are dropping the ball, she’s going to start doing this in order to try and get you to wake up. Because you were either ignoring her, not giving her what she needs, not fulfilling her in someway… And she is taking it out on both herself and you by purposely acting out in order to get you to pay attention to her because it seems like that’s the only time that you’ll do it… outside of sex. 

 That’s why every time she breaks a rule you have to stop and take a moment to decipher why she did as I first mentioned.

 If you determine she’s done it on purpose then it calls for some time of examining your self to figure out where you are going wrong in the relationship and then correcting your own behavior before you correct her’s. I’m not saying that if you were 100% perfect and the relationship is going smashingly well that she still won’t purposely break a rule, I’m just saying that she’ll be a whole lot less apt to disobey you and try to get your attention if you’re doing what you’re supposed to be doing and you’re doing it well. 

 DOES SHE REALLY NEED TO BE PUNISHED/MY DADDY DOESNT PUNISH ME 

 There’s a term in life called living on the razors edge. And this is probably the definition of it in DD/lg. 

 A relationship of this style that involves TPE (total power exchange) or really any other form of dominance and submission that doesn’t also feature an element of discipline is going to end in chaos, failure, and absolute heart break.

 A portion of her structure comes from the fact of knowing that she’ll have consequences for her actions. just as well, A good portion of her personal development and evolutionary growth also comes from knowing that there are consequences for her actions. When you were a child you learn not to put your hand in the fire one of two ways… Either someone tells you not to do it and explains or shows you why, or you do it and you get burned. You learn that your action has a consequence and that ultimately ends up giving you respect for the fire. 

 Action begs for reaction. 

 A daddy who doesn’t discipline his little and doesn’t give her rules or punishments is like a man in a boat on the ocean with no oars. And sooner or later the crew is going to throw a mutiny because you’re not getting them anywhere. She looks to you as the pillar of stability in her life. You are the one she relies on to be her sun, moon, day, night and everything in between. She looks to you as a symbol of leadership and mentorship… And if you’re not providing that sense of discipline to her, then her structure has no foundation to stand on. She will eventually turn reckless and wild in a state of ultimate confusion and desperation… And your relationship will crash and burn into a piling heap of garbage. 

 Not giving her rules and certainly not giving her punishments shows her that you do not care about her. 

 We learn as we go, and as we go we grow. And without growth you are nothing but a withering vine dying on the sidewalk. 

 POST PUNISHMENT 

 Every punishment no matter how large or small should be followed up with a double amount of aftercare. It may seem paradoxical to be so harsh and then be so loving, but without proper after care you will lose her respect and lose her trust in you. She will only see you for an abuser and someone who has an incredible inferiority complex. 

Knowing that you love her by giving her the punishment and then solidifying that love even more with the aftercare will bring you together in a whole different state of intimacy than what you’ve ever experienced in your entire life. 

And the more that you do it… The more that you show her these two sides of yourself, the more that you break down those walls and show her exactly what a real man that you are. 

 Never ever ever skip after care for any reason whatsoever.

 I don’t care if you give her a slap on the wrist or you spank her 37 times with the strap… You give her aftercare… because she deserves it for enduring what you have put her through. 

Especially when it comes to impact play… Because that releases a lot of endorphins and chemicals in the body that can cause many things to happen. Without the proper follow-up of compassion, love and mercy… You will only breed a bitter and resentful little who will ultimately end up despising and hating you. 

 Taking all of these things into consideration will provide a healthy and successful relationship for you, as well as the structure that you both need for administering and receiving discipline. 

 Thank you for enjoying. Please feel free to re-blog this for anyone else that you feel may benefit from it.

For further education:

DD/lg Basics: AFTERCARE

How to find the perfect Daddy

DD/lg Basics: THE MAD DADDY

littles 101: Spotting a BAD DADDY

Tech for littles: THE BOOSTER BUDDY

 Although everyone into the BDSM scene has heard of endorphins, actually very, very few people really understand what they are, how they work, what the “high” is all about and how one can correctly induce the body to produce them. This short primer will answer those questions, and serve as a guide for anyone topping another so that they may successfully send their bottom into a very deep endorphin stupor! (Also known as leaving them in a big puddle of quivering ecstasy!)

The endorphin high is caused by a bunch of natural, morphine-like chemicals the body pumps into your brain to reduce your sensitivity to pain (thus raising your pain threshold.) The fact that the body seems to release these endorphins in measured ‘loads’ is a key to understanding how to ‘play’ the body to produce these ‘loads’ and ‘release’ them into the body and brain region when the ‘load’ is ready. One has to keep in mind that another chemical – adrenalin – is also produced by the body in reaction to pain, and its behavior should be understood also. This is covered later more thoroughly in the section at the end on aftercare – which is a VERY essential element in guaranteeing the success of the effort, as you will see.

The endorphin ‘loads’ as they are available in the body are released in their entirety, and after a ‘load’ is released, it takes the body about ten minutes to generate the chemicals for another one. After the body has been induced to release (or ‘inject’) a ‘load’ into the system, you must then continue stimulating the body for at least ten minutes in some manner before the body will be ready to release another one. This stimulation can be just about anything – sensation play, light paddling or flogging, light caning, etc. – and it does not have to be intense or even nearly match the intensity of stimulation that had caused the release of the last ‘load.’

Once prepared, an increase in stimulation over a five minute span up to a measured ‘climax’ will trigger the body to release the freshly prepared ‘load’ (based upon the submissive’s current pain threshold, “measured” to push them over a new edge.)

So, armed with this information, what does a session look like from the top’s and bottom’s point of view? This should break it down for you.

When a scene first starts, there are no endorphins in the submissive, and even fairly light torment is very stingy, ouchy, and, well, painful! There is an endorphin reserve already in place that is awaiting release into one’s body in case of an emergency, and after just a few minutes of even relatively mild stimulation building to a mild climax, this reserve ‘load’ is released, and suddenly the pain threshold clearly rises and the subject can easily tolerate what earlier may have been pushing their limits, making them jump around and squirm, for instance. This new, more pain tolerant state is Level One. There is no altered state of consciousness yet – but there is an increased pain threshold.

Once this has happened, for the top it’s basically just about treading water for ten minutes and doing anything that provides relatively light but constant stimulation to induce the bottom’s body to prepare/create their next 'load’ for release. This is a good time for sensation play, or light paddling, flogging or whipping – and since the only requirement is that it remain fairly constant stimulation, it is a chance for the top to relax for a bit, since the stimulation can be very mild and be easy and relaxing to apply during this time.

Once the ten minutes has passed, a build in intensity over a subsequent five minute period will excite the body to a peak, and a sudden 10–15 seconds or so of intense stimulation just beyond the person’s current pain threshold limit will trigger the body to eject its freshly made, current load into the bloodstream. Now the bottom will be at  Level Two – with still no perceivable altered state of consciousness (beyond panting in relief that you, the top, have ceased with the intense bit!), but there is a considerable  and noticeable leap in pain threshold now.

Following this, again, ten minutes of mild, easy stimulation to provoke the body into generating the next load as quickly as possible. Keep this well below the pain threshold you’ve now created, with just a little intense whack, etc. every so often, about a minute apart. This will keep the adrenalin build up to a minimum, for reasons explained later on. Take it easy, tops, relax, rest that arm and wrist a bit! Then, this relaxing ten minutes is followed with five minutes of building the intensity again to well above the previous level, as the bottom’s pain threshold is pretty high already now and they can take a lot more before the body interprets this as being 'in crisis’ and thus triggers the endorphins’ release. Finished off with 10–15 seconds (up to a minute) of a real intense, over the edge push, and the body will inject that next load.

Now at  Level Three, the bottom will definitely feel a little bit 'woozy’ — exhibiting a “mildly drugged” state. Their eyelids should become heavier seeming, and they will fall into a more relaxed condition than before, with more low moans and groans, and with their inhibitions becoming more relaxed. Again, applying ten minutes of any relatively mild stimulation (don’t have to work hard, tops!), followed by a five minute build to a 10–15 second intense climax now that is WELL beyond the previous one, will result in the next endorphin “load” being released to push the bottom into a very nice Level Four head space.

At this Level Four state, there will be a very definite altered state of consciousness in evidence, and the bottom will feel clearly drugged and will be very compliant and submissive now. This is countered, however, by the largest charges of adrenalin they have received so far (from the intense climax just used to push them over this “edge”), so they are still quite communicative and their reaction time is still quick (even hypersensitive – a small whack with a paddle, cane or whip can now generate a huge amount of twitching or jerking of the subject’s body with certain bottoms.) Now, during the ten minute 'treading water’ period for the top, the moans and groans will be longer and deeper, the body often limp in it’s restraints, and the reactions to the occasional harder 'strikes’ will be obvious and even somewhat amplified. This is the tops finest time – they can still relax and obviously not be exerting themselves very hard, yet produce fine moans of ecstasy from their bottom with hardly any provocation! The pain threshold is high, even if the reaction time is increased due to the adrenalin, so harder occasional strikes are welcomed, and the reactions are certainly encouraging!

After this ten minute “endorphin replenishment” period, now it is important to be very sensitive to the limit levels crossed earlier, as you begin that five minute build in intensity that will end in the most intense limit pushing you might do with the bottom for this session (if you are stopping at level five). The bottom will have a very high pain threshold at this time, but also will be fairly groggy (in spite of the adrenalin-fueled reaction times) and less able to communicate their safe word – in fact, will now be so compliant that it is very UNLIKELY that they would use it even if they should do so! So, push this “grand finale” with finesse and sensitivity to what is going on with your bottom! At the other end of the 10–30 second climactic build in intensity – in a wonderful blast – this latest endorphin load will push the bottom into Level Five: a state of supreme ecstasy, docility, and the ability to take just about anything you could throw at them. They will become very limp and relaxed very suddenly – and be very clearly in an altered state of consciousness now.

This is the point most people end the scene and remove the bottom to cloak them in a blanket and begin the all-important aftercare … and unless you know your bottom extremely well, this is where the session should end. However, for those in that category of knowing their bottom’s limits and abilities quite well, the rules and timing are the same as with the earlier segments. Now, your 'mild’ stimulation could be fairly intense if you wanted it to be, and the bottom will become extremely submissive – and receptive – and accepting of any amount of stimulation you could lay on them. This is a dangerous condition, because there is NO WAY a person will utter a safe word in this condition – they can barely talk at all! So, it is best to keep the stimulation relatively intense but not too too (Note: the stronger intensity applied now will hold up the adrenalin levels, and the combination with the elevated endorphins levels creates a condition of intense excitement and of simultaneously intense ecstatic relaxation for the bottom, so they’ll be into receiving whatever is being doled out. More on adrenalin in a minute, though!) Again, finish off after the ten minutes with a building in intensity to one beyond that reached earlier, with a 10–15 second extreme point, and the next 'load’ will be released. So, now we have brought the bottom to a very amazing  Level Six! (But, again, this should only be attempted with a bottom whose limits and abilities are already very well known! The top is working without the benefit of safe words being utterable, in most cases by this time, so care must be exercised this whole while.)

With all the adrenalin now in the body – as well as the complete release of inhibitions from the heavy dosing of endorphins now in their brain – behavior of the bottom can become unpredictable at this point, and you should be prepared to restrain against some wild thrashing and arm flailing that could take place (at least be out of harm’s way!) The person/bottom is going to be in such an intensely altered state of consciousness now that their reactions could possibly be of an extremely primitive nature, and they may be capable of only 'animal-like’ noises and reactions, and no or very little recognizable speech. So, watch out! Following this reasoning, approach the subject as you would a wild animal – very gently, talking soothingly and gesturing in a calming manner. Be prepared for sudden wild jerking, or seeming attempts to 'get away.’ And don’t take it personally! At Level Six, this person is totally ga-ga! Be assured, they are enjoying every millisecond of this experience! And a very long period of dreaminess is now in store for them – if their aftercare is handled properly!

So, why do I go on and on about the aftercare? The work of putting endorphins into the subject’s body is finished, right? Well, yes, but you have also succeeded in putting very, very large amounts of adrenalin into their system, and adrenalin is tricky stuff. Even at Level Four, aftercare is important now because of they way adrenalin burns off – it burns off very quickly – compared to endorphins, which burn off very slowly. At Level Five or Level Six, there is enough adrenalin in the body that it will take 10 to 20 minutes for it to burn off (even up to half an hour!), and during this time, the bottom very likely will experience a number of adrenalin 'crashes’ (similar in a way to coffee jags), and some of these can be very intense — and even quite frightening! They will need to be kept warm and be held and comforted AT LEAST throughout this period of adrenalin burn-off. My feeling is that if you don’t care enough for the bottom to enjoy cuddling and caressing with them for up to half an hour, you probably shouldn’t be taking them to any Level Six endorphin/adrenalin levels! (Or even perhaps to a Level Four!)

This adrenalin “crash” experience for the bottom is something many, many tops are unaware of, and they have no concept of the amount of harm they could be doing to someone’s psychological state by not performing adequate, loving, fondling and comforting aftercare during this time. All the bottom needs now is to be held and to hold you (or whoever you assign to perform aftercare) back – in order to be comforted by your presence, and to be allowed to make you become the entire focus of their awareness. No stroking, or massage, or other stimulus is needed or even desirable at this time. What is important is to keep in verbal contact with the bottom (not requiring words as responses, merely nods), instructing them every little while to relax. The adrenalin will have them in a very agitated state – high heart beat and breathing levels, etc. – and this situation is completely counter to the endorphin experience.Sure, they have a ton of endorphins in their system, but the adrenalin is presently holding them off from experiencing the full effect of them. The top’s guidance is extremely important at this time to help them relax through the adrenalin burn-off period.

The important thing to realize is that, if not actually 'talked down’ out of the adrenalin agitation, the person could easily never allow themselves to relax enough to even feel the massive content of endorphins that currently exist in their system! (Maybe you’ve all seen the bottom who, after 45 minutes to an hour of intense stimulation to the point of near-total collapse on the cross or bench, is released and – after a mere couple of minutes – is just mingling around and talking and mixing with people as if nothing ever happened. These people are floating on a self sustained adrenalin buzz. This not only is likely to be unhealthy, but these bottoms are cheating themselves out of a long, long stretch of total endorphin-induced ecstasy!)

Step-By-Step Aftercare Instructions

So, while gently holding the bottom and letting them hold you back, coo softly and comfort them, and tell them to go ahead and to let themselves relax. You will feel them do so as they comply to your wishes, as they are quite docile and compliant to receiving instructions at this point. But they will also slowly tense up again from the adrenalin. Keep reminding them to relax, telling them to give themselves permission to relax totally. As they begin to succeed at doing this after a while, some will encounter a frightening feeling, which some describe feeling as if 'falling off a cliff,’ and they will tense up a great deal from fright in that event. Or, they might encounter a feeling of intense 'blackness’ (as the endorphins get a chance to relax even their optic nerve) and they will freak out and pull back from relaxing again.

If they report such experiences (or even before they do) tell them not to fear that, but to let it go and pass through it – telling them to relax themselves through the sensation of falling or blackness with the understanding that this is quite normal and is a common experience. Once they do that, having learned to “relax through it”, they will be “in it” after that point, and will begin to relax very deeply, very often seeing colors and beautiful technicolor visions and dreamlike landscapes, spaces and places. How sweet!

Once this happens (which, again, will take at least 10 minutes — and up to a half hour for some, depending on the amount of adrenalin that they must burn off), then your bottom needs only a little more loving attention, and can then be left bundled in a blanket somewhere on their own to float in a happy bubble, very possibly for hours!

Tops should be mindful of the fact that if they had intended to have sexual play with their bottom, they should probably fit that in around level three or four, for after hitting level five, their bottom may be too floaty to be able to concentrate for long on what they are doing. Then again, that can sometimes result in extremely passionate and inhibition-free indulgence, resulting in heights of ecstasy and orgasm never before experienced. But, if your bottom drifts out on you or loses their erection, don’t say I didn’t warn you! There’s no telling which way they will go at level 5 or 6!

“Flying”

There is another factor that can produce an altered state of consciousness FAR FAR beyond even that of the most extreme endorphin experience. This is experienced by submissives whose intense focus upon their Master or Mistress (their Dominant) – and upon pleasing them – eventually leads to a hallucinogenic kind of altered state known commonly in the BDSM community as “flying,” having an almost mythological aura surrounding the word by now, though for very good reasons! It is probably the most profound experience one can have as a submissive. It involves a state of intense devotion towards the dominant (who is not just a mere “top” at this point!) that borders upon religious worship, with complete trust and a total commitment to please and satisfy them thoroughly. Through the attainment of a complete selflessness and focus on the dominant, a transformation takes place that is very, very deep, almost trance-like.It can become so profound as to produce an extended, hallucinogenic state that is very wonderful and blissful. Many have reported even seeing visions under the spell of this “flying” effect. All have attested to the profound sense of peace and bliss they have experienced while even near the “edge” of this state.

This “flying” state can be attained by some with very little endorphin content in their system (some say even with none, but I’m quite certain most folks have attained at least a level Three or Level Four endorphin high in order to trigger the total release of inhibitions which this psychological state seems to require, at least generally speaking.) With practice, the release into this “flying” submissive-space should come easier and easier, eventually with even a mere suggestion being able to trigger the effect for some with very little or even no endorphin content being in the picture. COMBINED with the level 5 or 6 endorphin head space, there likely can be no deeper state of ecstasy possible for the bottom — short of total enlightenment! Until such an experience of full enlightenment can be accomplished, perhaps the attainment of this interim bliss is quite acceptable, and certainly should be considered an attractive and enjoyable state to be in! The secret ingredients are intense focus; a commitment to please the dominant utterly; and complete and total devotion! These ingredients – with some endorphins in the mix – should produce a quite satisfying effect for both the submissive and the dominant!

Once you’ve got rules and routines (protocol) figured out, the hard part begins: how do you keep them on track and make it easy for her to follow and for you to enforce everything?  Fortunately, technology has provided us with some pretty handy ways to keep everything sorted - and there’s some low-tech methods we can use, too!

For lists, few apps can beat Google’s “Keep”.  Keep lets you create lists, share them with people, and update them in real time.  As you add things or cross them off, the other people can actually see it happen.  This is something that I’ve used in the past to keep track of rules and punishments and it is an invaluable tool!

For reminders for things like medications or other tasks that need to be completed on a daily basis, having a shared Google calendar can be a tremendous help.  You can create a task for a certain time, have it repeat, and everyone the calendar is shared with gets a notification.  If your dynamic has certain tasks that need to be done at a certain time, this is a fantastic way to keep up on those!

I thought I would update the list of BDSM links and resources I posted a while ago, as some links were no longer working and I had several new ones to add, including a list of books. These should be particularly helpful to those who are new to BDSM and looking to explore D/s relationships, as the best way to go about that is to first read everything you can and then read even more! Not only will this allow you to educate yourself, help keep you safe and avoid any potential mistakes or regrets, but also the more you understand something, the less intimidating it will seem.

If you have anything to add, please don’t hesitate to let me know and I will update this list, in particular if there any books that a submissive might find helpful or informative, as most of the books I have read or included are intended for Dominants.

Note: For the sake of consistency and readability, I have used capitals throughout this document and have not used lower case when referring to submissives or slaves.

Websites:

Babygirls ‘n’ Daddy Doms: Website dedicated to littles, babygirls and Daddy Doms, with a lot of useful information on the subject.

Collarme: A free BDSM dating website and community, that is probably the most popular and a better option than the commercial alternatives.

DS Arts: Academy of DS Arts, fairly self explanatory.

Evil Monk: Ambrosio’s BDSM Website, featuring many useful articles.

Fetlife: An online BDSM community that I would highly recommend and which is perhaps best described as Facebook for the kinky, allowing users to create a profile, publish photos or writing and join interest groups where you can ask questions.

Kink Academy: An online resource with many educational and instructional videos on various aspects of BDSM, although users must pay a small fee to access all of the content.

Submissive Guide: As the name suggests, this is an online resource for submissives.

The Iron Gate: A general BDSM online resource, with many aticles, essays and even stories on the subject.

Dating and Relationships:

10 Principles For Healthy 24/7 D/s And M/s (Source: sexgeek.wordpress.com)

Difference of Dynamics in BDSM (Source: the-little-kitten.tumblr.com)

Finding Your Dominant (Source: asubmissivesjourney.com)

How To Find A Partner (Source: Jack Rinella / leathernews.com)

Initiating a Discussion About BDSM Interest with a Vanilla Partner Part 1 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Initiating a Discussion About BDSM Interest with a Vanilla Partner Part 2 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Initiating a Discussion About BDSM Interest with a Vanilla Partner Part 3 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

So You Want Your Boyfriend To Dominate You (Source: domwithpen.tumblr.com)

So Your Girlfriend Wants You To Dominate Her (Source: domwithpen.tumblr.com)

The Unfortunate But Common Misconceptions About DD/lg Relationships (Source: a-lolitas-life.tumblr.com)

Play:

Consent Is Mandatory And Non-Negotiable (Source: fortheloveofasub.tumblr.com)

Food Play (Source: bdsmsadomasochism.tumblr.com)

How (and Why) To Go Down On Your Submissive (Source: domwithpen.tumblr.com)

Initial Steps Into Orgasm on Command Training (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Rules and Tasks for Building Confidence (Source: themostdangerousplaything.tumblr.com)

Tools of Consent in BDSM (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Training in D/s - Why? (Source: her-master.tumblr.com)

Training in D/s - How? (Source: her-master.tumblr.com)

Training in D/s - Thoughts And Concerns (Source: her-master.tumblr.com)

Wax Play (Source: bdsmsadomasochism.tumblr.com)

Safety:

Basics Of Safe, Sane And Consensual Power Exchange (Source: Molly Devon / the-iron-gate.com)

Common Sense (Source: Sean R. Powell / the-iron-gate.com)

Emotional Safety (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Offline/Online BDSM Safety Rules (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Ouch Is Not A Safe Word: Safe Words, Limits, and Scene Protocol (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Rules For Meeting Strangers (Source: Jack Rinella / leathernews.com)

Safewords and Safesigns 101 (Source: kinkology.tumblr.com)

S.S.C. VS R.A.C.K. (Source: Justin Medlin / the-iron-gate.com)

Checklists, Communication and Negotiation:

BDSM Play Partner Check List (Source: Sovereign House / the-iron-gate.com)

BDSM Scene Negotiations (Source: daddyvinnie.tumblr.com)

Can I Get That In Writing: Basics of Negotiations (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Communication (Source: submissivesupportgroup.tumblr.com)

If I Ever See Another Checklist I Will Scream: An Extremely Thorough Play Checklist (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Negotiation Forms (Source: Jay Wiseman, SM 101: A Realistic Introduction / greenerypress.com)

What Are Negotiations Good For? (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Sub Drop and Aftercare:

Aftercare for submissives (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)

Aftercare for Dominants (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)

Aftercare for Switches (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)

Emergency Self-Administered Aftercare (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)

Sub Drop (Source: David Williams / subshelpingsubs.tripod.com)

Sub Drop and Aftercare (Source: desires-of-a-domimant-man.tumblr.com)

Dominance and Dominants:

A Dominant is NOT… (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Advice to a Novice Dom (Source: Washington Sexuality University / the-iron-gate.com)

Advice to a Novice Dominant (Source: cherhatton.tumblr.com)

An Open Letter To A Novice Dom (Source: evilmonk.org)

Qualities of A Successful Dominant (Source: Polly Peachum / the-iron-gate.com)

Daddy Doms: They’re Not What You Think (Source: edenfantasys.com)

Domination for Nice Guys (Source: Franklin Veaux / the-iron-gate.com)

How To Spot A Non Dominant (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Learning To Be A Dom (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Run Don’t Walk: Warning Signs of A Predator Dom/me Part 1 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Run Don’t Walk: Warning Signs of A Predator Dom/me Part 2 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Red Flags, Warning Signs, and Intuition: Learning to Trust You Instincts - Part One: Dominants (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

The Dominant (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

What Is A Daddy Dom? (Source: babygirlsndaddydoms.webs.com)

What Makes A Good Dominant (Source: Kim Debron / kimdebron.tripod.com)

What Should A Dominant Be (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Submission and Submissives:

10 Considerations For Inexperienced Subs (Source: fortheloveofasub.tumblr.com)

A Submissive Bill of Rights (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

A Submissive’s Creed (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

A Submissive’s Ethics (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Introduction To Submission (Source: Kim Debron / kimdebron.tripod.com)

Learning to Trust Your Instincts (Source: bewildbetruebekinkybeyou.tumblr.com)

Red Flags, Warning Signs, and Intuition: Learning to Trust You Instincts- Part 2: Submissives/Slaves (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Some Rules For The Submissive (Source: daddylookingforhisbaby.tumblr.com)

Submissive Owner’s Manual (Source: youmadememe.tumblr.com)

Ten Tips For The Novice, Heterosexual submissive Woman (Source: Jay Wiseman / the-iron-gate.com)

Warning Signs for Submissives (Source: RC Bauer / the-iron-gate.com)

What Is A Babygirl? (Source: babygirlsndaddydoms.webs.com)

Books:

BDSM: The Naked Truth by Dr Charley Ferrer

Dear Raven and Joshua: Questions and Answers About Master/Slave Relationships by Joshua Tenpenny and Raven Kaldera

Devil in the Details I: The Art of Mastery, A Mentoring Trilogy - The Master, The Slave, The Power by LT Morrison

Devil in the Details II: The Art of Mastery, A Mentoring Trilogy - Mastery Refine: The Issues, The Skills by LT Morrison

Devil in the Details III: The Art of Mastery, A Mentoring Trilogy - Sustainable Structure and Traning by LT Morrison

Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission by William Brame, Gloria Brame and Jon Jacobs

Living M/s: A Book for Masters, slaves and Their Relationships by Dan and Dawn Williams

Master/slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice by Robert Rubel

Master/slave Relations: Communications 401 by Robert Rubel

Master/slave Relations: Solutions 402, Living in Harmony by Robert Rubel

Protocols: A Variety of Views by Robert Rubel

Real Service by Joshua Tenpenny and Raven Kaldera

Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism by Phillp Miller and Molly Devon

SM101: A Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman

The Control Book by Peter Masters

The Loving Dominant by John and Libby Warren

The New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy.

The New Topping Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy.

The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge by Tristan Taormino

This Curious Human Phenomenon: An Exploration of Some Uncommonly Explored Aspects of BDSM by Peter Masters

You have adopted a title that should come with a giant heaping dose of honor, respect, and trustworthiness. 

1. Don’t make demands of submissive girls that don’t belong to you. You should know the difference between having the ability to control your own submissive, and how you should be treating all the rest that don’t belong to you.

2. Don’t talk intimately/woo other submissives behind the back of the one that belongs to you. All the time and energy you have to put into the submissive world should be aimed at your own submissive. If you want a different submissive, do the right thing, and break with the one you currently own first.

3. Don’t ditch submissives. How would you feel if the person you depend on for nearly everything suddenly went up in a puff of smoke, and was never heard from again? How would it effect your ability to trust someone else to take up the same role in your life? Stop ghosting, and ruining perfectly good submissives. 

4. Don’t cut your submissive out from contributing to your relationship. Yes, I know she put you in charge, but relationships evolve, and if you don’t attend to what she wants out of yours, your relationship is likely to evolve in separate directions. You can still be in charge, and listen to her wants and needs, I promise. 

5. Don’t ask someone you just met to be your submissive. It’s your job to inspire her to submit to you, by getting to know who she is, and showing her that you are the single most qualified man to be her Dominant. Don’t be lazy. Being a Dominant takes a lot of focus and energy. If you’re not up for that, go find another title to adopt. 

6. Don’t put your submissive on a shelf when caring for her is not convenient to you, and take her down off the shelf when it suits you. Submissives are human beings, and though some of them like to be treated like objects from time to time, they should not be ignored when you don’t feel like dealing with your relationship. If you don’t have to the time and energy to adopt the role of Dominant for someone, then don’t do it in a half-assed way.

7. Don’t compare your current submissive with past submissives. It’s not a competition. You should be making her feel like she’s the most important person in your current world, so don’t make her feel like she’s less than other submissives, or that you’re pining for something you no longer have, and feel you can’t have with her. 

8. Don’t skimp on the essential ingredients in D/s relationships. Don’t be that guy who limits your submissives safeword in any way. A safeword is the difference between consensual sex, and possible rape and abuse. Don’t skimp on aftercare. Let her know how much you appreciate all the control she continuously allows you to have over her, and how well she is performing for you. It’s the difference between a proud and happy submissive, and a sad and confused one. 

9. Don’t make unilateral decisions that your submissive is directly opposed to. You don’t get to decide your submissive needs a sister because it suits you to have a second submissive to play with, when it’s patently against her wishes. Once again, it’s her relationship too. 

10. Don’t lie to your submissive. It’s all about trust. It’s trust that inspires her to submit to you. It’s trust that inspires her to allow you to continue to hold her submission. One or two breaches of trust, and it all falls apart. 

ROPE TUTORIAL - BODY CONTROL HARNESS

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In this tutorial I show you how to make a simple control harness using 50 ft of rope. This is a harness that anyone of any skill level can apply with patience and practice.

Things you will need: Rope. Typically 25 to 50 feet depending on your partners height and size Safety shears - Medical shears for cutting off bandages and such with the soft ends. A safe word.

More information on the safe word: PART ONE: https://mistersbeard.tumblr.com/post/166447859018/mistersbeard-paramount-to-any-successful-ddlg

PART TWO: https://mistersbeard.tumblr.com/post/166448018668/mistersbeard-safe-word-part-2-previously-here

Mistersbeard - a ddlg youtube and blog. Learn more at mistersbeard.tumblr.com