An open Letter : To The Person I Miss The Most
Hello,
That seems too impersonal for us, doesnât it? It feels as if I should address you as dearest. Because thatâs what you were to me, dear. Were there two friends closer than us? We were drawn together by more than just similar music interests and a love for poetry. No, we were together by a shared understanding. It was the understanding of hidden demons and as a result hidden pleas.Â
There were times when I was certain we could have read one anotherâs minds. It was all in a look, a laugh, or a lack thereof and I knew exactly what you were thinking, Just like you did me. But did you know I saw greatness in you? DId I even have the foresight to tell you that? This world needed you. I knew somehow you could bring to it something only you could. I know others' expectations crushed you. So let me clarify I never saw perfection in you, like they did. No. But greatness, yes.Â
No matter how loud I shouted, no matter what center I was in, no matter the attention on me, deep down I knew I would fizzle out. I knew I would fall short. But not you, never you. And I loved you for that. I would bask in your shadow for that. I donât think you ever knew how much I believed in you and maybe that fault is mine⌠maybe I assumed you knew. For that I am sorry.Â
I also need you to know why I will never reach out to you. It isnât because I don't want to reconcile with you. I do, oh I do. Nothing would make me truly happier than to mend us. To start over. But I respect you too much. You asked me to leave, to give up, and I will be the first , if not the only person to do what you ask of them. I will not let you down by ignoring your request for my own selfish gain. That, that is how much I care for you. You must know that, how much that is. You know better than most what a selfish person I am. You know how I trample on hearts and throw out souls to make myself feel good⌠but never yours. Never yours.Â
You were the first family I ever knew. You were the first family I ever had. And now I worry you may be the only family Iâll ever get. Sometimes I imagine the drive from my home to yours. It was a route I made daily and knew exactly. Now I make myself remember so I donât forget. I fear if I do forget I will never get back to you or that time I was not alone.Â
Writing that now I think that is the first time I ever admitted it, even to myself. I have been alone since we parted ways. Five years of utter loneliness. But more than that, itâs realizing how much I didnât appreciate our togetherness. But isnât that the way it always is? You know the old cliche of not knowing what you have until itâs gone. Somewhere among our endless days, our endless laughter, or endless adventures we had our last one, without even realizing it. What a cruel joke. What a cruel truth. Do you think we would have held onto each other longer, tighter, if we knew we would never do it again? I think we would have cried, something we rarely did together. I would have wanted to just look at you, hoping to memorize the person who gave me such reason.Â
I know I am not the same person. I doubt you would even recognize me. Sure my face, yes, but my actions⌠those have changed. Some days I question if they have changed for the better⌠Now I wonder how much our lives parallel each other? Now since we have grown up and apart how similar can we still be? I think we would still be quite similar. I think not even the two of us could deny destiny. I think we will always be the same person, so perhaps you would recognize me, because it would be recognizing yourself. Some warped part of you that is always there, but slightly off, like looking into a mirror.Â
I feel the need to tell you Iâm scared. Iâm scared of what Iâm capable of and how I can ruin myself. A feeling Iâm sure only you would understand. A feeling I think you have overcome. Oh how I wish I could ask you. There are so many secrets I want to share with you⌠do you ever miss Terabithia? Do you ever solemnly swear? Because I do, everyday. Maybe it isnât always there, not on the surface, but itâs always with me. I am not able to forget⌠I will not forget you.









