Oh My Goodness Gracious

Batman: -so, I've decided to change the existing patrol routes and initiate a rotation [points to a display] you can see them here. Any objections?

Everyone:

Everyone: [glances at Red Hood, who isn't listening]

Nightwing: [elbows him]

Red Hood: [startles] wha? huh? oh, um... [looks around at the others who are all staring at him]

Red Hood: ah, yes.

Red Hood: [slams his fist on the table] THIS IS BULLSHIT!!

Batman: [annoyed] you don't even know what we're talking about

Red Hood: [stands up so abruptly his chair goes flying and points at Batman] FUCK YOU AND THE COW YOU RODE IN ON

Batman: Hood-

Red Hood: THIS IS ABUSE OF AUTHORITY

Red Hood: [gesticulating angrily] THE AU-DA-CITY!

Robin: [suddenly] Wait, did you RIDE BATCOW?

Batman: wha- no!

Robin: SHE IS NOT A HORSE HOW DARE YOU!

Red Hood: YOU HYPOCRITICAL, NARCISSISTIC ASSHOLE

Batman: [to Damian] I didn't-

Red Hood: UNSCRUPULOUS!

Robin: I CANNOT BELIEVE-

Nightwing: [to Red Robin, quietly] that was close

Red Robin: [relieved] yeah, no way was I gonna change my route

Blackbat: [nods in agreement]

Batman: That is ENOUGH!

Red Hood: [kicks the fallen chair] YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME

Some MORE incredibly rude ravens

some incredibly rude ravens

Batman: Oracle, status report.

Oracle: [over the comms] the teams are all in position. Things are quiet so far.

Batman: Hm. Ok, thank you Oracle. I’ll check in on them. [switches over to Nightwing and Robin’s frequency]

-

Nightwing: -nd I’ve already bought it! You need to socialise more; this is an important part of your childhood.

Robin: No.

Nightwing: It’s so cute, though. You’ll look adorable!

Robin: [with feeling] No.

Nightwing: [huffs] At least try it on; I already paid for it.

Robin: I am NOT going trick-or-treating.

Batman: …[switches over to Orphan and Batgirl’s comms]

-

Batgirl: -so then I said “you put that hand anywhere near me again I’ll break it off” and he-

Orphan: B is listening now.

Batgirl: oh, hey B. Anyway then we had sex and he had this-

Batman: [cuts off the feed before he becomes even more traumatised] …

Batman: …ok. [tunes into Red Robin and Red Hood’s frequency]

-

Red Hood: [in a fake posh voice] the handyman?!!! How could you DO this to me Dolores?!

Red Robin: [in a high-pitched voice] How could I?!! How could I NOT?? You married your office long before I ever fucked Juan-Eduardo!

Red Hood: Don’t you DARE put this on me! I knew I shouldn’t have hired that ridiculously good looking sonofabitch!

Red Robin: Hah! Well that wouldn’t have stopped me from sleeping with CHAD!

Red Hood: NO!

Red Robin: [Triumphantly] OH YES

Red Hood: NO! MY BEST FRIEND?? WILL THE LIES NEVER END DOLORES??

Red Robin: YES! And let me tell you- he was SO MUCH better than you. He-

Red Hood: YOU’RE TEARING ME APART DOLORES

Red Robin: [breaking character] nice one

Red Hood: thank you

Batman: [over the comms] what are you DOING?

Red Robin: Hi B. There’s a couple in the building across from us who’re having a huge fight. We’re giving them voices.

Red Hood: [in his fake voice] Look at all these papers! These papers that I’m waving around! Look at them!!

Red Robin: [as “Dolores”] Well if you love your papers so much why don’t you MARRY THEM?

Red Hood: MAYBE I WILL

Red Robin: I HATE YOU! I have always hated you! and what’s more- I HATE your MOTHER.

Red Hood: [gasps] MY MOTHER IS A SAINT AND A GIFT TO MANKIND

Red Robin: YOUR MOTHER IS A DECREPIT OLD WHORE

Red Hood: I WILL- DON’T YOU WALK AWAY FROM ME DOLORES

Red Robin: [hisses] Whenever the Mets play, I wish they would lose.

Red Hood: [gasps] YOU BETRAY ME LIKE THIS?? ME -the man who obviously bought every piece of Mets Merch known to man and display them in every room of our apartment like a tool?! HOW COULD YOU??!

Red Robin: Well what are you gonna do about it? HUH?

Red Hood: WHAT AM I GONNA DO? I’LL TELL YOU WHAT I’LL DO! I’M GONNA TAKE THIS GUN- [breaks character] Ohmygod he’s got a gun! Shit fuck moving out

Red Robin: We’re coming Dolores!

[Line goes dead]

Batman: …[stares unseeingly at the sky]

Have you ever heard of Shaun Keenan? Probably not, but you have now.

Amazing art of dinosaurs in the wild American West? Yes please!

There’s so many he’s done and they’re all just the best aesthetic.

What I never knew I needed but a void has definitely been filled.

Go to his website and give some support!

WoW orc on a daeodon.

A take on the 80s Dino Riders.

Skeletal styracosaurus.

Spartan and armored T-rex.

WWII Ankylosaurus.

Aztec Eagle Warriors and Therizinosaurus.

Mongolian warriors and mammoths + sabertooth tiger.

Mad Max inspired rider on a carnotaur.