~Bianca~

The actuality of depression that no one seems able to grasp is you have to fight for your own life. You don’t have doctors forcing standard treatments or have an entire support team praying for you. You’re solely responsible for providing the encouragement and care necessary to keep you alive. The times I’ve been at my sickest I had to fight with every last drop of hope I had to get myself out of the grave my mind was digging for me. The disease is what kills you. It corrupts your mind forcing your every thought to scare you enough that suicide seems like your only way out. I wish people could understand that… not only to show the respect those who lost their battle with depression deserve and not view it as an act of selfishness, but also to realize how fucking strong a person living with depression has to be to not slip into that same scenario. Personally, I think that there’s always going to be something better than not being here at all… not to mention the fear of where I’ll end up, there’s far too much unknown, which terrifies me, which is good… Because I know what it feels like to be in the position people are in before they end it all. It’s a feeling I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy and I wouldn’t even want to attempt to explain it to you. Because it’s, well, depressing. About as depressing as it can get really