Insatiable

My heart- eaten by my stomach

Alongside chewed up fingernails and pride.

Swimming in the smoke of my belly.

Guarded your body, as if you too would rise back up, just like the story goes.

I begged God to give us a second chance.

To allow you to live.

To let you return, just as his only son had done once.

I promised I would be better this time.

That I would pray and mean it.

That I would seek penance.

I would trade every freedom I had to make you wake up. To feel sunlight against your face.

To hear your mothers voice. To hold your father.

I held my breath for your return.

What have I done.

Not me.

I take it and I strip it whole. I chip at it until its nothing.

And then I ask myself who is responsible for this mess?

How do you mourn for someone that you lost a long time ago? How do I say that I am sorry and I love you.

Thank you for being my friend.

Thank you for keeping my secrets.

Thank you for seeing me.

For being kind when no one was watching.

I should have tried harder to make amends. I should have tried harder to see you. To know you. After years of silence between us.

I should have tried.

I dont know how to say goodbye.

Disrupted my life as you always did.