next i come for god.

“ you’re growing tired of me. ”

“ you love me so hard but i still can’t sleep. ”

“ sorry i don’t want your touch. ”

“ it’s not that i don’t want you. ”

“ sorry i can’t take your touch. ”

“ it’s just that i fell in love with a war. ”

“ i will be the one you need. ”

“ i just can’t be without you. ”

“ it’s not real enough. ”

“ can you come to where i’m staying? ”

“ i need somebody to remember my name after all that i can do for them is done. ”

“ how many stars will i need to hang around me to call it heaven? ”

“ would you tell me if you want me? ”

“ i didn’t know i had a dream until i saw you. ”

“ my god, i’m so lonely. ”

“ i don’t want your pity. ”

“ i just want somebody near me. ”

“ i just need someone to kiss. ”

“ give me one good movie kiss. ”

“ i know no one will save me. ”

“ i hear my heart breaking tonight.  do you hear it too? ”

“ i could stare at your back all day. ”

“ i thought maybe we would kiss tonight. ”

“ baby, will you kiss me already? ”

“ i know who you pretend i am. ”

“ when you go, take this heart. ”

“ come inside and be with me. ”

“ one morning this sadness will fossilize. ”

“ i will forget how to cry. ”

“ you’re all i ever wanted, i think i’ll regret this. ”

“ you’re my baby, say it to me. ”

“ i always want you when i’m finally fine. ”

“ tell me no. ”

“ i’m not happy or sad, just up or down. ”

“ i’m tired of wanting more. ”

“ you have a way of promising things. ”

“ i’ll love some littler things. ”

“ i want a love that falls as fast as a body from the balcony. ”

“ i want to kiss like my heart is hitting the ground. ”

“ i don’t know what i’m waiting for. ”

“ so please hurry, leave me. ”

“ please don’t say you love me.”

“ wild women don’t get the blues. ”

“ i don’t know what to do without you. ”

“ i don’t think i could stand to be where you don’t see me. ”

“ i don’t smoke except for when i’m missing you. ”

“ if you need to be mean, be mean to me. ”

“ stay with me, hold my hand. ”

“ there’s no need to be brave. ”

“ i say your name in hopes you’ll hear it in the stars. ”

dialogue prompts from detransition, baby by torrey peters. (some have been paraphrased for accessibility.)

we might as well talk about it.

everything about being a parent feels like a secret test.

that was a thoughtless thing to blurt out.

can i ask you something directly?

you and i just come from very different places.

maybe i wasn’t that kind to you.

what is it? can’t you tell me now?

i don’t want to get my hopes up.

i want to be a milf, but a subtle milf, you know?

it’s okay to have doubts.

i don’t have doubts. i know what i want.

that sounds very dramatic. very romantic.

signs are meant to be read — be careful what you put on them.

listening to that dickbag is a form of self-harm.

all pain merits care.

depends on whether or not you can find a place for yourself.

i want to figure out how to be something to you. with you.

maybe try recognizing the chances you have.

jealousy’s like a hangover: when you’re in the midst of it you wanna die, but nobody feels sorry for you.

put the phone away. don’t look at it.

don’t go. please.

you’re the one who wasn’t here.

stop debating the philosophy of family and get to work making one.

i’d be glad if you told me everything.

i’m so happy to be here with you.

that much giggling was totally purifying.

i was a little worried how you’d take it.

it’s a dumb affair. people have them.

do you think you could give me some space for a few minutes?

don’t panic. don’t rush to fix everything.

just use a little goddamn discretion and it will be fine.

i’ll change when it’s worth it for me to change.

i can’t say i get you emotionally, but i’m trying to understand intellectually.

sometimes your body knows what your mind doesn’t.

just sleep over, okay?

i drove here. i can give you a ride.

this is humiliating, but i’m glad to see you.

will you please give me a hug?

i wanted the good parts without the hard parts.

i’ve been so afraid to call.

you can always find the politics to justify what you want.

i remember my own bullshit, thank you very much.

I am faithful to you, darling.

When you bang on the wall you have to remember you’re on both sides of it but go ahead, yell at yourself.

Some people don’t understand anything.

He’s easy to desire since there’s not much to him.

No one wants to know what’s in his head.

To make something beautiful should be enough. It isn’t. It should be.

You’d break your heart to make it bigger.

Will you defend yourself? From me, I mean.

Let’s kill something.

I prefer to blame others, it’s easier.

All these ghosts come streaming down and I wish I had something else.

We all move forward anyway. Ripples in all directions.

What is a ghost? Something dead that seems to be alive. Something dead that doesn’t know it’s dead.

All thoughts finish themselves eventually.

Can we love nature for what it really is: predatory?

When you have nothing to say, set something on fire.

I wanted to explain myself to myself in an understandable way.

Something’s not right about what I’m doing but I’m still doing it.

The enormity of my desire disgusts me.

Look away but I’m still there.

Want something to chase you? Run.

Take only what you need.

Never finish a war without starting another.

I’ve seen your true face: the back of your head. If you were walking away, keep walking.

The fear: that nothing survives. The greater fear: that something does.

All these things and what to do with them. We carve up the world all the time.

I like dead things. They cannot hurt me.

We like things related to our survival: soup, arrows - they expand the range of the species.

My body is a graveyard.

People like to think war means something.

Let’s admit, without apology, what we do to each other. We know who our enemies are. We know.

There are many loves but only one war.

You will need to comfort him, or we will never be finished with this.

You cannot have an opponent if you keep saying yes.

Its roots in the ground and its branches in the air, a tree is pulled in two directions.

The boy is a bird, bad bird. He falls out of trees.

You cannot get in the way of anyone’s path to God. You can, but it does no good.

Some say God is where we put our sorrow.

In the wrong light anyone can look like a darkness.

What can you know about a person?

Difficult thing, to be scrutinized so long.

Even when I look away I am still looking.

Everyone secretly wants to collaborate with the enemy, to construct a truer version of the self.

How much can you change and get away with it, before you turn into someone else, before it’s some kind of murder?

Why build a room you can live in? Why build a shed for your fears?

There wasn’t much left but it felt like him, wild and scared.

The best part of spirituality is reverence. There are other parts. Some people like to hear the sound of their own voice.

If you don’t believe in God, then who are you talking to?

But truth doesn’t count in law, only proof.

Was I discovered or invented? Feels like I’ve always been here.

Measure yourself against the truth and not the other way around.

Perfect and completely dead.

People don’t learn anything unless they are afraid of being left behind.

Logic is boring because it works. Being unreasonable is exciting.

I am your arrival, there is no refusal, we are here, you see, together, we are already here.

This is also part of the story: how the story changes. This is something I forgot to tell you.

You might like it here. I think that you might like it here.

I tell you these things because I love you.

It’s nothing like I thought it would be and closer to what I meant.

Maybe we will wake up to the silence of shoes at the foot of the bed not going anywhere.

It reminds me of where I was going without you.

You know what it’s like to be alone: gimlets and vermicide. You know what it’s like to be alive, so forgiveness.

You asked me once, What are we made of? Well, these are the things we’re made of.

I turned my ears in all directions. I’ll live alone or in between.

Everyone needs a place. It shouldn’t be inside of someone else.

Your body told me in a dream it’s never been afraid of anything.

I live in big spaces, so I’m left alone in big spaces.

We made ourselves cold. We made ourselves snow. We smuggled ourselves into ourselves. Haunted by each other’s knowledge.

To hide somewhere is not surrender, it is trickery.

I try to guess your trajectory and end up telling my own story.

I surrender my desire to be healed.

Take it or leave it, and for the most part you take it.

Shame comes from vanity. Shame means you’re guilty, like the rest of us, but you think you’re better than we are. Maybe you are.

There is no new me, there is no old me, there’s just me, the same me, the whole time.

Don’t try to make a stronger wind, you’ll wear yourself out. Build a better sail.

You want to solve something? Get out of your own way.

What’s the difference between me and the world? Compartmentalisation.

I hope it’s love. I’m trying really hard to make it love.

I clawed my way into the light but the light is just as scary.

I’d rather quit. I’d rather be sad. It’s too much work.

I mean, maybe it’s better if my opponent wins.

What happens when I no longer want to meet you?

Nothing lasts forever: we know this.

Longing and suffering? Of course, of course. You want it to mean something.

You can disconnect it or you can try to glue it all together.

We could pull it apart, spend our whole lives pulling it apart and have no time left to do anything smart with the pieces.

The sooner you embrace it, the sooner it will leave you.

You are what you cover up.

Noise and more noise. Noise up to heaven.

One wonders why a story like this exists.

I want to give you more but not everything. You don’t need everything.

Someone has to leave first.

He was pointing at the moon but I was looking at his hand.

All this was prepared for me. All this was set in motion long ago.

I stayed as long as I could. Now look at the moon.

Send in a number and a pairing!

Small kisses littered across the other’s face.

A small, fleeting kiss - which is immediately followed by a passionate, hungry kiss.

A breathy demand: “Kiss me” - and what the other person does to respond.

An accidental brush of lips followed by a pause and going back for another, on purpose.

Throwing their arms around the other person’s neck, hugging them close before kissing them passionately on the lips.

Wild, breathless kisses brought on by a heartfelt gift.

French kisses where they trace every tooth with their tongues as though trying to memorize them.

Laying a gentle kiss to the back of the other’s hand.

A kiss that lasts so long, they are sharing each other’s breaths.

A hello/good-bye kiss that is given without thinking - where neither person thinks twice about it.

Morning kisses that are exchanged before either person opens their eyes, kissing blindly until their lips meet in a blissful encounter.

Sneaking away to a hidden corner to share a secretive kiss.

Butterfly kisses against the other’s cheeks.

A kiss so desperate that the two wind around each other, refusing to let go until they are finished.

A fierce kiss that ends with a bite on the lip, soothing it with a lick.

One person pouting, only to have it removed by a kiss from the other person.

Tucking their hands beneath the other person’s shirt, just to watch them break the kiss and gasp in surprise at the sensation of cold/warm hands on their skin.

Teasing kisses where one person blows air into the other’s mouth and runs away.

One person stopping a kiss to ask “Do you want to do this?”, only to have the other person answer with a deeper, more passionate kiss.

Kissing in a stairwell, giving them an artificial height difference.

A chaste kiss given to each other because they are in mixed company.

A kiss that is leading to more, but is interrupted by a third party.

A kiss that tastes of the food/dessert they are eating.

Deep kisses where they have their hands tangled in each other’s hair to pull them closer.

Wet kisses after finding refuge from the rain.

Brushing a kiss along the shell of the other person’s ear.

Kisses exchanged while one person sits on the other’s lap.

One person tracing the other’s lips with a fingertip until they can’t resist any longer, tilting their chin towards them for a kiss.

Staring at each other’s lips for a moment before moving closer, as if drawn together by some unseen force.

Weak, sweaty kisses because it’s unbearably hot.

Pulling away from a kiss, whispering words of love against each other’s lips.

A kiss so passionate, so perfect - that after they part, neither person can open their eyes for a few moments afterwards.

An unexpected kiss that shocks the one receiving it.

Kisses that start on their fingers and run up their arm, eventually ending on their lips.

An awkward kiss given after a first date.

Starting with bunny kisses before moving on to soft kisses.

Cleaning the other person’s lips with a lick and a kiss.

Whispering “I love you” before a chaste, delicate kiss.

Kissing tears from the other’s face.

A gentle kiss that quickly descends into passion, with little regard for what’s going on around them.

Kisses shared under an umbrella.

Distracting kisses from someone that are meant to stop the other person from finishing their work, and give them kisses instead.

A kiss pressed to the top of the head.

Tentative kisses given in the dark.

Kisses exchanged as they move around, hitting the edges of tables or nearly tripping over things on the floor before making it to the sofa, or bed.

A lingering kiss before a long trip apart.

A kiss paired with a tight hug, knocking the breath out of the person being hugged.

One person has to bend down in order to kiss their partner, who is standing on their tip-toes to reach their partner’s.

Short and sweet kiss after meeting up for a date.

“i’m a survivor. i do what i have to do to survive.”  

“you’ll have my support if you need it.”

“i’m just a freak, that’s all.”

“you don’t believe in god?”

“thanks for being my friend.”

“sorry. i wasn’t listening.”

“you’re going to have some serious bruises for a while.”

“that was brave but awfully stupid.”

“you look like you just woke up.”

“everyone has secrets. it’s just a matter of finding out what they are.”

“up until then, i had thought about killing myself.” 

“this is… not healthy.”

“what would you do if it was me?”

“i think you’re awake.”  

“would you like company?”

“i’m not a child any more.”

“if your questions piss me off, i won’t answer.” 

“everyone has to have something to believe in.”

“fuck you too. need help?”

“i’m going to kill you!”

“a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do, and all that crap.”

“you have to concentrate on getting well.”

“usually it’s other people who don’t give a shit about me.”

“you look like a car crash.”  

“why don’t you want to talk to the police?”

“i can keep a secret, if that’s what you’re wondering.”

“you’ve been hurt and had surgery.”

“i need somebody to tell me if i’m doing anything stupid.”

“they’ll twist what i say and use it against me.”

“what kind of weapon is it?”

“what i’m thinking of asking you is unethical and it might be illegal. but morally, it’s the right thing to do.”

“no bones broken?”  

“i wasn’t going to let that motherfucker kill you.”

“go home and get some sleep.”

“if you’re nice to me, i’ll be nice to you.”

“that was a serious mistake.”

“don’t ever do anything for nothing.”    

“that’s not a detail, it’s a whole novel.”

“you’ve had an operation and you’re in the intensive care unit.”

“am i being arrested?”

“you don’t give a shit about other people.”