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Me here, 

The posting is getting a little harder on the weekends now that I feel like I’m always busy with things that I want to do by myself. I got a bomb ass tattoo on Friday and it was the most expensive I’ve done for myself in a really long time besides buying a car lol. But today I realized that men are strange because I called my ex because he literally has not been home in 3-4 days and I told him that he needed to also be responsible for “our dog” as well that I can’t always be home with her....and he was like well I’ll just take the dog with me everywhere then...I was like that is still not going to resolve the issue with you not being home or coming home to the apartment....then he went on this whole meltdown about how he was busy and couldn’t make time for him to come back to the apt. 

After that conversation it literally took me 3 hrs of playing soccer to realize that he still thinks that we are still in a relationship but without the physical part and the emotions he just thinks that I’m just going to keep doing for him and not do for me anymore and I’m just like how do you think that we are still together after I told you that I want nothing to do with you anymore and we literally only talk to each other when we are face to face not text or phone call. I’m just generally confused at this point and I don’t know what his next crazy step will be. 

Bee here, 

Me here, 

Bee here, 

Today I heard affirmation...”I chose only to hold space for others once I hold space for myself” and it was something that I think I needed to hear today. I’ve been hanging on to every word, phrase, thought, and saying that I’ve ever received from him that I was messing up my personal self trying to fine tooth every corner and hair trying to find the lie or red flag. I realized that in order for me to really find myself and what my next step is I have to focus on me. It hit my like a ton of bricks today like I’m really just like chop liver like every future thought we mad together is gone. I know I may be repeating myself but it just become more clear each time and I don’t know how many times I’m going to keep saying it. It’s always quite in the apt now and we spend time away from each other in our prospective rooms...I don’t know how it came to this but this is my reality for now...and honestly it just really sucks that I can’t find anyone to show me the love I deserve. I just want pure, happy, and fantastic love...

Hey its me again...

Bee here, 

Me here, 

Today was interesting. I woke up to flowers on the table and him wanting to cook breakfast and doing the dishes. He said that he did all this and wanted to apologize for the right way. ALL RED FLAGS!!!! This guy...this guy....I literally have no words to describe the amount of manipulation that is coming from this stupid man. How is the hell do you just flip like that from one end of the spectrum to the other. It literally makes no sense to me. He played all nice this morning and acted like everything was good as new as if he thought that I was going to just jump back into his arms asking for him back? Uhhh no...I don’t think so. 

Me...

It’s been a week....Today we had our talk. Well he decided that he wanted to break the lease and that he was going to pay for it and he was going to keep the dog which I understand. But I am going miss her so much. I kept looking for reason try and keep him around and talking just hurting myself more and he just didn’t want to hear it or be there any longer. He apologize not for what he did but for what he is about to put me through with moving and stuff. It just crushes my heart to think that he doesn’t care anymore or that he just doesn’t seem to give a flying fish anymore or seems to care anymore. 

Hey...its me again, 

 6. Merging yesterday and today together because I traveled across the state all day yesterday for a wedding. It really messed me up mentally. I left the reception early because I couldn’t take being alone by myself. It felt awkward because I thought at one point this would be me being loved just as hard and enjoying a first dance with who I thought was the love of my life. I was really heart broken that I cried for a good 2 hrs on the way home. I was so angry like I don’t think I’ve been that angry before.  

Me, 

Me again, 

Yep its me again, 

Hope everyone’s day is going well. But myself am not doing so well. He didn’t come back to the apt last night....and still hasn’t come back and its currently 1:13pm CST. I reached out via text and phone but he has yet to respond and I feel disrespected because I would never do anything like to someone I spent 5 years with. I just kind of feel stuck between not giving a fuck and caring too much. But in response to my last post he did cheat and I know everyone has a different view on what cheating....When men or woman say that they don’t have or use social media please believe me when I say THEY DO! I found my ex using snap chat to share nudies with some chick he met online his excuse was that “he needed someone to talk too” and then this pass Wednesday I found him messaging he other ex girlfriend via Instagram. So to say I’m hurt and heartbroken is an understatement. 

Hey me again, 

I think today was more of the harder days for me personally because I just kept trying to find ways to reach out to him and hear his voice. I asked “what are you doing?” reach I noticed that it was way out line because we aren’t together anymore and I have no business being in his. But he avoided the questions all together and just told me that he was heading back to our place. It kind of sucks to think that he may be moving on to fast for my taste but who am I too judge. I just want to know when did he fall out of love with me because I honestly can’t figure that out. But I know of one thing that could of made a big impact on his choices but that still does make them excusable. 

I am not new to tumblr but I lost my original account. I recently just came out of a long term relationship **like yesterday**and I think I need something more response then pen and paper.